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Watch the Best Jokes and Zingers From Tina and Amy’s Third Golden Globes Monologue

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In their third—and possibly last, at least for now—stint hosting the Golden Globes, hosts Tina Fey and Amy Poehler cracked up the A-list crowd at the Beverly Hilton by razzing Bill Cosby and George Clooney—and trying to figure out who they most wanted to sleep with. The winners of that last category included Birdman director Alejandro Inarritu for Poehler — “One take, two hours straight, no stopping” — but Fey went with Boyhood director Richard Linklater — “Five minutes once a year.”

The pair riffed so hard on Cosby that the crowd audibly gasped and Jessica Chastain could be seen covering her face with her hand. What started out as a joke about the trials of the princesses in Into the Woods suddenly brought the beleaguered comedian into the mix. “Cinderella runs from her prince, Rapunzel is thrown from a tower for her prince and Sleeping Beauty just thought she was getting coffee with Bill Cosby.”

Then the two both broke into hammy Cosby impersonations, accenting their syllables as the famous TV dad once did in his Jell-o pudding commercials. “I put the pills in the people,” Fey said. “The people did not want the pills in them.” “I got the pills in the bathroom,” Poehler added, “and I put em in the people.”

George Clooney got much gentler treatment, when the hosts noted that he’d come with his new wife, Amal Alamuddin. “She’s a human rights lawyer who worked on the Enron case, an advisor to Kofi Annan on Syria and was appointed to a three-person commission investigating rules-of-war violations in the Gaza Strip. So tonight her husband is getting a lifetime achievement award.”

The rest of the crowd received equally irreverent treatment, with the opening greeting from the pair: “Welcome, you bunch of despicably spoiled, minimally talented brats.” Frances McDormand was the lone exception. “You are the only person in this room that I would save in a fire,” Poehler said.

They then tagged The Interview and the ruckus surrounding Sony’s infamous hacking scandal. North Korea, they noted, forced us to pretend that we wanted to see The Interview and its official announcement disparaged the movie as “absolutely intolerable and a wanton act of terror. Even more amazing…not the worst review the movie got.”

In their third year of joking about Hollywood ageism, they pointed to Patricia Arquette, 46, who played her role in Boyhood over a 12-year period. “Boyhood proves that there are still roles for women over 40, as long as you’re hired while you’re still under 40.”

Other celebrity jests:

Steve Carell: razzed for taking three hours to put on the gigantic nose he wore in Foxcatcher. Fey said, “It took me three hours today to prepare for my role as human woman.”

Wes Anderson, the twee director of The Grand Budapest Hotel: “Wes arrived on a bicycle made of antique tuba parts.”

Meryl Streep: zinged for having likely won more awards than anybody else in the room. In Into the Woods, “Meryl plays a witch who sends the townspeople on a magical quest to get the items she needs to win another Golden Globe.”

Then they moved on to the nominated films.

The Theory of Everything. “It combines the two things audiences love—a crippling nerve disease and super- complicated math.”

Selma. “In the 1960s, thousands of black people from all over America came together with one common goal: to form Sly and the Family Stone. But the movie Selma is about the civil rights movement, which totally worked and now everything’s fine.”

Gone Girl. “I go to movies to escape,” Poehler said. “I don’t want to just see myself up on the screen.”

They finished their monologue by leading the crowd in a cheer meant to buoy the TV nominees, who are usually edged out of the spotlight by the film stars. “We say movies, you say ‘Awesome!'” After a few rounds of that, the chant changed to “We say TV, you say ‘Better!”

Given that the ceremony wouldn’t be seen by anybody if it weren’t being broadcast by NBC, we’re sure the TV people appreciated the pat on the back.

