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---
title: 4 Parenting Tips for Healthy, Smart, Happy Children
description: Remember to W.A.C.C. your kids
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author: Eric Barker
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article:modified_time: 2026-08-04T07:43:15.732Z
article:section: Ideas
og:title: 4 New Parenting Tips That Will Make Your Kids Awesome
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# 4 New Parenting Tips That Will Make Your Kids Awesome

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<!-- video src="https://cdn.jwplayer.com/manifests/yMNteD4K.m3u8" -->
## Video: Attachment Parenting: Dr. Sears and the Origins of a Movement

[Watch (HLS stream): Attachment Parenting: Dr. Sears and the Origins of a Movement](https://cdn.jwplayer.com/manifests/yMNteD4K.m3u8) (4:11)

![Attachment Parenting: Dr. Sears and the Origins of a Movement](https://cdn.jwplayer.com/v2/media/yMNteD4K/poster.jpg?width=720)

_Published 2012-05-10. TIME reporter Kate Pickert explains how 'The Baby Book' author Dr. Sears' controversial ideas on parenting have trickled into the mainstream_


by 

[Eric Barker](https://time.com/author/eric-barker/)


## Eric Barker


Jun 22, 2015 4:01 AM UTC

![boys-running-beach-toy-plane](https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/blt04c5efb02ec9d7fd/698854df3c16393e0945868a/537632915-copy.jpg?branch=production&width=1200&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=3:2)

Boys running along beach with a toy plane

Boys running along beach with a toy plane Getty Images

by 

[Eric Barker](https://time.com/author/eric-barker/)


## Eric Barker


Jun 22, 2015 4:01 AM UTC

Parenting tips are everywhere but most have zero legitimate research behind them. So what does science have to say? And how can you remember what’s important so you actually use it?

**Remember to WACC your kids.**

No, I’m not saying to hit your kids. “WACC” is a good acronym to help you keep in mind 4 things that come up in the research again and again:

* **Work on yourself**
* **Autonomy**
* **Communicate**
* **Community**

These four things can make a big difference in whether you end up saving college money or bail money.

Let’s break down the how and why on these parenting tips so that your kids end up healthy, smart and happy.

[Sign up here for TIME’s weekly roundup of the best parenting stories from anywhere](http://time.com/t4parents).

## 1) Work On Yourself

This is what many of the parenting books ignore — and it may be the most important.

Want happy kids? Then make sure you’re keeping yourself joyful. Happy parents make for happy kids and parental depression causes child behavior problems.

Via [Raising Happiness: 10 Simple Steps for More Joyful Kids and Happier Parents](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00338QEN8/ref=as%5Fli%5Fss%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=B00338QEN8&linkCode=as2&tag=spacforrent-20):

---

> “”

---

And this is not merely due to genetics.

Via [Raising Happiness: 10 Simple Steps for More Joyful Kids and Happier Parents](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00338QEN8/ref=as%5Fli%5Fss%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=B00338QEN8&linkCode=as2&tag=spacforrent-20):


---

> “”

---

So other than feeling good about you own life, what’s key here? That ol’ [work-life balance](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2014/03/work-life-balance/).

In fact, what’s the #1 thing kids wish for when it comes to parents? They wish you were less tired and stressed.

Via [The Secrets of Happy Families: Improve Your Mornings, Rethink Family Dinner, Fight Smarter, Go Out and Play, and Much More](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0089LOHHO/ref=as%5Fli%5Fss%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=B0089LOHHO&linkCode=as2&tag=spacforrent-20):

---

> “”

---

Your stress isn’t just your stress — it’s their stress too. When you’re stressed out it hurts your children’s intelligence and immune systems.


Via [The Secrets of Happy Families: Improve Your Mornings, Rethink Family Dinner, Fight Smarter, Go Out and Play, and Much More](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0089LOHHO/ref=as%5Fli%5Fss%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=B0089LOHHO&linkCode=as2&tag=spacforrent-20):

---

> “”

---

Yup, you are a role model. So the first step to taking good care of your kids is taking care of you.

Via [100 Simple Secrets of Happy Families](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B000FC1PHK/?tag=spacforrent-20):

---

> “”

---

(For more on the research-backed ways to raise happy kids, click [here](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2014/02/happy-kids/).)

Okay, so you’re taking good care of yourself. What else do many of the parenting tips miss?

## 2) Autonomy

Tiger moms and helicopter parents: your children thrive when they have some room to be individuals.


Kids do better when they make plans themselves or at least have a say.

You should even allow them to pick their own punishments. It creates greater motivation to obey the rules.

Via [The Secrets of Happy Families: Improve Your Mornings, Rethink Family Dinner, Fight Smarter, Go Out and Play, and Much More](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0089LOHHO/ref=as%5Fli%5Fss%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=B0089LOHHO&linkCode=as2&tag=spacforrent-20):

---

> “”

---


Which kids say they like going to school? The ones who get to pick which extracurricular activities they’re involved in.

