--- title: 7 of Roger Ebert's Most Brutal Movie Reviews description: Ebert’s praise of exemplary filmmaking was a treat for readers, but his take-downs of the very worst of box offices provided another joy. canonical: https://time.com/2957019/roger-ebert-life-itself-brutal-reviews/ author: Nolan Feeney article:opinion: false article:content_tier: free article:published_time: 2014-07-04T17:25:02.000Z article:modified_time: 2026-02-21T08:58:57.073Z article:section: Entertainment og:title: 7 of Roger Ebert's Most Brutal Movie Reviews og:description: Ebert’s praise of exemplary filmmaking was a treat for readers, but his take-downs of the very worst of box offices provided another joy. og:url: https://time.com/2957019/roger-ebert-life-itself-brutal-reviews/ og:site_name: TIME og:image: https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/blte7b8dfdc6ccb9524/69869a8e810bbbe77dc927cc/ap354059176409.jpg?branch=production&width=3840&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=16:9 og:image:width: 1200 og:image:height: 675 og:image:alt: Roger Ebert in 2011. og:type: article twitter:card: summary_large_image twitter:title: 7 of Roger Ebert's Most Brutal Movie Reviews twitter:description: Ebert’s praise of exemplary filmmaking was a treat for readers, but his take-downs of the very worst of box offices provided another joy. twitter:image: https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/blte7b8dfdc6ccb9524/69869a8e810bbbe77dc927cc/ap354059176409.jpg?branch=production&width=3840&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=16:9 ---  # 7 of Roger Ebert's Most Brutal Movie Reviews > Sponsored content. 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Terms and conditions apply. * Savings buckets are a feature of Ally Bank's Savings Account. * No ATM fees from Ally Bank at Allpoint and Moneypass ATMs plus we reimburse for fees charged by other ATM owners nationwide up to $10 per statement cycle. * Early direct deposit offers eligible direct deposits up to two days sooner. * Spending buckets are a feature of Ally Bank's Spending Account.  by [Nolan Feeney](https://time.com/author/nolan-feeney/)  ## Nolan Feeney Jul 4, 2014 5:25 PM UTC  Roger Ebert in 2011. Roger Ebert in 2011.Charles Rex Arbogast—AP  by [Nolan Feeney](https://time.com/author/nolan-feeney/)  ## Nolan Feeney Jul 4, 2014 5:25 PM UTC The long Fourth of July weekend is another kind of holiday for film lovers: The documentary about beloved film critic Roger Ebert, _Life Itself_, hits theaters and on-demand services Friday. Directed by Steve James (_Hoop Dreams_), the film began as a loose adaptation of Ebert’s 2011 memoir of the same name, but as Ebert’s health declined — he was diagnosed with cancer in 2002 — the documentary became a frank, revealing and sometimes hard-to-watch look at his final days before his death in 2013\. “I think it’s so poetic that a man like Roger, who spent his whole life reviewing movies, ends up ending his life on the big screen,” Ebert’s wife, Chaz Ebert, [told Flavorwire](http://flavorwire.com/465367/i-give-it-two-thumbs-up-chaz-ebert-on-life-itself-and-her-husband-roger-ebert) in a recent interview. Some of those movies he reviewed over the years were great — others, not so much. Reading Ebert’s passionate praise of exemplary filmmaking was a treat for readers, but his take-downs of the very worst of box offices provided another kind of joy. Here are seven of his most entertaining negative reviews. [**_Valentine’s Day_**](http://www.rogerebert.com/reviews/valentines-day-2010) Giving it two stars, Ebert didn’t totally trash this star-studded rom-com from 2010, but he also concluded his review with some sage dating advice: “_Valentine’s Day_ is being marketed as a Date Movie. I think it’s more of a First-Date Movie. If your date likes it, do _not_ date that person again. And if you like it, there may not be a second date.” [**_North_**](http://www.rogerebert.com/reviews/north-1994) Ebert disliked _North_ so much, one of the collections of his most negative reviews, [_I Hated, Hated, Hated This Movie_](http://www.amazon.com/Hated-This-Movie/dp/0740706721), gets its name from his 1994 take: “I hated this movie. Hated hated hated hated hated this movie. Hated it. Hated every simpering stupid vacant audience-insulting moment of it. Hated the sensibility that thought anyone would like it. Hated the implied insult to the audience by its belief that anyone would be entertained by it.” [**_Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen_**](http://www.rogerebert.com/reviews/transformers-revenge-of-the-fallen-2009) Nobody really watches Michael Bay films expecting critically acclaimed works of art, but Ebert’s review of the 2009 blockbuster is just as fun, if not more: “\[The movie\] is a horrible experience of unbearable length, briefly punctuated by three or four amusing moments. One of these involves a dog-like robot humping the leg of the heroine. Such are the meager joys.” [**_Caligula_**](http://www.rogerebert.com/reviews/caligula-1980) Ebert admitted he couldn’t even make it all the way through the film in his 1980 review: “_Caligula_ is sickening, utterly worthless, shameful trash. If it is not the worst film I have ever seen, that makes it all the more shameful: People with talent allowed themselves to participate in this travesty. Disgusted and unspeakably depressed, I walked out of the film after two hours of its 170-minute length … _Caligula_ is not good art, it is not good cinema, and it is not good porn.” [**_Police Academy_**](http://www.rogerebert.com/reviews/police-academy-1984) This 1984 attempt at poking fun at cop movies failed miserably: “It’s so bad, maybe you should pool your money and draw straws and send one of the guys off to rent it so that in the future, whenever you think you’re sitting through a bad comedy, he could shake his head, and chuckle tolerantly, and explain that you don’t know what bad is.” [**_Deuce Bigalo: European Gigalo_**](http://www.rogerebert.com/reviews/deuce-bigalow-european-gigolo-2005) This 2005 piece also inspired the title of Ebert’s [second collection](http://www.amazon.com/Your-Movie-Sucks-Roger-Ebert/dp/0740763660) of reviews about the worst movies: “\[_Deuce_ star Rob\] Schneider retaliated by attacking \[ex-Los Angeles _Times_ columnist Patrick\] Goldstein in full-page ads … ‘Maybe you didn’t win a Pulitzer Prize because they haven’t invented a category for Best Third-Rate, Unfunny Pompous Reporter Who’s Never Been Acknowledged by His Peers.’ … As chance would have it, I _have_ won the Pulitzer Prize, and so I am qualified. Speaking in my official capacity as a Pulitzer Prize winner, Mr. Schneider, your movie sucks.” [**_Mad Dog Time_**](http://www.rogerebert.com/reviews/mad-dog-time-1996) The first line of this 1996 review doesn’t hold back: “_Mad Dog Time_ is the first movie I have seen that does not improve on the sight of a blank screen viewed for the same length of time. Oh, I’ve seen bad movies before. But they usually made me care about how bad they were. Watching _Mad Dog Time_ is like waiting for the bus in a city where you’re not sure they have a bus line.” ```json [{"@context":"https://schema.org","@type":"NewsArticle","@id":"https://time.com/2957019/roger-ebert-life-itself-brutal-reviews/","mainEntityOfPage":{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https://time.com/2957019/roger-ebert-life-itself-brutal-reviews/"},"headline":"7 of Roger Ebert's Most Brutal Movie Reviews","datePublished":"2014-07-04T17:25:02.000Z","dateModified":"2026-02-21T08:58:57.073Z","description":"\"I hated this movie. 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