---
description: It's not just what kids eat, but who they eat with that matters when it comes to their weight
title: How Family Dynamics Affect Kids' Weight
image: https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/bltd6bc9fd311bd8c9c/698760403c1639e04544efef/family-dinner.jpg?branch=production&width=3840&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=16:9
---
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# How Family Dynamics at the Dinner Table Affect Kids' Weight
by
[Alice Park](/author/alice-park/)
## Alice Park
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Senior Correspondent
Oct 13, 2014 4:01 AM CUT
Multigenerational family toasting at outdoor table
Multigenerational family toasting at outdoor tableGetty Images
by
[Alice Park](/author/alice-park/)
## Alice Park
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Senior Correspondent
Oct 13, 2014 4:01 AM CUT
“Eat together” is a mantra that doctors and nutritionists use regularly when they talk with families about eating healthy and maintaining normal weight. Children who eat regular family meals tend to have lower rates of obesity and eat more nutritiously. A new study published Monday morning in the journal _Pediatrics_ takes a novel look at why.
A team led by Jerica Berge, in the department of family medicine and community health at University of Minnesota, asked the families of 120 children aged 6 to 12 to record eight days of meals. The families didn’t have to eat every meal together, and didn’t even have to eat dinner together every one of those nights, but did have to share at least three meals during that time. Half of the children were overweight or obese, and half were normal weight.
### QUIZ: Should You Eat This or That?
Which is better for you: Half cup of ice cream or 3 scoops of sorbet? Getty Images (4)
Answer: A half cup of ice cream If you eat what you’re craving, you’re more likely to feel satisfied and eat less. And scoop for scoop sorbet contains twice the sugar with none of the filling dairy protein and fat. Getty Images (5); Gif by Mia Tramz for TIME
Which is better for you: Real butter or spray on fake butter? Getty Images; Tara Johnson for TIME
Answer: Butter Serving size for spray butters (even low-calorie ones) are around a 1/3 second spray. What on earth does that mean? You're better off using a small amount of real butter as opposed to guessing how much you're using of the mystery melange of up to 20 ingredients. Getty Images (1); Gif by Mia Tramz for TIME
Which is better for you: A turkey burger or a sirloin burger? Getty Images (2)
Answer: Sirloin burger Restaurant turkey burgers are often made with dark meat and the skin, so they’re not necessarily better for you (and for the record, they aren't low-fat). You can get a sirloin burger that’s 95% lean meat and gives you 20 g of protein. Just be careful with the toppings. Getty Images (1); Gif by Mia Tramz for TIME
Which is better for you: Almonds or pretzels? Getty Images (2)
Answer: Almonds Almonds are high in protein, fiber and fat and will keep you feeling fuller longer. Give high-sodium pretzels about an hour and you'll feel hungry again thanks to the high-carb no-fat or protein content. Getty Images (1); Gif by Mia Tramz for TIME
Which is better for you: Special K or eggs? AP; Getty Images
Answer: Eggs In the morning, you want a meal that will fill you up. Eggs offer protein and fat for satiety, but Special K cereal really only offers carbs and, well, air. If you want carbs to kick off the day, you're better off pairing eggs with a slice of 100% whole grain toast. Getty Images (1); Gif by Mia Tramz for TIME
Which is better for you: Fat free salad dressing or regular salad dressing? Tara Johnson for TIME
Answer: Regular salad dressingTo absorb fat soluble vitamins like Vitamins E and K in vegetables you need to consume them with a fat to aid nutrient absorption. Fat-free dressing, meanwhile, is low-calorie but gets its flavor from added sugar and salt. Tara Johnson for TIME (5); Gif by Mia Tramz for TIME
Which is better for you: A low fat cookie or dark chocolate? Getty Images (2)
Answer: Dark chocolate “People believe fat free is calorie free,” says Keri Gans, a registered dietitian in New York City. “Go for the real thing.” Fat free cookies tend to be high in carbs, sugar and fake sugar. Try a nice piece of antioxidant-rich dark chocolate instead. Getty Images (2); Gif by Mia Tramz for TIME
Which is better for you: Low fat Greek yogurt or 100 calorie Yoplait yogurt? Tara Johnson for TIME
Answer: 2% Greek YogurtA little fat is good in the morning to keep you full—plus it has upwards of 17g of protein per container. Fat-free "fruit" yogurt is high in sugar—7 to 10 g per serving—and lower in protein. Tara Johnson for TIME (2); Gif by Mia Tramz for TIME
To tease out what features of the family meal might be influence weight, Berge’s team laboriously coded the interactions occurring at the table into two broad groups — those relating to the emotional atmosphere at the meal, such as how much the family members seemed to be enjoying the time together, how much hostility the diners showed one another, and how many uncomfortable silences or awkward pauses occurred — and those involving food specifically, including how much hostility emerged from discussions about food, including weight issues, and how much the parents controlled or limited what and how much children ate.
Children who were overweight or obese had family meals that included more negative emotional interactions — hostility, poor quality interactions, little communication and more controlling behavior from their parents — compared to children who weren’t obese. Their meals tended to have a warmer, more communicative atmosphere. For example, these children were given positive reinforcements to eat, and were encouraged to eat foods to get stronger or run faster, while heavier children experienced more negative pressures including threats and made to feel guilty about those in the world who can’t afford to eat three meals a day. If parents or caregivers talked constantly throughout the meal about food, and lectured about homework or attempted to control what the children ate, the youngsters were also more likely to be heavy.
“I was surprised by how consistent the patterns were,” says Berge. “Almost every single one of the emotional factors we coded were in the right direction, and there were really clear patterns in how much positive or negative interactions were associated with overweight and non overweight.”
The analysis also revealed other things that distinguished the family meals of overweight children and normal weight youngsters. Heavier children tended to have shorter meals — spending 13.5 minutes on average eating with their family compared to 18.2 minutes for non obese kids. Children who weren’t obese were also more likely to have a father or step-father at the table. The reason, says Berge, may be practical. “It might be a matter of having one more person at the table for crowd control, another person to help make the meal and be a model for children to emulate,” she says.
The team only coded the types of interactions between the family members during the meal, and did not include an in-depth look at what the families were eating. But that’s the focus of their next study.
In the meantime, the current data suggests that simply sitting down at the same table at the same time isn’t enough to influence obesity. And it’s up to pediatricians and family doctors to help families understand how to take full advantage of breaking bread together. “There is clear evidence that family meals are important in protecting kids against overweight,” says Berge, “so it’s important to start the conversation with families. It’s important to focus on making the meal environment more positive.” And, as her study showed, it doesn’t take lengthy repasts either — just 20 minutes as many times a week as possible.
_Read next:_ [_Why I Don’t Eat With My Kids_](http://time.com/3268790/family-dinner-eat-without-kids/?xid=time%5Freadnext "undefined")
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