This Guy Just Wants to Know If He Sounds Gay

8 minute read

David Thorpe wants to make it very clear that there is no such thing as “gay voice.” That might seem like a strange talking point for a filmmaker promoting a new documentary, Do I Sound Gay, which explores exactly that phenomenon. But, as Thorpe tells TIME, “‘gay voice’ is just shorthand for the stereotype of the gay voice. There is no voice that every gay person has and that is limited to gay people.”

But that stereotype, and Thorpe’s own involuntary adherence to it, became a source of great discomfort for him in his early 40s, after experiencing a break-up and feeling “doomed to be a bitter old queen.” Increasingly unnerved by the sound of his voice, he became determined to understand what made his vocal chords vibrate.

Thorpe interviewed linguists and film historians. He spoke to prominent gay figures like Tim Gunn, Dan Savage and David Sedaris. He even worked with a speech pathologist to try to exorcise the sibilant S’s and elongated O’s from his words.

Do I Sound Gay, which debuts in New York City and on VOD on July 10, is about more than just one man’s voice. “I wouldn’t have made the film if my voice weren’t a proxy for my feelings about being gay and my feelings of self-worth,” Thorpe says. He spoke to TIME—in a voice, it’s worth mentioning, that was clear and confident—about those complicated feelings, the surprising origins of the pressure to be masculine and the mysterious effeminacy of Disney villains.

TIME: The impetus for the film was your discomfort with your voice in your early 40s. Was that the first time you felt that way?

David Thorpe: I’ve been self-conscious about my voice my whole life. At times when I haven’t had a lot of confidence, I’ve been more attuned to how I felt bad about being effeminate and how my voice was the leading edge of my effeminacy. The film describes a moment when I was really low. But it’s not the first time. I did a public access show where I dressed up as a women’s doubles team, and I had to be feeling pretty confident to do that. But when I saw the footage for the first time, I had a week of depression and nausea. But that was a time where I was feeling confident and happy, so I was able to move past it.

Was the discomfort fueled more by other people’s reactions or your own internalized homophobia?

The root of my self-consciousness came from being bullied into sounding and acting straighter. At a very young age, I learned to change who I was. I was in a very conservative, Southern environment, so there weren’t a lot of people to take cues from. And in gay culture, men receive images that masculine is good and effeminate is bad. On dating apps like Grindr, you come across “masc” for masculine, “straight-acting only.” I would never condemn someone’s sexual turn-on, but sometimes those messages felt more like brainwashing than a celebratory fetish.

Have you felt like people are going to be distracted by how your voice sounds and not listen to what you have to say?

My biggest fear, which was mostly irrational but sometimes justified, is that it wasn’t until people heard my voice that they realized that I am gay, and that once they realized that, they would treat me differently or dislike me. I felt like sometimes my voice came out before I was ready.

When you started looking into your voice, were you curious about nature versus nurture?

Mostly I wanted to know where my voice came from and why so many other gay men had the same voice. No one really knows why someone sounds gay, whether or not they are gay. This is not a question people are throwing money at. I believe it’s probably some combination of both.

How did you react when your childhood friend said that from high school to college, your voice changed drastically?

My friend sort of accused me of being an impostor. My initial reaction was, “How dare you? This is who I am and you have to accept it.” But I also understood, because I wasn’t 100 percent comfortable with my voice. I wondered if I was an impostor. It was kind of liberating—finally someone has acknowledged that they don’t like my gay voice.

It also sounds like you were suppressing a lot during childhood.

Without a doubt, I was butching it up as a kid to survive. But when I came out, suddenly I just wanted to be gay, gay, gay. My parents would always say, “Why does everything have to be gay with you?” I had forgotten that when I came out, I wanted to be as big and beautiful and flamboyant as I could be, and it was such a lightning bolt moment [to realize] how far I had come from that person.

The documentary delves into the history of cinema, showing how many villains are depicted as effeminate men with the stereotypical “gay voice,” down to Disney characters like Jafar from Aladdin and Scar from The Lion King. Do you imagine the creatives over at Disney having some conscious intention to have gay-sounding villains?

That moment in The Lion King where the parrot says, “There’s one in every family”—every gay man I know is like, “Yeah, there’s a fag in every family.” There are a lot of other bits where if they didn’t mean it, it’s certainly drawing on the code that means it. I watched Wreck-It Ralph, and the villain is very effeminate. The hero, played by John C. Reilly, calls him Nelly Wafer, and you’re like, “Are you kidding me?” There’s a clear connection between the implied sexuality and his being a villain.

You interview some celebrities, like Tim Gunn, who are beloved for their personas, which include sounding stereotypically gay.

I could see that there were men who sounded gay who were popular, and it was essential to go to someone like Tim Gunn and say, “So Tim, how do you feel about your voice?” What David Sedaris says was very liberating, because I thought, “If someone as successful as David can still have these feelings of shame surface, then it’s probably OK that I have them surface.” Some people who aren’t gay think that when you come out, you snap your fingers and you’re happy with who you are. And it’s so not the case. Some people quickly embrace who they are and some people never [do].

You also interview Zach King, a teen who was brutally attacked because of his effeminate voice. Having gone through this journey, what would you say to a teenager who’s confronting his voice and his sexuality?

I walked away from meeting Zach just astonished by his defiance. To believe so much in his right to be who he is was something I needed to relearn. I would never presume to tell a kid to come out or not. I think there are more opportunities now than ever for kids to see positive reflections of who they are, and if a kids feel safe, it can be only for the better. Hiding who you are is a terrible experience that hopefully less people are having, but Zach’s experience is still a reality for many kids. It will take a long time for the recent SCOTUS ruling on gay marriage to have an effect on the schoolyard.

