TIME awards

Porn Stars Predict Who Will Win The Academy Awards

An Oscar statue stands on the red carpet
The iconic Oscar statue stands above the red carpet on the eve of the 84th annual Academy Awards in Hollywood, California, on February 25, 2012. Joe Klamar—AFP/Getty Images

Adult film actresses place their bets on those other movie stars

Who will win the 86th Academy Awards? As the Oscars approach, people are wondering who will take home Hollywood’s most recognizable phallic symbol. One place to find the answer is TIME’s film critic extraordinaire Richard Corliss. Or you could ask a bunch of porn stars.

Vivid’s adult film actresses gave Uproxx their predictions about who will grab Oscars this Sunday, so if you’re struggling to fill out a winners’ chart or whatever people use to bet on these things, they’re worth taking a gander at. Yes, porn stars are not traditionally considered psychic, but an ape has correctly predicted the Super Bowl winner for years, so don’t scoff at soothsaying from sordid sources.

Here are the top picks from some of porn’s biggest stars:

Ash Hollywood
Best Picture-Gravity
Best Actor-Leonardo DiCaprio
Best Actress-Sandra Bullock
Best Director-Martin Scorsese

Brandy Aniston
Best Picture-The Wolf of Wall Street
Best Actor-Matthew McConaughey
Best Actress-Sandra Bullock
Best Director-Martin Scorsese

Kendall Karson
Best Picture-The Wolf of Wall Street
Best Actor-Matthew McConaughey
Best Actress- Sandra Bullock
Best Director- Martin Scorsese

Mary Carey
Best Picture-American Hustle
Best Actor-Christian Bale
Best Actress-Amy Adams
Best Director-David O. Russell

Savanna Samson
Best Picture-Gravity
Best Actor-Matthew McConaughey
Best Actress-Meryl Streep
Best Director-Alfonso Cuaron

Penny Paxx
Best Picture-Gravity
Best Actor-Leonardo DiCaprio
Best Actress-Amy Adams
Best Director-David O. Russell

Ashley Blue
Best Picture-12 Years a Slave
Best Actor-Bruce Dern
Best Actress-Amy Adams
Best Director-Martin Scorsese

TIME Lifestyle

This Survey Shows How Men and Women View Porn Differently

Results show that women are from Venus, men are from whatever planet watches porn all the time.

Cosmopolitan surveyed men and women’s porn viewing habits and discovered that men watch porn even more than women think men do.

Here are some things we learned from the results, which are based on a survey of 4,000 men and 4,000 women:

  • 21.3% of women prefer same-sex porn to heterosexual porn, compared to 1.8% of men.
  • When it comes to porn actresses, the most important characteristic men are looking for is youth. 47.4% picked “young” as the quality they look for, followed by 40.1% selecting “large breasts.” Men could choose more than one category, and “MILF” had a strong showing at 30%.
  • .1% of the female respondents had done porn.
  • 7 out of 10 men watch stuff on porn they wouldn’t do in real life, which is comforting considering some of the funky porn genres on the Internet.
  • Only 7 out of every 50 women like to watch things they wouldn’t do themselves.
  • 2/3 of men orgasm faster from watching porn than they do from real life sex.
  • 8% of men prefer masturbating and watching porn to IRL sex.
  • 68.3% of women aren’t bothered by their male partner’s porn-watching habits, as long as they don’t interfere with the relationship.

Overall, the survey highlighted that, while men are more voracious porn consumers than women, women aren’t as grossed out by X-rated videos as one might think.

TIME Lifestyle

How Long Does Your State Last?

Dorm beds: often sites of rebound sex.
Dorm beds: often sites of rebound sex. Qusai Al Shidi—Flickr

Americans don't exactly take their time in the sack

If New Mexico’s looking for a catchy tourism slogan, may we submit “New Mexico Does It Longer?”

The state, home to the fictional Walter White, contains the longest sex-havers in the nation, according to data collected by the Spreadsheets App and published in map-form by Nerve.com, a mobile app that helps people measure their time between the sheets. People in New Mexico do it for just over seven minutes on average.

Alaskans aren’t nearly so patient: the coldest state also has the shortest sex sessions, clocking in under two minutes. Two minutes is barely enough time to get every article of clothing off! Get it together, Alaska. Then again, maybe Alaskans aren’t even bothering to take their clothes off since the weather is so cold.

