TIME celebrity

The 10 Funniest Things Chris Pratt Said in His Reddit AMA

"Guardians Of The Galaxy" - Los Angeles Premiere
Axelle/Bauer-Griffin—FilmMagic/Getty Images

"I want to do an AMA and you can't stop me I'm Starlord!"

Soon it will be time for Chris Pratt to begin promoting Jurassic World, which really just means he’s about to do a bunch of charming and sweet and funny things like he did during Guardians of the Galaxy mania. First up? A Reddit Ask Me Anything Q&A session, which he kicked off by revealing that he was “still half-drunk” after drinking a bunch of tequila on a plane.

Pratt said that once he decided he wanted to do an AMA, he called his publicist and said, “Hey, I know your job is to typically babysit me and make sure I don’t do anything too stupid or say anything to ruin my career, but, I want to do an AMA and you can’t stop me I’m Starlord!”

Naturally, Pratt’s Q&A session was filled with lots of other hilarious little gems, so we rounded up some the best lines.

1. Question: I was recently bitten by a radioactive Chris Pratt. What is about to happen to me?

Answer: Oh no. You’re probably gonna get fat and then skinny.

2. Question: Hey Chris, did Eminem ever give his thoughts on your awesome performance of “Forgot About Dre?”

Answer: No. But I met Dr. Dre last night!!!! Holy s–t bro! That was crazy. I wanna see that “Straight Outta Compton” movie so bad. Looks great.

3. Question: Hey Chris, what would Andy Dwyer/Johnny Karate/Bert Macklin be doing right now?

Answer: Here’s something you might not have known about those characters. They smoked a lot of weed. They’d probably be doing that right now.

4. Question: What’s your favourite dinosaur?

Answer: Not just saying this but probably the velociraptor. They are pack hunters and super cool. But also I love the Mosasaur. That’s the water dinosaur thing from the trailer that is SO F—ING BADASS! Funny story, before I got Jurassic Park I gave James Gunn a wrap gift of an authentic Mosasaur Jawbone Fossil. So basically I can control the future.

5. Question: Would you rather fight 1 Lil’ Sebastian-sized duck or 100 duck-sized Lil’ Sebastians?

Answer: Most definitely 100 duck sized Lil’ Sebastians. Because I could kill most of them easily, but the remainder I would capture and breed as glamour pets. We could make literally hundreds of dollars.

6. Question: If you could change a word from the title of any films or television show you’ve starred in, what would the new title be? Example, “Sharks and Rec”

Answer: Zero Dark Thirsty?

7. Question:What would be in your perfect sandwich?

Answer: Perfect sandwich? Two slices of white bread, mustard, mayo and a platinum American Express card.

8. Question: I know that it is just a role, but are there any similarities between you and Peter Quill? What about Andy Dwyer?

Answer: Quill and I are basically the same person. We were born in the same year. We loved the same movies. The same music. If I were kidnapped at 10, taken to space and based my ideology on the pop culture of 1979-1989 I would be Peter Quill.

9. Question: What brand of tequila were you having? How you holding up?

Answer: I was drinking Patron. But then Hornitos, bad call. I’m holding up well. I’m on a juice fast thing so the tequila juice fit right in! Haha! Actually doing surprisingly well. I must be a pro!

10. Question: Who would win in a fight, you or Nick Offerman?

Answer: Trick question. We would never fight. Unless it was us against anybody else in which case we would win.

TIME technology

Is the Apple Watch Sport Waterproof? Here’s a Test

Turns out it can be submerged for 15 minutes and still work

An Australia video blogger for FoneFox, a YouTube channel dedicated to smartphone reviews and tutorials, got his hands on a new Apple Watch Sport. So naturally, the first thing he and his fellow bloggers wanted to do was test how the device stands up to water damage. (Apple considers the devices “water resistant” and not completely waterproof.)

They begin with a basic splash test. The watch still worked fine. Then he brought it into the shower. Still fine. Then they submerged it into a bucket. Still fine. Finally, they took the watch for a 15-minute swim in a pool, and afterward, it still remained totally functional.

“It’s actually a lot more waterproof than we had originally anticipated,” they conclude. While it’s nice to know you don’t have to worry if your Apple Watch gets wet, we still do not recommend taking it for a swim. Be smart, guys.

TIME animals

Watch This Girl Totally Freak Out When Her Mom Surprises Her With a Puppy

"Oh my God! You're SO CUTE!"

There’s something so sweet about watching young kids just completely lose it when their parents surprise them with a puppy.

In the above clip, a young girl comes home from school, thinking it’s just another normal afternoon. When she opens the door and notices someone filming, she clearly realizes something is going on — and when she realizes that that something is a new puppy in the next room, she freaks out. She screams and sprints toward the puppy, shouting at him, “YOU’RE SO CUTE.”

He really is so cute, and we totally understand why she freaks out. She cries because she’s just so overjoyed to have a puppy, who, in the meantime, is just happily waggin’ his tail.

Read next: Watch a Little Girl Pay Michelle Obama a Sweet Compliment

Listen to the most important stories of the day.

TIME Food & Drink

All Your Prayers Have Been Answered Because Chipotle Now Delivers

A Chipotle Restaurant Ahead Of Earnings Data
Bloomberg/Getty Images

But there's one big caveat

One of the best parts of being a person is getting to eat at Chipotle. One of the other best parts of being a person is getting to use the Internet to order food directly to your house so you don’t have to put pants on. Until now, these two aspects of humanity were completely separate, because Chipotle did not offer delivery service. Until now.

That’s right. Chipotle has teamed with delivery service Postmates to offer delivery in 67 cities, Nation’s Restaurant News reports.

Yes, this is very, very exciting — but there’s a catch. The delivery fee is really pricey.

