TIME Heart Disease

What Divorce Does to Women’s Heart Health

broken heart
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When it comes to the fallout from a divorce, one spouse is harmed more by it’s biological and psychological effects on the heart

Dissolving a marriage is hard on everyone, but researchers say the psychological stress of a divorce can have serious physical effects on the heart, especially for women.

Women who divorced at least once were 24% more likely to experience a heart attack compared to women who remained married, and those divorcing two or more times saw their risk jump to 77%. In the study published in the journal Circulation: Cardiovascular Quality and Outcomes, Matthew Dupre of Duke University and his colleagues found that men weren’t at similar risk. Men only saw their heart attack chances go up if they divorced two or more times compared to men who didn’t split with their spouses. If men remarried, their heart risk did not go up, while for women who remarried, their chances of having a heart attack remained slightly higher, at 35%, than that of divorced women.

MORE: Divorce More Likely When Wife Falls Ill

These findings remained strong even after Dupre’s team adjusted for other potential contributors to heart attack, including age, social factors such as changes in occupation and job status and health insurance coverage, and physiological factors including body mass index, hypertension and diabetes. Previous studies have found links between divorce or widowhood and heart disease that were explained, at least in part, by changes in people’s access to health care and their ability to keep up healthy eating and exercise habits.

But these are the first results from tracking people over a longer period of time—18 years—to capture the cumulative effects of changes in marital status, says Dupre. “We looked at lifetime exposure to not only current marital status, but how many times someone has been divorced in the past. What we found was that repeated exposure to divorce put men and women, but particularly women, at higher risk of having a heart attack compared to those who were married.”

MORE: Study: Marriage is Good For The Heart

And it wasn’t simply changes in health insurance coverage or financial status resulting from the divorce that explained the higher heart risk. Even after Dupre’s group accounted for these, the relationship held. While he admits that the trial did not investigate exactly how divorce is seeding more heart attacks, other studies hint at a possible explanation. Dramatic life changes such as divorce, which signal an end to not only a significant relationship but potentially to stable financial and social circumstances as well, can lead to spikes in the stress hormone cortisol, which in turn can push blood pressure, cholesterol and blood sugar to unhealthy heights.

The long term scope of the study revealed the impact that social and life events can have on the physical functioning of the body. “The health consequences of social stresses are real,” says Dupre. For women, the 77% higher risk of heart attack connected to multiple divorces was on par with well-established factors such as hypertension (which boosts risk by 73%) and diabetes (which elevates heart problems by 81%).

MORE: Do Married People Really Live Longer?

That’s doesn’t mean, of course, that women should avoid getting divorced to save their hearts. “Another way to put it is to say that women who are stably married are at an increased advantage of preventing heart attacks than women who may have had to go through transitions where they weren’t,” says Dupre.

It also makes a good case for doctors including discussion about potential stressors, including lifestyle and social circumstances, in their health assessment of patients. Recognizing that divorce may be a life event that can contribute to higher heart attack risk, for example, they can monitor patients experiencing divorce more carefully, and be alert to the first signs of potential problems with cholesterol, blood pressure or blood sugar. “Understanding all of the factors that lead to a physiological response are equally important,” says Dupre. And potentially life saving.

TIME Social Media

You Can Now Serve Divorce Papers on Facebook

Social Networking Sites May Be Monitored By Security Services
Dan Kitwood—Getty Images In this photo illustration the Social networking site Facebook is displayed on a laptop screen on March 25, 2009 in London, England.

Helping you change that relationship status to "single"

Facebook is a great tool for reconnecting with old friends, learning about potential job opportunities, and now… serving your spouse with divorce papers.

Manhattan Supreme Court Justice Matthew Cooper ruled last week that a Brooklyn nurse is “granted permission to serve defendant with the divorce summons using a private message through Facebook.”

Ellanora Baidoo, 26, married Victor Sena Blood-Dzraku in a civil ceremony in 2009. Things fell apart after he refused to have a traditional Ghanian wedding with both of their families afterwards, according to the New York Daily News, which was the first to report the story. Blood-Dzraku has been elusive ever since; he left his apartment without a forwarding address, has no DMV record, and has no fixed place of employment.

