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The Aunt of Drowned Syrian Boy Says It Is Not Too Late To Save Other Refugees

5 minute read

Tima Kurdi awoke on Sept. 2 at home in Vancouver to dozens of missed calls on her phone from relatives in Syria. The news was grim: Her brother Abdullah’s wife and two children had drowned crossing the Mediterranean from Turkey to Greece. And within hours, her nephew — three-year-old Aylan Kurdi — would become the world’s most famous casualty, a dead toddler in a red T-shirt and black sneakers washed ashore on a Turkish beach. “Every day kids have drowned,” Kurdi says, sitting in a Brussels hotel room on Monday. “But before Aylan died, people read it and moved on. That boy, that picture, meant something.”

Two weeks on, it has become clear how much Aylan Turki’s death meant. The image of Aylan’s body, in his neat clothes and a fresh haircut, jolted leaders into action after months of dithering over one of the biggest refugee crises in about 70 years. Within days the U.S., Germany, and France offered to settle tens of thousands of Syrian refugees, for the first time in the five-year war. On Monday and Tuesday European Union ministers met in Brussels to discuss Europe’s first unified asylum policy. Although they battled to agree on binding quotas to host those who’ve flooded across E.U. borders, refugee advocates says Aylan’s death has nonetheless marked a sharp turning point for Europe. “If Aylan had not happened I don’t think Europe would be having this existential discussion,” says Sam Barratt, campaign director for the New York-based activist organization Avaaz, which financed Tima Kurdi’s Brussels trip. “Without that photo, the E.U. would have kicked the issue into the long grass.”

For Aylan’s aunt, 44, who works as a hairdresser in Vancouver, it has been a bitter price to pay. Sunk into an armchair, Kurdi wrings her hands as she describes how the loss of Aylan, his brother Galib, 5, and their mother Rehana, has shattered her family, leaving them exhausted with grief and uncertain about their future.