Via [100 Simple Secrets of Happy Families](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B000FC1PHK/?tag=spacforrent-20):

---

> “”

---

You don’t have to overschedule kids or be involved in every moment of their lives. Unstructured play has huge positive effects on children.

Via [Raising Happiness: 10 Simple Steps for More Joyful Kids and Happier Parents](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00338QEN8/ref=as%5Fli%5Fss%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=B00338QEN8&linkCode=as2&tag=spacforrent-20):

---

> “”

---


(For more scientific tips on how to make your kids smarter, click [here](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2014/03/how-to-make-your-kids-smarter/).)

So everybody always talks about communicating with kids… but what’s that _actually_ mean?

## 3) Communication

**You know much** **_real conversation_** **happens at family dinner? 10 minutes.**

I interviewed [Bruce Feiler](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2014/08/happiest-families/), author of the New York Times bestseller, [The Secrets of Happy Families](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0089LOHHO/ref=as%5Fli%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=B0089LOHHO&linkCode=as2&tag=spacforrent-20&linkId=DFAPAT7WKYK3ZRS2) and he said the research shows most of the talk at the dinner table is “Take your elbows off the table” and “Please pass the ketchup.”

So what’s the best way to make use of those 10 minutes? Here’s [Bruce](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2014/08/happiest-families/):

---

> “”

---


And I asked Bruce what he would recommend if he could only give one piece of advice.

He said: “Set aside time to talk about what it means to be a part of your family.”

Ask yourself: “What are your family values?” In business-speak: _Develop a mission statement for your family._

Here’s [Bruce](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2014/08/happiest-families/):

---

> “”

---

[**Research**](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2013/10/how-to-have-a-happy-family/) **shows whether a kid knows their family history was the** **_number one predictor of a child’s emotional well-being_** **.** Here’s [Bruce](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2014/08/happiest-families/):

---

> “”

---


Not having family dinner together? You might want to start. It has huge benefits.

Via [The Secrets of Happy Families: Improve Your Mornings, Rethink Family Dinner, Fight Smarter, Go Out and Play, and Much More](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0089LOHHO/ref=as%5Fli%5Fss%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=B0089LOHHO&linkCode=as2&tag=spacforrent-20):

---

> “”

---


Doesn’t work for your family’s schedule? It doesn’t have to be dinner. And it doesn’t have to be every night.

Via [The Secrets of Happy Families: Improve Your Mornings, Rethink Family Dinner, Fight Smarter, Go Out and Play, and Much More](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0089LOHHO/ref=as%5Fli%5Fss%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=B0089LOHHO&linkCode=as2&tag=spacforrent-20):

---

> “”

---

I know what some of you are thinking: isn’t all that talking going to mean more fighting? Yes. And that’s a good thing.

Moderate conflict with teens produces better adjustment than none.

Via [NurtureShock: New Thinking About Children](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0446504130/ref=as%5Fli%5Fss%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=0446504130&linkCode=as2&tag=spacforrent-20):

---

> “”

---


When I interviewed [Po Bronson](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2014/01/how-to-be-a-better-parent/), author of the bestseller [NurtureShock](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0446504130/ref=as%5Fli%5Fss%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=0446504130&linkCode=as2&tag=spacforrent-20), he said more arguing means less lying:

---

> “”

---

**And what’s a quick trick for getting your kid to be honest? Po has an answer.**

**Say:** **_“I’m about to ask you a question. But before I do that, will you promise to tell the truth?”_**

Via [NurtureShock: New Thinking About Children](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0446504130/ref=as%5Fli%5Fss%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=0446504130&linkCode=as2&tag=spacforrent-20):

---

> “”

---

(For more on how to have a happy family, click [here](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2013/10/how-to-have-a-happy-family/).)


Final tip. What else do you need to do? Well, really, it has nothing to do with you…

## 4) Community

Tons of research shows religious families are [happier](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2012/08/here-are-the-things-that-are-proven-to-make-y/). Why is that?

Further study has shown it’s the friends that a religious community provides. A community of ten supportive friends makes families happier.

Via [The Secrets of Happy Families: Improve Your Mornings, Rethink Family Dinner, Fight Smarter, Go Out and Play, and Much More](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0089LOHHO/ref=as%5Fli%5Fss%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=B0089LOHHO&linkCode=as2&tag=spacforrent-20):

---

> “”

---


What influences your kids more than you do? Their [peer group](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2012/11/parents-matter/).

We usually only talk about [peer pressure](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2012/06/are-your-friends-the-easiest-route-to-self-im/) when it’s a negative but research shows more often than not, it’s actually a [positive](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2014/01/how-to-be-a-better-parent/). Here’s what [Po](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2014/01/how-to-be-a-better-parent/) had to say:

---

> “”

---


And your kids need more family in their lives than just their parents and siblings.

Via [100 Simple Secrets of Happy Families](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B000FC1PHK/?tag=spacforrent-20):

---

> “”

---

If you had to make sure one family member was consistently there for the young ones, who should it be?

Grandmom. Scores of studies show the incredible benefits that grandmom brings, like teaching kids to cooperate and to be compassionate.

Children who spend time with their grandparents are more social, do better in school and show more concern for others.