He has, however, kept in touch from time to time with his wife on Facebook. And so, the social networking site has been deemed an appropriate place to serve Blood-Dzraku with a summons for a divorce proceeding:

“[The] transmittal shall be repeated by plaintiff’s attorney to defendant once a week for three consecutive weeks or until acknowledged by the defendant,” the ruling states. “Additionally, after the initial transmittal, plaintiff and her attorney are to call and text message defendant to inform him that the summons for divorce has been sent to him via Facebook.”

Baidoo might not be able to change her relationship status to single just yet, though. As her lawyer told the NYDN, “So far, [Blood-Dzraku] hasn’t responded.”

Read next: Why Facebook’s Scrapbook Is Bad For Your Baby

Listen to the most important stories of the day.

TIME relationships

Here’s What One Woman Learned From Taking a Year Off From Her Marriage

Lessons from a year spent sowing wild oats

Robin Rinaldi did what many women dream of but few actually do: she took a year off from her marriage and made an agreement with her husband that they could both sleep with other people for a set period.

Rinaldi’s book, The Wild Oats Project, is a summary of what she learned during the year she spent in an open marriage. The idea came to her when her husband got a vasectomy after a long battle over whether they would have children — she wanted them, he didn’t. Faced with a future without a family, Rinaldi made a decision: “I refuse to go to my grave with no children and only four lovers,” she wrote, “If I can’t have one, I must have the other.”

That’s when she embarked on the Wild Oats Project. Rinaldi and her husband had three rules: no serious relationships, no sex with mutual friends and no sex without condoms. Both broke multiple rules over the course of the year, and it eventually took a toll on their relationship, but Rinaldi says the project wasn’t as much a choice as “a calling.”

“It was unlike me to act that way,” she says. “I had always been a very cautious and somewhat anxious person, I had always played by the rules. It was something instinctual, and something very female driving me to do this. It wasn’t really planned and strategized as much as felt.”

Still, Rinaldi found that, while many of her friends were supportive, some people thought her project was threatening, even terrifying: “The tale of a woman giving up security, even in an above-board way and allowing her husband to do the same thing, giving up all that security in pursuit of passion and adventure, is a scary idea for a lot of people,” she says. “I certainly didn’t write it to intentionally push anyone’s buttons.”

And ultimately, for Rinaldi and her husband, this was their last chance at saving their marriage. “We knew how risky it was, and we might not make it through, but it was really the only choice we had,” she says. “So we both agreed, two consenting adults, to try this first.” Ultimately, she and her husband went their separate ways, but Rinaldi says the project taught her much more than a simple divorce would have.

The biggest thing Rinaldi says she learned from the Wild Oats Project is that she was putting too much pressure on her husband. “Expecting your spouse to provide passion and security and purpose, it’s a lot,” she says. “I was asking too much of that one person… So now, as a result, I don’t look to someone else to kind of unfairly provide all of those things. That’s the biggest thing I learned from it, and I couldn’t have learned it unless I actually went through it.”

She also learned a lot about sex, and about her own body. Rinaldi spent much of the project in new-age sexual workshops and orgasmic meditation classes, so she came away a greater awareness of her sexuality. “The sex was the classroom, but the sex was not the lesson,” she says. “Your body has wisdom, that is very powerful and can kind of show you your path, and you don’t always have to think it through or necessarily act based on other people’s rules.”

Still, Rinaldi wouldn’t necessarily recommend that other women take exactly the same path she did. Instead, she’d advise younger women to “sow your wild oats before you settle down — that’s a no-brainer.”

Read next: Who Needs Marriage? A Changing Institution

MONEY Love and Money

11 Financial Clues That Your Spouse Wants a Divorce

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Certain changes in financial behavior and conversations about money are sure-fire signs that your spouse is preparing to split up.

Over 25 years, I’ve worked on the financial aspects of more than 1,300 cases of divorce. Rarely are both spouses in sync when it comes to filing; one spouse is usually laying the groundwork before the other.

