Funny Fake Findings From Pew Research's Study on Millennials

March 7, 2014 11:30 AM EST

The Pew Research Center for Social and Demographic Trends released a shocking new study today with fresh data on millennials–people who currently range from ages 18 to 33–and what they’re like now that they’ve reached adulthood. Many of the findings–such as the fact that many millennials are politically independent and religiously unaffiliated–will come as no surprise to most. But some, like the ones we’ve aggregated below, will blow you away.

According to Pew (not actually according to Pew):

72% of millennials literally can’t right now

99% of millennials want to know how they can make this about them

1/3rd of millennials are legit embarrassed you just tweeted that, like…no

33% of millennials are p tired rn tbh

61% of millennials wonder what they should turn down for

28% of millennials think you’re actually the worst

1/8th of all millennials have the middle name “Brand”

27% of millennials found this poor sick dog on the side of the road and could not believe what happened next

Kids these days, smh.

8 Shocking Findings From Pew’s New Study on Millennials

More Must-Reads from TIME