August 14, 2014 12:01 AM EDT

I’ve posted before about John Gottman. He can listen to a couple for 5 minutes and determine, with 91% accuracy, whether they’ll divorce. He was featured in Malcolm Gladwell’s book Blink.

What system do they use in his lab for quickly telling who will stay together?

Via What Makes Love Last?: How to Build Trust and Avoid Betrayal:

In the book, Gottman explains the five points that allow his lab to make such spectacular predictions.

#1: Fondness and Admiration

#2: Me-ness vs. We-ness

#3: Knowing your partner

#4: Glorifying Your Struggles

#5: Disappointment vs. Satisfaction

And there is a point where the rift cannot be undone:

What’s the core takeaway you should keep in mind?

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More From Barking Up the Wrong Tree:

The Science Of “Happily Ever After”: 3 Things That Keep Love Alive

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What should you look for in a marriage partner?

This piece originally appeared on Barking Up the Wrong Tree.

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