MONEY First-Time Dad

Why Work-Life Balance Is Just As Impossible for Dads

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This mug is what I'm missing out on when I'm working late.

We're struggling with the same issues working moms face, says MONEY reporter and first-time dad Taylor Tepper.

Sometimes I feel like a bad dad.

Doubts over my parental savvy often correlate with how long I’m at the office. When I call to tell Mrs. Tepper that I’ll be here until 7:30 p.m. working on a magazine feature—and won’t be home to put our son Luke to bed—the soft disappointment in her voice stays with me like a faint ember.

The same guilty feelings apply to my job, too.

I’m 28 and now is the time to work long hours, take on more responsibility and show my bosses just how willing I am to immolate myself for the greater good. Every time I leave the building at 5:30 p.m., a part of me thinks I’m sacrificing future promotions, raises and glory.

What it means to be an American father, and the responsibilities therein, have changed radically in the last few decades. In 1975, 45% of families consisted of a male breadwinner and a stay-at-home mom; today 31% do. And now, men are taking on more chores and spending more time with their children than their dads spent with them.

But this blending of gender roles has done much to confuse the male mind. We want to spend more time with the kids and earn accolades on the job; we want to attend the soccer game and become senior management; we want to be Bill Cosby and Steve Jobs.

Many of us feel—just as working moms do—that we’re succeeding at neither.

The Research Backs Me Up on This

According Boston College’s Center for Work & Family, 86% of dads agreed or strongly agreed that “my children are the number one priority in my life.”

That’s well and good.

At the same time, though, more than three in four fathers wished to advance to a position with greater responsibilities and three in five demonstrated a strong desire to reach senior management.

Half of working dads say they find it very or somewhat difficult to balance the responsibilities of work and family, according to Pew.

And on the whole, we don’t feel like we’re living up to the dad role either. Almost eight in 10 dads want to spend more time with their children on an average workday, and one in two say they spend too little time with their kids. (Only 23% of mothers feel that way.) From first-hand experience, there is nothing quite as enervating as coming home from work to an already-sleeping son.

In Boston College’s research, you also see dads grappling with perceptions of what they want and the reality of how things are.

While today’s fathers also recognize that parenting is a two-person job—65% say they believe that partners should take care of a child evenly—only one in three say that they actually split the work in half. Women typically spend more than three times as many hours per week solely looking after the child than men.

Even on weekends, men fail to live up to their ideal. On Saturdays and Sundays, moms spend 1.2 more hours on housework and childcare than dads do. When it comes to time spent on leisure activities, dads out-loaf moms by an hour.

While Mrs. Tepper and I have something of a modern marriage—split chores, female breadwinner—she almost certainly watches Luke more on the weekends, especially when sports are on.

In spite of my few hours more on the couch, however, I’d still argue that achieving and maintaining true work-life balance is impossible. You can’t achieve these competing goals—working at the top of my game, being the best dad and husband ever, and getting in a few NBA games to recharge my own engine—within a finite number of hours in the day.

So, What Is a Modern Dad to Do?

I put that question to Sara Sutton Fell, the CEO of FlexJobs.com, a job search site focusing on companies that allow for flexible schedules and telecommuting. Her advice: to think of work-life balance as more of a journey than a destination.

“As a working parent with two young sons, I believe that work-life balance is often mistaken as an end-point that we reach eventually,” she says. “In my experience, it’s more of a balancing act—shifting your weight back and forth between your various responsibilities.”

Some days you’re going have to work long hours at the office to close out a project or meet a deadline, in other words; and some days you’re going to work from home to take your kid to the doctor.

Try to find an employer that will embrace that flexibility, Fell says.

This makes sense.

But we’ve also got to try to overcome our own guilt. That means accepting our limitations as parents and workers and people, and setting realistic expectations for ourselves.

It’s difficult to remember, but today’s dads spend more time with their kids than their fathers spent with them by a factor of three. Today’s fathers are by and large more engaged in their kids’ lives than previous generations. So we’re definitely doing better, if not up to the standards we’d hold for ourselves.

