--- description: Ever feel like you can’t turn your brain off? Worried about how to stop worrying? We all deal with this when life gets challenging. There... title: How to Stop Worrying image: https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/bltde093bcdab65f2d0/6988d9b9bc6cfc69913e2a3c/time-logo.jpg?branch=production --- * [Ideas](/section/ideas/) ## Ideas Update your preferences in [Account Settings](/account/preferences/) Close * [Psychology](/tag/psychology/) ## Psychology Update your preferences in [Account Settings](/account/preferences/) Close # How to Stop Worrying by [Eric Barker](/author/eric-barker/) ## Eric Barker Update your preferences in [Account Settings](/account/preferences/) Close May 28, 2015 4:01 AM CUT by [Eric Barker](/author/eric-barker/) ## Eric Barker Update your preferences in [Account Settings](/account/preferences/) Close May 28, 2015 4:01 AM CUT Ever feel like you can’t turn your brain off? Worried about how to stop worrying? We all deal with this when life gets challenging. There is a way to overcome worry that doesn’t involve alcohol or a straitjacket. The answer is thousands of years old — but now science is validating those ancient ideas. You’ve probably even heard of it: Mindfulness. Yeah, it’s all the rage now. But nobody ever seems to really explain what it is or how to do it. Let’s fix that. ## You Are Not Your Thoughts What is mindfulness? In his book, [The Mindfulness Solution](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00597P25C/ref=as%5Fli%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=B00597P25C&linkCode=as2&tag=spacforrent-20&linkId=IYZ2PEJWMERIZBGB "undefined"), Ronald Siegel, an Assistant Clinical Professor of Psychology at Harvard Medical School, gives a pretty good answer. Via [The Mindfulness Solution: Everyday Practices for Everyday Problems](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00597P25C/ref=as%5Fli%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=B00597P25C&linkCode=as2&tag=spacforrent-20&linkId=IYZ2PEJWMERIZBGB "undefined"): --- > “” --- You might say: _But I’m aware. I’m present. I’m accepting._ And I’d say: _No, you’re not._ You’re not aware; you’re staring at your iPhone. You’re not present; you’re worrying about the future. You’re not accepting; you’re shaking your fist at traffic because the world doesn’t match the vision in your brain of how it “should” be. Very often, we’re all stuck in our heads. We’re not taking the world in; we’re just listening to the stories we tell ourselves _about_ the world, trusting the endless parade of thoughts flitting through our heads instead of actually paying attention to life around us. One of the fundamental tenets of mindfulness is that we all take our thoughts way too seriously. We think our thoughts always _mean_ something. In fact, we think we are our thoughts and our thoughts are us. And that’s one of the reasons we worry so much and experience so many negative emotions — because we take our thoughts about the world more seriously than the world itself. Via [The Mindfulness Solution: Everyday Practices for Everyday Problems](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00597P25C/ref=as%5Fli%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=B00597P25C&linkCode=as2&tag=spacforrent-20&linkId=IYZ2PEJWMERIZBGB "undefined"): --- > “” --- You know as well as I do that all kinds of ridiculous thoughts go through our heads. And _sometimes_ you know not to trust them. When you’re tired, drunk, angry or sick you don’t take your thoughts as seriously. Mindfulness says you should go a step further. Because you have lots of crazy or silly thoughts _all the time_. And they can make you anxious or bring you down. (For more on how to never be frustrated again, click [here](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2015/04/frustrated/ "undefined").) The great psychologist Albert Ellis said [we should dispute our irrational thoughts](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2015/04/frustrated/ "undefined"). Great advice — but it can be difficult. You have to be exceedingly rational for it to work. And sometimes disputing those thoughts can be like a “Chinese finger trap” — the more you resist, the more they ensnare you. So what can you do? ## Observe. Don’t Judge. Sometimes you can’t easily dispute those worrying thoughts. So mindfulness simply says: _let them go._ Via [The Mindfulness Solution: Everyday Practices for Everyday Problems](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00597P25C/ref=as%5Fli%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=B00597P25C&linkCode=as2&tag=spacforrent-20&linkId=IYZ2PEJWMERIZBGB "undefined"): --- > “” --- You can’t turn your brain off. And