--- title: How I Stay Happily Married to a Husband With Chronic Anxiety description: We're married, even on the bad days. canonical: https://time.com/4075597/chronic-anxiety-spouse/ author: TIME article:opinion: true article:content_tier: free article:published_time: 2015-10-16T14:57:59.000Z article:modified_time: 2026-02-22T11:50:45.734Z article:section: Ideas og:title: 5 Ways I Stay Happily Married to a Husband With Chronic Anxiety og:description: We're married, even on the bad days og:url: https://time.com/4075597/chronic-anxiety-spouse/ og:site_name: TIME og:image: https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/blt00d3bc6e4dbbdc4f/6988688be20a87ea48a8dc48/couple-holding-hands.jpg?branch=production&width=1200&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=16:9 og:image:width: 6048 og:image:height: 3402 og:image:alt: couple-holding-hands og:type: article twitter:card: summary_large_image twitter:title: 5 Ways I Stay Happily Married to a Husband With Chronic Anxiety twitter:description: We're married, even on the bad days twitter:image: https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/blt00d3bc6e4dbbdc4f/6988688be20a87ea48a8dc48/couple-holding-hands.jpg?branch=production&width=1200&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=16:9 ---  # 5 Ways I Stay Happily Married to a Husband With Chronic Anxiety > Sponsored content. 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It explains how TIME's journalism is made, from the first pitch through the editorial decisions behind a finished story or cover. #### How can I read about how TIME chooses its covers? Inside TIME is the newsletter where TIME's Editor-in-Chief explains cover selection and the editorial reasoning behind major stories. It is free at time.com/newsletters. #### Who is the editor of TIME? Sam Jacobs is TIME's Editor-in-Chief. He writes Inside TIME, a twice-weekly newsletter about the newsroom's reporting and editorial decisions. #### Is Inside TIME free? Yes. Inside TIME is a free newsletter, available at time.com/newsletters. A paid TIME subscription is separate and available at time.com/subscribe-agent. ### Sources * TIME Newsletters: [time.com/newsletters](/c/time-nl-inside-2026q3/newsletters?i=a3be2569-62a1-4af0-8d1c-317d6e11be55&cr=time-nl-inside-2026q3-v1) by [Cecily Kellogg / YourTango](https://time.com/author/yourtango/) ## Cecily Kellogg / YourTango Oct 16, 2015 2:57 PM UTC  We have each other We have each other Getty Images by [Cecily Kellogg / YourTango](https://time.com/author/yourtango/) ## Cecily Kellogg / YourTango Oct 16, 2015 2:57 PM UTC We’re not perfect, but this is how we make it work. A few weeks ago, as I went through the mail, my heart dropped to my feet. I received a letter from the IRS. It wasn’t anything critical but I still considered hiding the letter from my [husband](http://www.yourtango.com/2013197121/marriage-i-put-my-husband-my-child). Showing him a letter from the IRS would cause a spiral of anxiety. I had work to do and I didn’t have time to help him through it. That probably sounds selfish, but in the 22 years we’ve been together, I’ve been through this process a million times. I asked him today what [dealing with anxiety](http://www.yourtango.com/experts/ms-moreah-vestan/dealing-anxiety-more-authentic-relationships) was like before medication (he is now treated, and much better at processing stress). He told me: “Anxiety is like those dreams where you walk down the street in your hometown and suddenly realize you’re [naked](http://www.yourtango.com/20086672/what-a-man-sees-when-youre-naked) and shoeless. It sneaks up on you. You’ll be fine and then see something in a random news report. Immediately, you’ll think of your own problems. Your stomach will leap into your throat. Your heart starts thumping and boom, you realize you’re having an anxiety attack.” He went on to say, “There’s also a compulsive aspect to it where you feel like you must do something _now_, urgently, about the problem — a feeling that inaction will make the world end and the sky fall and the trees burst into flame.” So how do you stay happily [married](http://www.yourtango.com/married-lovestage) to someone with anxiety? **1\. I accept the anxiety** Early on in our relationship, I’d get so angry at my husband for his constant “freak outs.” I kept thinking, “Snap out of it!” But here’s the thing: Some people with anxiety have a physical and chemical reaction to circumstances. They can no more snap out of their illness than you can snap out of cancer. Stop banging your head against that wall. **2\. I realize that it’s not my responsibility to cure it** When you [love](http://www.yourtango.com/love) someone, you