How do you think the movie’s timing, coming out two weeks after the Supreme Court decision, is going to affect its reception?

I think the SCOTUS decision has created a paradigm shift about how gay people see themselves and how all of America sees itself. I made the film so that anyone could relate to it, but maybe because things have changed so quickly, more people will be interested in the film. I think the mainstream is ready to embrace stories about gay lives more now than ever.

Chronicling the Struggles of LGBT People Around the World

Joseph Kawesi, 31 Uganda, March 2015 Joseph Kawesi, a transgender woman, sits at home in the Ugandan capital of Kampala with her mother Mai, 65. Kawesi still has nightmares about the night in December 2012 when she says police officers dragged her out of her home after a tip-off that she might be gay. She says the officers beat her, and then raped her with a club. Kawesi is now an activist working to support LGBT people affected by HIV/AIDS in Uganda. Uganda's president signed an Anti-Homosexuality Act into law in Feb. 2014, that broadened the criminalization of same-sex relationships, adding to colonial-era laws that already prohibited sodomy. The law was overturned on a technicality in August, but Parliament could pass a new anti-homosexuality bill this year.Robin Hammond
A posed posed portrait of 34 year old Human Rights Activist fighting for the rights of LGBTI people in Uganda and on the African continent, Kasha Jacqueline Nabagesera. She describes herself as one of the early pioneers of the LGBT struggle in Uganda and founder and former Executive Director of Freedom and Roam Uganda, the only exclusively Lesbian Bisexual Transgender Women’s rights organization in the country and currently founder and editor of Kuchu Times and Bombastic Magazine. She is the recipient of the Martin Ennals Human Rights Defenders Award and the Nuremburg International Human Rights Award. She has several times been evicted by landlords because of her sexuality. She has been physically attacked many times. Kasha can no longer use public transport. “Every time the media talks about homosexuality in Uganda my face appears, the visibility is so much that it exposes me. People have threatened me with death many times, especially on social media. People have wished for me to be knocked down by cars. They want to cut off my head, kill me.” “Even if I receive these threats, words hurt and depress me, at the same time it allows me to know where I need to improve in my work – attitude change – that’s why I keep doing what I do. It hurts, but it doesn’t really put me down. One day it will change. I am happy to be part of the foundation for future generations to build on.” Uganda. March 2015.  While many countries around the world are legally recognizing same-sex relationships, individuals in nearly 80 countries face criminal sanctions for private consensual relations with another adult of the same sex. Violence and discrimination based on sexual orientation or gender expression is even more widespread. Africa is becoming the worst continent for Lesbian, Gay, Bi-sexual, Transgender, Queer, Inter-sex (LGBTQI) individuals. More than two thirds of African countries have laws criminalizing consensual same-sex acts. In some, homosexuality is punishable
Kasha Jacqueline Nabagesera, 34Uganda, March 2015 “We have a very long way to go in this struggle but I am glad that we are not just sitting back," says Kasha Jacqueline Nabagesera, 34, one of the early pioneers of the gay-rights struggle in Uganda. In 2003, she founded Freedom and Roam Uganda, a gay-rights advocacy group; last December she published and distributed Bombastic, a free magazine focused on the personal stories of Uganda's gay men and women. Robin Hammond
A posed posed portrait of Bad Black, a 25 years old transgender woman sex worker in Kampala, Uganda. “At the age of 16 in 2005 I was caught red handed kissing with my boyfriend. My father asked me to leave his home if I don’t want to be killed. I left home and came to Kampala where I started doing sex worker for survival. In 2009, I found out that I was HIV positive. I have been sexually harassed by the police every time on streets. The police arrested me several times for no reason. Early this year I was kidnapped by three men who tortured me for seven hours they beat me up and fixed a beer bottle in my ass smeared with hot pepper. The kidnappers took my phones and money.” He volunteers for an organization that supports other HIV positive sex workers. Uganda, September 2014.  While many countries around the world are legally recognizing same-sex relationships, individuals in nearly 80 countries face criminal sanctions for private consensual relations with another adult of the same sex. Violence and discrimination based on sexual orientation or gender expression is even more widespread. Africa is becoming the worst continent for Lesbian, Gay, Bi-sexual, Transgender, Queer, Inter-sex (LGBTQI) individuals. More than two thirds of African countries have laws criminalizing consensual same-sex acts. In some, homosexuality is punishable by death. In Nigeria new homophobic laws introduced in 2013 led to dramatic increase in attacks. Under Sharia Law, homosexuality is punishable by death, up to 50 lashes and six months in prison for woman; for men elsewhere, up to 14 years in prison. Same sex acts are illegal in Uganda. A discriminatory law was passed then struck down and homophobic attacks rose tenfold after the passage of the Anti-Homosexuality Act. In Cameroon it is also illegal. More cases against suspected homosexuals are brought here than any other African country. In stark contrast with the rest of the continent, same sex relationships are legal in South Africa
Hakim Semeebwr, 26Uganda, March 2015 Hakim Semeebwr, a transgender woman and sex worker in Kampala, Uganda, is also a drag queen and goes by the name Bad Black. She says: "Ugandans, they had something in their heads that gays are sick, cursed, abnormal and not African. Now that we are out, they can't deny we are Ugandan."Robin Hammond
