TIME Television

The Bachelor Watch: The Women Tell All and Nothing at the Same Time

David Moir—ABC

Chris Harrison swears "It's the most shocking season ever," but he says that of all the seasons

Welcome back to The Bachelor, where in long-standing Bachelor tradition, instead of seeing the conclusion to Chris’ journey to find love, his courtship is interrupted by an episode called “The Women Tell All.” The title says everything you need to know about the episode where the things get real, Chris Harrison swears “It’s the most shocking season ever,” and waterproof mascara gets tested to its limits.

Here’s what happens when the women tell all on The Bachelor:

Party Hopping: Before we get to the group-therapy session, Chris Soules and Chris Harrison go party hopping. And while ideally it would be like The Bachelor Thunderdome where two Chrises enter, but only one Chris leaves, instead they just crash a bunch of Bachelor viewing parties. At one of the viewing parties, Chris Soules was mouth assaulted by a corn-tequila drinking mother who just couldn’t control herself (probably due to the corn-tequila drinking). At another party, Chris Harrison made a man mansplain why he would watch a show like The Bachelor, and he could not justify his actions other than shrugging, “The women are hot?” At the final party, the women peer-pressured Chris Soules into doing shots with them.

Group Therapy: As Chris Harrison works off his corn-tequila hangover, we are ready to rumble as a live studio audience forms a circle of caring around the discarded bachelorettes, who are ready to bare their emotions and talk through every single feeling they have ever had. Then it’s a walk down repressed memory lane where the camera slowly pans down a long line of women that your brain is desperately trying to forget, so instead of being able to remember your mother’s phone number during an emergency, you are instead able to recall that Jillian likes to squat thrust in short shorts and Ashley I. was the freelance journalist while Ashley S. was the onion lover.

Britt: The second the camera starts rolling, Britt and Carly start yelling at each other. Britt feels betrayed by these women who, in the noblesse oblige of front-runners, she thought were her new best girlfriends, and not competitors. Chris Harrison calls Britt up to the therapy couch to try to persuade the world that she is not a big fakey faker. While Carly rallies her troops, Britt finds an ardent, if unlikely, defender in Jillian who brought her own soapbox and hollers from it until Chris emits a piercing whistle and he informs her that she’s “a little jacked up,” which is a dictionary-perfect example of an understatement. Everyone is still yelling when Chris goes to commercial to give the women an off-camera talk about on-camera behavior. Once the show is back, the second-string women take a knee while Britt and Carly have it out. Britt cries on camera and no one gives her a tissue, which seems like cruel and unusual punishment.

Kelsey: Flashback to when Kelsey used the story of her widowhood to score points with the Bachelor, somehow naturally segueing from talking about her deceased husband to making out with a strapping farmer. Then throwback to all the women cheering and celebrating when she was kicked off the show, which is all kinds of awkward to watch en masse. Kelsey, who apparently took lessons from Britt, sniffles and cries while watching the tape and takes a silk pocket square from Chris and blows her nose on it. Chris asks her if she has any idea why the women dislike her so much, and she says that she is “condescending” and adds “I use big words,” which is, of course, condescending. The women collectively roll their eyes, and all their hands shoot up in the air. Chris ignores them until after a commercial break. Everyone starts yelling at her and continues yelling at her until she cries, believably for once. I hope everyone is proud of themselves.

Ashley S.: The most expert troll in The Bachelor‘s long history, returns to the stage to continue her long Andy Kaufmann–esque con. When asked why she was wandering the grounds and surprising the show’s accounting staff, she shrugged. “I was so bored, honestly,” she explained, which makes a kind of sense. “While all of them [gesturing at women] were getting upset and crying, I was outside looking at pomegranates.” That’s when Chris can’t control himself anymore and begs her to be on Bachelor in Paradise. At that the entire audience erupts into cheers of, “Ashley! Ashley!” She is nonplussed and just says, “It’s so weird.” “What is?” asks Chris. “That we’re on TV,” says Ashley. And scene.