These Photos Show the Massive Scale of Europe’s Migrant Crisis

Greece Migrants
Syrian and Afghan refugees warm themselves and dry their clothes around a fire after arriving on a dinghy from the Turkish coast to the northeastern Greek island of Lesbos, early on Oct. 7, 2015. Muhammed Muheisen—AP
migrant refugee greece
A migrant who recently arrived across the Mediterranean Sea from Turkey, watching a ferry in the port of Mytilene, Lesbos island, Greece, on Oct. 5, 2015.Zoltan Balogh—EPA
refugees migrants Lesbos Greek islands
An Afghan wades to the shore after arriving in an overloaded rubber dinghy on the coast near Skala Sikaminias, Lesbos island, Greece, Oct. 1, 2015. Filip Singer—EPA
Syrian refugees Lesbos Greece
Syrian refugees are covered with life blankets upon arriving to the Greek island of Lesbos, after crossing the Aegean sea from Turkey, on Sept. 28, 2015. Aris Messinis—AFP/Getty Images
migrants refugees Lesbos
Migrants and refugees arrive on Sykamia beach, west of the port of Mytilene, on the Greek island of Lesbos after crossing the Aegean sea from Turkey, on Sept. 22, 2015. Iakovos Hatzistavrou—AFP/Getty Images
Croatia Migrants
Migrants and refugees board a train by climbing through the windows as they try to avoid a police barrier at the station in Tovarnik, Croatia, on Sept. 20, 2015. Manu Brabo—AP
Croatia Migrants
A Syrian refugee boy cries while he and his family try to board a train at the station in Tovarnik, Croatia, on Sept. 20, 2015.Manu Brabo—AP
migrants hungary serbia border clash
A migrant holds his child during a clash with Hungarian riot police at the Horgos border crossing in Serbia, on Sept. 16, 2015.Sergey Ponomarev—The New York Times/Redux
migrants serbia
Migrants sleep on a highway in front of a barrier at the border with Hungary near the village of Horgos, Serbia, on Sept. 16, 2015. Marko Djurica—Reuters
Hungary Serbia border
A wagon equipped with razor wire is placed at the border between Hungary and Serbia in Roszke, some 10 miles southeast from Budapest, Hungary, Sept. 14, 2015, to close the gap of the temporary border fence at the Horgos-Szeged railway line. Balazs Mohai—EPA
refugees migrants Lesbos
A refugee reacts from exhaustion while swimming towards the shore after a dinghy carrying Syrian and Afghan refugees before reaching the Greek island of Lesbos, on Sept. 13, 2015. Alkis Konstantinidis—Reuters
refugees migrants Hungary
Syrian people sleep inside a greenhouse at a makeshift camp for asylum seekers near Roszke, southern Hungary, on Sept. 13, 2015. Muhammed Muheisen—AP
Hungary Migrants refugees children
Syrian refugee Raed Alabdou, 24, holds his one-month old daughter Roa'a, while he and his wife hide in a field not to be seen by Hungarian policemen, after they crossed the Serbian-Hungarian border near Roszke, southern Hungary, on Sept. 11, 2015. Muhammed Muheisen—AP
refugees migrants macedonia
Migrants and refugees beg Macedonian police to allow passage to cross the border from Greece into Macedonia during a rainstorm, near the Greek village of Idomeni, on Sept. 10, 2015. Yannis Behrakis—Reuters
refugees migrants Morahalom Hungary
Migrants run over a motorway from a collection point that had been set up to transport people to camps in Morahalom, Hungary, on Sept. 9, 2015.Dan Kitwood—Getty Images
syrian refugee migrant hungary
A young Syrian man from Damascus tries to evade the Hungarian police by sneaking through a forest close to the Serbian border in Morahalom, Hungary, on Sept. 8, 2015. Dan Kitwood—Getty Images
refugees migrants Serbia
Migrants cross into Hungary as they walk over railroad tracks at the Serbian border with Hungary in Horgas, Serbia, on Sept. 7, 2015.Dan Kitwood— Getty Images
refugee migrant Lesbos
A refugee from Syria prays after arriving on the shores of the Greek island of Lesbos aboard an inflatable dinghy across the Aegean Sea from Turkey, on Sept. 7, 2015. Angelos Tzortzinis—AFP/Getty Images
syrian refugees migrants greek coast guard
A migrant scrambles to climb back aboard a rubber dinghy full of his fellow Syrians as they try to cross from Turkey to the Greek islands on their way to claim asylum in the European Union, late on Sept. 6, 2015.Yuri Kozyrev—NOOR for TIME
syrian refugees migrants greek coast guard
A Syrian migrant aboard a flimsy rubber motorboat hands his one-month-old baby to Greek coast guards, who have arrived to rescue the boat full of migrants from dangerous waters near the border between Greece and Turkey, early on Sept. 7, 2015.Yuri Kozyrev—NOOR for TIME
Greece Migrants
A young Syrian boy is wrapped with a thermal blanket as he arrives with others at the coast on a dinghy after crossing from Turkey, at the island of Lesbos, Greece, on Sept. 7, 2015.Petros Giannakouris—AP
Greece Migrants
Refugees and migrants wait to cross the border from the northern Greek village of Idomeni to southern Macedonia, on Sept. 7, 2015. Giannis Papanikos—AP
Migrants walk along rail tracks as they arrive to a collection point in the village of Roszke, Hungary
Migrants walk along rail tracks as they arrive to a collection point in the village of Roszke, Hungary, on Sept. 6, 2015.Marko Djurica—Reuters
migrant refugees train macedonia
Migrant families ride a train from Gevgelija to the Serbian border in Macedonia, on Sept. 4, 2015.Dan Kitwood—Getty Images
Italy Migrants refugees
Migrants crowd the bridge of the Norwegian Siem Pilot ship sailing along the Mediterranean sea, on Sept. 2, 2015. Gregorio Borgia—AP
Aylan Kurdi boy drowned
A Turkish gendarme carries the body of Alan Kurdi, 3, who drowned along with his brother Galip, 5, and their mother, in a failed attempt to sail to the Greek island of Kos, in the coastal town of Bodrum, Turkey, on Sept. 2, 2015.Reuters
Migrant crisis
Dozens of refugee families, mostly from Syria, camped near the Keleti train station in Budapest, Hungary on Sept. 2, 2015.Yuri Kozyrev—NOOR for TIME
Migrant crisis
A Syrian migrant bids farewell to the Hungarian volunteers who welcomed him upon his arrival in the European Union in Szeged, Hungary on Aug. 30, 2015.Yuri Kozyrev—NOOR for TIME
refugees migrants Hungarian-Serbian border
A father of a migrants family is arrested by the local police near the village of Roszke on the Hungarian-Serbian border on Aug. 28, 2015.Attila Kisbender—AFP/Getty Images
Syrian migrants cross under a fence as they enter Hungary at the border with Serbia, near Roszke
Syrian migrants cross under a fence as they enter Hungary at the border with Serbia, near Roszke, on Aug. 27, 2015. Bernadett Szabo—Reuters
Hungary border fence migrants refugees
Hungarian soldiers install a wire fence at the border between Hungary and Serbia near Hercegszanto, 115 miles southeast from Budapest, on Aug. 25, 2015. Tamas Soki—EPA
syrian migrant refugee girl greece
A little girl from Syria looks out of a bus as the ferry she arrived in is reflected in the bus window at the port of Piraeus, Greece, on Aug. 25, 2015. Petros Giannakouris—AP
Macedonian police clash with refugees at blocked border
Children cry as migrants waiting on the Greek side of the border break through a cordon of Macedonian special police forces to cross into Macedonia, near the southern city of Gevgelija, The Former Yugoslav Republic of Macedonia on Aug. 21, 2015.Georgi Licovski—EPA
Calais migrants
Gendarmerie attempt to prevent people from entering the Eurotunnel terminal in Coquelles, Calais, France on July 30, 2015.Rob Stothard—Getty Images
Kos Migrants Greece
Life vests and a deflated dinghy are seen on a beach on the Greek island of Kos, following the arrival of Afghan immigrants, on May 30, 2015.Yannis Behrakis—Reuters