Golden Globes 2015: Red Carpet Photos

NBC's "72nd Annual Golden Globe Awards" - Red Carpet Arrivals
Jessica Chastain arrives to the 72nd Annual Golden Globe Awards held at the Beverly Hilton Hotel on Jan. 11, 2015. Christopher Polk—NBC/Getty Images
72nd Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals
Anna Kendrick attends the 72nd Annual Golden Globe Awards at The Beverly Hilton Hotel on Jan. 11, 2015 in Beverly Hills, Calif.Jason Merritt—Getty Images
72nd Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals
Salma Hayek Pinault attends the 72nd Annual Golden Globe Awards at The Beverly Hilton Hotel on Jan. 11, 2015 in Beverly Hills, Calif.Jason Merritt—Getty Images
Jessica Chastain attends the 72nd Annual Golden Globe Awards at The Beverly Hilton Hotel on Jan. 11, 2015 in Beverly Hills, Calif.
Jessica Chastain attends the 72nd Annual Golden Globe Awards at The Beverly Hilton Hotel on Jan. 11, 2015 in Beverly Hills, Calif. Jason Merritt—Getty Images
NBC's "72nd Annual Golden Globe Awards" - Arrivals
Emily Blunt arrives to the 72nd Annual Golden Globe Awards held at the Beverly Hilton Hotel on Jan. 11, 2015 in Beverly Hills, Calif.Kevork Djansezian—NBC/Getty Images
72nd Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals
George Clooney and Amal Alamuddin Clooney attend the 72nd Annual Golden Globe Awards at The Beverly Hilton Hotel on Jan. 11, 2015 in Beverly Hills, Calif.Jason Merritt—Getty Images
72nd Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals
Amy Adams attends the 72nd Annual Golden Globe Awards at The Beverly Hilton Hotel on Jan. 11, 2015 in Beverly Hills, Calif.Jason Merritt—Getty Images
72nd Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals
Eddie Redmayne attends the 72nd Annual Golden Globe Awards at The Beverly Hilton Hotel on Jan. 11, 2015 in Beverly Hills, Calif.Steve Granitz—WireImage/Getty Images
72nd Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals
Julianne Moore attends the 72nd Annual Golden Globe Awards at The Beverly Hilton Hotel on Jan. 11, 2015 in Beverly Hills, Calif.Jeff Vespa—WireImage/Getty Images
72nd Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals
Tina Fey attends the 72nd Annual Golden Globe Awards at The Beverly Hilton Hotel on Jan. 11, 2015 in Beverly Hills, Calif.Jason Merritt—Getty Images
72nd Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals
Amy Poehler attends the 72nd Annual Golden Globe Awards at The Beverly Hilton Hotel on Jan. 11, 2015 in Beverly Hills, Calif.Jason Merritt—Getty Images
72nd Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals
Kevin Spacey attends the 72nd Annual Golden Globe Awards at The Beverly Hilton Hotel on Jan. 11, 2015 in Beverly Hills, Calif.Frazer Harrison—Getty Images
72nd Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals
Emma Stone attends the 72nd Annual Golden Globe Awards at The Beverly Hilton Hotel on Jan. 11, 2015 in Beverly Hills, Calif.Jason Merritt—Getty Images
72nd Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals
Lorde attends the 72nd Annual Golden Globe Awards at The Beverly Hilton Hotel on Jan. 11, 2015 in Beverly Hills, Calif.Steve Granitz—WireImage/Getty Images
attends the 72nd Annual Golden Globe Awards at The Beverly Hilton Hotel on January 11, 2015 in Beverly Hills, California.
Jeffrey Tambor attends the 72nd Annual Golden Globe Awards at The Beverly Hilton Hotel on Jan. 11, 2015 in Beverly Hills, Calif.Jeff Vespa—Getty Images
72nd Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals
Quvenzhane Wallis attends the 72nd Annual Golden Globe Awards at The Beverly Hilton Hotel on Jan. 11, 2015 in Beverly Hills, Calif.Jason Merritt—Getty Images
NBC's "72nd Annual Golden Globe Awards" - Arrivals
Lena Dunham arrives to the 72nd Annual Golden Globe Awards held at the Beverly Hilton Hotel on Jan. 11, 2015 in Beverly Hills, Calif.Kevork Djansezian—NBC/Getty Images
NBC's "72nd Annual Golden Globe Awards" - Red Carpet Arrivals
Adrian Grenier arrives to the 72nd Annual Golden Globe Awards held at The Beverly Hilton Hotel on Jan. 11, 2015 in Beverly Hills, Calif.Christopher Polk—NBC/Getty Images
NBC's "72nd Annual Golden Globe Awards" - Arrivals
Julia Louis-Dreyfus arrives to the 72nd Annual Golden Globe Awards held at The Beverly Hilton Hotel on Jan. 11, 2015 in Beverly Hills, Calif.Kevork Djansezian—NBC/Getty Images
72nd Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals
Allison Williams attends the 72nd Annual Golden Globe Awards at The Beverly Hilton Hotel on Jan. 11, 2015 in Beverly Hills, Calif.Jason Merritt—Getty Images
