Love Ever After: A Valentine’s Day Special

3 minute read

When Lauren Fleishman’s grandfather passed away, the photographer found a book next to his bed filled with dates of birthdays and anniversaries. Tucked within its pages was a love letter he had written to her grandmother during World War II.

“I read the letter and thought about the importance of histories,” Fleishman says. “I wanted to work on a project where I could almost save these histories.” Three years ago, she began photographing couples who have been married for more than five decades, and has recently started a fundraising campaign on Kickstarter that’s designed to bring the project to an end. Fleishman says she’ll feel done when she shoots as many portraits as she can, and that the project will evolve into a book.

Although Fleishman’s background is as a photographer, she taught herself how to conduct an interview in order to also record oral histories of those she photographs—couples she meets at supermarkets, on the street and through their grandchildren. It was the first time she had interacted with her subjects so extensively, erasing the usual boundary between photographer and reporter, and she says the in-depth working process has been both rewarding and necessary to her archival goal.

“I tell the couples, ‘I’m taking the photograph but you are writing your love story,’” she says. “And a lot of the things that they’re talking about, I get the impression that they haven’t thought of these things in years.” After 50 or more years of marriage, a first date can be a hazy recollection—but Fleishman has found that the process of remembering can bring out a deep tenderness between spouses, a visible expression of love that she can then capture on film.

She limits herself to two medium-format rolls per couple, forcing herself to wait for those instances of intimacy. It’s a skill she says is related to her work as a documentary-style photographer, where her subjects did not pose. Within the confines of traditional portraiture, the spontaneous moment may be smaller—“like the way that a wife will touch her husband’s face,” she says, “or the way that they’ll kiss”—but the moment comes nonetheless.

The twin acts of remembrance and preservation, the interaction of which allows her to capture emotion, are key in helping Fleishman make good on her original intent of saving romantic histories. With such long-term couples as subjects, it’s not surprising that some of the individuals in her portraits have died since she met them, lending another level of significance to their images and voices. “The best thing for me is to get phone calls and letters from the spouses who are still alive, thanking me for recording them,” Fleishman says. “It’s a document.”

It’s also a lesson for lovers of all ages. Fleishman says that when she began the project, she was looking for the secret that these couples all seemed to know, the most important rule for a lasting relationship—but now she thinks that secret doesn’t exist. “I thought that there would be one common thread that kept them all together all these years,” she says. “There really isn’t. Everybody is just so different.”

Lauren Fleishman is an award-winning photographer based in New York City. To learn more about Love Ever After, visit her project page here.

Itig and Golda Pollac "We knew each other before the war but we never spoke. He was with other girls because he was much, much older than me. You know—he was very nice looking! He was a tailor and he had a place where he made suits for men. 
When we came back from the war he had gone to my sister's house. I was staying with her. In August of this year we will have been married 63 years. I would say love came little by little. Not right away. We were young and he was older but I liked him. He spoke to me in a very nice way." —Golda Pollac, Mill Basin, Brooklyn, New York. February 19, 2008Lauren Fleishman
Fred and Fran Futterman"You have to remember the times were different. We met in the 1939 and we didn't have money. So, our group of friends always met at our friend Betty's basement. There weren't things like dates and going out to dinner. We didn't know those things because we didn't have money. So, instead, we enjoyed each others' company." —Fran Futterman, Midwood, Brooklyn, New York. April 25, 2011Lauren Fleishman
Yevgeniy and Lyubov Kissin"We met each other at a dancing party. It was January 1938. My friend invited me to the party. He said there were a lot of beautiful young girls. Another cadet with high boots had approached her but she didn't like high boots and so she said no to him. I was the second one to approach her, I had a different uniform, but I'm still not sure if it was my uniform or my face that attracted her to me." —Yevgeniy Kissin, Midwood, Brooklyn, New York. March 3, 2008Lauren Fleishman
Jin Lin Chen and Lai Mei Chen "We met when we lived in China. I was on vacation in another town and we only saw each other for three days. We lived very far apart and so, when I returned home, we sent letters. At that time we didn't even have a telephone! We wrote letters each week but it took about 20 days for our letters to reach each other. We did this for five years." —Jin Lin Chen, Midwood, Brooklyn, New York. March 15, 2011Lauren Fleishman
David and Sheila Newman "I was having a problem in school because I had to write a music paper and I had never written anything about music. It was my mother who had suggested that I go see David because he knew so much about music. So I went over and I thought maybe he would write it for me! But he said no, I'll help you but you have to write it yourself. He always had very high standards. After we wrote the paper together he asked me to go to a party with some of his army friends. You know, I had never thought of him romantically! He looked at me the way that a man fresh out of the army would look at a sexy woman." —Sheila Newman, Flatlands, Brooklyn, New York. April 2, 2010Lauren Fleishman
Moses and Tessie Rubenstein"Everyday my wife expresses her love for me. She says, "Did I tell you how much I love you today?" Everyday—everyday she says that." —Moe Rubenstein, Sheepshead Bay, Brooklyn, New York. August 24, 2008 Lauren Fleishman
Jose and Leila Ramos"Little by little we age, but we don't change in our hearts. Love gets stronger. That is the way I feel. I believe he feels the same way. Yes, he was my first love. My first love and my last." —Leila Ramos, Williamsburg, Brooklyn, New York. March 20, 2009Lauren Fleishman
Ykov and Mariya Shapirshteyn"What is the secret to love? A secret is a secret and I don't reveal my secrets!" —Ykov Shapirshteyn, Brighton Beach, Brooklyn, New York. July 22, 2009Lauren Fleishman
Abe and Jean Small"April 14th will be our 68th wedding anniversary. That's right, you heard it! Friends ask me how I managed to get someone like Jean. I have one expression—I prayed well." —Abe Small, Sheepshead Bay, Brooklyn, New York. March 2, 2011 Lauren Fleishman
Sol and Gloria Holtzman"I was the kind of girl that fell in love right away. So the next day I would tell my friend, terrific, I'm in love already! But after my first date with Sol I did not feel that way. I think it only proved to this day that you can't judge right away. It may not work out but as you get to know a person love comes." —Gloria Holtzman, Midwood, Brooklyn, New York. May 25, 2008Lauren Fleishman
Gino and Angie Terranova"You really don't think about getting older. First of all, you're aging together and, when you see a person constantly, you don't notice big changes. Like you don't notice, oh you're getting a little wrinkle here and tomorrow you say, oh it's a little deeper. No those are things that just happen. You don't pay attention to those things. You dont realize it—really. You don't realize that you're—I mean—I'm not thinking everyday—oh my husband's 83 years old he's gonna be 84. Oh my goodness, I'm married to an old man. And, I hope he feels that way too." —Angie Terranova, West Brighton, Staten Island, New York. December 26, 2007Lauren Fleishman

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Write to Lily Rothman at lily.rothman@time.com