--- title: Research: These Complaints Signal the End of a Relationship description: It comes down to one simple but powerful word. canonical: https://time.com/4065296/relationship-problems/ author: Eric Barker article:opinion: true article:content_tier: free article:published_time: 2015-10-08T04:01:36.000Z article:modified_time: 2026-08-04T07:49:28.584Z article:section: Ideas og:title: How You Can Tell Your Relationship Is Over, According to Research og:description: It comes down to one simple but powerful word og:url: https://time.com/4065296/relationship-problems/ og:site_name: TIME og:image: https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/bltf56aa91d7f90872d/69886757cd1bba3f5c6fd8ad/broken-heart-small.jpg?branch=production&width=1200&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=16:9 og:image:width: 4147 og:image:height: 2333 og:image:alt: broken-heart-small og:type: article twitter:card: summary_large_image twitter:title: How You Can Tell Your Relationship Is Over, According to Research twitter:description: It comes down to one simple but powerful word twitter:image: https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/bltf56aa91d7f90872d/69886757cd1bba3f5c6fd8ad/broken-heart-small.jpg?branch=production&width=1200&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=16:9 ---  # How You Can Tell Your Relationship Is Over, According to Research > Sponsored content. 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It explains how TIME's journalism is made, from the first pitch through the editorial decisions behind a finished story or cover. #### How can I read about how TIME chooses its covers? Inside TIME is the newsletter where TIME's Editor-in-Chief explains cover selection and the editorial reasoning behind major stories. It is free at time.com/newsletters. #### Who is the editor of TIME? Sam Jacobs is TIME's Editor-in-Chief. He writes Inside TIME, a twice-weekly newsletter about the newsroom's reporting and editorial decisions. #### Is Inside TIME free? Yes. Inside TIME is a free newsletter, available at time.com/newsletters. A paid TIME subscription is separate and available at time.com/subscribe-agent. ### Sources * TIME Newsletters: [time.com/newsletters](/c/time-nl-inside-2026q3/newsletters?i=dbdcaefb-203d-438f-b3b3-70f3b2bbd8f3&cr=time-nl-inside-2026q3-v1) ## Video: What One Woman Learned From Taking a Year Off From Her Marriage [Watch (HLS stream): What One Woman Learned From Taking a Year Off From Her Marriage](https://cdn.jwplayer.com/manifests/B3QCkNPd.m3u8) (3:53)  _Published 2015-04-01. Robin Rinaldi did what many women dream of but few actually do: she took a year off from her marriage, made an agreement with her husband that they would both sleep with other people for a set period of time, and threw caution to the wind._ by [Eric Barker](https://time.com/author/eric-barker/) ## Eric Barker Oct 8, 2015 4:01 AM UTC  Broken heart Broken heart Getty Images by [Eric Barker](https://time.com/author/eric-barker/) ## Eric Barker Oct 8, 2015 4:01 AM UTC You share complaints that don’t contain the word “but.” Unqualified complaints were more common in relationships that weren’t going well. Via [59 Seconds: Change Your Life in Under a Minute](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0307474860/ref=as%5Fli%5Fss%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&tag=spacforrent-20&linkCode=as2&camp=217153&creative=399349&creativeASIN=0307474860): --- > “” --- **_This piece originally appeared on_** [**_Barking Up the Wrong Tree_**](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2012/04/what-kind-of-complaints-signal-the-end-of-a-r/)**_._** **Join over 215,000 readers. Get a free weekly update via email** [**here**](http://eepurl.com/o6uAD)**.** Related posts: [How To Stop Being Lazy And Get More Done – 5 Expert Tips](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2014/08/how-to-stop-being-lazy/) [How To Get People To Like You: 7 Ways From An FBI Behavior Expert](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2014/10/how-to-get-people-to-like-you/) [New Harvard Research Reveals A Fun Way To Be More Successful](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2014/09/be-more-successful/) ## Transcript I saw a headline the other day that said something like Woman Sleeps with Twelve Strangers in a Year and is Shocked, Shocked Shocked, When She Divorced. No, I was not shocked. Who, nobody would be shocked. Good girl seeks experience. I'm a 44 year old professional, educated, attractive woman in an open marriage seeking single men age 35 to 50 to help me explore my sexuality. You must be trustworthy, smart and skilled at conversation as well as in bed. We will first meet in public for coffee or a drink. If that goes well, we'll have dinner. Possibly followed by sex. Our time together will be limited to three dates. As I cannot become seriously involved. When you think about it. A lot of people do this. They don't move out and set up rules and have an open marriage and apart time separation. They just have affairs. I was living in San Francisco. I was in my early 40s. My husband and I hit a marital crisis where I wanted to have children, and he didn't. And he ended up saying that he wanted to get a vasectomy. And at that point, I thought, what do I need to do now before. My life is over if I'm not gonna have children. That's when I realized I really needed to sow the oats I'd never done in my youth and needed a little time off from my marriage to do that if we weren't gonna be having a family. It was the fact that I was gonna let them get away scot- free. After three dates. The three basic rules were safe sex, no mutual acquaintances and, no long term serious relationships. We both ended up breaking two of those rules over the course of the year. I wanted their smells, their stomachs, their grasping hands and hungry mouths. The more maleness I had, the more female I could be. I sought it out despite the warnings of concerned friends, the obvious pain I was causing my husband, the moral code and defining boundaries of the self I'd known for 44 years. Come what may, I would be ravished and then they could All I can say is that it was unlike me to act that way. I'd always been a very cautious and even anxious person. It was something instinctual and something very female driving me. It wasn't really planned and strategized as much as felt. Kind of a calling that I just needed some time to explore this before I went forward in my life. People would tell me this is so brave, and I didn't, I didn't feel brave. I, but I felt I was acting on instinct. [ MUSIC ] Okay. So, Angie. Angie. In that time. I met several people had experience with several people learned not just about other people but about my self. Via these sexual experiences. And I also learned more about my marriage. Expecting your spouse to provide passion and security and purpose. It's a lot. Going through this process gave me all this experience that kind of turned into this awareness and this wisdom that, wow I was asking too much. And so now as a result I don't look to someone else. To, you know, kind if unfairly provide all of those things. And I couldn't have learned it. I don't think unless I actually went through it. 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