TIME Music

Listen to Sophie and the Bom Boms’ “Badman”: Premiere

Myles Pettengill

"It's an anti-douchebaggery anthem," explains Sophie Stern

Sophie Stern has written for the likes of Britney Spears and Ke$ha — she even appeared with Kendrick Lamar on a Cisco & Schwayze song back in 2011 — but the singer is ready to move from behind-the-scenes to the front of the stage. With her new outfit Sophie and the Bom Boms, that seems likely to happen. The band’s new EP, The Shmixtape, comes out Sept. 22nd on Columbia Records, and it’s filled with radio-friendly pop songs that will keep the summer vibe alive through the winter months.

TIME has an exclusive first listen of “Badman,” a sing-along track perfect for blasting out the windows of your bedroom while you get ready to wash that man right out of your hair. “I wrote these songs as if I was talking with my best girlfriends,” said Stern.”There’s a man’s definition of manliness and there’s a woman’s definition of manliness. This is the latter. It’s an anti-douchebaggery anthem.”

Who doesn’t want to shake their Bom Boms along with that?

TIME viral

Watch a Cat Ruin a Game of Mini Golf for Everyone

Seriously. What is it even doing there?

In case you were considering taking your cat for a few holes of mini golf this weekend: Don’t.

In this video making the rounds, a cat actively works to ruin the game for some people just trying to have a good time.

It’s all the proof you need that even if you name your cat Bagger Vance, you still shouldn’t take him to the local putting green. While cats may love the sound of birdies and bogeys, as it turns out, our feline friends struggle to master their golf swing, occasionally mistake the sand trap for a litter box, or use a nine-iron when a wood club is called for. They are also really bad sports. If they can’t play the back nine, no one can.

TIME Music

Iggy Azalea Has J. Lo’s Back in Twerk-Filled ‘Booty’ Video

Gauntlet is thrown, Nicki Minaj

Have you heard? It’s the year of the rear. Yep — after Miley Cyrus delivered her twerk-filled performance with Robin Thicke at last year’s MTV Video Music Awards, the booty-shaking bar was set, and accordingly, 2014 has seen rump-filled videos and performances from everyone from Lily Allen to Amber Rose to Helen Mirren to even Billy Ray Cyrus. Hey, even Taylor Swift got in on the action in her “Shake It Off” video.

Then came Nicki Minaj’s racy “Anaconda” vid, filled with derrieres from here to there with Drake in between. The barely SFW video zipped across the internet, setting a Vevo record for the most views in 24 hours as fans (and adolescent boys) rushed to watch the provocative jungle-twerk clip.

While “Anaconda” may have established Minaj as the queen of the twerking scene, it was a transient victory. Now, Jennifer Lopez has entered the ring to reclaim the title. J. Lo just released the aptly-named track “Booty” featuring Hot 100 It Girl Iggy Azalea. The video lives up to its title, featuring Lopez and Azalea clad in black and white swimsuits and provocatively shaking what their mamas gave them, dripping with oil. Your move, Destiny’s Child.

TIME Science

Could Bacon Stop Nosebleeds?

Doctors have been recognized for using cured pork to stop a 4-year-old's uncontrollable nosebleed

Charles Krupa / APThe 2014 Ig Nobel Prize trophy is hoisted high during a performance at the Ig Nobel Prize ceremony at Harvard University, in Cambridge, Mass., Sept. 18, 2014.

Michigan doctors who used cured pork to stop a nosebleed won a 2014 Ig Nobel prize, awarded by the Annals of Improbable Research magazine at Harvard University for especially imaginative scientific achievements.

Dr. Sonal Saraiya and her team at the Detroit Medical Center decided to try the folk remedy as a “last resort” after failed attempts to stop an uncontrollable nosebleed in a 4-year-old who suffers from Glanzmann thrombasthenia, a rare condition in which blood does not properly clot. They stuffed strips of cured pork into the child’s nostrils twice, and the hemorrhaging ceased.

Why did it work? “There are some clotting factors in the pork,” she said, the Associated Press reports, “and the high level of salt will pull in a lot of fluid from the nose.”

The awards also recognized researchers who explored whether owning a cat is bad for your mental health (it might be), Japanese scientists who studied whether banana peels are actually slippery (they’re not), and Norwegian biologists who set out to discover if people dressed like polar bears could scare reindeers (they can).

