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# Sheryl Sandberg: How to Recover When the Worst Happens

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<!-- video src="https://cdn.jwplayer.com/manifests/koct3vmv.m3u8" -->
## Video: Sheryl Sandberg: How to Recover When the Worst Happens

[Watch (HLS stream): Sheryl Sandberg: How to Recover When the Worst Happens](https://cdn.jwplayer.com/manifests/koct3vmv.m3u8) (2:19)

![Sheryl Sandberg: How to Recover When the Worst Happens](https://cdn.jwplayer.com/v2/media/koct3vmv/poster.jpg?width=720)

_Published 2017-04-24. Grief doesn't hit everybody the same way. And people deal with it differently. But Sheryl Sandberg, whose husband Dave Goldberg died unexpectedly in 2015, thinks there are some things all grieving people share._


---

Jul 28, 2023 4:22 AM UTC

---

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[Sheryl Sandberg Speaks at Tsinghua University Commencement 2015](/video/g9R7RCzS/)

### Sheryl Sandberg Speaks at Tsinghua University Commencement 2015

---


## Transcript

[ MUSIC ] I lost my husband two years ago and it's a horrific thing to live through. I found him on a gym floor. I flew home and sat down with my children. They were seven and ten years old and said you will never see your father again. And I thought I would never be okay. And people who had been through tragedy said, you will be, and I did not believe them. It felt like I would never really even be able to catch my breath again. My biggest fear is that, my kids would never be okay again, that their happiness would have gotten wiped out in that instant we lost Dave. And they couldn't have a happy childhood because They lost their father so young.

I sit here today and the sadness is still here, but there were steps that I could take to help myself recover and help my kids recover. The first thing is the advice my Rabbi gave me, funny though its phrased, lean into the suck. It gave me the understanding that this is gonna be terrible, and I stopped fighting the terrible moments cuz I knew they would happen. And when I stopped fighting them, they actually passed more quickly. Rely on other people. I needed, and still need, so much more help than I ever needed before. My mom stayed for a month, and she put me to bed like a child. And then when she left, my sister came, and my friends came.

When your friends say to you, is there anything I can do? Fight the urge to say nothing. Because friendship is what we can give, but it's also what we can receive. And the other is, know that it will get better. I didn't think I could feel good about anything. But there were aspects of my which were intact and good. In those deep, dark moments when you feel like it won't, it will. Four months after Dave died, four months, I went to a bar- mitzvah and a childhood friend took me on the dance floor to dance to a song I had loved in high school, and it was great. And then a minute in, I literally collapsed, and collapsed very publicly.

I realized, my god, I felt happy. For one minute, four months later. And then I felt so much guilt. My brother- in- law Rob, he said, all Dave ever wanted was for you and your children to be happy. Don't take that away from him in death. [ BLANK_AUDIO ]

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