“I just tried to order an $8 Chipotle burrito from Postmates,” writes Jason Del Rey, who’s based in New York City, “and was told it would cost $20 with delivery and service fees.”

In other words: one delivery burrito costs about the same as two regular burritos plus chips and guacamole. But still, it’s nice knowing it’s an option for when things get dire and you just can’t bring yourself to put on pants and walk to the nearest Chipotle location.

In conclusion:

Read next: Chipotle Is Killing It, but Investors Want More

Listen to the most important stories of the day.

TIME technology

Watch Tim Cook Bust Out Some Adorable Dad Dancing

The Apple CEO and other execs grooved to "Happy" on Earth Day

To celebrate Earth Day, Pharrell performed “Happy” on Apple’s campus in Cupertino, Calif., and everyone was really feelin’ it. Especially CEO Tim Cook, who was spotted busting out some excellent dad dancing.

Check out Cook’s moves in the video above. He’s in the black shirt and sunglasses, surrounded by other Apple execs like Phil Schiller and Eddy Cue.

Thank you, Tim Cook, for proving that you don’t need to be a dad to pull off high-quality dad dancing.

TIME Body Image

Watch a Fitness Blogger Photoshop Herself In Real Time

Cassey Ho gives herself the so-called "perfect body" to send a powerful message

Personal trainer Cassey Ho is a very popular fitness blogger with more than two million YouTube subscribers. She often receives mean, negative comments, as many bloggers do.

In a new video, Ho responds to these comments by Photoshopping herself in real time to create what her critics would consider the “perfect body.” She slims her waist, increases her chest and butt, contours her waist and even changes the color of her eyes.

“In the last few months, the negativity towards me personally has gotten worse. I’m a person too, so it really gets to me,” she told People. “I had this epiphany: How can I express how I’m feeling visually?”

Ho says her ultimate goal is to “show that cyber-bullying and mean comments really affect people, and to think before you say something.”

Read next: This ‘Normal Barbie’ Ad Captures Society’s Insane Pressure to Have a Perfect Body

TIME Food & Drink

Watch This Guy Dunk Oreos in the Most Creative Ways Possible

A series of impressive trick shots

Most people know that a great way to eat Oreos is to dunk them in a nice cold glass of milk. And we now know that if you’ve got a steady hand, a decent understanding of physics and plenty of time on your hands, the best way to dunk your cookies is with a series of trick shots.

In the clip above, you’ll see a fellow by the name of Peter Bamforth pulling off an impressive series of stunts that all end with an Oreo cookie plopping into a glass of milk. It’s kind of like a mix of beer pong and food parkour and a Rube Goldberg machine.

He should totally turn this into an Olympic event.

TIME Travel

These Are the Top 10 Islands to Explore in 2015

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Justin Goode—Getty Images A beautiful day looking out onto the jetty in Providenciales, Turks and Caicos

According to TripAdvisor

Are you sick of being landlocked? And on the lookout for a vacation spot? You may want to consider one of the top 10 islands in the world.

TripAdvisor created this list, which is part of its annual Travelers’ Choice Awards, by assessing millions of reviews written by globetrotters around the world.

Snagging the top spot is Providenciales, an island in Turks and Caicos. Known locally as Provos, it’s considered the tourism capital of Turks and Caicos, known mostly for its gorgeous white-sand beaches.

Here’s the full list of the best islands to visit this year:

  1. Providenciales, Turks and Caicos
  2. Maui, Hawaii
  3. Roatan, Honduras
  4. Santorini, Greece
  5. Ko Tao, Thailand
  6. Madeira, Portugal
  7. Bali, Indonesia
  8. Mauritius, Africa
  9. Bora Bora, French Polynesia
  10. Fernando de Noronha, Brazil

Find out more — and check out some gorgeous photos — over at TripAdvisor.

Read next: These Are the Best Flight Search Tools

TIME Television

Watch Amy Schumer Take On Rape Culture in This Friday Night Lights Parody

Tami Taylor's wine makes an appearance

Earlier this week, Amy Schumer told an audience that joking about rape “is always a risk” after showing the above sketch from the Inside Amy Schumer premiere. It’s a pitch-perfect parody of Friday Night Lights — and it’s also a pitch-perfect example of how to effectively tackle the topic of rape culture.

“You might look at this scene and think we’re making light of something serious, but we really are trying to educate,” Schumer said at the Tribeca Film Festival. “We know what message we want to send, and then we also think the premise is funny, and then we go to town.”

Josh Charles stars as a new football coach who implements a strict “no raping” policy. The players’ questions — “What if my mom is the DA and won’t prosecute?” and “What if she’s drunk and has a slight reputation?” — shrewdly satirize our culture’s attitude towards rape. Schumer’s jokes come at the expense of our society — not victims.

The whole sketch manages to be funny, too, with Schumer pulling off a great running gag involving huge wine glasses.

MORE See Amy Schumer Take a Dive on the Red Carpet With Kim and Kanye

TIME society

Allow This Man to Remind You That People Can Be Surprisingly Generous

Sometimes New Yorkers are completely selfless

Two years ago, a woman posted a touching video of an emotional moment on the New York City subway. Now, after being posted on Reddit, the clip is making its way around the Internet once again.

It shows a woman selling roses on the 6 train for $1 each. A man begins to inquire about buying in bulk and offers to pay $140 for the entire bunch. Instead of taking the flowers with him, though, he tells her to do him a favor and just hand them out for free. The vendor agrees and then the anonymous man gets off the train and disappears. Then the woman bursts into tears.

“[I think] she started crying from the relief of someone actually being generous,” Maria Lopez, the bystander who filmed the exchange, told the Huffington Post. “This one little gesture of humanity is so huge. It’s a testament to the lack of love and lack of generosity in the world. I think people are yearning for that.”

 

 

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