TIME Music

Sheila E Reflects on Her ‘Glamorous Life': ‘It’s Hard to Be That Popular’

2014 NAMM Show - Day 2
Jesse Grant—Getty Images Sheila E. attends the 2014 National Association of Music Merchants show at the Anaheim Convention Center on January 24, 2014 in Anaheim, Ca.

The Grammy-nominated singer and drummer opens up about her tough past, relationship with Prince

Sheila E, the legendary singer, drummer and percussionist, has lived on stage since she was a teenager — playing music first with her family and then on tours with Marvin Gaye, Lionel Richie and her notorious collaborations with Prince.

Now, after a lifetime in the spotlight, Sheila has written an autobiography, The Beat of My Own Drum, which casts a light into the areas of her life lived off-stage. TIME talked to the legendary drummer about her new book, her work as a musician and bringing the F-U-N-K to Prince songs.

TIME: You’ve spent so much of your life in the spotlight. Have you ever figured out how many years it’s been that you’ve been in the public eye?

Sheila E: The first time I played was with my dad at [age] 5. That was my first experience being on stage. And then I was playing a little bit when I was 14. But during that whole time in the Bay Area, we had so many different groups that we were inspired by, like Carlos Santana and Grateful Dead, Tower Power, Sly and the Family Stone. My dad played Latin jazz music and still does, but that time was the Motown era, so my brothers and I would emulate all the different bands, from the Temptations to the Supremes, Jackson 5 and Stevie Wonder, James Brown — it didn’t matter. We were always performing, going to our family’s house, my cousin’s house, my uncle’s house. But up until I was 15, I didn’t know that I was going to be a musician, because my focus in life was sports. I was an athlete, my mom’s an athlete, and I wanted to train to be in the Olympics and I wanted to win a gold medal. I feel that I’ve been transparent for so many years now that actually writing it down and letting other people who I haven’t been able to reach, letting them read this — I’ve been telling my story for a while, so it’s OK. I want to be transparent.

I read an interview where you mentioned how many inaccuracies were in your Wikipedia entry. Is this book sort of a way to fix that?

Yes — that would be great. We keep going in and fixing it, and they keep changing it.

What’s the one thing that keeps changing?

One thing is they keep saying that I learned how to play tuba.

You don’t know how to play tuba?


Maybe you should just learn to play a tuba.

Exactly. And then the year that I was born was wrong. It was two years off. And this lady argued with my manager one time. She says, ‘You know that Wikipedia says this was the year that she was born.’ And my manager says, ‘No, it wasn’t. I’m telling you, it’s my artist.’ And she’s like, ‘No, it’s not. Wikipedia is right.’ She’s like, ‘I’m sitting here with my artist. I know how old she is.’

One of the things Wikipedia says is that you met Carlos Santana when you were 18.

I met him before then, because my dad and my uncle played in the band, and we loved Carlos Santana growing up. That was some music that we had never heard before. Bringing percussion with some rock and roll melodies, a little bit of flavor of Latin in. Yeah, I met him when I was younger and then, later on, I fell in love with him.

What was that like for your dad? Was he like, ‘You can’t date my daughter!’?

It’s really weird, because it never came up when I was dating him. We really didn’t tell anybody. Not that I was too young or anything like that, or it was weird. He was coming to my soccer games, he was coming to the house hanging out. But he’d always pick me up or I’d meet him somewhere and we’d hang out on the other side in San Francisco, as opposed to Oakland all the time. My father never said anything to me. I don’t know if maybe he didn’t want to say anything, or it’s not like Carlos and I really hung out with the family and said, ‘Hey, we’re riding together now.’ He was on tour and I was touring, so it was almost like a relationship that was kind of in the Bay Area, but not. And my mom, honestly — I know this is crazy, but I don’t know if she even knew.

Your book talks about how Prince was already a fan of your music before you started working with him.

Yeah, before he was famous. He came to the Bay Area to do his first record, because he was influenced by Bay Area music and wanted to record in that studio where Sly and Carlos had recorded. So my dad was in Santana at the time, and they were at the studio, and they were talking about this young kid who was next door recording and producing and playing all the instruments by himself. They were like, ‘This kid is amazing.’ And I said, ‘Oh, I want to meet him.’ The following year Prince’s record came out, so he came back to the Bay Area and San Francisco to perform. And I went backstage to meet him and as I went to introduce myself, I put my hand out, and he saw me in the mirror and he turned around, and he said, ‘I already know who you are.’ And I was like, ‘Oh, okay.’ He goes, ‘I’ve been following your career for a long time.’ Then he asked me how much money I was making, and said, ‘Okay, I can’t afford you.’

