Caitlyn Jenner Once Contemplated Suicide

It’s been quite a year for Caitlyn Jenner. The reality star and Olympian formerly known as Bruce revealed her gender transition on the cover of Vanity Fair in June. Now she’s been named one of Glamour‘s Women of the Year.

But it wasn’t always easy for her. In the new issue of Glamour, Jenner revealed that she contemplated suicide the night after a swarm of paparazzi showed up outside of her doctor’s office, where she was getting a procedure to reduce the size of her Adam’s apple. Jenner kept a gun in her home.

“Go in there, no more pain,” she told the magazine she thought. But in the morning, she saw things differently, saying to herself, “You are still alive. You have to make your life interesting.”

So the 66-year-old went forward with her very public transition, with the support of her Kardashian clan, of course.

“I started thinking, Maybe this is why God put me on earth,” she said. “This issue has been swept under the rug for so long. I need to tell this story on the highest level you can possibly do it. Not just for me but for this entire community.”