NBC's "72nd Annual Golden Globe Awards" - Arrivals
Keira Knightley arrives to the 72nd Annual Golden Globe Awards held at the Beverly Hilton Hotel on Jan. 11, 2015 in Beverly Hills, Calif.Kevork Djansezian—NBC/Getty Images
72nd Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals
Patti Smith attends the 72nd Annual Golden Globe Awards at The Beverly Hilton Hotel on Jan. 11, 2015 in Beverly Hills, Calif.Frazer Harrison—Getty Images
72nd Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals
James Corden attends the 72nd Annual Golden Globe Awards at The Beverly Hilton Hotel on Jan. 11, 2015 in Beverly Hills, Calif.Frazer Harrison—Getty Images
72nd Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals
Bill Hader attends the 72nd Annual Golden Globe Awards at The Beverly Hilton Hotel on Jan. 11, 2015 in Beverly Hills, Calif.Steve Granitz—WireImage/Getty Images
72nd Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals
Diane Kruger attends the 72nd Annual Golden Globe Awards at The Beverly Hilton Hotel on Jan. 11, 2015 in Beverly Hills, Calif.Frazer Harrison—Getty Images
72nd Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals
Chrissy Teigen and John Legend attend the 72nd Annual Golden Globe Awards at The Beverly Hilton Hotel on Jan. 11, 2015 in Beverly Hills, Calif.Jason Merritt—Getty Images
72nd Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals
Kate Mara attends the 72nd Annual Golden Globe Awards at The Beverly Hilton Hotel on Jan. 11, 2015 in Beverly Hills, Calif.Jeff Vespa—WireImage/Getty Images
72nd Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals
Lana Del Rey attends the 72nd Annual Golden Globe Awards at The Beverly Hilton Hotel on Jan. 11, 2015 in Beverly Hills, Calif.Jason Merritt—Getty Images
NBC's "72nd Annual Golden Globe Awards" - Arrivals
Kit Harington arrives at the 72nd Annual Golden Globe Awards held at The Beverly Hilton Hotel on Jan. 11, 2015 in Beverly Hills, Calif.Kevork Djansezian—NBC/Getty Images
72nd Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals
Giuliana Rancic attends the 72nd Annual Golden Globe Awards at The Beverly Hilton Hotel on Jan. 11, 2015 in Beverly Hills, Calif.Jeff Vespa—WireImage/Getty Images
72nd Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals
Pedro Pascal attends the 72nd Annual Golden Globe Awards at The Beverly Hilton Hotel on Jan. 11, 2015 in Beverly Hills, Calif.Frazer Harrison—Getty Images
72nd Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals
Conchita Wurst attends the 72nd Annual Golden Globe Awards at The Beverly Hilton Hotel on Jan. 11, 2015 in Beverly Hills, Calif.Frazer Harrison—Getty Images
72nd Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals
Kelly Osbourne attends the 72nd Annual Golden Globe Awards at The Beverly Hilton Hotel on Jan. 11, 2015 in Beverly Hills, Calif.Steve Granitz—WireImage/Getty Images
LOS ANGELES, CA - JANUARY 11: 72nd ANNUAL GOLDEN GLOBE AWARDS -- Pictured: (l-r) arrive to the 72nd Annual Golden Globe Awards held at the Beverly Hilton Hotel on January 11, 2015. (Photo by: Kevork Djansezian/NBC/NBCU Photo Bank)
Naomi Watts attends the 72nd Annual Golden Globe Awards at The Beverly Hilton Hotel on Jan. 11, 2015 in Beverly Hills, Calif.Kevork Djansezian—NBC/Getty Images
72nd Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals
Gina Rodriguez attends the 72nd Annual Golden Globe Awards at The Beverly Hilton Hotel on Jan. 11, 2015 in Beverly Hills, Calif.Frazer Harrison—Getty Images
72nd Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals
Katherine Heigl attends the 72nd Annual Golden Globe Awards at The Beverly Hilton Hotel on Jan. 11, 2015 in Beverly Hills, Calif.Jason Merritt—Getty Images
72nd Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals
Uzo Aduba attends the 72nd Annual Golden Globe Awards at The Beverly Hilton Hotel on Jan. 11, 2015 in Beverly Hills, Calif.Frazer Harrison—Getty Images
72nd Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals
Felicity Jones attends the 72nd Annual Golden Globe Awards at The Beverly Hilton Hotel on Jan. 11, 2015 in Beverly Hills, Calif.Steve Granitz—WireImage/Getty Images
72nd Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals
Reese Witherspoon ttends the 72nd Annual Golden Globe Awards at The Beverly Hilton Hotel on Jan. 11, 2015 in Beverly Hills, Calif.Jason Merritt—Getty Images

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