A lot of articles have cast Prince as a mentor for you. Do you agree with that? Because it sounds like you influenced him as much as he influenced you.

Yeah, he’s not as much a mentor. I think we influenced each other. I influenced him the same way he influenced me. When he came back to the Bay Area, I introduced him to my family, and he got to see me play with my family, with my dad, and play Latin jazz music, and he’d never heard it before. He was like, ‘This is just crazy. This is amazing.’ He loved it. We mentored each other, if you want to look at it that way. That’s the good thing about Prince: you can see how he was influenced by the people around him. I can hear and see it, because I got to live the influence that I had on him as well as the influence he had on me — just being around each other, being able to record all the time and play, and do things that he had never done using live percussion instruments and recording all the time.

One of the things that comes through in your book is how spiritual you are. How did that work, being in the music industry in the ‘70s, ‘80s and ‘90s?

It didn’t. I knew that there was a God growing, but it was different later on, when I realized I wanted to be a better person and believing in God was not enough. I really needed to, in a sense, give my heart to the Lord.

There’s a story that you refused to sing “Erotic City” because there’s so much profanity in the song. Is that true?

Yeah, he said the “f word,” he was reading the lyric, and I said ‘I’m not singing that.’ He said, ‘Why not?’ I said, ‘Because I’m not going to say that word.’ I said funk, f-u-n-k, and he said the other word.

And then the story lives on.

Yeah and they keep telling me, ‘You said…’ You can manipulate things but I did not say that word.

Prince has so many songs that were really raunchy — songs like “Darling Nikki,” that spawned a whole national movement spear-headed by Tipper Gore. What are your memories of that time or that song?

I loved it. Are you kidding? Back then?

Even though it was raunchy?

Yeah, I mean, I didn’t know any better. That was the ‘80s. We were having a blast, I’m young. It’s like I walked around: ‘Hey, I’m naked. Look at me.’ Playing, just doing, having a blast. I had so much fun. And I loved the show that he put together. We all loved those songs. That thing was brilliant, then. And some of the songs are still great — just change the lyrics a little bit. I do “Erotic City” in my show. But I change the lyric.

Around the time that “The Belle of St. Mark” and “Glamorous Life” came out, there seemed to be a real push for you to be a pop star and less of a musician. Did you feel that sort of tug-of-war?

That was challenging for me, yeah. I signed as an R&B artist, and when “Glamorous Life” crossed over to pop, it became, ‘Yeah, she was a pop star, not an R&B artist.’ A pop star, that changed it. Then I started changing my show, because then it was more about me singing and less playing, and that’s why by my third record I said I don’t want to do this anymore. It wasn’t true to who I am. Not that I didn’t want to be a pop star or pop music was bad, it was just I wasn’t playing as much and that was the foundation of who I was was a musician. I played percussion and played drums. And the more that I sang and the more I didn’t play, I felt an emptiness and I realized that it just didn’t feel right. So I just walked away from it.

There’s a long tradition of singing drummers, but that didn’t appeal to you to try and do both?

I did do both. I incorporated as much playing as I could, but it was more about singing. By the third record, I need to figure out really what I want to do. I was so famous when “Glamorous Life” came out, and I mean, I couldn’t go into the store, I couldn’t do anything. And that’s a hard place, to be to be that popular. It’s a scary place to be, and it can swallow you up. I could see what these young artists have to go through nowadays. It happened to me, and I know it’s crazy. So I felt that I needed to change some things. So I went back, I started another band. I started a band called the E Train and I went back to playing some more Latin jazz, Brazilian, a little bit of everything with a smaller group, just so I could play again and I felt so good.

In your book you write very frankly about the abuse that you suffered. Was it liberating to write about it?