Jade: Chris calls Jade to the hot seat to discuss the fact that she revealed her X-rated past, and Chris Soules immediately jilted her. Jade is still in the sad stage of a breakup and cries on the couch, when she should be in the angry stage where she gets to call Chris Soules a duplicitous sex-shamer who probably spends a lot of time in Internet comments sections, and can’t handle a real woman. Instead she just demurely dabs her eyes and tells Chris H. that she’s nervous about seeing Chris S. again.

Kaitlyn: Just last week we watched Chris toss aside hilarious, wacky, beautiful Kaitlyn for Becca who has very little discernible personality (it could be the editing) and some serious red flags (she should thank her sister for that). On the couch, Kaitlyn reels off the buzzwords of being authentic and feeling open and being vulnerable while adding that she thinks about her ungracious dumping every day.

Chris: When Prince Farming himself comes on stage, Britt gives him a big hug. She then proceeds to throw Carly under the bus. He sidesteps by saying that Carly had nothing to do with it, and he made the decision to oust her all by himself. She ignores that. Then Chris turns to Kaitlyn and tells her that he was honestly falling in love with three different women and just randomly chose Becca over Kaitlyn. Kaitlyn also wants to know why he made her stand through the Rose Ceremony and didn’t give her the courtesy of a private reprieve and why didn’t he give her the same chance for some one-on-one time that he gave Becca. Chris has no answers, but just sweats and shifts uncomfortably in his seat. Then it is Jade’s turn to demand a clarification about a word choice on his blog, which is every writer’s nightmare.

Best News of the Night: While the producers still haven’t announced that Kaitlyn is the next bachelorette (and Britt was lobbying hard to make herself more likable to audiences) the show did have one big reveal for fans: Chris Harrison has used his years of experience watching people look for love on reality television and poured all those borrowed emotions and spent tears into a romance novel. It’s called The Perfect Letter, and it will undoubtedly put Nicholas Sparks to shame.

TIME Television

Netflix Sets Date for Orange is the New Black Season 3 Premiere

Taylor Schilling in a scene from Netflix’s “Orange is the New Black” Season 2. Photo credit: JoJo Whilden for Netflix
Jojo Whilden—Netflix Taylor Schilling in a scene from Orange is the New Black

The streaming company also gave a release date for the Wet Hot American Summer sequel

The wait is almost over for Orange is the New Black fans eager to reunite with Piper, Red, Crazy Eyes and Taystee.

Netflix announced Monday the third season of its award-winning comedy drama would premiere on the streaming service June 12. The prison-set show will return about a month before the service premieres the long-awaited sequel to Wet Hot American Summer, on July 17.

Wet Hot American Summer: First Day of Camp will reunite the movie’s original cast for an eight-episode series, all of which will take place on the first day of summer camp.

Can’t stand the wait? Get your teaser clip here.

TIME Television

Watch the New Orphan Black Season 3 Trailer

The new season will air on April 18

There are male clones and threats galore in the new trailer for the third season of Orphan Black. For one, it seems Rachel Duncan is still around, despite that pencil in the eye. Meanwhile, Sarah is lashing out at Mrs. S., Helena has been imprisoned in a box, and Cosima is explaining, “We can’t rely on anybody but ourselves.”

And then we see a lot from the male clones. “These guys are not my problem,” Sarah says.

“I’m sorry, they are,” Delphine tells her. Assuming they’ll be our problem too when the show returns April 18.

Our parting image? A threat from Helena, with some effective mouth-made machine gun noises.

This article originally appeared on EW.com.

TIME Television

Watch Ed Norton and Steve Buscemi Help John Oliver Shake Up the Debate Over Infrastructure

Oliver called on some high-profile pals for a sexy new movie called Infrastructure

Strap on your hard hats, because John Oliver took us on a tour of the nation’s infrastructure on Last Week Tonight. What is infrastructure exactly? According to Oliver, it’s roads, bridges, levies, overpasses — or anything that could be destroyed in an action movie.

