Happy Fathers day |

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belinda-luscombe
Hello fathers and those who love them,

There are some lessons that I would suggest you can only learn from parenting. Some are useless in a non-parenting situation like how to tie bags so the diaper smell doesn't get out or the best spoonfeeding-to-office outfits. Others are surprisingly applicable. Because your children will do things and develop habits that you do not like without it affecting your feeling for them, you learn that you can muster up some understanding for other people who do things you don't like. So when a teen rides his skateboard on a busy sidewalk, instead of thinking "lawless hooligan," you think "I remember when my kid loved skateboarding that much." Or when drivers listen to music you hate at full volume in a nearby car, instead of assuming they're obnoxious showoffs, you recall that playing music you don't care for at high volume in your close proximity is behavior that you have tolerated from your offspring. The logic is simple. Your children behave like jerks and yet are not really jerks, so you decline to label them as such. If this is true of your children, it must follow that it could be true of other people's children too. Or even grown-ups. Of course, you can understand this even when you aren't a parent. But parenting brings it home so much more pointedly, or did for me.

Many of you know that I have been writing a book about marriage (and parenting, of course.) As Father's Day approaches I'd love to hear of any stories of ways you found to make your spouse (of any gender) feel special. If you have any you want to share, I’m still at belinda.luscombe@time.com or @luscombeland on Twitter. (And don't worry I won't publish them without asking.)

P.S. If you like this newsletter, please pass it on to a friend. And if you got it from a friend, sign up here for email delivery each Friday. You know, more or less.
roundup

Happy Father's Day to all dads, biological, step-, surrogate, foster, adoptive or grand. A newly released study of more than 2000 fathers across America has found that they're finding a way to be both masculine and tender, which had historically been a stumbling block. Um, except for those who aren't. Brigham Young University

One of the ways that mothers can unwittingly sideline dads is by doing what researchers at Ohio State call "maternal gate-closing." That is, when dads try to change a baby's diaper or get a baby ready to go out, they hold them to the particular standard or method that they prefer, or take over from them. This practice however, seemed to stop dads from taking initiative, getting engaged and ultimately spending time and bonding with a child. TIME

Pregnancy discrimination cases are beginning to loom larger on the horizon. Some of them stem from women being given inappropriate duties while pregnant. Some from women who believe they were passed over for promotion once they had kids. These cases are tough, because who can really prove why any person was not given a promotion? But a study out of Stanford University gave hundreds of real-world hiring managers two résumés from equally qualified women. Half of them signaled that one candidate had a child. The managers were two times as likely to call the childless woman for an interview. New York Times

"Black fathers throughout this country struggle to raise their sons in a world where they seemingly have bull’s-eyes on their backs. We work hard at striking the delicate balance between unconditional love and providing the discipline our sons and daughters will need to survive in America." Scroll through this beautiful album of fathers and sons and Eddie Glaude's bracing essay. TIME

Drowning is the second most common cause of death for toddlers in the U.S. And most of those are in swimming pools. It happens so much more quickly than you think it could, especially when  people are distracted with company or other family members. Here's how you can keep your kids safe. TIME.

Speaking of dads, let's give it up for this guy, whose daughter lost it during a ballet recital, and he—with baby on board—totally saved the day. You rock, sir. Fatherly

PFFT: Parenting from Famous Types

Alexis Ohanian, Reddit founder, Serena Williams's spouse, and father of one

“I finally understand Game of Thrones. I think about how I would do anything for my daughter, and also my wife. [Fatherhood] gives me this clarity of thought around every decision I make, not just professionally, but personally, and everything else. It just feels really good. It’s like a higher level of consciousness.”

 
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