A posed posed portrait of Ishmel (left) and Gabriel (right) (not their real names) who are gay. In December 2013 they were taken from their homes by a vigilante group aligned to Bauchi City Sharia Courts who suspected them of being gay. They slapped and beat them with electric cables. He was held in prison for over 40 days. He made several appearances at the Sharia Court. They were lashed 15 times with a horse whip, but then acquitted of committing homosexual acts as there were no witnesses to the crime. Sodomy is punishable by death under Sharia Law but requires four witnesses. Since Nigeria’s president signed a harsh law criminalizing homosexuality throughout the country, arrests of gay people have multiplied, advocates have been forced to go underground, some people fearful of the law have sought asylum overseas and news media demands for a crackdown have flourished. Three young men were recently flogged 20 times in a northern Nigerian court room for being gay. Some consider them lucky. The penalty for gay sex under local Islamic law is death by stoning. Nigeria, April 2014.   While many countries around the world are legally recognizing same-sex relationships, individuals in nearly 80 countries face criminal sanctions for private consensual relations with another adult of the same sex. Violence and discrimination based on sexual orientation or gender expression is even more widespread. Africa is becoming the worst continent for Lesbian, Gay, Bi-sexual, Transgender, Queer, Inter-sex (LGBTQI) individuals. More than two thirds of African countries have laws criminalizing consensual same-sex acts. In some, homosexuality is punishable by death. In Nigeria new homophobic laws introduced in 2013 led to dramatic increase in attacks. Under Sharia Law, homosexuality is punishable by death, up to 50 lashes and six months in prison for woman; for men elsewhere, up to 14 years in prison. Same sex acts are illegal in Uganda. A discriminatory law was passed then struck down
Ishmel (left) and Gabriel (right) (not their real names) Nigeria, April 2014In December 2013 they say a vigilante group, suspecting them of being gay, took them from their homes in the northern state of Bauchi. Under Bauchi's Islamic Sharia law, the penalty for gay sex is death by stoning. Ishmel and Gabriel say they were deprived of food and light and beaten in prison. They were eventually acquitted of the crime because there were no witnesses (Shari'a requires four), but both say they were cast out of their homes for bringing shame on their families. Since January 2014 when then-President Goodluck Jonathan signed a law criminalizing same-sex relationships, arrests of gay people in Nigeria have multiplied. Robin Hammond
A posed posed portrait of Buje (not his real name) who is gay. In December 2013 he was taken from his home by a vigilante group aligned to Bauchi City Sharia Courts who suspected him of being gay. They slapped him and beat him with electric cables. He was held in prison for over 40 days. He made several appearances at the Sharia Court. After being beaten in prison he confessed to committing homosexual acts. He was lashed 15 times with a horse whip as a punishment. Sodomy is punishable by death under Sharia Law but requires four witnesses. Since Nigeria’s president signed a harsh law criminalizing homosexuality throughout the country, arrests of gay people have multiplied, advocates have been forced to go underground, some people fearful of the law have sought asylum overseas and news media demands for a crackdown have flourished. Three young men were recently flogged 20 times in a northern Nigerian court room for being gay. Some consider them lucky. The penalty for gay sex under local Islamic law is death by stoning. Nigeria, April 2014.  While many countries around the world are legally recognizing same-sex relationships, individuals in nearly 80 countries face criminal sanctions for private consensual relations with another adult of the same sex. Violence and discrimination based on sexual orientation or gender expression is even more widespread. Africa is becoming the worst continent for Lesbian, Gay, Bi-sexual, Transgender, Queer, Inter-sex (LGBTQI) individuals. More than two thirds of African countries have laws criminalizing consensual same-sex acts. In some, homosexuality is punishable by death. In Nigeria new homophobic laws introduced in 2013 led to dramatic increase in attacks. Under Sharia Law, homosexuality is punishable by death, up to 50 lashes and six months in prison for woman; for men elsewhere, up to 14 years in prison. Same sex acts are illegal in Uganda. A discriminatory law was passed then struck down and homophobic attacks rose tenfold after
Buje (not his real name) Nigeria, April 2014 Buje spent more than 40 days in prison after being taken from his home by a vigilante group aligned to the Bauchi City Shar'ia Courts in December 2013. After guards beat him in prison with electric cables, Buje confessed to committing homosexual acts. They lashed him 15 times with a horsewhip as punishment. He says his family told him: “God should take your life away so that everyone will have peace because you have caused such shame to our family.” Since Nigeria’s president signed a harsh law criminalizing same-sex relationships in Jan. 2014, arrests of gay people have multiplied and advocates have been forced to go underground or seek asylum overseas.Robin Hammond
A posed portrait of Tiwonge Chimbalanga from Malawi. In 2009 Steven Monjeza Soko and Tiwonge Chimbalanga were arrested in their home country of Malawi and in 2010 they were both charged with buggery and permitting buggery, as well as with the offence of indecent practices between males in accordance with sections 153 and 156 of the Malawian Penal Code. Convicted, the two men were sentenced to the maximum penalty of fourteen years. According to the sentencing magistrate, the severity of the sentence was justified to protect Malawian society: “I will give you a scaring sentence so that the public be protected from people like you, so that we are not tempted to emulate this horrendous example.” This judgement took place in spite of Malawi’s own constitution and it being a signatory state to a number of human rights treaties. Consequently, the case attracted an international outcry and both men were later pardoned on condition that they do not have any future contact with each other. Following release, fearing for her safety, Tiwonge fled to South Africa. November 2014.  While many countries around the world are legally recognizing same-sex relationships, individuals in nearly 80 countries face criminal sanctions for private consensual relations with another adult of the same sex. Violence and discrimination based on sexual orientation or gender expression is even more widespread. Africa is becoming the worst continent for Lesbian, Gay, Bi-sexual, Transgender, Queer, Inter-sex (LGBTQI) individuals. More than two thirds of African countries have laws criminalizing consensual same-sex acts. In some, homosexuality is punishable by death. In Nigeria new homophobic laws introduced in 2013 led to dramatic increase in attacks. Under Sharia Law, homosexuality is punishable by death, up to 50 lashes and six months in prison for woman; for men elsewhere, up to 14 years in prison. Same sex acts are illegal in Uganda. A discriminatory law was passed then struck down and homop
