Jennifer Garner arrives at the photo call of Men, Women and Children held during the 2014 Toronto International Film Festival on Sept.6, 2014 in Toronto, Canada.Michael Tran—FilmMagic
It reads like a column of “Stars, They’re Just Like Us.” Jennifer Garner, in the latest issue of InStyle, reveals how she balances life as a sought-after actress and mother of three—who just happens to be married to a very busy Batman (aka Ben Affleck). Here, three times I felt like she was cribbing lines from one of my working mom friends:
On Realizing that 3 Kids Is a Game Changer:
It takes a village to raise a child, indeed, and Garner certainly has the means to hire a slew of babysitters. But her house is no whip-the-children-away Downton Abbey. You can’t help feel that she really wants to do this raising-kids thing just like you and me—using babysitters when necessary, but taking on the bulk of the parenting responsibility. And then, you’re suddenly outnumbered. “When I had him, Ben and I looked at each other and said, ‘Wow,’” Garner says. “I just felt overwhelmed. I don’t think I returned an email or a phone call for at least a year.”
On Making Time for Your Partner:
After tending to work, kids, and your home, your partner’s needs typically come last. This isn’t a good thing, it’s just reality. And a super couple like Ben and Jen face the same dilemmas. “It’s all about having your efforts acknowledged, ” Garner says. “When he’s filming, I spend a lot of time on set. At night, after I put the kids to bed, I’ll sit with him at the monitor. And sometimes you have to say, ‘This is all good, but I need a date.’”
Garner said after filming three movies in one year, she’s going to take a year off from work. Not everyone can be this fortunate (insert eye roll here), but the truth in what she’s saying holds true. The prioritizing-work scale needs to tip back and forth when you have two career-driven partners who both want to be involved in their kids’ lives. This doesn’t mean one person needs to opt out; rather, you both need to plan for the toll a certain project or busy season in your career (hello, accountants) will take on your family life. “When Ben is directing, he works around the clock,” Garner says. “He’s always preoccupied. So before he directs something, we have to ask, ‘Are we up for this? Are we ready?’ We have to do things as a team.”
If one partner is contemplating starting a new company, the other can’t also decide to do whatever it takes to make partner or take on a travel-heavy assignment, if it’s in your control. Ideally, there’s an ebb and flow to work pressure.
Fifty-fifty partnership role-model Sheryl Sandberg said in a 60 Minutes interview, ”Everyone knows that marriage is the biggest personal decision you make, but it’s the biggest career decision you can make. … Partner with the right person because you cannot have a full career and a full life at home with the children if you’re also doing all the housework and childcare.”
"People have sorely messed up the definition of feminism. It isn’t saying this is wrong and this is right," said Chrissy Teigen during a Variety event in 2014, adding that husband John Legend also identifies: "He’s a bigger feminist than I am! He actually teaches me a lot about the way women should be perceived."D Dipasupil—Getty Images for ExtraThe Twilight actress reacted to women rejecting feminism during a Daily Beast interview in October: "That’s such a strange thing to say, isn’t it? Like, what do you mean? Do you not believe in equality for men and women? I think it’s a response to overly-aggressive types."Loic Venance—AFP/Getty Images"I decided I was a feminist and this seemed uncomplicated to me," said Emma Watson at a UN Women speech in September. "Men-- I would like to take this opportunity to extend your formal invitation. Gender Equality is your issue, too." Anthony Harvey—Getty Images“I would say on some levels I am [a feminist]. Angela Davis is one of my heroes,” Halle Berry told Ebony in April. “And Gloria Steinem—these are people who, as I was growing, I was moved by and impacted by and thought very deeply about.” Joe Scarnici—Getty Images"I don’t think of myself as being a feminist,” Sinead O'Connor told The Guardian in July. “I wouldn’t label myself anything, certainly not something with an ‘ism’ or an ‘ist’ at the end of it. I’m not interested in anything that is in any way excluding of men.” Jason Kempin—Getty Images"I wouldn’t say [I'm a] feminist, that’s too strong. I think when people hear feminist it’s just like, ‘Get out of my way I don’t need anyone,’” Kelly Clarkson told TIME last year. “I love that I’m being taken care of, and I have a man that’s an actual leader. I’m not a feminist in that sense … but I’ve worked really hard since I was 19." Christopher