In hindsight, most people on the receiving end of the filing have their “aha!” moment. One homemaker told me that her husband began plying her with gifts and vacations; he also launched all kinds of projects to fix up their house so they could sell it and move to a smaller place. It was all totally unsolicited, much appreciated, and done with loving attention.

Six months into all this thoughtful behavior — as the the couple closed on their new vacation timeshare, downsized to a beautiful condo, and planned for their next vacation — he popped the zinger one Saturday morning: “I want a divorce.”

For another client, the signs were a little more obvious: The bank called her husband to let him know that his mortgage was approved — the mortgage he was co-signing with his girlfriend.

Divorce is an emotional, legal, and financial combat zone. There are actually websites devoted to secretly planning for divorce, in order to “win” the best one possible. Divorces can have win-lose, win-win, or lose-lose outcomes. Preparation helps your case. And the earlier you recognize that divorce is imminent, the better you’ll be able to prepare.

Over the years, I have come up with a list of sure-fire financial indicators that your spouse is heading toward divorce. Changes in behavior about money — some subtle, some not — can be tell-tale signs of a split in the offing.

Most of the time, changes in financial behavior accompany classic non-money signs of marital trouble: lack of communication, stress, physical separation, arguments, and isolation. But it helps to be on the lookout for financial signs on their own. And here’s a good list:

Your spouse…

  1. Argues about money.
  2. Seems to be hiding money.
  3. Has no explanation for why money is missing.
  4. Has stopped direct deposits to your joint bank account.
  5. Puts you on a budget and demands an accounting of all of your spending.
  6. Makes large cash withdrawals.
  7. Pays for his/her own credit card bills — or better yet, has his/her mail sent to the office.
  8. Goes on more business trips than usual and has greater travel and entertainment expenses.
  9. Blindsides you with gifts and trips.
  10. Reduces contributions to savings or retirement. Excess cash is now spent or socked away somewhere else.
  11. Takes out loans because it is a “smart” financial decision during times of low interest rates.

Along with these changed behaviors, there’s a whole other set of red flags to look out for: a noticeable turn for the worse in how your spouse talks about his or her earnings, workplace achievements, or business prospects. He or she starts complaining a lot about money — how business is bad, how jobs are at risk, how this year’s bonus is in doubt.

If your spouse is suddenly and remarkably gloomy about his or her ability to make money, this might be premeditated strategy to lower your financial expectations in a divorce. Attorneys even have a name for it: RAIDS, for “recently acquired income deficiency syndrome.”

On the bright side, if you are familiar with your spouse’s business, customers, and performance reviews, it will be hard for your spouse to paint a credible picture of unexpected gloom. So keep your eyes set on financial reality and do your homework if your spouse complains in detail about the following:

  1. His/her earnings potential is at its peak and is at risk.
  2. Bonuses are reduced or nonexistent.
  3. Company layoffs are imminent or overdue.
  4. The employer has declining revenues and sales.
  5. Clients are deserting the company.
  6. His/her sales territory has been cut despite solid job performance.
  7. It’s the economy, stupid!
  8. His/her age is a negative factor in the business, and he/she is at risk of being fired for being too old.
  9. Our family spending is rampant and unsustainable with probable loss of income or job.

If you start hearing these complaints, it’s time to organize your financial wits and get a handle on your financial lifestyle. If you’re surprised to have a spouse who seems to be premeditating divorce, empower yourself and hire a divorce financial planner. A divorce financial planner will cut through your emotional tangles to track your financial issues and provide a foundation for you to advocate your needs, when and if you should hire an attorney.

———-

Vasileff received the Association of Divorce Financial Planners’ 2013 Pioneering Award for her public advocacy and outstanding leadership in the field of divorce financial planning. Vasileff is president emeritus of the ADFP and is a member of NAPFA, FPA, and IACP. She is president and founder of Divorce and Money Matters, serving clients nationwide from Greenwich, Conn. Her website is http://www.divorcematters.com.

 

TIME Innovation

Five Best Ideas of the Day: March 17

The Aspen Institute is an educational and policy studies organization based in Washington, D.C.