Tiwonge Chimbalanga Malawi, Nov. 2014 Transgender woman Tiwonge Chimbalanga married Steven Monjeza in 2009 but on Dec. 28 of that year they were arrested and charged with various offences relating to unnatural indecent practices between men. The magistrate sentenced them to 14 years imprisonment, saying it was to protect Malawian society from being “tempted to emulate this horrendous example.” Because Malawi is a signatory to numerous human rights treaties, there was international outcry over the case. Amnesty International declared them both 'prisoners of conscience.' After five months in prison, on May 29 2010, then President Bingu wa Mutharika pardoned Chimbalanga and Monjeza, releasing them on the condition that they had no further contact with one another. Fearing for her safety, Chimbalanga fled to South Africa where she lives now. She is still struggling to find a job. In July 2014, the Justice Minister announced that Malawi would review its anti-gay laws and no longer arrest people for homosexual activity, but it remains illegal. On April 17 2015, a new law came into force banning all same-sex marriages and unions.Robin Hammond
A posed portrait of Flavirina Naze from Burundi. “I left Burundi because of my sexuality. People were beating me and didn’t accept me”. Flavirina attended a Trans-geneder conference in South Africa, while there she was warned by a LGBT activist that it might be dangerous for her to return to Burundi as there were elections around that time and persecution of the LGBT community was increasing. Fearing for her life, she decided to stay. She was accepted as an asylum seeker but she could not afford to renew the permit. It expired and she is now in South Africa illegally. As she is unable to work legally, she started engaging in sex work to survive. South Africa. November 2014.  While many countries around the world are legally recognizing same-sex relationships, individuals in nearly 80 countries face criminal sanctions for private consensual relations with another adult of the same sex. Violence and discrimination based on sexual orientation or gender expression is even more widespread. Africa is becoming the worst continent for Lesbian, Gay, Bi-sexual, Transgender, Queer, Inter-sex (LGBTQI) individuals. More than two thirds of African countries have laws criminalizing consensual same-sex acts. In some, homosexuality is punishable by death. In Nigeria new homophobic laws introduced in 2013 led to dramatic increase in attacks. Under Sharia Law, homosexuality is punishable by death, up to 50 lashes and six months in prison for woman; for men elsewhere, up to 14 years in prison. Same sex acts are illegal in Uganda. A discriminatory law was passed then struck down and homophobic attacks rose tenfold after the passage of the Anti-Homosexuality Act. In Cameroon it is also illegal. More cases against suspected homosexuals are brought here than any other African country. In stark contrast with the rest of the continent, same sex relationships are legal in South Africa. The country has the most liberal laws toward gays and lesbians on the continent, with a constitution g
Flavirina Naze South Africa, Nov. 2014 33-year-old Flavirina Naze, a transgender woman from Burundi, says she left her home country because she had suffered physical attacks because of her sexuality. In Burundi, the penalty for same-sex sexual activity is imprisonment for up to two years. During a transgender conference in South Africa in 2009, Naze says an LGBT activist warned her that it might be dangerous to return to Burundi because persecution of the LGBT community was increasing as elections approached. Fearing for her life, she decided to stay in South Africa, where she was granted asylum. When her asylum permit expired, she could not afford to renew it and is now in South Africa illegally, where she cannot get a job. She has become a sex worker in order to survive.Robin Hammond
A posed portrait of transgender women Dolores (right) 24 and Naomi (left) 25. While travelling home with a male friend after spending an evening at a club they were stopped at a police check-point. Because they couldn’t produce ID they were taken to the police station. A police woman recognized Naomi and said to the other officers “I know this one, she is a homosexual”. That night in the police cells they were severely beaten by the police. The beatings continued every day for a week until they were sent to provisional detention. They stayed there for three months awaiting trial. They were taken in front of the judge and found guilty of homosexuality, and sentenced to the maximum punishment of five years. When sentencing the judge commented that they had admitted to drinking baileys – “a woman’s drink” and therefore further evidence of their homosexuality. Human rights campaigner and lawyer Alice Nkom appealed the conviction and won. The case was dropped for lack of evidence, Dolores and Naomi were acquitted. They had spent August 2011 to January 2013 in prison – 18 months. Dolores says, “Prison is the worst place I have ever been. And I was obliged to undertake any kind of activity to survive.” Yaounde, Cameroon. December 2014.  While many countries around the world are legally recognizing same-sex relationships, individuals in nearly 80 countries face criminal sanctions for private consensual relations with another adult of the same sex. Violence and discrimination based on sexual orientation or gender expression is even more widespread. Africa is becoming the worst continent for Lesbian, Gay, Bi-sexual, Transgender, Queer, Inter-sex (LGBTQI) individuals. More than two thirds of African countries have laws criminalizing consensual same-sex acts. In some, homosexuality is punishable by death. In Nigeria new homophobic laws introduced in 2013 led to dramatic increase in attacks. Under Sharia Law, homosexuality is punishable by death, up to 50 las
Dolores (left) and Naomi (right) Yaoundé, Cameroon, Dec. 2014 Transgender women Dolores and Naomi say they were stopped at a police checkpoint after spending the evening at a club and taken to the station because they could not produce identification. They say police beat them severely every night for a week, until they were sent to provisional detention, where they remained for three months. Eventually they were found guilty of homosexuality and sentenced to five years in prison. Human rights campaigner and lawyer Alice N’kom appealed the conviction and prosecutors dropped the case due to a lack of evidence. Dolores and Naomi were acquitted in January 2013 after 18 months in prison. “I was obliged to undertake any kind of activity to survive,” says Dolores. “Prison is the worst place I have ever been.”Robin Hammond
