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title: 50 Shades of Grey Movie Trailer: Man Watches Jamie Dornan Dakota Johnson
description: &quot;I didn&#x27;t even know Grey was a person&quot;
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author: Denver Nicks
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article:published_time: 2014-07-24T20:04:57.000Z
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![](https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/bltd891d8ac3d1176a7/69869d25f983e7454a04efac/fifty_shades_of_grey.jpg?branch=production&width=1200&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=16:9)


# What a Man Who Knows Nothing About _50 Shades of Grey_ Thought of the Trailer

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## Denver Nicks


Jul 24, 2014 8:04 PM UTC

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## Denver Nicks


Jul 24, 2014 8:04 PM UTC

I’m a 30-year-old, single, heterosexual male and I’ve never read _50 Shades of Grey._ I’m approaching this trailer as someone interested primarily in what this book, and now movie, reveals about women, so take it for what it’s worth.

Before I press play, here are the two things I know about this book/movie.

1. It’s very popular among women.
2. It’s NSFW and something to do with sadomasochism.

I watched the trailer straight through once and my only discernible impression is that this movie looks aggressively boring. So, I decided to watch the trailer again while pause-play-pausing my way through it and annotate my reactions in the moment.

**00:12** – Newspaper????? What!? That is the fanciest newspaper office ever in the history of news. Or paper. Are they hiring? (JUST KIDDING, TIME)

**00:13** – Oh wait SHE’S the reporter interviewing HIM. OK, never mind. I know other offices are that fancy.

**00:30 –** The girl is reciting adjectives in a voiceover: Polite. Intense. Smart. Really intimidating. In context, I have to interpret this as a list of attributes for some kind of man-of-my-dreams fantasy, so, obviously, I’m measuring myself against it. I’m pretty polite and I may be uncomfortably intense sometimes and I’m smart enough to fake it around smart people for at least a few minutes but I don’t think I’m very intimidating. Looks like I need to get a mega form-fitting suit. And a giant office with tons of windows and a weird little white chair for visitors.

**00:54 –** Eye contact. Obviously. Solid reminder. Thanks, _50_!

**00:58 –** My God, is this a horror movie? Suddenly the soundtrack is screeching and the elevator doors are closing in on her eye and then there’s some kind of photo shoot for some reason. OK, unpausing.


**1:04 –** “I exercise control in all things.” Here we’ve come to the central question posed by the _50 Shades_ phenomenon: A man who professes to exercise control in all things becomes (I think? Right?) a cultural symbol for sex god, but isn’t the same basic impulse the foundational evil in stalkers and abusive partners and etc.? That line could literally have been lifted from 1991’s _Sleeping With the Enemy_, which is like proto-_50 Shades_ but the dark side. Also I’m forgetting that I’ve never read or seen this and I actually know nothing about it but just saying.

**1:24 –** “I had a rough start in life, you should steer clear of me.” Lame the first time someone said it. Now just…ugh whatever. Moving on. Nice Rocky hoodie running scene though.

**1:35 –** Leg under table thing: Hot. Maybe I’ll see this after all.

**1:44 –** Why are they in an airplane? This feels like one of those scenes in _Entourage_ where the gang randomly goes to Vegas or a tropical island or wherever for kicks. Which looks fun, I’m not complaining. I did a trick plane ride like that once. It was pretty rad. Moving on.


**1:51 –** If you have bondage equipment in your house it feels against the rules to keep it in a locked dungeon-ish room, but maybe that’s why I’m not in the subculture because it also seems obvious that you would do just that, so.

**2:01** – Flickering images of naked backs and whips and then he’s carrying her and then she’s tied up and heaves herself forward in apparent ecstasy and I must say this sadomasochism all looks exceedingly gentle and sweet and not painful at all. Is that what the book is like? I guess that would explain the mass appeal.

**2:12** – Cool soundtrack. Pretty much safe for work though, and I was really hoping an editor would walk by and gasp as I watched that. Thanks for nothing, _50_!

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