Polk—Getty ImagesLeighton Meester told OOTD magazine in February about her biggest role model. "American writer Betty Friedan — she fought for gender equality and wrote the great book The Feminine Mystique which sparked the beginning of a second-wave feminism,” Meester said. “I believe in equal rights for men and women.” D Dipasupil—FilmMagic“I don’t know why people are so reluctant to say they’re feminists," Ellen Page told The Guardian in 2013. "Maybe some women just don’t care. But how could it be any more obvious that we still live in a patriarchal world when feminism is a bad word?” Dave Kotinsky—Getty Images"For me, the issue of feminism is just not an interesting concept,” Lana Del Rey told Fader magazine in their summer 2014 issue. “I’m more interested in, you know, SpaceX and Tesla, what’s going to happen with our intergalactic possibilities." (Tabatha Fireman—Redferns/Getty Images)“I would [call myself a feminist], yes.” Rashida Jones said in 2013. “I believe in the unadulterated advancement of women. And we have so far to go still.” Christopher Polk—NBC/Getty Images“Am I a feminist? F–k yeah, I’m a feminist,” Jenny Slate told MTV News in June. “I think that unfortunately people who are maybe threatened by feminism think that it’s about setting your bra on fire and being aggressive, and I think that’s really wrong and really dangerous.” Jason Kempin—Getty Images"A feminist? Um, yeah, actually,” Katy Perry told an Australian radio host in March. “I used to not really understand what that word meant, and now that I do, it just means that I love myself as a female and I also love men.” Mandel Ngan—AFP/Getty ImagesAmy Poehler says she's confused by how many women deny that they're feminists, “but then they go on to explain what they support and live by — it’s feminism exactly,” she told Elle magazine in January. "That’s like someone being like, ‘I don’t really believe in cars, but I drive one every day and I love that it gets me places and makes life so much easier and faster and I don’t know what I would do without it.’” Jason Kempin—NBC/Getty Images"We need to stop buying into the myth about gender equality. It isn’t a reality yet," Beyonce wrote in an essay titled "Gender Equality is a Myth" in January. She also famously included an excerpt from Nigerian writer Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie’s TEDx talk in her song, "Flawless." Myrna Suarez—WireImage“I feel like I’m one of the biggest feminists in the world because I tell women to not be scared of anything,” Miley Cyrus told the BBC last November. Julio Cesar Aguilar—AFP/Getty Images"I wish when I was 12-years-old I had been able to watch a video of my favorite actress explaining in such an intellectual, beautiful, poignant way the definition of feminism."Taylor Swift said in reaction to Emma Watson's speech at the UN in September. "Because I would have understood it. And then earlier on in my life I would have proudly claimed I was a feminist because I would have understood what the word means."Isaac Brekken—Getty Images“Women saying ‘I’m not a feminist’ is my greatest pet peeve,” Lena Dunham told Metro in 2013. “Do you believe that women should be paid the same for doing the same jobs? Do you believe that women should be allowed to leave the house? Do you think that women and men both deserve equal rights? Great, then you’re a feminist.” Michael Buckner—Getty Images"No, because I love men," was Shailene Woodley's response when TIME asked her whether she considered herself a feminist in May. "I think the idea of ‘raise women to power, take the men away from the power’ is never going to work out because you need balance…My biggest thing is really sisterhood more than feminism.” Dave J Hogan—Getty Images“I’m getting the sense that you’re a little bit of a feminist, like I am, which is good,” Lady Gaga told the LA Times in 2009. “I find that men get away with saying a lot in this business, and that women get away with saying very little . . . In my opinion, women need and want someone to look up to that they feel have the full sense of who they are, and says, ‘I’m great.’ “Kevin Mazur—WireImage“[Feminism] means being proud of being a woman, and [having] love, respect and admiration and the belief in our strong capacities,” Salma Hayek told Stylist in 2012. “I don’t think we are the same, women and men. We’re different. But I don’t think we are less than men. There are more women than men in the world – ask any single woman! So it is shocking that men are in more positions of power.” Traverso—L'Oreal/Getty ImagesChildren yell to players after a game between the New York Mets and Houston Astros at Citi Field on September 28, 2014 in the Flushing neighborhood of the Queens borough of New York City. Alex Goodlett—Getty Images