A posed portrait of 28 year old Amanda (not her real name). In 2007 Amanda was out with a friend, she went to buy cigarettes and started walking back to her friends house. A man approached her and said he would show here a shortcut. He asked if she was a lesbian “do you date girls he said? Amanda said “yes”, the man pulled out a gun, put it to her head and said “I’m going to show you are not a man, you are a girl”. He dragged her behind some toilets pushed the gun to her temple and raped her. “I was scared. I thought he was going to kill me” she said. When he was finished, he ran away. “After that. I hate guys,” says Amanda. The rapists was arrested and sentenced to ten years in prison.  “God has helped me to get over the rape, but I’m still afraid. I don’t go out at night.” South Africa. November 2014.  While many countries around the world are legally recognizing same-sex relationships, individuals in nearly 80 countries face criminal sanctions for private consensual relations with another adult of the same sex. Violence and discrimination based on sexual orientation or gender expression is even more widespread. Africa is becoming the worst continent for Lesbian, Gay, Bi-sexual, Transgender, Queer, Inter-sex (LGBTQI) individuals. More than two thirds of African countries have laws criminalizing consensual same-sex acts. In some, homosexuality is punishable by death. In Nigeria new homophobic laws introduced in 2013 led to dramatic increase in attacks. Under Sharia Law, homosexuality is punishable by death, up to 50 lashes and six months in prison for woman; for men elsewhere, up to 14 years in prison. Same sex acts are illegal in Uganda. A discriminatory law was passed then struck down and homophobic attacks rose tenfold after the passage of the Anti-Homosexuality Act. In Cameroon it is also illegal. More cases against suspected homosexuals are brought here than any other African country. In stark contrast with the rest of the continent
Amanda (not her real name) South Africa, Nov. 2014 Amanda says she was traveling with a friend in 2007 when a man asked her if she dated girls and if she was a lesbian. When Amanda said yes, she says the man pulled out a gun, put it to her head and said: “I’m going to show you are a girl.” He told her to strip off her clothes and raped her. He ran away but Amanda went to the police station and the police managed to arrest him. He was eventually found guilty and sentenced to 10 years behind bars. But Amanda, 28, still feels afraid. “I hope I will be okay one day because he got what he deserves." Despite South Africa becoming the first country in the world to prohibit discrimination based on sexual orientation in 1993, homophobic sentiment and violence runs high. Robin Hammond
A posed portrait of Boniwe Tyatyeka, mother of Nontsikelelo Tyatyeka (in the framed picture) who disappeared 7 September 2010. A year later, on 9 September 2011, her decomposed body was found in the dustbin of a neighbor. She had been raped, beaten on the head, and strangled to death. The killer (the neighbor whose dustbin in which her body was found) said he did it to change her – she was a lesbian. Cape Town, South Africa. November 2014.  While many countries around the world are legally recognizing same-sex relationships, individuals in nearly 80 countries face criminal sanctions for private consensual relations with another adult of the same sex. Violence and discrimination based on sexual orientation or gender expression is even more widespread. Africa is becoming the worst continent for Lesbian, Gay, Bi-sexual, Transgender, Queer, Inter-sex (LGBTQI) individuals. More than two thirds of African countries have laws criminalizing consensual same-sex acts. In some, homosexuality is punishable by death. In Nigeria new homophobic laws introduced in 2013 led to dramatic increase in attacks. Under Sharia Law, homosexuality is punishable by death, up to 50 lashes and six months in prison for woman; for men elsewhere, up to 14 years in prison. Same sex acts are illegal in Uganda. A discriminatory law was passed then struck down and homophobic attacks rose tenfold after the passage of the Anti-Homosexuality Act. In Cameroon it is also illegal. More cases against suspected homosexuals are brought here than any other African country. In stark contrast with the rest of the continent, same sex relationships are legal in South Africa. The country has the most liberal laws toward gays and lesbians on the continent, with a constitution guaranteeing LBGTQI rights. Because of this, LGBTQI Africans from all over the continent fleeing persecution have come to South Africa. Despite these laws, many lesbians have been victims of ‘corrective rape’ and homosexuals have been murde
Boniwe Tyatyeka Cape Town, South Africa, Nov. 2014 Boniwe Tyatyeka holds a framed photograph of her daughter Nontsikelelo (also called Ntsikie) who disappeared in September 2010. One year later, her decomposed body was found in a neighbor’s dustbin; she had been raped, beaten and strangled to death. According to Tyatyeka, the neighbor said he had done it to change her because she was a lesbian. South Africa was the first country on the continent to legalize same-sex marriage and its constitution guarantees LGBT rights, but social stigma around homosexuality remains. “Nitsikie was a child with dreams,” Boniwe says. “Even now when I’m on the go, I am always looking out like I will hopefully see Ntsikie.”Robin Hammond