I’ve been sharing my testimony for a long time, since my 30s. It’s not always easy, but it’s great to talk about, because I realized not only was it healing for me, I was also helping other people. So then when I started to write this, well, the first time I wrote that first chapter about the abuse, I was in my 30s. I wrote for two hours, and I just broke down, like someone had stabbed me in the stomach. I hurt so bad, and I cried for three days. I couldn’t even get off the floor. I felt sick and disgusted. And I almost felt like I wanted to die — it was that intense. But I realized that after getting that out, after holding it in for so long, that the process of the healing began. I started talking about it and I started sharing. And then I realized that this baggage that I had carried for so long — baggage of guilt, baggage of shame, feeling dirty and all of these things that are not pure and clean and of God — and I wanted to let it go. I was like, ‘God, I’m giving this all to you. I don’t want it anymore.’ And really, I started feeling lighter and happier, and not angry as much, and getting better and better the more that I did it.

The experience has also led you to do a lot of philanthropy and a lot of charitable work.

Yeah, my brother introduced me to his friend and she said, ‘Hey, we’ve been through the same thing.’ I started selling my instruments on stage, and I was running out of gear, so I was like, I got to start doing this the right way. So we thought about starting a 501(c)(3). And we started Elevate Hope Foundation, and we started helping other kids. We thought, music has gotten us through this. Music and arts have healed us. They’ve become our outlet to express ourselves, and gave us courage and healing and hope. So we we went to foster care facilities since they’re the least likely to be helped — we started there. And now we’re opening up to the public schools, because all the music and arts have been taken out of the schools.

Going back to Prince for a minute, your relationship with him seems like a double-edged sword. Obviously working with him helped bring you to fame, but at the same time, you’re put up with people like me asking about your relationship. Is that how it feels? I’ve read interviews where you’ve been like, ‘Can we stop talking about this?’

It’s fine to talk about it, but after a while, once I answer one or two questions, then it becomes all about him, and I’m not doing his interviews. He should do his own interviews, you know what I’m saying? So it’s not fair to me to ask me a bunch of questions about him. I know everyone does that, because I’m the closest thing to him, or the only one talking about it. A couple of questions here and there is fine, though.

I’ll ask you one question. Did he ever make you breakfast?

Yes. Why does everyone always ask that question?

Because there are so many stories that circulate about Prince showing up somewhere and inviting them to his house for breakfast.

That’s true. I lived with him. Of course, he made me breakfast, and I made him breakfast. No one asks me, ‘Have you made Prince breakfast?’

Okay, I’ll ask you. Have you made Prince breakfast?


What did you make him?

Eggs. He loved eggs. Scrambled eggs. He loved scrambled eggs, pancakes — he loved my pancakes. And he loved my lemon cake.




TIME Music

Watch John Mellencamp’s Video for “Troubled Man”: Premiere

The legendary singer-songwriter chatted with TIME about Plain Spoken, The Bachelor and why rock has been dead for a long time

John Mellencamp will release his 22nd full-length album, Plain Spoken, on September 23. After a four-year hiatus, Mellancamp has marked his return with an elegant and soul-searching album that finds him questioning life, authority and his beliefs. Now, TIME is pleased to premiere the video for the album’s lead single “Troubled Man,” an acoustic-guitar driven charmer.

In an interview, the singer-songwriter opened up about Plain Spoken, Gene Simmons, Farm Aid and The Bachelor:

TIME: Your new album seems very mature in that it tackles a lot of issues. Like there’s ‘Troubled Man,’ which just on its title alone indicates darkness. Have you been working through a lot?

John Mellencamp: It’s not really darkness. My guess is that you were a literature major somewhere. If you read Steinbeck, you read Tennessee Williams, you read Faulkner, you read any of those type of people — even Shakespeare — it’s all about human comedy. The catastrophe of life. That’s what I write about.

On ‘Sometimes There’s God,’ it seems like you’re struggling with religion, too.

No, no, no.

No? What is the song about?

Well, sometimes there’s God. In other words, if you look at the first verse, the first line, sometimes there’s God in someone else’s eyes, meaning that you can find yourself and find peace of mind, which is what religion is supposed to provide, in many different places. And sometimes, that song says, you just can’t. Sometimes in a human’s life you just can’t find peace of mind. Can’t do it. I’m sure that you’ve experienced that yourself. It’s like, where do I put myself? How did I get here? What am I doing? Those moments. Sometimes it feels like there’s no God. I mean, if you just had a baby and it was autistic, you might say, if you believed in God, ‘Why?’ Just sometimes there’s God, and sometimes there’s not. I’m not struggling with if there’s God or not. I have my beliefs. I’m 62 years old, I’ve thought about it, and I’ve come to conclusions. They may not be right, but it’s how I feel.

On “Lawless Times,” it sounds like you’re tackling a different sort of issue. Can you tell me about that song?