even if you meditate for years you can never fully clear your mind. But you can see those troublesome thoughts, recognize them, but not get tangled in believing them. Via [The Mindfulness Solution: Everyday Practices for Everyday Problems](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00597P25C/ref=as%5Fli%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=B00597P25C&linkCode=as2&tag=spacforrent-20&linkId=IYZ2PEJWMERIZBGB "undefined"): --- > “” --- And scientific research shows this really works. People feel better and are more engaged with their work after 8 weeks of mindfulness practice. Via [The Mindfulness Solution: Everyday Practices for Everyday Problems](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00597P25C/ref=as%5Fli%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=B00597P25C&linkCode=as2&tag=spacforrent-20&linkId=IYZ2PEJWMERIZBGB "undefined"): --- > “” --- I know, I know: _Easier said than done, Eric._ Ignore your thoughts? Let them just float by? Sounds great but how the heck do you do that? Especially when they’re emotionally powerful feelings like worry. (For more on how to deal with anxiety, tragedy or heartache, click [here](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2014/11/how-to-deal-with-anxiety/ "undefined").) The key is attention. Yeah, that thing none of us seems to have anymore. But there’s a way to get it back. ### 5 Horrible Habits You Need to Stop Right Now  Do Not Email First Thing in the Morning or Last Thing at Night “The former scrambles your priorities and all your plans for the day and the latter just gives you insomnia,” says Ferriss, who insists “email can wait until 10am” or after you check off at least one substantive to-do list item. Chris Pecoraro—Getty Images  Do Not Agree to Meetings or Calls With No Clear Agenda or End Time “If the desired outcome is defined clearly… and there’s an agenda listing topics–questions to cover–no meeting or call should last more than 30 minutes,” claims Ferriss, so “request them in advance so you can ‘best prepare and make good use of our time together.'” Sam Edwards—Getty Images/Caiaimage  Do Not Check Email Constantly Batch it and check it only periodically at set times (Ferriss goes for twice a day). Your inbox is analogous to a cocaine pellet dispenser, says Ferriss. Don’t be an addict. Tools like strategic use of the auto responder and Boomerang can help. Jetta Productions—Getty Images  Do Not Carry a Digital Leash 24/7 At least one day a week leave you smartphone somewhere where you can’t get easy access to it. If you’re gasping, you’re probably the type of person that most needs to do kick this particular habit. by nacoki ( MEDIA ARC )—Getty Images/Flickr RF  Do Not Let People Ramble Sounds harsh, but it’s necessary, Ferriss believes. “Small talk takes up big time,” he says, so when people start to tell you about their weekends, cut them off politely with something like “I’m in the middle of something, but what’s up?” But be aware, not everyone agrees with this one (and certainly not in every situation), and you may want to pay particularly close attention to norms around chit chat when traveling internationally. Reza Estakhrian—Getty Images ## Don’t Distract. Immerse. I’ve posted before about [how important attention is to happiness](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2015/03/key-to-happiness/ "undefined"). And one of the key practices of mindfulness is [meditation](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2014/08/10-happier/ "undefined"), which has been shown in [scientific studies](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2011/12/is-there-a-way-to-increase-your-attention-spa/ "undefined") to improve attention. While I’m a huge believer in meditation, yes, it can be hard and takes time. Is there another way? Yup. Next time you’re worrying, remember that your thoughts aren’t real. Life is real. So turn your attention to your senses. To the world around you. (No, not to your smartphone.) How does that cup of coffee smell? Did you even notice the people nearby? Don’t distract yourself. Immerse yourself in the world around you. Via [The Mindfulness Solution: Everyday Practices for Everyday Problems](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00597P25C/ref=as%5Fli%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=B00597P25C&linkCode=as2&tag=spacforrent-20&linkId=IYZ2PEJWMERIZBGB "undefined"): --- > “” --- (For more on how to meditate and be happier, click [here](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2014/08/10-happier/ "undefined").) I know what some of you are thinking: _The worries keep coming back, Eric. Smelling the coffee didn’t make them go away._ No sweat. We have