We're passionately in love despite our differences
The last thing I wanted to do was marry my husband. He was 30 years older, a widower, and came with five children, two dogs, and a cat. I was a young hippie, a Vietnam War protestor who slept on a futon rescued from the street. Bob was the staid District Attorney of New York who lived in a suburban home with chintz sofas and a pillowtop bed. While he was dedicated to upholding the law, I was determined to break it.
That we came together was an oxymoron. He was a Jew and I was a Christian. He was closed, wry, and never was observed expressing a personal emotion. I was garrulous, open, and given to strong feeling.
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When we announced our engagement, friends and family went into shock. You would have thought the Pope had asked Squeaky Fromme for her hand in marriage.
They said it wouldn’t last. But it has. For nearly 40 years.
Beneath our vast differences, we found we were all but twins. He had become prominent for his innovative prosecution of white collar crime and was dubbed ‘The DA of the World.’ In spite of my other unconventional life, I had succeeded in established journalism, becoming the youngest woman to win the Pulitzer Prize, and the only one for National Reporting. We both believed in moral honesty, were exquisitely sensitive to the Holocaust, and had similar senses of humor that made our life fun and at times hilarious.
Of course there have been ups and downs, but we have discovered novel methods to make the downs come up.
Our many years together have been quite unpredictable, a flurry of drama, and oh yes, we have been passionately in love. So much so that I was compelled to write an intimate memoir about our union that also happens to disclose the inside stories of Bob’s famous criminal cases. Now Bob had made a hard and fast rule never to reveal his private life to the public, so I thought it the better part of wisdom to let him read the manuscript of Timeless before handing it in.
When Farrar Straus & Giroux published it in hardback and recently in paperback, Bob somehow survived.
His decision to let me write such a book was so astonishing, I decided to interview him for a neighborhood newspaper. I would be lying if I didn’t tell you I was worried about his reaction:
LUCINDA: Mr. Morgenthau, dozens of writers and publishing houses have asked you to write your life story. What made you let your wife be your biographer?
BOB: I don’t like to look back. and I didn’t want to do all the work. I thought it would be easier if she did the work.
LUCINDA: (aside: I thought it was because you loved me!) What was it like reading about yourself?
BOB: Revealing.
LUCINDA: How did it make you feel? You must have had feelings.
BOB: If you marry an investigative reporter. you have to expect to be investigated. However, that’s not why I married her.
LUCINDA: (aside: What does that have to do with my question?) Do you know you’re acting just like the person portrayed in Ms. Franks’ memoir? Ducking and hiding behind a bulletproof wall!
BOB: You’re the first reporter who’s interviewed me and yelled at me at the same time.
LUCINDA: Ms. Franks finally gave up trying to figure you out and just accepted you for what you were. Wasn’t that a turning point in your marriage?
BOB: Yes, she began to bring me blueberries in bed.
LUCINDA: And do a lot of other little things for you. She came to the conclusion that love looks different to everyone, and while showing was love to her, doing meant love to you.
BOB: She wanted me to rub her back and tickle her arm. She needed a lot of reassurance, so I replied to that by telling her—much more than necessary—that I loved her.
LUCINDA: Uh, let’s turn to how controversial memoir is today. People are accused of making things up. Did you think Ms. Franks was faithful to the truth?
BOB: If I didn’t I’d be afraid to say so.
LUCINDA: Mr. Morgenthau, wasn’t Timeless partly based on information you gave her?
BOB: It was like being pulled by a team of wild horses. Questions, questions, day and night. It reminded me of the first time we met. She interviewed me and asked so many questions I thought she was either the dumbest or the smartest reporter I’d ever met.
LUCINDA: And when you read her story, you decided she was the smartest.
BOB: That’s essentially correct.
LUCINDA: Mr. Morgenthau, you read all the drafts. Was there anything you didn’t like?
BOB: I didn’t like the explicit parts.
LUCINDA: You mean the sex? Well, she took that out… mostly.
BOB: The Prelude takes place in our bed.
LUCINDA: You didn’t like that?!
BOB: I think we became very close writing this memoir. I feel very close to you.
LUCINDA: Thank you sweetheart! Do you remember when Ms. Franks, asked you, it was at that romantic restaurant in Millbrook, if she could write a book about you?
BOB: Yes, I was having lamb chops.
LUCINDA: You put down your fork and you looked up and you said very shyly “Do you think anybody would read it?”
BOB: I don’t remember putting down my fork. They were delicious those chops, we have to go back there.
LUCINDA: If you don’t like to look back, how come you remember every meal you’ve eaten!
BOB: Not every one. Not what I had at the new steakhouse in Fishkill. Except I never order chicken livers and I think that night I did.
LUCINDA: (rolling her eyes) Ah, Mr. Morgenthau, from time to time, I understand you and Ms. Franks became old hats to each other. Then you’d go away. For instance, In Portugal, your driver, Frankie, thought you were so elegant and fine, your wife began to see you with new eyes.
BOB: I didn’t much like the way he flirted with you. He kept taking photographs of you in every possible position. Getting your finger caught in the elevator, bending over to pick up your barrette.
LUCINDA: Well, it made you much more attentive and loving.
BOB: You did look beautiful on that trip. Just like the girl I married.
LUCINDA: Oh, sweetheart, thank you! I fell in love with you all over again too!
BOB: (smiles) It’s interesting how this interview has put definition to the amorphous sprawl of our marriage.
LUCINDA: (Puts notebook down,) Uh-huh. Though I don’t know quite what you said or how I’m going to make a story of it.
BOB: You’ll think of something. You’re a great writer. That’s why I picked you.
Franks is a Pulitzer Prize winning journalist, and Morgenthau served as New York’s district attorney for 30 years. TIMELESS: Love, Morgenthau and ME is now available.