Welcome back to Dancing With the Stars. This week, the contestants are facing a double elimination and two rounds of dancing spread out over two nights. Who will rise to the top? Who will sink to the bottom? Who will tell Paula Deen not to talk about her underpants again? The only way to find out is to watch the two-hour show — or read this.
Here’s what happened on Dancing With the Stars:
Nick Carter and Sharna Burgess: After bringing down the house last week, the once and future boy bander opened the show with a fast-paced jive set to an old Andrews Sisters song. He got so into the routine (or his shoes were untied) that he kicked off his golden-glitter jazz shoes mid-dance, the exact same way that Reese Witherspoon as Cheryl Strayed did in the opening scene of Wild. Bruno and Carrie Ann called the routine “rough,” which Carrie Ann thought was odd because he is a veteran performer. Carrie Ann pointed out that he’s a Backstreet Boy and has no grounds for nerves. 21/30
Paula Deen and Louis van Amstel: Paula decided to appeal to her base by doing a rumba for the folks back home in Georgia, set to “Midnight Train to Georgia,” of course. Carrie Ann thought Paula Deen looked like “a whole different person” from last week and that she looked great. Julianne thought she was her “true self tonight” (even though she didn’t mention her underpants). 19/30 When the scores were announced the audience started booing, and Paula got twitterpated until Erin pointed out that they were booing the scores, not her. Paula kindly asked the audience not to boo her. No promises!
Hayes Grier and Emma Slater: When you find yourself foxtrotting in matching sequined motorcross outfits, you know you’ve reached peak Dancing With the Stars — even though it’s only Week 2. Luckily the adolescent Vine star is used to doing odd things on camera and handled the dance well, despite the fact that most teens would be humiliated by the performance and by having your mom crying on the sidelines begging for big hugs. 22/30
Chaka Khan and Keo Motsepe: Chaka Khan is a musical legend, but last week her dancing didn’t quite live up to her reputation. This week, she is ready. “I ain’t gonna let one night get me down. I’m from Chicago,” said Chaka. Unfortunately, she couldn’t quite remember the steps to her foxtrot, but Carrie Ann is certain she will be something special if she can remember her choreography. 15/30
Andy Grammer and Allison Holker: The singer grew up in upstate New York and thus feels obligated by birthright to do at least one jive to Billy Joel’s “Only the Good Die Young” while on the show. Bruno loved his “attack,” but also didn’t love it because he attacked too hard and ended up off-beat, and not in a good way. Carrie Ann reminded Andy that he’s a musician and should know to listen to the music to stay on time. Andy explained the error of his ways to Erin: “Dancing is hard.” Yes, Andy, that’s the point. Of the entire show. 21/30
Kim Zolciak Biermann and Tony Dovolani: The Real Housewives of Atlanta star tanked last week, sinking to the bottom of the leaderboard with a sad score and a sadder excuse (“I’m not dancing with my husband!”). But this week her quick step was … not awful, which is one baby step closer to adding a Mirrorball Trophy to her Atlanta mansion. Bruno declared, “It’s the most unexpected comeback since Lazarus!” 19/30
Alek Skarlatos and Lindsay Arnold: Turns out that the one-man antiterrorist machine has some pretty smooth moves on the dance floor, as well as on French trains. His lift-heavy jazz routine set to “Don’t Stop Believin'” was almost good enough to forgive him for getting that song stuck in all of America’s head for the rest of the night. 27/30
Alexa PenaVega and Mark Ballas: The Spy Kids star grew up into a woman determined to publicly beat her husband on Dancing With the Stars — and if that means dressing up like a panther to salsa with Mark (who appeared to be wearing an outfit left over from his Duck Dynasty routine), so be it. Carrie Ann announced that she set the house on fire. Erin was mostly impressed with “what didn’t jiggle” on Alexa, which truthfully was impressive, but not as impressive as the choreography. 24/30
Victor Espinoza and Karina Smirnoff: The Triple Crown winning jockey grew up in Hidalgo, Mexico, which means he is culturally entitled to dance to “La Bamba” and wear a giant sombrero around his … er, belt buckle, and no one is allowed to snort-laugh. Well, maybe a little snort-laugh is allowed. The jazz routine was sloppy, but the judges were having too much fun to complain. 17/30
Tamar Braxton and Val Chmerkovskiy: Naturally, Tamar doesn’t “want to thrust while thinking of her family,” but she does it anyway because she’s cha-cha-ing to Sister Sledge’s “We Are Family.” She’s a talented dancer, and the judges are encouraging, but she almost makes it look too easy. It will be interesting to see how far The Real host and R&B singer make it in the competition. 24/30
Gary Busey and Anna Trebunskaya: Gary and Anna basically did the same cheerleader-football player routine that Hayes did last week, but set to the Beach Boys instead of OMI’s “Cheerleader” and with Gary being way too old and unshaved to gracefully wear a letterman jacket. Bruno called it “a pleasant surprise” that the dance actually looked like a foxtrot, while Carrie Ann said he was on the edge of missing a step, but didn’t. “I like to walk on the edge, it’s one of my hobbies,” noted Gary. 18/30
Carlos PenaVega and Witney Carson: We are still at the point in the competition where it is necessary to Google Carlos PenaVega. Ah yes, he’s this year’s model of the Big Time Rush star, trained in the dance-filled trenches of the Nickelodeon show. He proved his chops with an elegant foxtrot, and Bruno can’t help but call him the Latin lover a few times. 24/30 (Yes, that means he is tied with his wife.)
Bindi Irwin and Derek Hough: Adorable little Bindi Irwin’s favorite type of music is heavy metal. So she and Derek danced a tango set to Australia’s greatest export: AC/DC. The judges are floored by the tango and the song choice, which was “You Shook Me All Night Long” a song Bindi remembers dancing around to with her dad. 25/30
Who Is in Jeopardy: Chaka and Keo and Gary and Anna. Yes, somehow Kim was safe.
Who Is Going Home: Chaka Khan, she never got a chance to show the younger generation why she is a legend, and that is a down right shame. No joke.
Best Reason to Come Back Tomorrow: Someone else is going home!
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