While discussing the state of the roads for 30 minutes seems dull, to convince viewers that infrastructure is worth talking about, Oliver went on a quick tour of the nation’s dams. According to Oliver, the average dam is 52 years old and has something deeply broken inside of it (“like Botox users and clog dancers,” per Oliver). They also hold back millions of gallons of water and, according to Oliver, have very few inspectors, which is basically a recipe for an awesome action movie sequence.

As Oliver points out, when infrastructure breaks down, things go very wrong, very quickly. Potholes, sink holes and bridge collapses are just a few of the nightmares that can happen when infrastructure breaks, and unfortunately, people only tend to talk about infrastructure when things go wrong — so infrastructure watching becomes a waiting game for disasters. To wit, New York’s notoriously creaky Tappan Zee bridge is described as a “hold your breath” bridge by one official.

According to Oliver, people on both sides of the political spectrum agree that rebuilding infrastructure is important, but maintaining the nation’s roads, bridges and dams isn’t politically exciting enough to gain traction in Congress. As an example, Oliver pointed to the Highway Trust Fund, which will expire on May 31st unless Congress steps in to fund it. Unfortunately, Congress hasn’t raised the gas tax, which funds the Highway Trust Fund, in decades and seemingly no politician is working to correct that, preferring to work on issues that are more politically popular.

Luckily, Oliver has a solution: Infrastructure the movie, with stars like Edward Norton, Vincent D’Onofrio, Steve Buscemi, Hope Davis, Campbell Scott and many more bringing some much-needed sex appeal and Hollywood pizazz to the important topic.


You Can Now Buy a Huge Chunk of a Town Featured in Walking Dead

This deal could be a no-brainer

The former mayor of a town in rural Georgia town is using eBay to sell the downtown district featured on AMC’s hit television drama Walking Dead.

In an effort to leverage the new found fame of Grantville, Ga., Jim Sells is hoping to find a buyer for up to nine buildings, totaling 25,000 square feet, to help revitalize the area. His asking price is $680,000.

Sells prominently advertises the town’s attractiveness to the television and film industry on eBay.

“We have people coming from all over the world because of The Walking Dead,” he told USA Today.

The former textile town had fallen on tough times, with many residents leaving to find better jobs, creating the post-apocalyptic feel that the makers of Walking Dead found so attractive.

Sells bought the properties out of foreclosure during the recession and set to renovating the dilapidated zone.

Walking Dead, currently in its fifth season, is one of the most popular shows on television and follows a beleaguered cast of characters as they search for safety from a world inhabited by zombies.

TIME Television

7 Historic Moments Downton Abbey Could Tackle Next Season

Downton Abbey, Season 5
Nick Briggs—Carnival Film & Television Ltd/PBS The Season 5 cast of 'Downton Abbey'

What does history hold in store for Season 6 of 'Downton'?

Contains minor spoilers for the fifth-season finale of Downton Abbey

Now that the fifth season of Downton Abbey has concluded for U.S. viewers, fans have begun the annual months-long wait for new news from Lord Grantham and friends.

It’s a wait that tends to be a long one in the real world as well as for the fictional characters: the show, which typically airs in the fall in the U.K. and then in the U.S. at the beginning of the following year, has frequently used the gap between seasons to jump forward in time, which is how the show has covered a dozen years in five seasons.

This past season concludes on Christmas Eve, 1924 — and we know that the show will not take us beyond the ’30s, no matter how far ahead it jumps — so it’s a safe bet that the Crawley family will likely find themselves picking up the plot sometime in the 1925–1927 range. It’s also a safe bet that the show, which has relied on history as a framing device ever since the sinking of the Titanic set the whole story in motion, will play with some of the biggest moments of that era.

