A Sneak Peek at Humans of New York: Stories

"My kids are teenagers now, and they’re going off on their own. And you understand it, but it’s hard for it not to hurt. Like the day you realize you’re not allowed in your daughter’s room anymore. Or when your son doesn’t want you to show him how to do something. The relationship tends to ebb and flow between ‘help me’ and ‘leave me alone.’ But lately, it’s been much more ‘leave me alone.’"

“Those are my parents. They’ve been married 55 years. They met when my dad was visiting Mexico as a young man. He saw my mom at a party, but he couldn’t speak a word of Spanish, so they just sort of looked at each other and giggled. Everything was very formal back then, so he asked a mutual friend to obtain permission for him to contact her. My mom gave my dad her address, and when he went back to America, he would write her a letter every few days. He’d write the entire letter in English, and then get a Spanish dictionary and translate it word by word. My mom says the letters barely made sense. But after he’d written many letters, he went back to Mexico and they went on their first date. There were adult chaperones and everything, they didn’t even kiss or touch. It was all very formal. And after a few dates, they decided to marry. Her family thought she was crazy to marry this weird American who kept writing the letters. But she said she knew he was the one. Get this—- just two years ago, we were all visiting Italy. And I busted the two of them making out in a corner. I snapped a photo. Dad’s got Mom pinned up against a wall and he’s macking her hard.”

“I’m trying to keep psychological vampires from sapping my life force.”

“She was collecting rocks.”

“I’m trying to fight my way into these fashion shows!”

“Why are you wearing a pilot’s outfit?" "I wear it every day." "Do you want to be a pilot when you grow up?" "No, I want to be a teacher." "Why aren’t you wearing a teacher’s outfit?" "I don’t have one."

"He proposed to me in a cemetery." "Well, it sounds bad when you say it that way. It was a scenic cemetery. More of a lookout point, really. And there were all these neat headstones. It was her idea to go there, anyway."