It’s inevitable. At some point family caregivers and their older loved ones will have to have some challenging conversations about finances. Topics regarding end-of-life planning require a delicate approach, and even more mundane financial matters, like protecting mom from a phishing scam, must be treated with sensitivity. AARP’s Bob Stephen explains how to broach difficult but necessary conversations in a way that is both productive and empathetic.
Stephen is Vice President of Caregiving for AARP. He understands the importance of starting any conversation you’re going to have about financial matters slowly but with an eventual resolution in mind.
For instance, older adults may need more help sorting out their legal and financial decisions, such as wills and powers of attorney, but it may not be a subject they’re ready to address. When it comes down to a family caregiver, to start the conversation, says Stephen, “don’t come in with a heavy hand. Start with things that are going to get the conversation going.” Stephen suggests asking questions like, “Where do you see yourself ten years from now?” “Is this the house you want to live in?” “What kind of financial resources do you have?”
It’s important for all immediate family members to be involved in the conversation from the beginning, for several reasons. One being that things can become more complicated when a caregiver has a financial interest in a loved one’s finances. “As a family, you can keep each other somewhat honest,” says Stephen. “And being transparent is really important, making sure that it's all out in the open so that there aren’t any questions about plans, roles or next steps.”
Stephen says that clear legal documents and transparency between family members are essential. This step can ensure all parties have a full understanding of what is going on and can reach resolutions in a timely manner.
Toward that end, make sure all relevant family members are present when important legal and financial decisions are being made. It’s also important to get the help of a qualified attorney who can parse through the details, especially given that complicated legal questions aren’t limited to the creation of a will or disposing of assets, but can arise in day-to-day matters long before it’s time for end-of-life care.
If a person is no longer capable of managing their own assets, they may appoint a financial power-of-attorney who will manage everything from investments to taxes to daily budgets on their behalf. While this role of caregiver may be less physically intimate than providing daily hands-on-care, the job of caregivers helping with financial issues may be just as emotionally fraught.