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# dEUS Hidden Wounds

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<!-- video src="https://cdn.jwplayer.com/manifests/Bf5zOojQ.m3u8" -->
## Video: dEUS Hidden Wounds

[Watch (HLS stream): dEUS Hidden Wounds](https://cdn.jwplayer.com/manifests/Bf5zOojQ.m3u8) (7:15)

![dEUS Hidden Wounds](https://cdn.jwplayer.com/v2/media/Bf5zOojQ/poster.jpg?width=720)

_Published 2014-11-06. dEUS Hidden Wounds_


---

Jul 27, 2023 5:29 PM UTC

---

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### Wounded, But Not Defeated, in Liberation Square

---


## Transcript

What is war like? The old cliche, war is hell. War is frightening. It's devastating that you see the death around you. You see your friends die. You do a lot of killing yourself [ MUSIC ] I was just married with a young baby, couldn't afford to feed my family properly, so I joined the army. Everybody else was playing cowboys and indians. I played soldier. I wanted to be a hero. It's a little bit like playing Russian roulette every day. Have you ever been so scared you wet your pants? It's that kind of fear. You're first bullet shot that you hear go past over your head. And then you say to yourself.

Or if this is real. [ MUSIC ] You know, you know you see your friend that was alive at one minute, and the next they're not. You can't get shot three or four times and all of a sudden you're magically healed. It's not like a video game. People telling you they want to kill you, and when you look into their eyes, you know they really want to kill you. [ MUSIC ] I never saw an easy death, never saw an easy death at all. The bomb went off. On the bus, and on the bus there were 15 children. And we sifted through the bus removing bits and parts of little children. And obviously looking like half cooked chicken.

One of the things that I remember all the time is going to dark places and them being completely burned and these whole families being raped and tortured. So when you go down there it's like the stench of burning. [ MUSIC ] We used to be these, these machines that could deal with anything. There wasn't a problem that we couldn't deal with. And now we're confronted with one. I remember sitting there with a hand gun in my lap. Thinking about blowing my head off. It's only a movie. It can't be real. It's only a movie. It can't be real. I repeat that over and over and over again. [ MUSIC ] We're currently losing more veterans to suicide than to any.

Maybe ask them. If you ever confront another veteran, and they tell you that they've never thought about killing themselves, they're lying. [ MUSIC ]

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