“Lawless Times” is a nod and a wink to how our society has changed. That song originally was, I think, 300 verses long. I had to edit it down. There are a lot of lighthearted pokes at the Catholic Church, because of all the child molestation.

It also talks about people tapping cell phones and digital music theft.

Don’t get me started on digital music, because I said a lot of years ago and caught a lot of crap about it that the Internet is the most dangerous invention since the atomic bomb. And people went, ‘Oh, yeah,’ and I got all this pushback, but the fact of the matter is, it’s true. I mean, we have no privacy for starters, and not to mention, we could as a country wage all kinds of warfare against some other country over the Internet, and shut down their electrical grid and vice versa. Shut down the banking systems. There’s a lot of trouble that could be caused with that f—ing Internet that most people use to send naked pictures of themselves, or maybe a certain higher-education person might do research on. But basically it’s for people to f— off on.

Are you sort of a Luddite?

I don’t really use the Internet. I’m one of the people that might research online. Makes it quicker than going to the library, sorry to say. But I don’t shop online.

Do you have a cell phone?

Yeah. I only knew two guys who didn’t have a cell phone: me and Bob Dylan. Bob still doesn’t have one, and I had to get one when I got divorced because my wife had one, but I got divorced about four years ago, so I had to get a cell phone because I have kids. If I didn’t have kids, I wouldn’t have a cell phone.

You’d just wait for people to call you on your landline?

I don’t want anybody calling me anyway. So you don’t have to worry about calling me. Don’t bother!

Being an artist as well as a musician, you must really value your alone time, though.

Yes, I do take great delight in my own company.

Can you create when there are other people around, or do you need complete isolation?

I need pretty much complete isolation just to exist. Just to be alive, to live. I prefer not to be around a lot of people. I don’t know that that has much to do with being an artist, but that’s just the way I prefer to live and that’s why I live where I live. I live on 86 acres in the middle of nowhere, and I get to a town if I need supplies.

You’re about to head out on a massive tour. Are tours hellish for you?

They can be, like any other job. Part of playing live is that I think that an artist who’s interested in what they’re going to create next, and having to go out and play songs that you wrote 25 years ago can get to be tedious a job, but the audience generally softens the flow of that type of work.

You’ve been doing this for almost 40 years now. Are you surprised by the longevity of your career?

Oh, I think that everybody is. I mean nobody really in 1974 or 75 nobody really anticipated this being a lifelong career thing. What music is today is so far from what it was when I started. I mean, it couldn’t be any further away. Music was a youth-driven thing, for rebellious youth to express themselves, and the whole hippie thing was happening, and we were going to change the world. It’s all about that. And of course now it’s all tore up, but I can’t help what they made it. I can’t help it. Because other people make it bad, that doesn’t mean that I can change the world. I can’t. I’m just a guy with a guitar.

But you’ve also never shied away from taking political stances in your music or onstage. Do you feel like up-and-coming rock stars and pop stars these days are apolitical?

Well, I don’t know about them. I can’t speak for them. I don’t know what they think. I think Taylor Swift is cute. Other than that, I don’t know anything about her.

Is it disappointing that this younger generation isn’t willing to take a stand about stuff?

There are a lot of reasons for that, and I don’t blame them at all. When I was a kid, there was something called the Vietnam War and the draft. It motivated a lot of young people to get involved in politics. I’m sure that if there was a draft today and young people were faced with the idea of going to Syria or Afghanistan, they would have a louder voice. They would think, ‘Oh, s–t. What am I getting drafted for? To go do what?’ So when the draft was eliminated, which we were all happy about at the time, it took young people out of the mix, which was really good for the old people who run the world, because the young people were f—ing them up. Politicians today don’t have to worry about it, because young people won’t even talk about it, because they don’t give a s–t. They don’t care, because they’re not involved. I’ll tell you what: you want young people to talk about politics, reinstate the draft.

Speaking of political issues, you founded Farm Aid. Do you think the plight of the farmer is kind of overlooked in this day and age?