When I’m stuck in the office until dark, maintaining that perspective is difficult. But I try to remember that the next morning I’ll be there when Luke wakes up, and with any luck, arrive home in time to help his mom put him to sleep.

And if not, there’s always tomorrow.

Taylor Tepper is a reporter at Money. His column on being a new dad, a millennial, and (pretty) broke appears weekly. More First-Time Dad:

MONEY Kids and Money

You Can Teach a Two-Year-Old How to Save

child's hand with ticket stubs
Frederick Bass—Getty Images/fStop

Worried about your children's retirement? With the help of a few carnival tickets, says one financial adviser, you can get them started early on saving.

A new type of retirement worry has recently surfaced among my clients. These investors are concerned not just about their own retirement, but about their children’s and even grandchildren’s retirement as well.

Much of our children’s education is spent preparing them for their careers. But in elementary school through college, there is little discussion about what life is like after your career is over. Little or no time is spent educating children about the importance of saving — much less saving for their golden years.

When it gets down to the nitty-gritty, parents want to know two things: One, at what age should they start teaching their children about saving? And two, what tactics or strategies should they use to help their children understand the importance of saving?

While parenting advice can be a very sensitive subject, discussing these questions has always worked out well for my clients and me. I keep the conversation focused around concerns they have brought up. In a world where student debt is inevitable and other bills such as car loans and mortgage payments add up quickly, parents are concerned for their child’s financial future. We now live in a debt-ridden, instant-gratification society, so how can our children live their lives while still saving for the future?

Here is what I tell my clients:

You can start teaching children the value of saving as early as two years old. At this age, most children don’t necessarily grasp the concept of money, so instead I recommend the use of “tickets” or something similar — maybe a carnival raffle ticket. As a child completes chores or extra tasks, he or she receives a ticket as a reward. The child saves these tickets and can later cash them in at the “family store.” This is where parents can really get creative: The family store consists of prepurchased items like toys or treats, and each item is assigned a ticket value. The child must exchange his or her hard-earned tickets to make a purchase.

I’ve seen first hand, and been told by others, that the tickets end up burning a hole in children’s pockets. They want immediate gratification, so they cash their tickets in for smaller, less expensive prizes. This is where parents can begin to really educate kids. Through positive reinforcement, they can encourage their children to save their tickets in order to purchase the prize they are really hoping for.

Eventually, saving becomes part of the routine. As children receive tickets, they stash them away for the future with the intentions of buying the doll, bike, video game or whatever their favorite prize may be.

As the child gets older, parents can transition to actual money using quarters or dollars. Now the lesson has become real. Parents can also implement a saving rule, encouraging the child that 50% of the earnings must go straight to the piggy bank. By age five, most children can grasp the concept of money and can begin going to an actual toy store to pick out their prizes. By starting out with tickets, parents are able to educate children about the power of saving at a younger age. By switching over to real money, children can then begin to learn the importance of saving cash for day-to-day items while still setting aside some money for later.

While this tactic may seem like it’s just fun and games, I have received feedback from several clients and family friends that it does in fact instill fiscal responsibility at a young age. Most importantly, I have seen it work first hand. My wife and I used this system with our five-year-old daughter. She was like most children in the beginning and wanted to spend, spend, and spend. Now, it is rare that she even looks at her savings in her piggy bank. She has graduated to real money and seems to really value its worth. She identifies what she wants to buy and sets a goal to set enough money aside for it. Before purchasing, she often spends time pondering if she actually wants to spend her hard earned money, or if she wants to continue saving it. In less than a year, she developed a true grasp on what it means to save and why it is important.

By implementing this strategy, financial milestones like buying their first car, paying for college, or purchasing their first home could potentially be a lot easier for both your clients and their their children. And the kids will learn the value of saving for their retirement, too.

———–

Sean P. Lee, founder and president of SPL Financial, specializes in financial planning and assisting individuals with creating retirement income plans. Lee has helped Salt Lake City residents for the past decade with financial strategies involving investments, taxes, life insurance, estate planning, and more. Lee is an investment advisor representative with Global Financial Private Capital and is also a licensed life and health insurance professional.