Here’s the complete list:

1. New Mexico – (7:01)

2. West Virginia – (5:38)

3. Idaho – (5:11)

4. South Carolina – (4:48)

5. Missouri – (4:22)

6. Michigan -(4:14)

7. Utah – (3:55)

8. Oregon – (3:51)

9. Nebraska – (3:47)

10. Alabama – (3:38)

11. Delaware – (3:33)

12. Hawaii – (3:28)

13. Wisconsin – (3:22)

14. North Dakota – (3:18)

15. Arizona – (3:17)

16. Maryland – (3:15)

17. Mississippi – (3:10)

18. Rhode Island – (3:09)

19. Connecticut – (3:07)

20. Texas – (3:06)

21. New Hampshire – (3:04)

22. Wyoming – (3:03)

23. New York – (3:01)

24. Pennsylvania – (2:58)

25. Maine – (2:58)

26. Washington – (2:51)

27. Iowa – (2:50)

28. Illinois – (2:49)

29. North Carolina – (2:47)

30. Tennessee – (2:46)

31. Kansas – (2:38)

32. California – (2:38)

33. Massachusetts – (2:31)

34. Florida – (2:29)

35. New Jersey – (2:28)

36. Indiana – (2:26)

37. Virginia – (2:23)

38. Oklahoma – (2:21)

39. Colorado – (2:21)

40. Minnesota – (2:19)

41. Ohio – (2:18)

42. Louisiana – (2:17)

43. Kentucky – (2:14)

44. Arkansas – (2:08)

45. District of Columbia – (2:08)

46. Nevada – (2:07)

47. Georgia – (2:07)

48. Montana – (2:03)

49. Vermont – (1:48)

50. South Dakota – (1:30)

51. Alaska – (1:21)

TIME World

The Apocalypse Starts Saturday, at Least According To The Vikings

Replica of a Viking ship by Greenland.
Replica of a Viking ship by Greenland. Russell Kaye—Sandra-Lee Phipps/Getty Images

This is the way the world ends, not with a bang but with a sprawling Nordic god fight

It’s the end of the world as the Vikings know it, and it’s probably fine: Ragnarok, the Viking apocalypse, is coming this weekend.

In Norse mythology, Ragnarok goes down after the god Loki’s wolf grandson Skoll eats the sun, a very unchill thing to do. His brother eats the moon. This somehow unleashes their wolf-dad, Fenrir, a noted bloodthirsty curmudgeon. The Midgard snake Jormungand will surface from the depths of the sea. It gets worse from there. All the gods, like Odin, Thor, and some others that do not currently have days of the week named after them, show up to fight each other. It’s kind of like the Hunger Games but with pissed-off ancient deities. The earth will sink, the world will burn, and things will get maximum gnarly, death-wise.

And it’s supposed to go down this Saturday, February 22. Believers in the United Kingdom are holding a festival called Jorvik to celebrate, but for Viking lovers who can’t make it to York, eating a lot of Nordic smoked salmon and rocking back and forth crying hysterically is a perfectly acceptable way to join the festivities.

Good news, though: after the world is annihilated by a bunch of ornery ancient gods, it’s supposed to be restored as an idyllic paradise. So we got that going for us.

TIME technology

Study: Young People Love to Tweet From the Toilet

Getty Images

On the REGULAR.

For older social media users, figuring out how to edit a Facebook comment or post the right photo to Instagram requires one’s full attention. But for the younger set, using social media is intuitive, so they can DM while they BM.

According to a report by Nielson, 40 percent of 18 to 24-year-olds admitted to using social media in the washroom, compared with 21 percent of respondents on average. Younglings are ‘liking’ from the loo with less shame than older social media users. And if that’s the number of people who admit to this type of behavior, imagine how many people are actually doing it.

The report looked at other social media behavior and found that 44 percent of young adults aged 25 to 34 admit to using social media in restaurants, so while the college-aged set presses ‘publish’ while pooping, their older counterparts are doing something worse: Instagramming their food. And 48 percent of mothers with children under 13 admitted that they use social media in the car, just in case you needed another reason to buckle up.

Of all the social media sins one can commit, communicating from the commode is positively benign. Sure, it’s gross to imagine people updating their social media while hunched over on the john, but is it not preferable to overusing hashtags or re-posting tired memes? As long as Toilet Selfies don’t catch on.

