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Kim Kardashian’s Butt Is an Empty Promise

5 minute read
Ideas
Brian Moylan is a writer and pop culture junkie who lives in New York. His work has appeared in Gawker, VICE, New York magazine, and a few other safe-for-work publications.

Last night Paper magazine released two of their latest covers, one featuring Kim Kardashian and the other one featuring an even more famous celebrity: Kim Kardashian’s butt. They were emblazoned with the words “Break the Internet,” and they certainly did. The images instantly shot to the highest currency in today’s media: they were trending. But that’s pretty much all they were. There is nothing behind that butt other than it being a really nice butt. That is the end–pun intended–of it.

This is not the first time that we have seen Kim Kardashian’s posterior. And it is not the first time that we have seen Kim Kardashian naked on the cover of a magazine. Strangely enough, she suggested back in 2010, the last time she was naked on a cover, that she wouldn’t pose nude again. She already broke that promise once this year, baring it all for British GQ. We had to know that it wouldn’t be true in hind sight (get it?).

The funny thing about Kim’s latest butt-shot is that all it is intended to do is create a frenzy, much like her famous “belfie” (which is a butt selfie for those of you at home who have better things to pay attention to). There is no reason Kim Kardashian wants to show off her ass or #BreakTheInternet other than because she can, she is expected to, and we fall for the trap every damn time.

It’s really provocation for provocation’s sake, the cheapest kind of stunt. Miley Cyrus, pop music’s current firebrand, was naked on the cover of Rolling Stone licking her shoulder. She revealed less physically, but more intellectually. It was that tongue hanging out, a pose she has repeated again and again while twerking. These moves, and, of course her memorable VMA performance with Robin Thicke, made us all think about cultural appropriation, female sexuality, third wave feminism, and what is appropriate behavior for a celebrity with such a large fan base of young women. Kim Kardashian’s butt on Paper magazine only makes us think about how it looks like a glazed Krispy Kreme donut.

Speaking of pop music provocation, this is nothing that Madonna didn’t do better, first, or smarter several decades ago. Everything from writhing around in her wedding dress on the first ever VMAs to her book Sex was pushing the envelope, but it was always with a purpose. It was about freeing herself from the shackles of the Catholic Church and conventional morality and showing the world that women can own their sexuality without being exploited.

And these aren’t the only women. Joan Rivers (RIP) was telling jokes that often raised controversy to show that if we can laugh at the Holocaust or 9/11, we can ease the pain we still feel about it. Sarah Silverman, another brilliant comic whose mouth frequently gets her in trouble, uses her jokes about racism, sexism, and homophobia to show the world how absurd all of those things really are when you examine them closely.

These are all people that think about what effect their actions are going to cause and see some sort of greater good by causing controversy. Kim Kardashian shows off her butt because she knows that people are going to freak out about it. Maybe it’s because Miley grew up forced into a sort of bright-eyed decorum by the suits at Disney that she knows how to rebel against something. Madonna had the Church and Rivers and Silverman have the male-centric world of standup comedy. They all have a barrier that they’re butting (ha!) up against and trying to tear down. What sort of obstacles did Kim, a pretty, rich girl from Beverly Hills, ever have to fight against?

Seriously, though, this is the only social currency she has in the world. I’m not going to break out that old saw that Kim Kardashian has no talent, but she has no occupation like Miley, Madonna, Joan, or Sarah. She has no outlet to express herself and keep herself relevant other than a highly scripted reality show with sinking ratings and her image. Remember, she is a celebrity whose initial fame, after being Paris Hilton’s closet organizer, was predicated on her having a sex tape. Kim Kardashian can only peddle in her body, and her ass is the most valuable part of that body.

Still, we follow it because that is what she does. It’s perfect that she’s married to Kanye West, whose hyperbole are so outrageous that we now just roll our eyes at them. It’s just Kanye being Kanye, much like Kim applying a liberal coat of oil to her derriere and slapping it on a magazine cover is just Kim being Kim. These two are all just provocation and bluster, repeated images that seem to offer us some sort of truth or insight but are really just self serving.