MONEY Estate Planning

The Hardest Part of Making a Will: Telling Your Kids What’s in It

Kids taking cookies from plate
Gene Chutka—Getty Images

An awkward part of estate planning is telling your kids how much — or how little — they'll get. Here's how a financial planner can help.

For clients, one of the most stressful aspects of estate planning — already an emotionally difficult process — is the prospect of telling heirs what they plan to do with their assets. Because conversations about legacy plans can be terribly difficult, clients may avoid them at all costs — and the costs can indeed be substantial.

Financial planners, however, can help clients overcome the challenges of having these important conversations. Here are a few suggestions for how to do it:

  1. Encourage clients to communicate their values about money in a larger context. Often, clients’ estate plans reflect lifelong values such as a commitment to charitable giving or a wish to provide first for their families. If children are familiar with their parents’ values, chances are they will have a good idea of what to expect from their estates.
  1. Help clients evaluate their children’s money skills. Just because kids grew up in the same family doesn’t mean they will have the same knowledge and attitudes about money. Especially if children will inherit significant amounts, conversations about estate planning can become part of larger conversations designed to help teach them how to manage and become comfortable with their legacies.
  1. If a client’s estate plan does not treat children “equally,” for whatever reasons, it’s best to share that information well in advance and to communicate it privately to each child. There are many reasons why treating children differently in an estate plan can be the fairest thing to do, but that doesn’t mean it’s a wise to let them learn the specifics when a will is read. If parents and individual children can discuss these provisions and the reasons for them ahead of time, there is less likelihood of conflict between siblings after the parents are gone.
  1. Encourage clients not to allow children to assume they are inheriting more than is the case. Not telling them may avoid conflict now, but it will sow seeds for deeper conflict and resentment after your client’s death.
  1. Help clients prepare children for large or unexpected inheritances. I’ve worked with heirs who were stunned to receive legacies much larger than their parents’ lifestyles had led them to expect. If clients have a substantial net worth that’s under the radar — perhaps in the form of land or business ownership — their children may be totally unprepared for what they will inherit. Planners can suggest ways to help the heirs learn more about both the financial and the emotional aspects of managing inherited wealth. They may also encourage parents to consider options, such as giving more to the children during their lifetime, that might reduce the impact of a sudden inheritance.
  1. Acknowledge clients’ fears, even indirectly. Although it is seldom expressed, perhaps the strongest reason for not discussing estate plans with family members is fear. Parents may be afraid that children will be angry or disappointed, will build too much on their expectations for an inheritance, or will be resentful of other heirs.

Talking to family members about estate planning and legacies can be difficult and even painful. Those discussions, however, will almost certainly be less painful in the long run than the stories children may make up after parents are gone about why they made the choices they did.

Financial planners can play an important role, not by taking on the task of telling heirs what parents want them to know, but by facilitating the family conversations. In especially difficult circumstances, the help of a financial therapist can be invaluable. Supporting clients as they discuss their wishes with family members can be an important estate planning service that enhances the legacy parents want to pass on to their children.

———————

Rick Kahler, ChFC, is president of Kahler Financial Group, a fee-only financial planning firm. His work and research regarding the integration of financial planning and psychology has been featured or cited in scores of broadcast media, periodicals and books. He is a co-author of four books on financial planning and therapy. He is a faculty member at Golden Gate University and the president of the Financial Therapy Association.

MONEY mobile banking

How Millennials Will Change the Way You Bank

woman with iphone image of her mouth in front of her mouth
The mobile generation wants to do everything with pictures instead of words, including paying bills and depositing checks. Maciej Toporowicz—Getty Images/Flickr Select

Nearly all young adults carry a smartphone and prize the camera as its key feature — not just for selfies, but as a means to conduct their life without words.

If a picture is worth 1,000 words, soon we may not need words anymore. Nearly nine in 10 young adults are never without their smartphone, and a similar percentage say the camera function is among the most important features, new research shows. This love of the visual has broad implications for all businesses, perhaps most notably banking.

The youngest millennials have almost no memory of cell phones without cameras. They post pictures to avoid writing about events in their lives and snap photos as reminders to perform ordinary tasks. A third of all pictures taken are selfies, according to a report from Mitek Systems and polling firm Zogby Analytics.

