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# Pizza Farm with Nick Offerman

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<!-- video src="https://cdn.jwplayer.com/manifests/rto4LxtI.m3u8" -->
## Video: Pizza Farm with Nick Offerman

[Watch (HLS stream): Pizza Farm with Nick Offerman](https://cdn.jwplayer.com/manifests/rto4LxtI.m3u8) (2:16)

![Pizza Farm with Nick Offerman](https://cdn.jwplayer.com/v2/media/rto4LxtI/poster.jpg?width=720)

_Published 2015-07-14. Pizza Farm with Nick Offerman_


---

Jul 27, 2023 6:32 PM UTC

---

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---


## Transcript

[ NOISE ] Ahem. The government tells us we need to offer healthy choices in school lunches, but what is healthy really? Is it this or is it this? The answer may surprise you. [ MUSIC ] Welcome to the pizza farm. Where we are hard at work growing the ripe- juicy pizza's your kids love. What could be healthier than this? Acres of pizza kissed by the sun, stretching us far the eye can see. [ MUSIC ] Hm, fresh pepperoni's straight from mother earth We also have orchards of taquito trees soaking up the minerals and vitamins from the sun before we pick them and deliver them straight to those school lunch trays.

Can I have one? You sure you don't want an apple? Ew, no way Haha, here you go. You see, kids know what their bodies need. My teeth feel soft. Go away. These fields produce hot, moist sloppy Joes all year round, thanks to the nutrients in the cola we use to water them. Like mother's milk. We all want out kids to eat healthy, all natural food. So stop pushing gross fruits and vegetables on them and let them dig into a fresh picked bushel of hot, flakey, fish fingers. Yeah they keep falling off. We can't get these to stock on the branches. So. I'm sorry. Listen if it's on a plant it's good for you.

Who cares how it got there? French fries are practically salad. Which is why I like mine with Ranch. [ MUSIC ]

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