Her brother, deep in mourning, returned home to the war-ravaged town of Kobani to bury his wife and children. He sits for hours in the cemetery, where he has put toys on the boys’ graves. Kurdi says that he sometimes talks to his children in their bedroom where they lived until they fled, arranging their toys as he pretends to put the boys to bed and kiss them goodnight. “I am really worried about him,” says Kurdi, who remains determined to bring Abdullah to Canada. His asylum application sits in her desk drawer in Vancouver, and she says she will submit it soon. Abdullah will yet not contemplate leaving his family’s graves. “He says to me, ‘leave me alone with my pain right now,'” she says. “I will give him the space right now. But I am sure he will come.”

Since Abdullah could not afford the $5,000 or so needed to flee Kobani, Kurdi sent him money to pay smugglers to take his family across the Mediterranean Sea to Europe. They hatched that plan after it appeared that Canada would not grant the family asylum; a previous attempt to bring her older brother Mohammed to Canada stalled because the Canadian authorities required official documents that had been impossible to obtain in Syria, she says. Mohammed is now a refugee in Heidelberg, Germany.

Kurdi says she remains overwhelmed with a sense of guilt and anguish, believing that her generosity towards Abdullah directly caused the three deaths. Kurdi says when she first reached Abdullah after the drownings, “I was screaming, ‘I am sorry, so sorry, it is my fault.’ He said, ‘don’t blame yourself. You are the best sister in the world.'” Yet those words have been little help. “If I didn’t give them money they would be alive today,” she says, choking on tears, and explaining that she had been desperate to help the family flee Syria, after her father, who lives in Damascus, described Galib suffering. “Well, he is not in pain anymore,” Kurdi says in a near whisper.

