TIME Music

Hear the Roots’ “When the People Cheer”: The First Single Off Their New Album

The Roots Def Jam Recordings

Their new album is due out May 13 on Def Jam

In between singing the Frozen soundtrack with Idina Menzel, performing “We Can’t Stop” with Miley Cyrus and completing the rest of their Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon duties, The Roots have somehow managed to make a brand-new album. The ominously titled And Then You Shoot Your Cousin is due out May 13 on Def Jam Records, as confirmed via Instagram by Questlove.

Band member Black Thought described the band’s forthcoming 11th album in an interview with XXL: “It’s conceptual; it’s another concept album in the spirit of undun, but it’s not just about just one kind of character, we create quite a few different characters in this record. It’s satire, but in that satire it’s an analysis of some of the stereotypes perpetuated in–not only the hip-hop community, but in the community.”

The first single, “When the People Cheer,” helps explain how the band is incorporating that heady concept into the albums’ tracks. The song starts out with a nursery rhyme and then quickly veers into darker territory with heavy lyrics.

Listen here:

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TIME Food & Drink

Holy Guacamole: You’ve Never Seen Avocados Like This

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Cross section of ripe avocado Patrick Llewelyn-Davies—Getty Images/OJO Images RF

The food porn parody of Topless Tuesdays on Reddit.

For a certain subset of the Reddit population, Tuesday is better known as Topless Tuesday, which is exactly as NSFW as it sounds.

But the parody Reddit thread Avocados Gone Wild epitomizes the phrase “food porn” and gives Topless Tuesday a new, much more innocent meaning. While browsing photos of these delicious-looking meals that have raunchy titles like “lubricant” and “messy” and “jailbait”, your imagination is your own worst enemy. A plate with a whole avocado next to a chicken illustrates “spreading with a hot chick”, while an open-faced sandwich topped with avocado slices illustrates “being on top.”

Below are a few recent examples:

“I know the guys in this band, so I modeled for their (a)lbumcover. I like showing off my body ;)”:

“I know you want me.. ;)”

“Open and ready to be take in the kitchen”

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TIME Television

RECAP: Dancing with the Stars Watch: The Switch Up

In which Julianne Hough explains it all

Welcome back to Dancing with the Stars, where the Mirror Ball trophy is still dangling just out of reach of the grasping, cold, spray-tanned hands of our D-listers. Tonight’s obstacle standing in the way of a celebrity bringing home the world’s must versatile home accessory? The much-discussed Switch Up.

Remember the 2010 Jennifer Aniston film The Switch where Jason Bateman drunkenly switched his baby-making material with the contribution of his BFF’s sperm donor? This is just like that, except your nana tippled too much sherry and drunk dialed the DWTS hotline and ordered that the nice host from The Price is Right get to dance with that cute Cheryl Burke or else she’s cancelling her subscription to ABC.

Here’s what happened on Dancing with the Stars:

Candace Cameron Bure and Tony Dovolani: Candace’s take on the match up? “This is going to be so interesting.” Then she keeled over in horror. Clad in a dress that could only count as “punk” in the Disney version of The Sid and Nancy Story and dancing to The Sweet’s “Ballroom Blitz,” the duo quick stepped away with Lori Laughlin watching from the audience because Aunt Becky has nothing better to do with her Monday nights. The judges weren’t thrilled with Candace’s footwork or armwork, but felt bad about having nothing nice to say and applauded her “energy.” 28/40 and 60/80 combined.

James Maslow and Cheryl Burke: Cheryl knows a few things about making a sexy tango, so she swiped a shirtless matador outfit from Maks’ closet, swirled up rumors that James was “cheating” on Peta with her, and hit the ballroom with a bang. Julianne Hough had no problem declaring James “the total package,” so long as he has “Peta help him tuck his pelvis.” Bruno had no problem with his pelvis. 35/40 or 71/80 combined

Best Critique That Sounds Like Cosmo Sex Advice: “She was specific in what she wanted and how she wanted it, so it was pretty fun,” said James about dancing with Cheryl.