1. Is it time for the Jews to leave Europe?

By Jeffrey Goldberg in the Atlantic

2. The divorce rate is falling. Here’s why that’s bad news for some Americans.

By Sharadha Bain in the Washington Post

3. Across the planet, cost and class determine who lives and who dies.

By Paul Farmer in the London Review of Books

4. The U.S. should consider joining — rather than containing — the Chinese-led Asian Infrastructure Investment Bank.

By Elizabeth C. Economy in Asia Unbound

5. Trade unions in Cleveland will launch a “pre-apprentice” program to prepare high school kids for construction jobs.

By Patrick O’Donnell in the Cleveland Plain Dealer

The Aspen Institute is an educational and policy studies organization based in Washington, D.C.

TIME Ideas hosts the world's leading voices, providing commentary and expertise on the most compelling events in news, society, and culture. We welcome outside contributions. To submit a piece, email ideas@time.com.

MONEY Financial Planning

Why Won’t People Guard Their Wealth?

As you build wealth, you need to protect it using LLCs, trusts, and other entities. Here's what gets in the way.

Divorce, bankruptcy, lawsuits: These are the most common threats to a person’s assets. As we financial planners help clients build wealth, we also need to help them protect it. Unfortunately, sometimes they won’t let us.

A basic strategy for asset protection — an often-overlooked aspect of comprehensive financial planning — is to put property beyond the reach of legal judgments.

Yet when I suggest asset protection strategies to clients — for example, owning assets in limited liability companies — they often respond with ambivalence or reluctance. I now realize these reactions may be tied to the beliefs clients hold about money and wealth. It isn’t enough for us planners to understand asset protection; we also need the skills to help clients reframe the beliefs that may keep them from protecting themselves.

I’ve encountered several different common beliefs, or money scripts, that clients have pertaining to asset protection. Here are some of them, along with my responses:

  • “Liability insurance is all you need.” While liability insurance is a good start, it protects you only if (1) the claim doesn’t exceed your insurance coverage; (2) your policy is in force; (3) your insurer doesn’t deny the claim; and (4) your insurance company doesn’t go bankrupt in the middle of a lawsuit. Well, three of those four exceptions have happened to me.
  • “If you are ‘lucky’ enough to have a lot, it’s petty and selfish to want to protect it.” Asset protection isn’t just about the owner of the asset. It also safeguards others, such as employees, tenants, or family members.
  • “Asset protection is only for the very rich.” A client may have a small investment portfolio, some rental property, or a small business. That may not represent great wealth, but whatever they have is all they have. For that very reason, asset protection may be especially important for those without a lot of wealth.
  • “Asset protection is shady and unethical.” Many people associate asset protection with hiding assets illegally. This is not what any reputable professional will advise clients to do. Planners need to be prepared to discuss the ethics as well as the strategic value of the approaches they suggest.
  • “People in general can be trusted, so asset protection isn’t necessary.” Just ask anyone who’s ever been through a nasty dissolution of a partnership if they fully trusted their partner when they went into business — and how strong that trust was at the time of the breakup.
  • “You won’t be sued unless you do something wrong.” In an ideal world, this would be true. In the world we live in, it’s surprising how often people of perceived wealth are the targets of frivolous lawsuits. Most cases are without merit and are eventually dismissed or decided in favor of the defendant, but it takes a lot of time, energy, and money to defend against them. Plaintiffs hope to gain a settlement from a defendant unwilling to go to that trouble and expense.
  • “It’s wrong to prevent people from collecting damages if they have been hurt.” If you have genuinely injured someone, of course you have an obligation to make that right. Strong asset protection includes provisions, like adequate liability insurance, that allow clients to take care of legitimate obligations without bankrupting themselves.

It’s important to make clear to clients that ethical asset protection strategies are not a way of avoiding responsibility. Asset protection is not intended to protect clients from the consequences of their own wrongdoing. Its primary purpose is to protect clients from the wrongdoing of others.

And the first phase of implementing that protection may be to help clients get past their own money scripts about asset protection.