This Is What Europe’s Last Major Refugee Crisis Looked Like

Springtime is laughter time for children, but there was no laughter for three-year-old Betti Malek when the Germans crashed through Belgium and took Antwerp in 1940. She was one of numerous child refugees brought from Belgium to England, and one of the million of children who suffered during the five-and-a-half years of war, May 17, 1945.
Betti Malek—pictured on May 17, 1945—was one of numerous child refugees brought from Belgium to England after the Germans seized Antwerp in 1940. AP Photo
GERMANY - JUNE 06: Post WWII German refugees and displaced persons crowding every square inch of a train leaving Berlin. 1945.
German refugees and displaced persons crowding every square inch of a train leaving Berlin after the war's end. 1945.Margaret Bourke-White—The LIFE Images Collection/Getty Images
Operation Overlord
On Aug. 10, 1944, a girl and her grandmother wait in a schoolyard in Saint-Pois, Normandy, France. Refugees fled to Saint-Pois to escape the fighting in Mortaine during the final battle for Normandy.Galerie Bilderwelt—Getty Images
A handful of survivors from the 150 refugees who left Lodz in Poland two months earlier headed for Berlin. They are following railway lines on the outskirts of Berlin in the hope of being picked up by a British train.
In 1945, a handful of survivors remain of the 150 refugees who left Lodz in Poland two months earlier, headed for Berlin. They follow railway lines in the hope of being picked up by a British train. Fred Ramage—Getty Images
Grim-faced refugees stand in a group on a street in La Gleize, Belgium on Jan. 2, 1945. They are waiting to be transported from the war-torn town after its recapture by American forces during the German thrust into the Belgium-Luxembourg salient.
Refugees in La Gleize, Belgium, on Jan. 2, 1945, wait to be transported from the war-torn town after its recapture by American forces during the German thrust into the Belgium-Luxembourg salient. Peter J. Carroll—AP Photo
20th March 1945: Refugees from across Central Europe queuing for food at an Allied Forces refugee camp in Germany after being displaced.
Refugees from across Central Europe queue for food at an Allied Forces refugee camp in Germany, on Mar. 20, 1945.Allan Jackson/Keystone—Getty Images
Stream of refugees and people who have been bombed out of their homes moving through destroyed streets - 1945after end of war; on the left two soviet soldiers patrolling).
A stream of refugees and people who have been bombed out of their homes moving through destroyed streets in Germany in 1945, after end of war. On the left, two Soviet soldiers can be seen patrolling.ullstein bild—Getty Images
Group of Dutch refugee children arriving at Coventry Station, Great Britain, 1945.
A group of Dutch refugee children arriving at Coventry Station in the U.K., in 1945.Ian Smith—The LIFE Picture Collection/Getty Images
25th October 1945: German refugees fleeing from the Russian zone in the first few weeks after the end of World War II in Europe. They are sleeping on straw in a makeshift transit camp at Uelzen in the British zone of Germany.
German refugees fleeing from the Russian zone in the first few weeks after the end of World War II in Europe, seen on Oct. 25, 1945. They are sleeping on straw in a makeshift transit camp at Uelzen in the British zone of Germany. Keystone—Getty Images
3rd March 1945: German refugees crowding the market square at Juchen, Germany, a town captured by the US Army at the end of the Second World War.
German refugees crowding the market square on Mar. 3, 1945, at Juchen, Germany, a town captured by the U.S. Army at the end of the Second World War. Fred Ramage/Keystone—Getty Images
Exhausted, homeless German refugees hudd
Exhausted, homeless German refugees huddled in a city municipal building seeking shelter. 1945.Leonard McCombe—The LIFE Images Collection/Getty Images
Dutch Child Refugees: Arrival In Britain At Tilbury, Essex, England, UK, 1945, A small Dutch boy smiles for the camera upon arrival at Tilbury in Essex. He is carrying a small paper parcel under his arm, which contains all his luggage. He, and the other children, (some of whom can be seen behind him) all have labels pinned to their coats which bear their names, home address and destination, 11 March 1945.
Dutch child refugees arrival In Britain at Tilbury, Essex, on Mar. 11, 1945. The small paper parcel under the boy's arm contains all his luggage. Ministry of Information Photo Division Photographer/IWM—Getty Images
Refugees from the East of the German Reich (German Empire) around 1944/1945.
Refugees from eastern Germany around 1944-1945. Berlin Verlag/Archiv/picture-alliance/dpa—AP Photo
German civilian refugees prepare to flee war-torn Aachen, Germany as the battle for the doomed city draws to a close, Oct. 24, 1944. The refugees have been living in air-raid shelters as the battle for the city rages on. The Americans have about 4,000 of these refugees on their hands, who are being taken to a camp in Belgium and temporarily housed in a large school.
German civilian refugees prepare to flee war-torn Aachen, Germany as the battle for the doomed city draws to a close, Oct. 24, 1944. Keystone—AP Photo
Women and children are standing at the roadside and are waiting for a transport possibility, in 1945.
Women and children standing at the roadside in 1945. dpa/picture-alliance/dpa—AP Photo
Swiss Jew Eva Bass, formerly a nightclub singer in Paris, entering refugee camp at Fort Ontario, with her children Yolanda and Joachim, whom she carried on a sixty-kilometer trek through the fighting lines to reach American transport ship Henry Gibbins. 1944.
Swiss Jew Eva Bass, formerly a nightclub singer in Paris, entering refugee camp at Fort Ontario, with her children Yolanda and Joachim, whom she carried on a 60-km trek through the fighting lines to reach the American transport ship Henry Gibbins. 1944.Alfred Eisenstaedt—The LIFE Picture Collection/Getty Images
German civilian refugees walking through the streets of Aachen, Germany, on their way to a safer area away from the combat zone, 15th October 1944.
German civilian refugees walking through the streets of Aachen, Germany, on their way to a safer area away from the combat zone, on Oct. 15, 1944.FPG/Hulton Archive—Getty Images
Civil Affairs Refugee Camp, France, 1944.
A Civil Affairs Refugee Camp in France, 1944.Ralph Morse—The LIFE Picture Collection/Getty Images
War refugees walking through Berlin with their whole belongings on 15th December 1945.
War refugees walking through Berlin with their belongings on Dec. 15, 1945. dpa DANA/picture-alliance/dpa—AP Photo
Frenchwoman with two children and belongings loaded on a baby carriage seen in Haguenau, France on Feb. 20, 1945, before they started on their long trek to a safe rear area. They are some of the refugees leaving the town because of the planned withdrawal of the 7th U.S. Army. Many civilians prefer to leave their homes and seek safety in a rear area, rather than suffer another German occupation or risk being conscripted into the German Vollksturn.
A Frenchwoman with two children and belongings loaded on a baby carriage seen in Haguenau, France on Feb. 20, 1945, before they started on their long trek to a safe rear area. They are some of the refugees leaving the town because of the planned withdrawal of the 7th U.S. Army. AP Photo
An attendant with white brassard (front, r) accompanies newly arrived refugees, in January 1946, through the refugee camp in Bebra.
An attendant with white brassard (front, r) accompanies newly arrived refugees, in January 1946, through the refugee camp in Bebra, Germany.dpa/picture-alliance/dpa—AP Photo