Best Out of Context Remark: “It sounds like we have a little bit of tucking to do next week,” said host Erin Andrews before pimping out Peta to James and begging them to start dating so she would have something to talk about.

Drew Carey and Witney Carson: Through some diabolical scheme, Drew, who at 55 is now the oldest contestant in the competition, has been paired with little tiny baby Witney. As Cheryl put it, “They have this grandpa-granddaughter thing. It’s cute. Creepy, but cute.” As Drew had the lowest score last week, he couldn’t get worse, but managed to wow the judges with his cha cha with Bruno going so far as to declare it “brilliant.” 33/40, 63/80 combined

Biggest TMI Of The Night: “I haven’t had that much fun in a minute and a half since I was a teenager,” announced Len Goodman while reviewing Drew’s dance.

Macy’s Stars of Dance: Derek Hough has taken over as creative director for this segment, which means dramatic lighting, a severe lack of shirts, intense choreography and incorporating slow motion camera techniques into the live performance. In short: It’s great.

Danica McKenna and Maks Chmerkovskiy: Danica hit the lottery and swapped one Chmerkovskiy brother for the other. Julianne accused Maks of “phoning it in” but Maks claimed that at his age he likes to dance every dance as if it is his last. 32/40; 68/80 combined

Charlie White and Peta Murgatroyd: “The super sexy look on me doesn’t come super naturally,” said Charlie White while preparing for his rumba with Peta. To help him achieve the “super sexy look” he Dippity Do’d his hair back and stole a purple cater waiter’s outfit. Julianne thought it was “stunning and beautiful” and deemed Charlie “a mother’s dream.” But Carrie Ann and Len didn’t think the dance was much of a rumba and Unofficial Lift Police Carrie Ann also spied a lift, which means points will be deducted. 34/40, 69/80

Amy Purdy and Mark Ballas: After being paired with Paralympic snowboarder Amy, Mark had to go to Derek for advice on how to interpret dance technique when working with a woman who has no feet. They were able to deliver a salsa that was so hot it gave Taco Bell’s fire sauce some serious competition. After Carrie Ann congratulated Amy on her abs, Len decided it was appropriate to announce that Amy’s “bottom is the top.” Way to stay on topic, guys. 34/40, 70/80 combined.

Cody Simpson and Sharna Burgess: Cody has grown accustomed to being matched with newbie dancer Witney, so when paired with relatively ancient Sharna, he had no choice but to deem it like “dancing with his mom.” FYI, Sharna is 28 and managed not to spank him for his insolence. (She believes in attachment parenting). For their foxtrot Cody wisely opted to reap some royalties while on stage and sang their soundtrack. 31/40, 66/80 combined

Best Not Dirty Comment That Sounds Dirty: “You’re not quite in control of your length of bone,” said Bruno about Cody, for once not trying for the double (or even single) entendre.

Nene Leakes and Derek Hough: Derek feels lucky to be able to dance jazz with the Real Housewives star because he thinks it plays to her strengths. Set to Beyoncé’s “Grown Woman,” Derek managed to bring out the best in Nene and make her usual partner Tony look under-qualified in comparison. If Nene makes it through to next week, it’s because of Derek. Len dubbed it the best dance she did this season, while Bruno delivered a backhanded, “I don’t care about the music, I’m doing my own thing!” 32/40, 63/80 combined.

Meryl Davis and Val Chmerkovskiy: Val got to give Olympic gold medalist and current DWTS leader Meryl a whirl this week and he made the most of it. Their Argentine tango was dynamic, fast-paced and downright impressive. Even Julianne Hough couldn’t help but croak that she wished she could dance like Meryl. High praise with high marks to match. 39/40, which tied their score from last week, meaning there will be peace around the Chmerkovskiy brothers’ dinner table this week.

The Leaderboard: Meryl is in the lead with a combined score of 78/80 with Candace bringing up the rear (is that an offensively risqué term?) with 60.