This generation wants to do everything with a snapshot—from clicking a picture for online purchases to depositing money or paying a bill by snapping an image of a check or invoice. Four in five millennials say it is important for retailers to have a high quality mobile app; nearly nine in 10 either have or would deposit money in their bank with mobile technology, the report found.

“There is a substantial disconnect between what young people have come to expect and the often horrendous consumer experience they get with mobile,” says Scott Carter, chief marketing officer at Mitek. Banks have been among the slowest to respond, he says. About half of consumers who try to open a bank account online give up because it is so tedious, Carter says.

A bank that adopts more sweeping image technology such as facial recognition or fingerprint identification and uses it to replace passwords and the need to fill in account numbers would be a big winner—and not necessarily just with the younger set. Mobile banking is taking off with all generations. Only 12 million people used mobile banking services in 2009, according to Frost & Sullivan, a research firm. That number was expected to hit 45 million this year.

More than one in eight Americans have deposited a check within the past year using a mobile app, the American Bankers Association found. Of those, 80% use the app at least once a month. Other findings from the Mitek survey of millennials:

  • 34% have deposited a check by taking a picture
  • 54% would pay for goods using their smartphone as a mobile wallet instead of credit cards
  • 45% would pay a bill by taking a picture if the technology were available to them, vs. the 21% who do so now
  • 36% have switched where they do business based on a company’s mobile app
  • 60% believe that in the next five years everything will be done on mobile devices, much of it through images

We will never be a wordless society. But just think about those awful assembly instructions that come with a box of parts at IKEA or Target. If a YouTube video or other image makes it easier, why fight? A lot of people think of banking and personal finance the same way—and for them, a picture really is worth 1,000 words.

MONEY Kids and Money

Why More Parents Are Talking to Toddlers About Money

toddler counting pennies on table
Derek Henthorn—Corbis

The money talk is occurring as young as age 3. Here's how that could change the world.

Talking about money at home has long been a taboo subject. But the Great Recession changed that, and now we’re seeing evidence of more open discourse—and maybe even a payoff.

Nearly two-thirds of parents with children between the ages of 4 and 12 pay their kids an allowance to teach them basic money management lessons, according to a survey from discount website couponcodespro.com. On average, these parents began teaching their kids the value of money at age 3, the survey found.

In a similar study two years ago, the American Institute of Certified Public Accountants found about the same percentage of parents using allowance as a teaching tool. But they did not start as early. In that study, kids typically received allowance by age 8. In another study, fund company T. Rowe Price found that 73% of parents talk to their kids regularly about money—and about one in five stepped up the frequency since the financial crisis.

Talking more openly about money inside the household is one of the recession’s silver linings. Many families experienced such a financial blow that they could not avoid the discussion. But even setting aside the recession, starting earlier and talking more frequently makes a lot of sense. In the online world, kids begin making money decisions earlier than previous generations, and when they come of age they will have far fewer safety nets. They need to begin saving with their first paycheck and never stop.

The most common money conversations between youngsters and parents revolve around saving in a piggy bank (73%), working for pay around the house (66%), budgeting for things the kids want (57%), and finding bargains at the grocery store (29%), according to the couponcodespro.com survey. The survey also found that the average weekly allowance across the age group was $13.50, which is higher than the often-recommended rate of 50¢ to $1 per week per years since birth.

The survey also found that 73% of parents paying an allowance admit to buying their kids treats, a practice that can undermine the value of paying allowance in the first place. “Sweets and clothes I can understand,” says Nick Swan, CEO of couponcodespro.com. “But buying them toys for no reason when they are being given an allowance can backtrack on everything they are trying to teach their children about money.”

Still, money talk may be beginning to make a difference. In a recent survey of Gen Z teens (aged 13 to 17), Better Homes and Gardens Real Estate found that half say they know more about money than their parents did at their age. Two-thirds attribute their knowledge of money matters to discussions in the home, and two in five credit discussions in school. Three in five have already begun saving.