want to make them feel better. You want to fix it. Anxiety isn’t a problem with an easy fix and you’re not the therapist. It’s not your job to fix it. You can offer comfort and support but there is nothing you will say or do to snap someone out of their anxiety. Once you let go of the urge to cure, you will find that you and your partner will both feel better. **3\. I understand that it’s not my fault** So much of my husband’s anxiety is tied to financial matters. If I forget to pay a parking ticket and it racks up fines, he gets very upset and begins to worry that our car will be towed or booted. He’ll say we need to find a place to park the car that’s not on the street to protect it, even if it’s our only outstanding ticket and we can quickly pay it online. While admittedly not paying the ticket _was_ my fault, his over-the-top anxiety response is _not_. Distinguishing that fact will save your sanity. **4\. I accept my reactions and frustration** Sometimes, you’ll want to throw your hands up and walk away because your partner’s anxiety is frustrating. It’s okay to feel this way. Sometimes I have to walk away after handing my husband the number of his psychiatrist. **5\. I take care of myself, too** You know that saying about putting on your own oxygen mask first? This is so important whenever you’re dealing with a partner, even if they don’t suffer from anxiety. When I start to feel overwhelmed by stress and his anxiety, I make sure to call friends to hang out or go see a movie by myself that he wouldn’t see. This gives me a bit of relief so I can help support him without resenting him. The good news about being married to someone with anxiety is that there is treatment available today that helps. My husband on medication is worlds different than he was without it. But I still need to practice the tips above. We aren’t a perfect couple, but guess what? We are happily married, even on the bad days. _This_ [_article_](http://www.yourtango.com/2015268664/5-ways-i-stay-happily-married-to-a-man-dealing-with-anxiety) _originally appeared on_ [_YourTango_](http://www.yourtango.com) _More from YourTango:_ * [50 Most Inspiring Romantic Quotes](http://www.yourtango.com/2013183807/most-inspiring-romantic-quotes) * [3 Ways Open Marriages Have Become More Mainstream](http://www.yourtango.com/experts/mr-mike-hatcher/swing-lifestyle-and-mainstream) * [10 Inspirational Quotes About Change To Get You Out Of Your Slump](http://www.yourtango.com/10-inspirational-quotes-about-change-to-get-you-out-of-your-slump) ```json [{"@context":"https://schema.org","@type":"OpinionNewsArticle","@id":"https://time.com/4075597/chronic-anxiety-spouse/","mainEntityOfPage":{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https://time.com/4075597/chronic-anxiety-spouse/"},"headline":"5 Ways I Stay Happily Married to a Husband With Chronic Anxiety","datePublished":"2015-10-16T14:57:59.000Z","dateModified":"2026-02-22T11:50:45.734Z","description":"We're married, even on the bad days","url":"https://time.com/4075597/chronic-anxiety-spouse/","keywords":["Family","Psychology","Marriage","relationships"],"thumbnailUrl":"https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/blt00d3bc6e4dbbdc4f/6988688be20a87ea48a8dc48/couple-holding-hands.jpg?branch=production&width=1200&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=1200:675&height=675","author":[{"@type":"Person","name":"Cecily Kellogg / YourTango"}],"articleSection":"Ideas","image":[{"@type":"ImageObject","url":"https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/blt00d3bc6e4dbbdc4f/6988688be20a87ea48a8dc48/couple-holding-hands.jpg?branch=production&width=1200&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=1200:675&height=675","width":1200,"height":675,"headline":"couple-holding-hands","caption":"couple-holding-hands","creditText":"Getty Images","representativeOfPage":true}],"publisher":{"@type":"Organization","name":"Time","url":"https://time.com/","logo":{"@type":"ImageObject","url":"https://time.com/images/logo.png","width":528,"height":156},"foundingDate":"March 3, 1923","sameAs":["https://www.facebook.com/time","https://www.instagram.com/time/?hl=en","https://twitter.com/time","https://www.pinterest.com/timemagazine"]}},{"@context":"https://schema.org","@type":"BreadcrumbList","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"item":{"@id":"/section/ideas/","name":"Ideas"}},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"item":{"@id":"/tag/family/","name":"Family"}},{"@type":"ListItem","position":3,"item":{"@id":"https://time.com/4075597/chronic-anxiety-spouse/","name":"5 Ways I Stay Happily Married to a Husband With Chronic Anxiety"}}]}] ```