Kim Kardashian’s butt is the biological equivalent of click-bait. We can’t help but pay attention to it, but we’re always upset by the lack of substance. We want there to be something more, some reason or context, some great explanation that tells us what it is like to live in this very day and age, but there is not. Kim Kardashian’s ass is nothing but an empty promise.

Brian Moylan is a writer and pop culture junkie who lives in New York. His work has appeared in Gawker, VICE, New York magazine, and a few other safe-for-work publications.

See Kim Kardashian's Most Memorable Magazine Covers

Kim Kardashian Cover
Kardashian was photographed by the controversial photographer Terry Richardson for her Rolling Stone cover. In the issue she talks about Caitlyn Jenner, her marriage to Kanye West and her love for the Backstreet Boys.Terry Richardson—Rolling Stone
Kim Kardashian Cover
From the #worldsmosttalkedaboutcouple to the #worldsmosttalkedaboutbutt. Kim Kardashian already got national attention for being naked when a sex tape went public in 2007, but as the new cover of Paper magazine suggests, it's still her body — not her multi-million dollar iPhone game, not her TV show, not her marriage to Kanye West — that has the power to "break the Internet."Jean-Paul Goude—Paper
Kim Kardashian Cover
Kardashian called her first Vogue cover "a dream come true," while critics accused to magazine of chasing what was trendy rather than defining it. "As for the cover, my opinion is that it is both charming and touching, and it was, I should add, entirely our idea to do it," Anna Wintour said in its defense.Annie Leibovitz—Vogue
Kim Kardashian Cover
Before Kanye and Kim posed for Vogue, they posed on the cover of the French magazine L'Officiel Hommes in 2013. Is this just a strikingly suggestive pose or actual candid moment between now-spouses? Probably a little of both when it comes to this steamy photo shoot.Nick Knight—L'Officiel Hommes
Kim Kardashian Cover
In 2012, Kardashian graced the cover of V magazine — shot by Nick Knight, who also shot her L'Officiel Hommes cover — and defended her reality show empire in the magazine's pages by comparing it to rap music. "When rap music first came out, people were like, 'We don't understand this, what is this, it's just a fad.' But rap music is definitely here to stay, and I think reality shows have proven they are as well."Nick Knight—V Magazine
Kim Kardashian Cover
Channeling the typographic work of the iconic American artist Barbara Kruger, the cover of W magazine's November 2010 issue found Kim Kardashian (almost) bearing it all. Inside its pages, the only layer she had on was a thin coat of silver body paint.Mark Seliger—W Magazine
Kim Kardashian Cover
Kim Kardashian lands magazine covers because she's a familiar face, but that didn't matter to YRB. The magazine made her look near unrecognizable in a bob and dramatic makeup for a 2012 photo shoot that she later called "one of the most unique shoots [she's] ever done."YRB
Kim Kardashian Cover
Two of America's biggest style icons met in 2009 when Kim Kardashian dressed up like Barbie, who "guest edited" an issue of Australia's Kurv magazine. But it's no surprise the star would say yes to a magazine that starts with the letter K.Kurv
Kim Kardashian Cover
A 2009 shoot for Complex caused controversy when the magazine's website accidentally published an unretouched photo of Kim Kardashian. While it reignited the ongoing debate about beauty standards, Kardashian herself wasn't mad. "So what? I have a little cellulite," Kardashian later wrote on her website. "What curvy girl doesn't? How many people do you think are Photoshopped? It happens all the time!"Complex
Kim Kardashian Cover
Kim Kardashian was the most-clothed person on the cover of Prestige magazine's September 2010 issue when she posed with two naked men while looking like a sexed-up gladiator. "This might be one of my most risque covers to date!" she tweeted.Prestige
Kim Kardashian Cover
In 2012, Kim Kardashian covered New York magazine's fashion issue, which asked whether she had a place in the industry. Since then, she's only shown that the answer to that question is a resounding yes as she attended Paris Fashion Week and the Met Ball and landed that Vogue cover — a magazine that in the past has been not-so-open-minded about women with curvy figures like hers.New York Magazine

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