———-

Rick Kahler, ChFC, is president of Kahler Financial Group, a fee-only financial planning firm. His work and research regarding the integration of financial planning and psychology has been featured or cited in scores of broadcast media, periodicals and books. He is a co-author of four books on financial planning and therapy. He is a faculty member at Golden Gate University and the former president of the Financial Therapy Association.

MONEY Love and Money

The 3 Most Important Things to Do Before Announcing You Want a Divorce

150109_FF_divorce_1
Jeffrey Hamilton/Getty Images

Ready to call it quits on your marriage? A little early planning can go far in helping you protect your finances

With “new year, new you” resolutions in full swing and the holidays finally over, January is one of the hottest months for divorce filings.

“Last year I saw a 10 to 15% increase in consultations in January, peaking at a more than 40% increase in March,” says Lisa Decker, a certified divorce financial analyst in Kennesaw, Ga. “I refer to January as the beginning of ‘Divorce Season.'”

If you’re among those who’ve decided that 2015 is the year you’ll go from married to single, make sure you’re ready for the financial toll that the divorce process can take by making these key move before announcing you want out.

Gather Key Docs

“Once a divorce has been initiated, financial information can disappear or become difficult to access,” says Carl Palatnik, a divorce financial analyst in Melville, NY.

With that in mind, begin gathering copies of any documents that verify assets, liabilities, income and expenses, including recent bank, brokerage and retirement statements, tax returns, and real estate deeds—and the prenup, if you have one. This step can take three to six months, depending on how accessible the documents are, adds Decker.

Having a paper trail saves stress, time and money. “You won’t be captive to your spouse, hoping he or she will provide things to you,” says Decker. Nor will you have to pay your lawyer to go after this information.

Stash Some Cash

Ideally you want to have a year’s worth of basic living expenses in a personal account prior to filing.

If all your money’s co-mingled and you have no way of opening your own account and making deposits without raising red flags, open a credit card with a low or introductory 0% interest rate, says Decker.

This step is important because divorce proceedings could take six months or more, during which time you may lose access to spousal support. Plus, you’ll need to lay out another $10,000 to $20,000 for an initial retainer if you plan to work with an attorney and/or financial advisor, says Decker. (If you earn significantly less than your partner or have no income a retainer could get a lawyer to petition to have your spouse pay ongoing legal fees.)

Sever Credit Ties

Finally, to prevent what my friend experienced, try to separate shared credit card accounts, says Palatnik.

If your spouse is an authorized user on one of your cards, ask the issuer to remove your spouse’s name. If you’re joint users, freezing the cards may be your best bet.

But wait to do this until right before making the big announcement. Otherwise, jig’s up as soon as your spouse swipes.

Farnoosh Torabi is a contributing editor at Money magazine and author of the book, When She Makes More: 10 Rules for Breadwinning Women.

More by Farnoosh Torabi:

MONEY Divorce

Oil Tycoon’s Ex-Wife Finally Accepts $975M Divorce Settlement Check

The ex-wife of an oil tycoon has deposited a divorce settlement check worth almost $1 billion, after refusing to accept it earlier this week.

TIME Marriage

Oil Magnate’s Wife Rejects $975 Million Divorce Check

Key Speakers At The Bloomberg Year Ahead 2015 Conference
Bloomberg/Getty Images Harold Hamm, chairman CEO and founder of Continental Resources Inc., speaks during a panel discussion at the Bloomberg Year Ahead: 2015 conference in Washington, D.C. on Nov. 14, 2014.

He's worth $18 billion

Oil executive Harold Hamm offered his ex-wife a handwritten check for $974.8 million in order to settle their bitter divorce, but Sue Ann Arnall rejected it.

Hamm’s lawyer told CNBC on Tuesday that Arnall did not “want to risk the dismissal of her appeal” by accepting the full amount of what the oil magnate owed her according to a November divorce settlement.

Arnall, who has taken her maiden name after the divorce, appealed a judge’s ruling to offer her nearly $1 billion in their divorce because it pales in comparison to the $18 billion fortune Hamm has amassed through oil drilling company Continental Resources . Hamm’s also appealed the settlement, saying $1 billion was far too high.

[CNBC]

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