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TIME viral

Watch Cats React To Magic Tricks…Sort Of

Meh-ow

Silly magicians, tricks are for dogs!

In the 100% necessary follow-up to Dogs Reacting to Magic, an intrepid magician tries his hand at impressing cats with his sleight-of-hand tricks.

While the dogs were adorably mystified by the Case of the Disappearing Dog Treats, as it turns out cats just…aren’t that into magic. The magician consistently failed to get the felines interested in next-level prestidigitation, complex card tricks or the ability to make streamers erupt in a seemingly endless flow from his mouth. The most impressive trick the magician managed was to make his cat audience disappear.

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TIME Science

Here’s the Absolute Worst Place to Get Stung by a Bee

Getty Images

A bee in the D. For science.

Michael Smith, a Cornell University graduate student, studies the evolution and behavior of honeybees. But when he wanted to know the answer to a question that is likely to be at the forefront of many bee researchers’ minds — “Where is the most painful place to be stung?” — he realized that academia was light on research into the subject of bee stings and pain. So, he did what any student of science would do: He stung himself 190 times in various body parts to find out.

Everyday for 38 days, Smith would use forceps to pick up a honeybee by its wings and then hold the undoubtedly bewildered bee on the place he was testing for pain and kept the stinger in place for one full minute. Smith rated the pain on a scale of 1 to 10 and calibrated his experiment by starting and ending each stinging session with a sting on his forearm. Over the course of the experiment, Smith stung himself in 25 different body parts, three times each. Body parts on the list? The entire body from toes to the top of the skull and everything in between, including penis, testicles and rear end.

The results of his study, which were published in the scientific journal PeerJ, revealed that out of the 25 different body part the most painful place for a bee sting was, surprisingly, the nose. Smith ranked it a 9 out of 10 on pain levels. Lips followed close behind with a rating of 8.7 out of 10 — surprisingly more painful than the sting to his penis, which came in at 7.3 and testicles, which merited merely a 7, tying for fourth with the cheek, palm and armpit.

Smith admits that the results of his experiment are subjective as other people might feel pain more sharply in different places and could have different results in different locations. Sorry, masochists, but Smith isn’t looking for volunteers to continue the study. “I didn’t see a lot of merit in repeating this with more subjects,” he said in National Geographic.

[via National Geographic]

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TIME Music

VIDEO: Katie Herzig Premieres “Walk Through Walls”

Katie Herzig’s new album Walk Through Walls is out April 8

Katie Herzig may not be a household name, but you’ve definitely heard her music.

Songs from her four albums have been featured in many commercials and soundtracked the drama on television shows like Grey’s Anatomy and Bones, and most recently, in the the trailer for Saving Mr. Banks. She’s even been nominated for a Grammy Award. Yet universal recognition continues to elude her — but her new album, Walk Through Walls, may finally put her over the top.

The album, which is due out April 8th, shows Herzig continuing to break with her folksy roots, swapping acoustic guitars for the poppy electronica and synthesizers that worked so well on her last album. TIME is excited to premiere the album’s title track, “Walk Through Walls,” a pretty and ethereal number that showcases Herzig’s deft vocals and poignant lyrics.

“This song was written in a time when I had to come to terms with the fact that life does not always reflect the picture we grow up having in our mind. And when it starts to look like something outside of that, we are stuck between hanging on to that picture with all our might, or letting it go and embracing the picture that is,” Herzig says. “This song lives in the space between those two worlds.”

As for the making of the video, Herzig explains: “My director, Shih-Ting Hung, came across Edward James’ Las Pozas in Xitlitla Mexico when we were looking for locations and we both fell in love. With a spirit of adventure and some crazy planning and coordination we flew into Mexico City, met up with a wonderful Mexican crew, drove 9 hours to Las Pozas and shot the video in one day… in the middle of a place that I can only describe as heaven on earth.”