A posed portrait of 35 year transgender woman Nisha Ayub who was arrested and received a three month prison sentence for cross dressing (under Section 66, of the Shariah Law of Malaysia). She was imprisoned in the male section. She was humiliated daily. She had breasts implanted that same year and was made to walk topless through the prison. She was regularly verbally and physically abused. The guards shaved her long hair off, an important part of her female identity. “My hair is my crown, it is my identity, it is the first thing I did when I got my independence – to grow my hair. I was in the chair crying as they cut it. I was begging, “please, please, please” he just ignored me. As each hair dropped, so did my heart.” On the first day she was forced to perform oral sex on six men: “I was scared, the guys were scary.” After that she sought protection from one of the prison guards in return for sex. Nisha says: “one of the worst things about being in prison is that you don’t feel like you own your body anymore, it’s like people have the right to do anything to you.” Once released she found she had lost the job she had in a hotel. In order to get money to survive she became a hostess in a bar which meant she had to perform sexual acts for money. “I heard there was a NGO in Kuala Lumpur helping trans people. When I went to prison, I didn’t even know that law existed. When I came out of prison I was determined to fight and I wanted to help other trans people so I went to KL to volunteer.” Now Nisha advocates for other transgender women in Malaysia with a non governmental organization. Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia. January 2015.  While many countries around the world are legally recognizing same-sex relationships, individuals in nearly 80 countries face criminal sanctions for private consensual relations with another adult of the same sex. Violence and discrimination based on sexual orientation or gender expression is even more widespread. Africa i
Nisha Ayub Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia, Jan. 2015 Nisha Ayub, 35, is a transgender woman who was arrested and sentenced to three months in prison for cross-dressing, a practice illegal under Malaysia's Islamic law. She was imprisoned in the male section, where she says she was verbally and physically abused. Despite having breast implants earlier that year, she says she was made to walk topless through the prison and the guards shaved off her long hair. "One of the worst things about being in prison is that you don't feel like you own your body anymore," she says. Once released, Ayub discovered she had lost her job in a hotel so she became a hostess in a bar, where she had to perform sex acts for money. Eventually, she heard of an NGO in Kuala Lumpur helping transgender people and now she advocates for other transgender women in Malaysia.Robin Hammond
A posed portrait of 33 Year old Abinaya Jayaraman, a transgender woman. Until the age of 19 she always considered herself a normal boy. It wasn’t until her late teens when other boys started to isolate her that she started to question herself. She googled “a man with female character” and started to learn about the transgender community. She went to see a doctor who told her she had a female’s soul trapped in a male’s body. At first she strongly rejected the idea. She wanted to tell her mum but she is from a very strict family and didn’t think it was possible. “I was so scared to tell her, and I started to cut my arm due to depression. I used to hate myself, and I used to hate God “Why did you create me this way?” It took me more than three years to accept who I am. Then I started to dress up in the house. And I would see my mum’s Saree and think “when will it be my turn to wear that?”. In June 2008 she told her mum “Ma, I’m not a boy, I’m a girl, please understand” Abinaya’s mother slapped her in the face and walked away. One evening in 2009, Abinaya came home after work “all my relatives were there. I asked “what’s going on?” – my mother told me – “we’re going to look for a wife for you” I was shocked. I said “what? Please understand I cannot carry her leg like this and bang her!”” Her mother replied “Don’t worry, once you have a child, everything will be okay”. Her relatives tried to introduce her to a woman. Abinaya met her wife to be, and told her “Look I can’t marry you” then Abinaya explained everything. The pressure continued though until Abinaya couldn’t take it any longer and in April 2009 she took a cocktail of sleeping pills and pain killers in an attempt to end her life. She ended up in hospital for 3 months. Her mother didn’t visit her once. Abinaya’s family continued to refuse to accept her gender identity. She was disowned and thrown out of the house. Abinaya worked in corpor
Abinaya Jayaraman Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia, Jan. 2015. Abinaya Jayaraman always considered herself a boy until her late teens, when she started to learn about the transgender community. She was very scared to tell her strict family about her true identity but in June 2008, she finally told her mother but was rejected, she says. Desperately lonely, Jayaraman attempted suicide in April 2009 with a cocktail of sleeping pills and painkillers. She says her mother didn’t visit her once during her three-month hospital stay. The family later disowned her and threw her out of the house. Uncomfortable with acting like a man at work, she eventually quit her job in corporate banking and turned to sex work to survive. “I have no choice. I’m lonely, homeless and live in fear because I decided to be who I am. If I had the chance I would leave Malaysia and go somewhere where I can live and earn with dignity," she says. In Section 377 of Malaysia’s Penal Code, homosexual acts between men and women are criminalized and can amount to whipping and a 20-year prison sentence.Robin Hammond
A posed portrait of Lesbian couple ‘O’ (27, right) and ‘D’ (23, left). They were on their way home after a jazz concert, it was late by the time they got off at their subway stop. They were alone as they went up the escalator to get to the street level apart from two men in front of them. As they traveled up to street level, they took each other’s hand and kissed. They came out of the subway and starting walking home. Suddenly ‘O’ felt a blow to the back of her neck: “fucking lesbians” the stranger yelled. He then turned and punched ‘D’ in the face. ‘O’ tried to defend her but was punched in the face too. ‘O’ screamed: “what are you doing? We are just sisters” he replied, “Don’t lie, I saw you kissing and you are spreading LGBT propaganda”. The remark was in reference to the ‘Anti LGBT Propaganda Towards Minors” law recently adopted in Russia. He continued to kick and punch ‘O’ and ‘D’ screaming “No LGBT” and finally “If I see you again I will kill you” and then left. All this time the attackers colleague was filming the attack with his phone. Talking about the attack ‘O’ says: “The real fear I experienced was not for myself, it was for the one I love. The fear struck me when I realized I couldn’t do anything to protect her.” ‘O’ continues: “Now, in Russia, holding hands is dangerous for us. But if the goal of these attackers was to separate us, they failed. They only made our relationship stronger”. St Petersburg, Russia. November 2014.  While many countries around the world are legally recognizing same-sex relationships, individuals in nearly 80 countries face criminal sanctions for private consensual relations with another adult of the same sex. Violence and discrimination based on sexual orientation or gender expression is even more widespread. Africa is becoming the worst continent for Lesbian, Gay, Bi-sexual, Transgender, Queer, Inter-sex (LGBTQI) individuals. More than two thirds of