TIME celebrities

WATCH: Dame Helen Mirren Has the Most Dignified Twerking Moves

+ READ ARTICLE

Acclaimed Oscar-winning actress Helen Mirrenand Dame Commander of the Order of the British Empireknows how to twerk, and reluctantly showed off her skills Thursday onstage with a bunch of Harvard undergraduates, an Associated Press video shows.

While receiving the Woman of the Year award from Harvard’s Hasty Pudding Theatricals (also known as “The Pudding”), the 68-year-old actress had to play a game of charades for the audience. When the word shown was “twerking,” the dignified actress at first pantomimed digging, saying shortly after to the crowd, “I refuse.” But Mirren ended up a good sport, daintily wiggling her derrière and showing off her twerking skills.

Founded in 1795, “The Pudding,” America’s oldest undergraduate theater troupe, is known for flamboyant musicals. Former U.S. presidents Theodore Roosevelt and Franklin Delano Roosevelt were members, and the troupe’s Woman of the Year and Man of the Year awards are presented to notable celebrities, who are invited to participate in the event.

After Mirren’s twerking, Neil Patrick Harris, Hasty Pudding’s 2014’s Man of the Year, will have a tough act to follow. The actor is set to receive his award Feb. 7.

TIME Education

University of Missouri Now Has a Class on Jay Z and Kanye West’s Relationship

Celebrity Sightings In New York City - April 22, 2013
Alo Ceballos / FilmMagic

Best friends so hard, academics wanna study them.

Friendships have nurtured great art: Ernest Hemingway and F. Scott Fitzgerald championed each other’s literature in post-war Paris; Paul Gaugin and Vincent van Gogh pushed each other to new heights of Post-Impressionistic mastery; John Lennon and Paul McCartney blended their talents into songwriting classics; and Jay and Ye have established a hip-hop empire.

By Jay and Ye, I’m referring to hip-hop’s reigning kings, Shawn “Jay Z” Carter and Kanye West. West and Carter’s relationship is the subject of a University of Missouri class, “Jay-Z and Kanye West.”

The course is taught through the English department, and the instructor Andrew Hoberek compared the periphrastic rappers to poets in an interview with music blog Consequence of Sound: “I really do think that these guys are warming up to the level of major poets, and not many people think of it in those terms,” he said. “They’re very much like painters and novelists in the 20th century, moving beyond the confines of the art form’s boundaries.”

For people who aren’t rap fans, this may seem crazy (or, rather, cray), an example of the academy kowtowing to student demand for fluffier classes. But Hoberek makes a valid point. Jay Z and Kanye’s projects are now multidisciplinary, mingling visual and performance arts as integral elements of their albums and concerts, to a greater extent than their predecessors. And their collaborations inform their solo projects. All of this is worth exploring in an academic setting, even if it’ll make Harold Bloom hyperventilate over the ruination of the academy

TIME Bizarre

2014’s Hot New Bridal Trend Is Pizza Selfies

Diamonds are forever, but pizza with your face on it transcends space, time, and the Internet

Pizza-loving couple Kieran and Natasha Morris just changed the wedding game. You thought hoarding antique mason jars and making your bridesmaids wear cowboy boots with their slightly mismatched dresses was the pinnacle of the modern wedding experience? This British couple just out-Millennial-wedding’d everyone ever in the world by serving pizza decorated by a food artist to look like their faces at their nuptials.

The couple requested pizzas from Domino’s with the toppings arranged to resemble them, and Domino’s obliged, likely smelling a potent promotional opportunity. The results are impressively true-to-life, considering the canvass was a doughy circle smeared with cheese and sauce.

The wizard who made these pizza portraits is Nathan Wyburn, a Welsh artist Internet-famous for making a portrait of Simon Cowell with Marmite and toast.

Wyburn spent three hours crafting the portraits, using a photo of the couple as a guide. The pizzas were quickly consumed by the wedding guests shortly after delivery to the reception, according to the Manchester Evening News.

Pizza selfies are clearly the ultimate wedding move for 2014, so if you were planning on having a flash mob dance-walk down a burlap-lined aisle on your big day, just take that ad off Craigslist, because your wedding stunt is passé. Let’s break this masterpiece down into its meme-worthy parts:

- PIZZA

- SELFIES

- viral marketing

- potentially ironic endorsement of chain food

This wedding gimmick couldn’t be more ready for Tumblr if Benedict Cumberbatch emerged, mewling and naked, from inside one of the pepperonis.

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