--- description: How fans can cope with the deaths of their favorite characters on Grey's Anatomy and other shows title: Grief Counselor Says It's OK to Mourn a Fictional Character's Death image: https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/blt253e45812f7fc2d4/6987ecb55f570f6c75b1948b/greys-anatomy.jpg?branch=production&width=3840&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=16:9 ---  * [Entertainment](/section/entertainment/) ## Entertainment Update your preferences in [Account Settings](/account/preferences/) Close # Grief Counselor Says It's OK to Mourn a Fictional Character's Death  by [Eliana Dockterman](/author/eliana-dockterman/)  ## Eliana Dockterman Update your preferences in [Account Settings](/account/preferences/) Close Correspondent Apr 24, 2015 6:04 PM CUT  ABC's "Grey's Anatomy" - Season Ten ABC's "Grey's Anatomy" - Season TenABC via Getty Images  by [Eliana Dockterman](/author/eliana-dockterman/)  ## Eliana Dockterman Update your preferences in [Account Settings](/account/preferences/) Close Correspondent Apr 24, 2015 6:04 PM CUT _This article contains spoilers._ [_Click here_](void%280%29 "undefined") _to reveal them._ _Spoilers for Thursday night’s episode of_ Grey’s Anatomy _ahead, plus spoilers for past episodes of_ Game of Thrones_,_ Breaking Bad_,_ The Good Wife _and_ The Wire _blurred out._ Last night, Dr. Derek Shepherd (Patrick Dempsey), the dreamy doctor and main love interest for 11 years on _Grey’s Anatomy_, died in a car crash. Fans [took to social media](https://twitter.com/search?q=mcdreamy&src=typd "undefined") to express their shock, outrage and sadness. This death was more than a plot twist: it was a personal affront. Those feelings are completely normal, said Christiane Manzella, the clinical director of the Seleni Institute for Women, who provides grief therapy. “We see this all the time,” Manzella told TIME. “Human beings love stories and making connections, even if it’s to fictional people. We create meaning and then experience actual grief when that connection is broken.” And while some might dismiss grief for a fictional character, Manzella said what _Grey’s_ fans are likely feeling is something called disenfranchised grief. “Disenfranchised grief is grief that’s not considered ‘OK’ by other people. Sometimes people have this strong feeling of loss or sadness but don’t know if it’s strange to feel that way,” she said. “But the connection is real, and loss is loss.” Some characters’ deaths are felt more deeply than others, she explained. While people like Stringer Bell on _The Wire_ or Walter White on _Breaking Bad_ may have been fan favorites, they were bad guys. It’s the good guys—the ones who don’t deserve what’s coming—that audiences mourn the most. Fans fantasize about certain characters: they think of them as their dream boyfriends, girlfriends, spouses or parents. People feel the deepest connection to those people and therefore take their loss the hardest. Just last year, _The Good Wife_ fans cried over the loss of Will Gardner, in many respects the dream boyfriend. And a few months later, Robb Stark’s Red Wedding death on _Game of Thrones_ felt particularly cruel because he had made great sacrifices for love. If it’s possible, Derek Shepherd was even more perfect—at least in the audience’s minds. After all, his nickname _was_ McDreamy. “He’s the fantasy boyfriend,” said Manzella. “People pictured themselves with him. They cared about him and thought about him for 10 years. Of course they’re going to feel a sense of loss to this person they not only grew attached to but maybe even imagined themselves with.” So fans can take their time getting over McDreamy’s death. The show will likely spend the next several episodes exploring the ramifications of the accident, which Manzella said could help the audience find some closure. ```json [{"@context":"https://schema.org","@type":"NewsArticle","@id":"https://time.com/3834589/grief-counselor-mourn-fictional-character-death/","mainEntityOfPage":{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https://time.com/3834589/grief-counselor-mourn-fictional-character-death/"},"headline":"Grief Counselor Says It's OK to Mourn a Fictional Character's Death","datePublished":"2015-04-24T18:04:33.000Z","dateModified":"2026-02-22T06:39:30.307Z","description":"How fans can cope with the deaths of their favorite characters on Grey's Anatomy and other shows","url":"https://time.com/3834589/grief-counselor-mourn-fictional-character-death/","keywords":["Television"],"thumbnailUrl":"https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/blt253e45812f7fc2d4/6987ecb55f570f6c75b1948b/greys-anatomy.jpg?branch=production&width=1200&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=1200:675&height=675","author":[{"@type":"Person","name":"Eliana Dockterman","jobTitle":"Correspondent","url":"https://time.com/author/eliana-dockterman/"}],"articleSection":"Entertainment","image":[{"@type":"ImageObject","url":"https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/blt253e45812f7fc2d4/6987ecb55f570f6c75b1948b/greys-anatomy.jpg?branch=production&width=1200&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=1200:675&height=675","width":1200,"height":675,"headline":"ABC's \"Grey's Anatomy\" - Season Ten","caption":"ABC's \"Grey's Anatomy\" - Season Ten","creditText":"ABC via Getty Images","representativeOfPage":true}],"publisher":{"@type":"Organization","name":"Time","url":"https://time.com/","logo":{"@type":"ImageObject","url":"https://time.com/images/logo.png","width":528,"height":156},"foundingDate":"March 3, 1923","sameAs":["https://www.facebook.com/time","https://www.instagram.com/time/?hl=en","https://twitter.com/time","https://www.pinterest.com/timemagazine"]}},{"@context":"https://schema.org","@type":"BreadcrumbList","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"item":{"@id":"/section/entertainment/","name":"Entertainment"}},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"item":{"@id":"https://time.com/3834589/grief-counselor-mourn-fictional-character-death/","name":"Grief Counselor Says It's OK to Mourn a Fictional Character's Death"}}]}] ```