O (right) and D (left) St Petersburg, Russia, Nov. 2014 Lesbian couple O (27) and D (23) were holding hands and sharing a kiss on their way home after a jazz concert late at night on Oct. 19 when they say they were attacked. A stranger accused them of being lesbians, punching and kicking them repeatedly. Although Russia decriminalized same-sex relationships between consenting adults in private in 1993, there are currently no laws prohibiting discrimination towards LGBT people. In June 2013 Russia introduced federal law criminalizing the distribution of LGBT “propaganda” among minors, which prompted international uproar. “Now, in Russia, holding hands is dangerous for us,” says O. “But if the goal of these attackers was to separate us, they failed. They only made our relationship stronger.”Robin Hammond
A posed portrait of 47 year old trans man Mitch Yusmar, with his partner of 17 years 39 year old Lalita Abdullah, and their adopted children, 9 year old Izzy, and 3 year old Daniya at home outside Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia. Mitch is the Senior Manager of Seed, an NGO that caters to the needs of homeless people in Kuala Lumpur. Lalita is the Regional Learning and Development Manager for an oil and gas company. Their relationship is not legally recognized and they live with the insecurity that their family could be torn apart should something happen to Lalita who is the only recognized parent. Malaysia. January 2015.  While many countries around the world are legally recognizing same-sex relationships, individuals in nearly 80 countries face criminal sanctions for private consensual relations with another adult of the same sex. Violence and discrimination based on sexual orientation or gender expression is even more widespread. Africa is becoming the worst continent for Lesbian, Gay, Bi-sexual, Transgender, Queer, Inter-sex (LGBTQI) individuals. More than two thirds of African countries have laws criminalizing consensual same-sex acts. In some, homosexuality is punishable by death. In Nigeria new homophobic laws introduced in 2013 led to dramatic increase in attacks. Under Sharia Law, homosexuality is punishable by death, up to 50 lashes and six months in prison for woman; for men elsewhere, up to 14 years in prison. Same sex acts are illegal in Uganda. A discriminatory law was passed then struck down and homophobic attacks rose tenfold after the passage of the Anti-Homosexuality Act. In Cameroon it is also illegal. More cases against suspected homosexuals are brought here than any other African country. In stark contrast with the rest of the continent, same sex relationships are legal in South Africa. The country has the most liberal laws toward gays and lesbians on the continent, with a constitution guaranteeing LBGTQI rights. Because of this, LGBTQI Africans from all
Mitch Yusmar Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia, Jan. 2015 47-year-old transgender man Mitch Yusmar is photographed at home in Malaysia with his partner of 17 years, Lalita Abdullah, and their adopted children Izzy and Daniya. The Malaysian government retains a penal code criminalizing sodomy that dates back to the colonial era. It can include a 20-year-prison sentence and even corporal punishment. Yusmar’s relationship with his partner is not legally recognized and they live in fear that their family could be torn apart if something happened to Abdullah, who is the only legally recognized parent. “The core of our being is our family,” he says. “It can become very frustrating that we need to work doubly hard to ensure that our basic rights are looked after. But we have hope that some day things will be better.”Robin Hammond
A posed portrait of Sally. Sally has been in Lebanon for 7 months. “I ran away from Syria because I was running away from ISIS. One of my family members is now with ISIS. Because of him I ran away here. He was in charge of investigations in ISIS. The want to catch and kill the gays. My last partner was kidnapped and interrogated by ISIS. I’m 90% sure they killed him.  To kill someone they will choose the highest building and push him from it. They are worse than the Syrian investigation services. The gay people are treated as if they have a contagious disease. In Islam you are given the chance to ask for mercy and to re-enter Islam and follow the Islamic law. But ISIS consider Gays as a contagious disease, so that’s why they kill them.” Sally says her friend will be forced to name all the LGBT people he knows, including Sally. Then they will be hunted done. “Some of my other gay friends were captured and stoned to death, one pushed from the roof of a building, one was shot in the head - because of their sexuality. They had no proof - in Islam they say you have to have three witnesses, and caught in action, but they didn’t have any, they just killed them because they knew they were gay.” “I can never go back to Syria, the door of my parents and my country has been shut in my face. If I went back, they would kill me. The regime will take me directly to military service where I will die. ISIS will execute me – they will throw me from a building. Before they would shoot them. Now they push everyone from the buildings.” Discussing his identity Sally says: “On the inside I’m a woman, from the outside – I don’t know maybe half/half” “I’m a woman and not a man, I don’t even consider myself a gay person, what can I do. I’m planning to do my sex transition.” Sally has a short-term job teaching literacy to refugees to survive as well as receiving some support from NGOs. She is waiting for resettlement. Beirut, Lebanon. February 2015.  Wh
Sally Beirut, Lebanon, Feb. 2015. Sally, a transgender woman, arrived in Lebanon last summer fleeing her home in Syria when one of her family members joined the Islamic State of Iraq and Greater Syria (ISIS). She says ISIS kidnapped, interrogated and likely killed her last partner. “They are worse than the Syrian investigation services. ISIS consider gays as a contagious disease, so that’s why they kill them,” she says. Sally says many of her gay friends have been captured and stoned to death, shot or pushed from the roof of buildings, even when there is no proof (which is required under Islamic law). Sally now has a short-term job in Beirut teaching literacy to survive and is waiting for resettlement. “I can never go back to Syria. If I went back, they would kill me," she says.Robin Hammond