It’s so complicated. It’s not a generic, sweeping statement. If you just look at what the government have passed as food for children — your children, my children, in school — it’s not really to do with their health, is it? It’s really to do with the dairy farmers. It has to do with the people who grow crops, Big Corn. A lot of decisions being made about money and not the well-being of people. So Farm Aid is about so many things. The very first year we did it, it was just about trying to keep the small farmer on the land, and it’s a never-ending problem. They pass all these farm bills, but they’re not really to help the small farmer — they’re all to help corporate farming. I mean, we all know we shouldn’t drink dairy, right? What do they serve in school to drink? Dairy. Think that’s an accident? Or they serve soft drinks. You think that’s an accident? No! There’s f–ing tons of money being made here, and it’s not for the well being of the children.

This is going to sound silly, but hear me out: The Bachelor, the TV show, just cast a farmer as its star.

I don’t know about The Bachelor. I’ve never watched it.

Do you think drawing attention to the fact that people still run family farms in America is a good reminder?

I don’t think it could hurt. But anytime you take a subject like that and you make it fodder for a television show, how serious are people going to take it? We have serious issues in this problem and to make it light entertainment, it just hits me sideways.

This is your first album under a lifetime contract with Republic Records. What made you want to sign a lifetime contract?

Well, about 10 to 12 years ago, I’d had a record contract for 30-something years, and I really didn’t like it. I don’t work for anybody. I don’t like working for anybody — I’ve never been employed by anybody — and the idea of having to release records on a time schedule, which I had done for 20-something years. So I got out of my record deal, and I didn’t want a record deal. I thought I would just be a free agent, and every time I wanted to make a record I’d just go someplace assigned to make one record. But after 10 to 12 years, it became very tedious, so we decided that I like the guy who runs Republic and we made a deal that I don’t have to release records on any time schedule. I just do what I want. It’s a special deal.

Your musical Ghost Brothers of Darkland County is also hitting the road again. How many times have you seen it?

I’ve seen it enough to know it still needs work — it’s been 15 years — but Steve [Stephen King] and I are closing in on it.

It’s still a work in progress?

Everything is, honey. Art is never done: it’s only abandoned.

How do you know when an album is done?

You abandon it. Yes, always abandon. It’s never done.

Is that the same with your paintings?

Sure. I have paintings that I’m still painting on that are 20 years old. I’ll have a painting, because I never throw anything away, never. I have jeans older than you. I have boots older than you.

As a musician and an artist, when inspiration strikes you, is it geared towards being represented visually versus musically?

I’m sure you’ve heard this many times, and I know it sounds phony people who don’t do it, but when you’re a songwriter or you’re a painter, it’s not even so much inspiration as what I call channeling. And sometimes when I write songs, the ideas come so fast that my hand doesn’t move quick enough to keep up with it. My mind is open to this idea. I don’t go, ‘You know I’m going to write a really nice song for Melissa.’ I don’t do that. The song is just sent to me, and I write them down. If they’re about ‘Sometimes It’s God,’ if they’re about the ‘Isolation of Mister,’ I write them down. Painting’s the same way. It’s always surprising to me. I never know what the f–k I’m talking about. I don’t know what the songs are about. I don’t know how the painting’s going to end up. I don’t know when I’m going to quit on the painting.

Now, some people get to channel good stuff, some people not so good, and some people who are songwriters don’t even know this, and they write these songs that I don’t know what the f–k they’re talking about. I don’t know why they would even write them, but they do. And they play them on the radio! [laughs]

Gene Simmons recently said, ‘Rock is dead.’ Do you buy that?

Oh, yeah. It’s been dead for years. It’s dead. It’s over. Rock has been dead since probably the early ‘90s. It’s over. What an insightful guy Gene Simmons is to realize that, in 2014, rock is dead. Gene, it’s been dead for f—ing 25 years!

Why do you think it’s dead?

I don’t think it’s dead; I know it’s dead.

Well, how do you know it’s dead?

The reason rock is dead is because the foundation is no longer there. It’s about money, it’s about needing another country singer on the ticket. The foundation of rock music was rebellion against the establishment. How in the f—ing hell can a 62-year-old man be writing songs…That’s why my records sound like they do. They’re age-appropriate. I don’t even consider myself a rock singer. I consider myself a songwriter. You don’t ever see me use the word rock and roll related to myself. Other people may. Rocker John Mellencamp. It’s like, what the f–k are you talking about? Rocker John Mellencamp. Back in 1982, maybe. But not now. I mean, guys my age get on stage and try to act like they’re rocking. It’s funny.

Gene Simmons is out there.

Yeah, and he looks like a dope.

And there’s people like Keith Richards.