This youngest generation also seems to be managing credit cards more adeptly than their older cousins, the Millennials. These are encouraging trends that, if they persist, will help the economy long term and may just insulate this youngest generation from another crisis.

 

 

 

MONEY First-Time Dad

Why Millennials Should Have Kids—and Soon

Luke Tepper
Yes, he costs a ton, but he's worth it.

There are plenty of financial and lifestyle reasons to not have a child, but there are also costs to delaying or forgoing, notes MONEY reporter and first-time dad Taylor Tepper.

I finally realized that I’m no longer in charge of my own life a few of weeks ago.

It was a Tuesday at 9:45 p.m. I had arrived home from work at 7:30, just as my wife was putting our son to sleep.

I cooked dinner for the two of us. We ate together on our small dining room table and then spent the rest of the night preparing for tomorrow. Mrs. Tepper collected Luke’s toys and straightened up around the house while I programmed the coffee maker and started to load the dishwasher… only to discover that we were out of soap. Sigh.

I jabbed my feet into my slippers. The dishes needed to be washed, so I found myself headed outside in my pajamas.

As I plodded to my neighborhood grocery store, it dawned on me that I wasn’t running this chore because I wanted to, but because our delicate family ecosystem demanded that the dishes get washed at night. Otherwise, the milk bottles and containers wouldn’t be ready by the morning, meaning my wife wouldn’t be able to pump at work and my son wouldn’t be able to eat.

This two-hour spell of cleaning, organizing, and readying felt like the actualization of a Millennial nightmare.

I had handed over the keys to my liberty to an infant. Before Luke was born, I could sleep all morning, grab a pint whenever I wanted or fly around the country to visit friends. I could quit my job, write a novel, start an artisanal pickled beet company or simply toss a Frisbee in the park all day.

Those days are over. Full stop. But the real question is: Would I ever want them back?

The opportunity cost of having kids

Most people of my generation aren’t like me. In fact, just over one-in-four Millennials tied the knot between the ages of 18 to 32, according to Pew Research Center. That’s 10 percentage points lower than Gen Xers at a similar point in their lives in 1997 and more than 20 points below Baby Boomers in 1980.

Further, research by Wharton School of University of Pennsylvania’s Stewart Friedman seems to indicate that the majority of my peers aren’t interested in kids. Friedman’s study looked at the views Generation Xers had toward bearing children as they graduated college in 1992 and Millennials in 2012. Almost eight in 10 Gen Xers said they planned to reproduce, Friedman found, compared to only 42% of Millennials.

Parenthood comes with a price that Millennials may not be eager to pay. According to the most recent numbers from the U.S. Department of Agriculture, it will cost middle-income moms and dads an average $245,340 to raise one child up to age 18—a stunningly large figure for those who are already burdened by student debt and who graduated into a nasty Recession.

It doesn’t help that America is one of two countries without any kind of paid maternity leave and childcare is very expensive.

Another factor that might dissuade Y women: Mothers who alter their career paths to care for their children can lose out on a lot of potential income. Economist Bryan Caplan pegs the opportunity cost as high as $1 million.

And, of course, there are the non-financial opportunity costs of bearing children: less freedom, less time, and less sanity.

The payoff of having kids early

I understand all of this. I’m living it. My wife and I spend the vast amount of our weekends doing the laundry, sweeping, mopping, shopping and organizing. We schlep and push and haul all day long. Not to mention the $1,600 a month we’re giving to someone else to care for our child. We could have put that money toward a dream vacation, a starter home… or alcohol.

But conceiving a family in your 20s comes with certain advantages. For instance when Luke leaves the nest, my wife and I will be in our mid-40’s and just entering our peak earning years. That means while he’s off at college, we can power save to boost our retirement portfolio.

Plus, you’re more likely to have flexibility at work in your 20s, since you probably have a more junior position with less responsibility. The higher up you get on the food chain, the tougher it is to leave early to go to a parent-teacher conference or soccer game (or so my older colleagues tell me).

There’s also the fact that your ability to actually conceive children decreases as you age, per the Mayo Clinic, while the risks of complication—from C-sections to pregnancy loss—increase in your mid-to-late 30’s. And complications typically mean more money for health expenses.

