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It is the year 2020 and journalism is now transmitted to your brain via one sentence stories that pop up on your retinal implant whenever your eyes scan a relevant bit of visual info. Informative headlines have become useless; every news story must be boiled down into the fewest possible characters. Here, a sampling of news headlines from the year 2020.

“Can’t,” a story about an army of Beyonce robots, published August 2, 2020

“Lol,” a story about a drone that pulls hilarious (and sometimes deadly) pranks on people, published February 27, 2020

“Stop,” a one-sentence treatise on gender stereotypes (sexism still isn’t solved in 2020), published April 19, 2020

“Everything,” an ironically titled picture showing the entire galaxy, published December 13, 2020

“This,” a post about nothing at all, but one that you and your peer group wholeheartedly agree with, published November 30, 2020

This post sponsored by FutureOptic Retinal Implants (no it’s not that company doesn’t really exist).