So, though little information is known so far about what Season 6 holds for Downton, here are a few guesses as to what next season may hold in store:

1. Even though the rise of Naziism in Germany—and the related death of Michael Gregson—was felt by Edith during the 1924-set season, the years that follow would see much more Hitler, as he was no longer in prison. In July of 1925, his book Mein Kampf was released.

2. Though it’s unlikely to hit the Grantham estate too closely, it would be difficult for the show not to address trouble with the coal industry. Low wages and high unemployment had long led to dissatisfaction among miners; in 1926, that distress was the impetus for a general strike among workers from a wide range of industries. Transportation and the press were among the services affected.

3. It’s extremely unlikely that a television will be installed at Downton Abbey—Lord Grantham is only just getting used to a wireless, after all—but news may trickle down of the birth of a new entertainment medium, especially as it will have been a fairly local innovation. “In London, a concern called Television Ltd. obtained licenses to retail the “televisor,” a radio device invented by John L. Baird of Glasgow that permits “looking in as well as listening in,” TIME reported in 1926. “Broadcasting from a televisor station in London was to begin at once.”

4. If Edith keeps working at her magazine, she’ll likely have cause to report on the 1926 feat of Gertrude Ederle, who became the first woman to swim the English Channel, during a period of what TIME dubbed “feverish eagerness” to attempt the crossing.

5. As babies Sybie, George and Marigold grow, they might read from a first edition of A.A. Milne’s Winnie-the-Pooh, which was published in 1926.

6. Add this to the list of ways that characters might be killed off: the influenza epidemic of 1926–27. Though not as famous as the Spanish flu outbreak of 1918, the disease was severe enough that TIME noted that it was “increasing throughout western Europe at so alarming a rate that public health officials have come to fear a pandemic, a world-wide occurrence of this disease” and that “Switzerland, Germany England and France have been severely hit.”

7. With Rose, Atticus, Tom and Sybie all looking forward to futures across the pond, here’s some very good news for their prospects as guest stars: as of 1927, it was getting easier than ever to communicate and travel between the U.K. and the U.S. January of that year saw the success of the first transatlantic telephone call, between the president of the American Telephone & Telegraph Co. and the secretary of the General Postoffice of Great Britain. It wasn’t exactly cheap—$25 a minute, according to TIME’s report—but it was more accessible than the year’s other big transatlantic feat: the flight of Charles Lindbergh, who went to London after his famous landing in France. “[The crowds] broke down police barriers, swarmed on the landing-field as soon as his plane was sighted. He swooped down looking for barren ground, saw none, returned skyward,” TIME reported of his arrival in England. “On the second attempt, his plane touched ground, but was forced to rise again because hero-worshipers insisted on dogging his path. His third attempt was rewarded with a clear field. Before he could climb out of his plane, the sea of the mob surrounded him-bowling over women, leaving the official reception committee stranded in the distance.”

No matter which of these events actually makes it onto the show, one thing is certain: Mr. Carson and Lord Grantham will say something about how the world is changing, and they’ll be right.

Read next: Watch Downton Abbey Stars Sort Their Characters Into Hogwarts Houses

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TIME Recap

The Walking Dead Watch: “Remember”

Andrew Lincoln as Rick Grimes - The Walking Dead _ Season 5, Gallery - Photo Credit: Frank Ockenfels 3/AMC
Frank Ockenfels 3/AMC—© AMC Film Holdings LLC. "I am gonna shave that apocalypse right outa my beard."

This is what it looks like when Rick finally gets to have a shave and shower

“Remember,” episode 12 of the fifth season of The Walking Dead, is a study in contrasts.

The group rolls up to a self-sustained, well-fortified city state in Alexandria, Virginia to find a land that time forgot. The community has been insulated—metaphorically and literally—from the worst of the outbreak, and life there seems not so distant from pre-apocalyptic times. Electricity and water still flow; people still wear pastel cardigans and tasseled loafers; there are even over-sized coffee table books in plenty.

