Rather than delivering it himself, David Letterman retired early from Top 10 duty. On his final episode Wednesday night, Letterman invited friends and frequent Late Show guests to do the job for him. They also happened to pay him tribute—the category was “Top 10 Things I’ve Always Wanted to Say to Dave”—although the lines were more roast than toast. In fact, they were all (lovingly delivered) burns.
Here’s the full list:
10. Alec Baldwin: “Of all the talk shows, yours is most geographically convenient to my home.”
9. Barbara Walters: “Did you know that you wear the same cologne as Muammar Qaddafi?”
8. Steve Martin: “Your extensive plastic surgery was a necessity and a mistake.”
7. Jerry Seinfeld: “I have no idea what I’ll do when you go off the air … You know, I just thought of something. I’ll be fine.”
6. Jim Carrey: “Honestly, Dave, I’ve always found you to be a bit of an over-actor.”
5. Chris Rock: “I’m just glad your show is being given to another white guy.”
4. Julia Louis-Dreyfus: “Thanks for letting me take part in another hugely disappointing series finale.”
3. Peyton Manning: “You are to comedy what I am to comedy.”
2. Tina Fey: “Thanks for finally proving men can be funny.”
1. Bill Murray: “I’ll never have the money I owe you.”
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