Baby, those guys are out there trying to recapture something that they once had. I’m sure that if you ask Keith Richards, he’ll tell you: ‘I’m doing the best I can. This is the best I can do. Am I the Keith Richards on stage that I was in 1972? No. But am I as good a guitar player? Yes.’ So you can’t just make a big generalization and say they’re out rocking. No, they’re not. Keith Richards is nothing on stage like he was in 1969.

Are you still having fun?

Yeah. Not the kind of fun that one would think. Not the kind of fun that I once had, when I was a young guy in a black-leather jacket. But fun is relative and fun for me today is being able to create something and go, ‘I like that. That’s good. That’s good.’ Fun for me is being able to go, ‘Wow, my son is in Golden Gloves. Great.’ My one son goes to RISD. I have a daughter who just had a baby. That’s fun. That kind of stuff is fun. Fun is relevant. Do I go out and get drunk after the show? No. I haven’t been drunk since 1971.

TIME celebrity

For $40,000 Run The Jewels 2 Will Be Remixed With Cat Sounds

"Meow the Jewels"

Run The Jewels—the rap duo made up of Killer Mike and El-P—really wants people to pre-order their second album, Run The Jewels 2 (or RTJ2), so they made some very enticing packages on Kickstarter to encourage it.

Their pre-order packages include basic t-shirt and record bundles and deluxe vinyl editions. Or, for $40,000, Run the Jewels will remix their entire album with nothing but cat sounds.

The band was probably just joking around when they devised that option and weren’t expecting anyone to pony up $40,000 to hear cats “sing” RTJ’s “All Due Respect” with added vocals from a cat version of Travis Barker, but they underestimated their fan base.

Now, one ingenious fan has started a Kickstarter campaign to make so-called “Meow the Jewels” a reality. The goal is to raise $45,100 (the cost plus Kickstarter and Amazon fees, plus rewards and shipping) so that Run the Jewels can re-record RTJ2 using all cat sounds instead of music. The band is on board with the plan, too. El-P took to Twitter to confirm that he would remix the album with cat sounds if the money came through.

The Kickstarter still has a long way to go (as of this writing, it only has $5,210 of their $45,100 goals). Run the Jewels 2 comes out October 28.

TIME viral

Orange is the New Black Gets The Golden Girls Treatment in This Mashup

Golden is the new black

In the latest gift from the Internet, YouTube user Robert Jones mashed up Orange is the New Black with The Golden Girls to make an entirely enjoyable new viral video, perfect for watching with friend and a slice of cheesecake. Speaking of which, there’s little doubt that the inmates at Litchfield Penitentiary would have some great conversations over a cheesecake, especially one with cigarettes or a file baked into it.

To make the video, Jones replaced the Orange is the New Black theme song (Regina Spektor’s “You’ve Got Time”) with Andrew Gold’s “Thank You For Being A Friend,” and the song swap magically transforms the smartly dark prison drama into a screwball jail comedy, which is not a genre that has been explored in-depth.

The combination of the ’80s comedy and the Netflix show is fodder for the imagination, and hopefully some great fanfic will come out of the mash-up—think of the trouble Sophia and Red could get up to.

Thank you for being a friend, Internet.

TIME viral

Competitive Eater Kobayashi Faces Off Against a Hungry Hungry Hamster

Tiny hamster, giant appetite

The Internet’s latest darling is a hungry, hungry hamster. First the hamster took on tiny burritos, then tiny pizza slices and then tiny breakfasts in a tiny mansion. Now the fluffy little rodent has turned its beady little eyes on a larger target — professional eater Takeru Kobayashi.

Kobayashi made a name for himself on the competitive eating circuit, taking down all comers at the annual Coney Island hot dog eating contest. He is capable of eating 69 hot dogs in 10 minutes, but can he compete with a tiny hamster with giant mouth pouches who can tackle tiny fake hot dogs made out of hamster food in only a few dozen mouthfuls?

The only way to find out is it watch the latest installment of HelloDenzien’s adorable videos, but get on the edge of your seat now and brace yourself for a drama-filled face-off between the two eaters.



Dancing With the Stars Watch: Week 1 Results


Plus Smokey Robinson and Aloe Blacc performed

Welcome back to Dancing With the Stars. The show kicked off last night with some polished performances (Fresh Prince‘s Alfonso Ribeiro and, surprisingly, Duck Dynasty scion Sadie Robertson ) and some, well, less-than-polished performances (apparently bobsledding in the Olympics is not the same as cha-cha-ing). Tonight we find out who goes home, because despite last year’s blissful one-episode-per-week format, after 19 seasons the show has realized that in fact they do need two nights to contain all the sparkling glory.