“This shows only a tiny bit of its breathtaking structures,” she adds. That description is an apt analogy for the song itself, which hints at the power and beauty in Herzig’s voice and songwriting capabilities.

You can pre-order her album here and catch her on tour through the end of May.

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TIME Music

Lana Del Rey Goes Disco In Old Track “Meet Me In the Pale Moonlight,” Reveals New Single Title “West Coast”

Lana Del Rey performs on stage at Scala on November 16, 2011 in London, United Kingdom. Andy Sheppard—Redferns/Getty Images

Where else would you meet her?

Lana Del Rey fans have been waiting (and waiting) for her to finish her forthcoming album, Ultraviolence. But fans may have been looking in the wrong place: “If you wanna be my little baby you can meet in the pale moonlight,” she sings on a track that surfaced this week. Take a listen to the aptly-named “Meet Me In the Pale Moonlight” below before heading off to the closest patch of moonlight to wait for Ms. Del Rey.

The track is as upbeat a number as we’ve heard from the singer, a disco-inflected track with funky guitar melodies set to a thudding drum beat and a melodramatic swirl of strings underneath Del Rey’s husky voice.

The song is an unlikely follow-up for the “Born to Die” and “Young and Beautiful” singer, and as intriguing as “Meet Me In The Pale Moonlight” is, the track will reportedly not be included on her forthcoming album, as Del Rey explained on Twitter yesterday:

While fans wait for “West Coast,” listen to the old track below.

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TIME space

Watch a Skydiver Almost Get Hit By A Meteorite

That would've hurt

Whenever a wolf or a coyote creeps into a suburban backyard, someone is bound to mention that as humans spread out across the planet, wild animals have no place to go. Asteroids don’t really have that same excuse. Yet a Norwegian skydiver claims he was nearly hit by a flying space rock during a recent air jump and he has it on video.

Back in 2012, Oslo Parachute Club member Anders Helstrup jumped from a plane with two camera strapped to his helmet. He opened his parachute and glided down to earth, but felt something was off. “I got the feeling that there was something, but I didn’t register what was happening,” Helstrup explained to NRK.no. When he went back to review the footage he had captured, he realized what it was: A rock was hurtling at him. From above.

He was perplexed and contacted the Natural History Museum in Oslo for assistance. The experts confirmed his suspicion. “It can’t be anything else. The shape is typical of meteorites – a fresh fracture surface on one side, while the other side is rounded,” said geologist Hans Amundsen to NRK.no..

According to the article, the search is on to find the meteorite on the ground. However if this is all a hoax, it should be fairly hard to track down.

[Via NRK]

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TIME

This Dog Totally Thought She Could Fly

Woof

While the word “fail” gets bandied about the internet a great deal, it really, truly suits this video. Why? Because when this eager dog comes tearing across the living room with an eye for landing on the couch and gnawing on whatever is in her mouth, she is absolutely 100% convinced that she is going to make it. She’s certain of it. Convinced. Until she’s not and is instead face first in the furniture. We’ve all been there, puppy dog.

[Via Digg]

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TIME Crime

Mother’s April Fools’ Day Prank On Her Daughter Backfires Very, Very Badly

Woman using a smartphone
Getty Images

School shootings are never a joke

File this under bad ideas.

Angela Timmons thought it would be a great April Fools’ Day prank to text her daughter in New York that she could hear gunfire from inside her office at Virginia College in South Carolina and was “hiding for her own safety.”

When the 54-year old woman failed to respond to any of her daughter’s text messages, the young woman called the police to report the incident.

According to The Smoking Gun, police raced to the Spartanburg, SC., college campus to investigate the school shooting, only to discover that it was all a very bad joke and no shooting had occurred.

Timmons told Spartanburg County Sheriff’s Office deputies that she “sent the text as an April Fools joke and that she has done such jokes on April Fools in the past.”

The punchline of her “joke”? Timmons was arrested and booked into the county jail, where she is being held on several charges, including aggravated breach of the peace and disturbing a school.

[Via The Smoking Gun]

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