Kurdi has seen her own relatively carefree life drastically upturned since Sept. 2. She says about 3,000 emails, mostly unopened, have poured in from strangers across the world; one European woman wrote that Aylan’s photo had so shaken her, that she ran to her daughter’s day-care center to hug her.

Kurdi’s sudden, unwitting celebrity is a highly unlikely twist of fate. She moved to Vancouver 22 years ago to marry her first husband. There she raised her son Alan, little Aylan’s anglicized namesake, who traveled to Brussels with her this week. She says that until the Syrian war erupted in 2011 she thought about her homeland only “now and then,” traveling to Damascus every two years or so, for summer visits.

Now Kurdi is a voice in the fraught political debate about refugees, and one of the few recognizable Syrians speaking on the issue. She became a public figure just hours after her nephews and sister-in-law had died, when she gave a tearful press conference in Vancouver.

On Tuesday, Kurdi addressed E.U. politicians in the union’s Brussels headquarters, pleading with them to take in Syrian refugees. And on Monday she met the U.N.’s refugee chief António Guterres and Jean Asselborn, Foreign Minister of Luxembourg, which currently holds the E.U. rotating presicency. For Kurdi, it is one way to find something positive from her family’s huge loss. “I’m doing this to honor them,” Kurdi says. “It is too late to save Aylan, Galib and Rehana. But it is not too late for millions of other refugees to be saved.”

 

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