A posed portrait of 36 year old Khalid, a gay man from Baghdad, Iraq. “I left Iraq because no one accepted me as Gay. I left because I suffered from the bad treatment from the normal people. I was insulted by many people at work, at home, in the neighborhood, in the street. They treated me like a girl, they would say things like “you are a beautiful girl, come with us” even though I never wore anything feminine or revealed my sexuality. I use to hear this stuff all the time.” The constant insults, gossiping and rejection by society “made me loose focus on everything including my work. I felt very sad and humiliated. I used to go to the bathroom and cry. I was a rejected person – I was like a white robe amongst millions of black robes.” Khalid did, on occasion, find someone who shared his secret. “In 2013 I was in a relationship. We’d been together for a year. We were in love. One day my boyfriend’s older brother found us in bed together. He beat us as badly. Then he went and told my family. The two families found out and rejected us. My family started to push me away. My older brother went to the leader of our tribe to find the right punishment for me. I don’t know what the leader of the tribe said, but we all know the punishment for being gay is death. My father used to ask my older brother ‘when are you going to see the boss of our tribe and see about the punishment?.’ In Iraq it is normal to kill a gay family member as it is a crime against the family’s honor. I was really afraid for my life. So one morning I went to work and didn’t come back home. I asked to be referred to another building that was in the Green Zone, that way no one can come in to kill me.” Khalid tragically learnt how real the threat towards anyone identified as gay is. “I had a gay friend who was feminine, he was a hairdresser. I had a small apartment. He asked if he could stay there. I went back (to the apartment) and found a lot of people at the entrance and
Khalid Beirut Lebanon, Feb. 2015. Khalid, 36, left his home in the Iraqi city of Baghdad after a great deal of persecution. He had been in a relationship for a year with another man when one day in 2013, his boyfriend’s older brother found them in bed together and informed both families. In Iraq, same-sex relationships are legal but are considered taboo by the majority of the population and honor killings are common. “I was really afraid for my life,” says Khalid. He left home and went to rent a room in Baghdad’s red light district but in the second week of his stay, the landlord came into his room drunk and raped him. Khalid moved into another area of the city but he started receiving death threats from a work colleague who belonged to an extreme religious sect. One night, the colleague propositioned Khalid and, when he refused, pulled out a gun and raped him. “After that I couldn’t look into the eyes of anyone at work,” he says. Khalid then began a relationship with a doctor and moved in with him, but one night the doctor invited two friends round and the three men raped Khalid. He knew that violence against gay people was increasing, and that a religious group had killed two of his friends already. Two Lebanese organizations, ‘Proud’ and ‘Secret Garden’ advised him to leave Iraq. He left at the end of January 2015 and came straight to Beirut, where he applied for refugee status and is awaiting resettlement. He says: “What we are facing is beyond what anyone could imagine, because reality is much worse than what I mentioned.”Robin Hammond
A posed portrait of 33 year old Gad (not his real name) from Homs, Syria. Gad arrived in Lebanon in July 2014. “I left Homs because my neighborhood was under attack, it was bombed many times. I moved to Lebanon to try to find a job. I found work at the hammam giving massage”. Hammams are known as places where gay men go for sex. “I was obliged to work like this so I can assist my parents in Syria. It also provided me a place to stay and not pay rent. I used to work for two months, go back to Homs for a short time, then come back again.” One evening in August 2014 we were raided by the police.” A policeman came in undercover, asking for a ‘massage extra’ meaning sex. The receptionist refused. 20 soldiers and police entered. “They took all those who worked in the massage rooms, and started beating those of us from Syria. Everyone inside, staff and clients, were arrested, 27 of us, and taken to the Hbeish, the morality police. 11 of them were Syrian, the rest Lebanese. “They punched and kicked me. They put a black cloth bags over my head. They continued to punch and kick me. I would never know where it was coming from. They were doing the same to the others. Sometimes we were alone in a room, sometimes there were two or three of us. We could hear each other being tortured. This went on for three days. They would beat us with water tubes” Gad was interrogated over the three days. The policemen demanded to know about the operation of the Hammam. They tried to get him to ‘out’ others working with him. “They beat me a lot. If they asked a question and it wasn’t what they wanted to hear they would start beating me again.” “I refused to give names.” Gad says that once you say what they want they will make you sign confession and document that implicates others. At night though the questions stopped, but the torture continued. Gad feels it was just a form of cruel entertainment for the policemen. Two of the police used to taunt him in convers
Gad (not his real name) Beirut, Lebanon, Feb. 2015 33-year-old Gad says he left the war-torn city of Homs, Syria in July 2014 because his neighborhood was bombed several times. He moved to Lebanon in search of a job to assist his parents. He found work at the hammam giving massages. (Gay men often go to hammams for sex) In August 2014, police raided his place of work and took the staff and clients to the Hbeish, the morality police. He says they kicked, punched and beat them with water tubes, demanding names of other gay people. The Lebanese penal code prohibits having sexual relations that ‘contradict the laws of nature’, punishable by up to a year in prison. A humanitarian organization provided them with lawyers and they were released after 28 days, but since Gad’s release, he hasn’t been able to find a job or a place to live. “They cancel our dignity just because we are gays.” Robin Hammond

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