Rick is introduced to Deanna, the community’s leader, who looks like she walked out of a Ralph Lauren catalogue, not the pages of a Cormack McCarthy novel. The former Ohio congresswoman has domain over the planned community, which is kitted with solar panels and an environmentally friendly water treatment system. She welcomes the group, she says, to help strengthen the community’s numbers. Rick, not quite believing it all, tells her she “should keep your gates closed. People out there are always looking for an angle…how they can use you to live.”

Life in Shangri-La is, well, weird. Rick and Carl walk around their new home (starting in the low-$800,000s!) somewhat dazed. How to make sense of Restoration Hardware reclaimed wood coffee tables and Kohler kitchen fixtures when you’ve been scraping by for so long? Most of the group’s main characters go through some similar kind of disbelief at their new surroundings—Carol takes to it quickly; Daryl, not so much. You could have called this episode Abercrombie & Feral.

After a nice svhitz and a shave, Rick meets some of the community’s other members. There’s Jessie, a mother of two, who offers him a hair cut. There’s Aiden, an enforcer with a temper. There are a few teens in various shades of moody, who Carl befriends. By the end of the episode, the group has decided to assimilate. Deanna, who jokes that “the communists won after all,” assigns each of them a job. She makes Michonne and Rick the community’s constables.

In the final frames, Rick dons a uniform once again. When Carol and Daryl wonder out loud if the community is really capable of dealing with the harsh reality of the world, Rick tells them somewhat ominously: “If they can’t make it, then we’ll just take this place.”

Zombie Kill Count
1 bullet to the head by Sasha; 5 knife points to the skull by Rick and Carl; 1 knife to the head by Glenn.
Estimated total: 7

TIME Television

Watch Dakota Johnson Join ISIS on SNL

The spoof rubbed some people the wrong way

Is it too soon to joke about ISIS?

That seems to be the recurring question on Saturday Night Live, which has been tentatively pushing jokes about the terrorist organization into the show every few weeks.

The last time was during the Chris Rock-hosted episode in November, which doubled down on “too soon”-ness with Rock’s jokes about 9/11 and the Boston Marathon bombing in his monologue.

And the show returned to the well Saturday with a pre-taped bit featuring host Dakota Johnson as a daughter having a touching farewell with her dad … before she goes to join ISIS.

However, it’s worth noting that not everyone was offended by the spot. Watch the original Toyota ad below.

This article originally appeared on People.com

TIME Television

Here’s What Dakota Johnson’s Mom Thought of Her SNL Performance

Johnson once again begged Melanie Griffith to watch 'Fifty Shades of Grey'

Melanie Griffith was thrilled with this week’s Saturday Night Live, hosted by her daughter, Fifty Shades of Grey star Dakota Johnson.

Griffith, who made a cameo with her ex-husband, Don Johnson, as her embarrassed parents, tweeted on Sunday, “She killed it!!! Wow! I loved her poise, her comic timing, her grace, loved everything she did!!”

Griffith has been supportive of her daughter’s role in the erotic romance film, but hasn’t yet seen the movie—despite her daughter’s repeated, awkward requests.

TIME Television

Watch Dakota Johnson Mock Fifty Shades of Grey on SNL

With musical guest Alabama Shakes

Fifty Shades of Grey actress Dakota Johnson pulled on her comedy roots this weekend for her first Saturday Night Live hosting gig.

The star of the erotic romance novel-turned-film joked in her monologue that “I have a feeling at next year’s Oscars, [Fifty Shades] is going to be … not anywhere.” The actress also once again begged her mother Melanie Griffith to see the film.

The episode, featuring musical guest Alabama Shakes, also showed Johnson in a contentious parody of a Toyota Camry ad, in which she plays a fresh high school graduate heading off to join ISIS.

Watch her opening monologue below:

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