Look, there are many reasons not to have a child. You may simply not want one—and that’s fine.

But to dismiss the idea of raising a child, or raising him now as opposed to ten years in the future, because you haven’t yet traveled the world or written that magnum opus slightly misses the point of it all. When you raise a child, especially with someone you’ve committed your life to, your self-interest becomes tied up in theirs.

To put it another way, what a lot of people don’t think about is that there’s an opportunity cost to deciding not to have a child: You don’t get to experience the sublime joy of yielding your wants and desires for the happiness of the people you love.

Taylor Tepper is a reporter at Money. His column on being a new dad, a millennial, and (pretty) broke appears weekly. More First-Time Dad:

MONEY Kids and Money

The Surprising Thing Gen Z Wants to Do With Its Money

Teen in front of home
Getty Images

More than half of teens would give up social media for a year and do double the homework if it guaranteed they’d be able to buy a house when they're older.

During the Great Recession, home ownership took a beating as the ideal for the American dream. The median home nationally lost a quarter of its value, prompting adults of all ages to adopt other elusive goals—like retiring on time for boomers or working on their own terms for millennials.

Just 65% of Americans own their home, down from 69% pre-bust. And four out of five Americans are rethinking the reasons they’d want to buy a house in the first place. But Generation Z—also known as post-millennials, born after the 1990s Internet bubble— seems to prize home ownership like no generation since their great-grandparents.

An astounding 97% of post-millennials believe they will one day own a home; 82% say it is the most important part of the American dream, according to a survey of teens age 13 to 17 by Better Homes and Gardens Real Estate. More than half would give up social media for a year and do double the homework if it guaranteed they’d be able to buy a house.

This yearning stands in starkest contrast to the aspirations of millennials, older cousins who pretty much created the sharing economy and in large numbers prefer to rent. The housing bust and foreclosure epidemic scarred millennials, probably for life, as some watched parents and neighbors lose everything. In a key part of this generation—heads of households age 25 to 34—renters increased by more than 1 million in the years following the crisis, while the number who own a home fell by 1.4 million.

Post-millennials saw the carnage, too, though at a tender age that left them more confused than traumatized. Where millennials hardened and vowed never to repeat the errors of their parents, post-millennials sought the comfort of family and togetherness, says Sherry Chris, CEO of Better Homes and Gardens. “Many of these Gen Z teens were 7 to 11 years old when the recession hit,” Chris said. “At that age, children equate home with stability.”

The innate quest for stability leads them to prize a family home above things like going to college, getting married, having children, or owning a business, according to the survey. And the dream appears firmly grounded in reality. Chris observed that today’s teens have more information than any previous generation at their age and show early signs of financial awareness. Asked for an estimate of what they might spend on a house, the 97% who aspire to be owners gave an average response of $274,323—strikingly close to the median home value of $273,500.

Half say they know more about money than their parents did at their age. Two-thirds attribute their knowledge of money matters to discussions in the home, and two in five credit discussions in school. Three in five teens have already begun saving, the survey found. Post-millennials, on average, aim to own a home by age 28—three years earlier than the median age of first-time homebuyers reported by the National Association of Realtors.

These are encouraging findings. A home remains most Americans’ single largest asset, and while the housing bust will have lingering effects, home prices nationally tend to rise every year—and have been trending up again the past few years. Not all of the news is good: Only 17% of post-millennials believe stocks are the best long-term investment; half prefer a simple savings account, TD Ameritrade found in a survey that defines the generation as slightly older (up to age 24).

But the TD survey also found that post-millennials have half the post-college credit card debt of millennials. And the Better Homes survey suggests that our youngest generation is at last learning more about money at an early age, which is the goal of a broad public-private financial education movement. A generation of financially adept youth who begin to save and gather assets that will grow for four or five decades is the surest way to avoid another meltdown and solve the retirement savings crisis.

Related:
Why Gen X Feels Lousy About the Recession and Retirement
Our Retirement Savings Crisis—and the Easy Solution

MONEY Kids and Money

The Financial Challenges of Solo Parenting After 40

Single mother in her 40s at grocery store
Slobo—Getty Images

More single women over 40 are choosing to have children, a new study finds. Why taking on that cost on your own can be daunting.

