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Stephen Colbert’s 9 Truthiest Colbert Report Quips

2 minute read

Stephen Colbert’s eponymous alter ago—known for his hyper-conservative views and aggressively misinformed opinions—loves to talk. A lot. So much that it can be easy, at times, to miss some of his brilliantly absurd quips.

So, to honor the faux pundit as he prepares for the last episode of The Colbert Report, we rounded up nine of his best lines—some that you probably remember, and others that you might have missed. From the offbeat to the downright offensive, here’s a look back at Colbert’s greatest hits.

1. “Yesterday was full of losses for America, the greatest of which was beloved civil rights pioneer Rosa Parks. Which brings us to tonight’s word: overrated.”

2. “I don’t trust books—they’re all fact, no heart.”

3. “George Walker Bush: great president, or the greatest president?”

4. “Anyone can read the news to you. I promise to feel the news… at you.”

5. “…Which brings me to the No. 1 threat to America… stripper bears.”

6. “Folks, the skinnification of the American jeanscape has gone too far.”

7. “I can’t stand people who disagree with me on the issue of Roe v. Wade … which I believe is about the proper way to cross a lake.”

8. “Christianity is the best way to cure gayness—just get on your knees, take a swig of wine, and accept the body of a man into your mouth.”

9. “Equations are the devil’s sentences.”

And, for good measure, here’s a quote from the out-of-character version of Stephen Colbert, when asked to describe his conservative alter ego: “I think of him as a well-intentioned, poorly informed, high-status idiot.”

See 13 Stephen Colbert Cameos You Might Have Missed

Stephen Colbert
The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug - Lake-town SpyTodd Eyre—Warner Bros.
Stephen Colbert
Exit 57 - Various Characters (pictured top left)Comedy Central
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Dana Carvey Show - Various CharactersABC
Stephen Colbert
Strangers With Candy - Chuck NobletComedy Central
Stephen Colbert
Missing Persons - Chet DaviesABC
Stephen Colbert
Saturday Night Live - Ace, The Ambiguously Gay Duo (pictured left)NBC
Stephen Colbert
Spin City - FrankABC
Stephen Colbert
Simpsons - Colby Krause (pictured right)Fox
Stephen Colbert
Curb Your Enthusiasm - TouristHBO
Stephen Colbert
American Dad! - Dr. R. Dandliker (pictured left)Fox
Stephen Colbert
Bewitched - Stu Robinson (pictured left)Columbia
Stephen Colbert
Mr. Peabody & Sherman - Paul Peterson20th Century Fox
Stephen Colbert
Monsters vs Aliens - President HathawayDreamworks

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