Via [The Secrets of Happy Families: Improve Your Mornings, Rethink Family Dinner, Fight Smarter, Go Out and Play, and Much More](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0089LOHHO/ref=as%5Fli%5Fss%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=B0089LOHHO&linkCode=as2&tag=spacforrent-20):

---

> “”

---


(For more of the latest research on good parenting skills, click [here](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2013/11/good-parenting-skills/).)

Time to round all this up and add in that last ingredient that makes your kids love you back.

## Sum Up

Remember to WACC your kids:

* **Work on yourself**: Increasing your own happiness and reducing your stress have big effects on your kids.
* **Autonomy**: Want them to be successful adults? Make sure they have a say in what they do — starting now.
* **Communicate**: Family meals make a big difference. Tell them their family history. More arguing means less lying.
* **Community**: Their peers have more influence they you do. Make sure Grandmom is around if you want compassionate children.

One last thing you need to keep in mind if you want a close relationship with the kiddos:

Love. Don’t just be guider, protector and enforcer. Kids are nearly 50% more likely to feel close to those who show them affection.

Via [100 Simple Secrets of Happy Families](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B000FC1PHK/?tag=spacforrent-20):

---

> “”

---


They’re the next generation. They have the potential to be better than we are, so give them every chance. As Dr. Seuss said:

_“Adults are obsolete children.”_

**Join over 190,000 readers. Get a free weekly update via email** [**here**](http://eepurl.com/o6uAD)**.**

**_This piece originally appeared on_** [**_Barking Up the Wrong Tree_**](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2015/06/parenting-tips/)**_._**

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[New Harvard Research Reveals A Fun Way To Be More Successful](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2014/09/be-more-successful/)


## Transcript

Attachment parenting has really shifted mainstream American parenting, because the ideas have kind of filtered down to every modern American parent. Lots of people breast feed even if they're not into attachment parenting now, in fact, breast feeding rates are at the highest levels since the 1950s when formula was invented. Lots of people actually sleep with their babies in their beds now. Up to 20 % do that at some point which is. Really, really a new phenomenon. I'm Kate Pickert and I'm a staff writer at Time magazine and this week I wrote our cover story, about attachment parenting. And the, man who basically invented it, Doctor William Sears.

So attachment parenting is, child rearing philosophy based on the idea that you should follow your instincts. And that your instincts as basically as a mother would need you be very close to your baby at all times. So there are three basic tenets to attachment parenting. One is breastfeeding and actually people that are into attachment parenting often breastfeed their kids until their toddlers, until their one, two, or even older. Another of the tenets is what Dr. Sears calls baby wearing, which is this idea that you should keep your baby close to your body at all times in a sling. And the third tenet of attachment parenting is [ MUSIC ] What people call co- sleeping, which is this idea that it's natural to keep your baby in bed with you at night so that mother and baby are close at all times.

So Dr. Sears wrote a book in 1992 called The Baby Book. And it's really the attachment- parenting bible. So the book turns 20 this year. So we thought it was a good time to go back and kinda see where Dr. Sears came up with all of his ideas. It turns out actually that a lot of what he's taught has been intertwined with his own personal life. Dr. Sears wrote the baby book and, and over 40 other books as well, about parenting, pregnancy. Mostly with his wife, Martha. And it turns out Dr. Sears and Martha both had really difficult childhoods. Dr. Sears was raised by a single mom. His father left the family when he was only a month old.

And Martha, her father died when she was four years old. And her mother was, had a lot of mental health issues. A lot of people who are attracted to attachment parenting are kind of reacting to their own childhoods as well. Lots of the mothers that I talked to, had difficult experiences, or just kind of not super close relationships with their own mothers, one of the things I noticed when I was with Doctor Sirius when he saw patients is how he is different then, maybe a typical pediatrician. One thing that seem different is he doesn't take babies and put then on in exam table, [ MUSIC ] He mostly does the exam while the baby is being held by the mother.

With older kids he starts each exam by hugging the kids. But even if it seems awkward it usually makes the kids smile. And it just kind of, diffuses the seriousness of, of a you know, a doctor examining you. [ MUSIC ] When piece of criticism that doctor Ceres really fielded a lot is that he is you know, anti feminist, that you can't really be an attachment parent and wear your baby and breastfeed and stay up all night nursing your baby in bed, you have a job. [ MUSIC ] Dr Serious claims that attachment parenting is actually ideal for working moms cuz it's a way of you know being really close and connecting with your baby when you come home from work.

But in practice it can be incredibly exhausting in a way that maybe doesn't allow some people to function enough during the day to get enough sleep to perform at their work You know I think a lot of people get into attached from parent feeling like I need to do this for my baby but I think some self examination would reveal that a lot, its a lot of parent own issues to that, that you know feed into that kind of how they decide to parent. And the good news is that in the end, data and research has shown that a kid that feels wanted and feels loved, is sort of on the right track. But there's no evidence to show that you know wearing your baby in a sling or sleeping with your baby is really gonna change how they turn out when they're kids or later when they're adults.

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