Monica Kipiniak doesn’t think of herself as a statistic. She just thinks of herself as a doting mom.

The 46-year-old attorney from Brooklyn, N.Y. is indeed part of a societal trend: Single women by choice having kids past the age of 40.

“It used to be seen as such a radical thing,” says Kipiniak, mom to a 10-year-old son and a six-year-old daughter. “But now it’s almost commonplace. If somebody’s not married by the age of 40, and they want children, they just go ahead and do it.”

Indeed, the numbers bear out her observations. Birth rates for unmarried women over 40 have been heading up in recent years, according to new data compiled by the National Center for Health Statistics, a division of the Centers for Disease Control.

In fact, in 2012, the rate was a full 29% higher than just five years earlier.

The reason why that figure leaps out: In other age groups, the rate of births to unmarried women has been heading in the exact opposite direction.

“The gist of the report was that nonmarital childbearing has declined recently,” says Sally Curtin, a statistician and the report’s co-author. “For all women under age 35, rates are down.”

A Costly Endeavor

To be sure, ‘unmarried’ can mean a lot of different things. It can mean single and never-married, or divorced, or coupled and co-habiting but not yet hitched.

What is common to many over-40 single parents: the financial challenges involved.

“There’s no question that raising two kids by myself in New York City is a struggle,” says Kipiniak, who had children via anonymous sperm donor. “Often I’m flying by the seat of my pants, waiting at the end of the month for checks to come in.”

After all, according to the U.S. Department of Agriculture, a middle-income family having a child in 2013 will lay out more than $240,000 before the kid turns 18. And that’s not even including college.

Such costs are obviously towering, even for married couples comprised of two earners. For single parents who are raising a child on their own, the challenges can be even more formidable.

Financial planner Carolyn Ozcan of Ithaka Financial Planning in Mattapoisett, Mass. helps many clients in this position and has tabulated some of the costs.

  • In-vitro fertilization, for moms who choose that route: $15,000 per cycle, sometimes requiring multiple cycles, which may or may not be covered by insurance.
  • Adoption: between $10,000 and $40,000.
  • Daycare or nannies, since working singles may not have partners to help cover childcare gaps: between $1,000 and $2,500 per month.

That means many single-mothers-by-choice are facing unique and significant costs right out of the gate. As a result, Ozcan says they need to be hyper-vigilant when it comes to planning and budgeting.

“A woman planning for single motherhood should have a sizable emergency fund,” Ozcan says. “I would recommend a year’s worth of living expenses, including childcare expenses in case of job loss or extended illness.”

Another tip from Ozcan: Secure disability insurance. It tends to be inexpensive if acquired through a workplace plan, and rather pricey for individuals ($200 to $500 per month), but well worth it in the long run.

“The worst nightmare is for the mother to get an illness or injury that prevents her from working,” Ozcan says. “If she could not work for years or ever again, she needs to have to have income protection to provide for herself and her child.”

What’s Behind the Numbers

So what’s behind the baby blitz among over-40 singles? A combination of medical advances and lessened social stigma of having a baby outside of marriage make middle-age childbearing more prevalent than in the past.

It’s also true that those who feel prepared for such a challenge are those who have been able to accumulate some financial resources, and are still in the prime of their careers.

“There is now less stigma overall linked with births outside of marriage,” says Jennifer Manlove, a senior research scientist at the Bethesda, Md.-based research center Child Trends.

“Nonmarital births are becoming increasingly normative,” Manlove says. “And some of the largest increases have been to the most advantaged women – older women, white women, and more educated women.”

Even pop culture has been helping to expand traditional images of motherhood, with boldface names like Sandra Bullock and Charlize Theron raising kids as single moms.

One key difference: Hollywood stars tend to have massive financial resources at their disposal. For regular folks like Monica Kipiniak, to achieve her dream of motherhood, it’s been much more of a financial hill to climb.

“But one of the great things about becoming an older mom is that you’re so grateful for it and love every moment,” Kipiniak says.

More on the cost of raising a child:

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