Here’s what happened on Dancing With the Stars:

Star Parade: To remind viewers of the show’s glorious past, the audience was packed with celebrities and former contestants like Ralph Macchio, Rick Schroder, David Justice, Amy Purdy, Brant Daugherty, Cheech Marin, Leah Remini, Rumer Willis and Danica McKellar.

Safety First: It’s always nerve-racking to be judged first, but Antonio Sabato Jr. managed it without breaking a sweat. He’s coming back next week, as is Tavis Smiley, while Betsey Johnson does not get an AARP break and is in jeopardy this week.

Ladies With an Attitude: To introduce the audience to the stars who, frankly, kind of need an introduction, the producers kindly give up a few moments of prime time so each woman can explain who they are and why they are on the show in a two-second soundbite. Pretty Little Liars star Janel Parish wants to show off her Hawaiian dance heritage. Sadie Robertson wants to share her faith and prove Christians can have fun. Actress Lea Thompson wants to relive her ballet-dancer past. Olympic bobsledder and hurdler Lolo Jones wants to show up that guy who embarrassed her at prom. Bethany Mota wants to live life, step outside YouTube and onto TV. Designer Betsey Johnson wants to show that age is a matter of mind, because “if you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter!”

Fellows That Were in the Mood: Then, the men get a shot at justifying their spot on the show. Former Fresh Prince star Alfonso Ribeiro is looking forward to losing weight. Tommy Chong wants to impress his wife. PBS mainstay Tavis Smiley wants to start being silly before he turns 50. Mean Girls actor Jonathan Bennett is here to make the audience cry and honor his father, who is watching from heaven. Mixed-martial-arts champ Randy Couture is here to show his softer side. NASCAR driver Michael Waltrip wants to pick up where Bill Engvall left off.

Meet the Pros: The show added three new pros this season, and while it introduced them last night, they are just going to go ahead and do it again. Allison Holker came from So You Think You Can Dance, Artem Chigvintsev won Strictly Come Dancing and Keo Motsepe is a South African dance machine. After a video that featured all three glistening in oil while a wind machine sputtered. Tom Bergeron quipped, “Dancing With the Stars, where body fat goes to die.” After their video intro, they show their stuff by dancing with the rest of the pros to Pharrell’s “Come Get it Bae.” Needless to say, the men were shirtless.

Encore Performance: The judges smartly opted to watch a repeat of Alfonso’s and Witney’s high-flying, fast-paced jive, which put them at the top of the leaderboard. Watching the frenetic footwork and effortless flair in the routine makes you realize that Alfonso is good, but it also speaks to Witney’s talent. As the youngest pro on the show, she has the most to prove.

Safety Dance: Over the next few rounds of drama-filled results announcements, it’s revealed that Janel, Randy Couture, Sadie Robertson, Alfonso and Bethany Mota are safe. That left Lea Thompson and Michael Waltrip in jeopardy.

Best Performance: Motown legend Smokey Robinson and up-and-comer Aloe Blacc sang a slowed down version of “My Girl” while Mark and Witney slow-danced like they were at a rom-com version of a high school prom when everyone had cleared the floor so the preacher’s daughter and the motorcycle-riding town rebel could rekindle their love against all odds and her father’s wishes.

Best Moment of the Night: The producers unearthed the pros’ audition tapes and showed Derek Hough’s shiny-faced, exuberant and loquacious tryout. It was all kinds of adorable.

Worst Moment of the Night: Airing time-wasting B-roll footage, instead of the rest of the pros’ audition videos.

In Jeopardy: The hosts reveal that Jonathan Bennett and Tommy Chong are safe, meaning that all is currently right with the world and Lolo and Keo are in jeopardy. She joins Betsey Johnson, Michael Waltrip and Lea Thompson in the bottom of the rankings.

The Results: It’s quickly revealed that Lea and Michael are safe, meaning that Betsey and Lolo are actually in jeopardy.

Going Home: Lolo Jones. The Olympian handles defeat with grace, admitting her mistakes and pointing out that it wouldn’t have been fair to send Betsey home over a wardrobe malfunction. If she had been as gracious last night, perhaps she would have stayed on the show longer.

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