tools for this. ## Noting And Labeling Rather than dodging, disputing, or distracting (which can all lead to you just wrestling with those ideas further) acknowledge the thoughts. “Note” them. You’re not avoiding your thoughts. You acknowledge them… and then turn your attention back to your senses. To your breath. To the feel of the chair beneath your butt. To the person next to you. For thoughts that keep playing like a broken record, try “labeling” them. Siegel suggests giving the thought a funny name that trivializes it: _Oh, that “it’s not going to work out” tape is playing in my head again._ Via [The Mindfulness Solution: Everyday Practices for Everyday Problems](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00597P25C/ref=as%5Fli%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=B00597P25C&linkCode=as2&tag=spacforrent-20&linkId=IYZ2PEJWMERIZBGB "undefined"): --- > “” --- Sound like silly, hippie nonsense? Well, you know those worries that bring you down and make you sad? A study found mindfulness therapies were just as effective as antidepressants. In fact, many who practiced them regularly were subsequently able to ditch their medication. Via [The Mindfulness Solution: Everyday Practices for Everyday Problems](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00597P25C/ref=as%5Fli%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=B00597P25C&linkCode=as2&tag=spacforrent-20&linkId=IYZ2PEJWMERIZBGB "undefined"): --- > “” --- (For more on how to be happy and successful, click [here](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2014/09/be-more-successful/ "undefined").) Okay, let’s round this up into a simple system you can use. ## Sum Up Here’s how to stop worrying and start being mindful: 1. **You are not your thoughts.** Sometimes they’re downright ridiculous. Just because you think it, doesn’t make it true. 2. **Observe, don’t judge.** Acknowledge the thoughts, but let them float by. Don’t wrestle with them. 3. **Don’t distract, immerse.** Do not check your email for the 400th time. Take in the world around you. Turn to your senses. That’s real. Your thoughts and the stories you tell yourself about the world _aren’t._ 4. **Note or label intrusive thoughts.** Yeah, the thoughts fight back. Acknowledge them. Give the intrusive ones a funny name. 5. **Return to the senses.** Really pay attention to the world around you. And when I say to pay more attention to the world around you, that doesn’t just mean things. It’s also people. What ends a lot of relationships? _“You don’t pay enough attention to me.”_ When we endeavor to let the thoughts in our head go and embrace the world around us, we can focus more attention on the ones we love. As mindfulness expert [Jon Kabat-Zinn](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B007L659U2/ref=as%5Fli%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=B007L659U2&linkCode=as2&tag=spacforrent-20&linkId=7RFXNI3EB3SZCWBS "undefined") points out, in a number of Asian languages “mind” and “heart” are the same word. So mindfulness isn’t a cold or clinical process. It might as well be translated as “heartfulness.” Let the thoughts float by and turn your attention to the people you love. **Join over 185,000 readers. Get a free weekly update via email** [**here**](http://eepurl.com/o6uAD "undefined")**.** **_This piece originally appeared on_** [**_Barking Up the Wrong Tree_**](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2015/05/how-to-stop-worrying/ "undefined")**_._** Related posts: [How To Stop Being Lazy And Get More Done – 5 Expert Tips](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2014/08/how-to-stop-being-lazy/ "undefined") [6 Things The Most Productive People Do Every Day](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2014/06/most-productive-people/ "undefined") [New Harvard Research Reveals A Fun Way To Be More Successful](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2014/09/be-more-successful/ "undefined") _Read next:_ [_How to Conquer Fear, Backed By Research_](http://time.com/3912377/overcome-fear-anxiety/?iid=time%5Freadnext "undefined") [_Listen to the most important stories of the day._](http://time.com/newsletter/the-brief/autoplay/?xid=spl-fullbrief-article "undefined") ```json [{"@context":"https://schema.org","@type":"OpinionNewsArticle","@id":"https://time.com/3897203/how-stop-worrying/","mainEntityOfPage":{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https://time.com/3897203/how-stop-worrying/"},"headline":"How to Stop Worrying","datePublished":"2015-05-28T04:01:38.000Z","dateModified":"2026-05-11T04:49:37.491Z","description":"Ever feel like you can’t turn your brain off? 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