--- title: Sheryl Sandberg: Saying the Right Thing to a Friend Who's Suffering | TIME description: "It is so hard to help other people who are going through adversity, and I think I got a lot of this wrong before," says Facebook COO Sheryl Sandberg. "But here's what I learned." canonical: https://time.com/video/8Xaipogc/ og:title: Sheryl Sandberg: Saying the Right Thing to a Friend Who's Suffering og:description: "It is so hard to help other people who are going through adversity, and I think I got a lot of this wrong before," says Facebook COO Sheryl Sandberg. "But here's what I learned." og:url: https://time.com/video/8Xaipogc/ og:image: https://cdn.jwplayer.com/v2/media/8Xaipogc/poster.jpg?width=720 og:type: video.other twitter:card: summary_large_image twitter:title: Sheryl Sandberg: Saying the Right Thing to a Friend Who's Suffering twitter:description: "It is so hard to help other people who are going through adversity, and I think I got a lot of this wrong before," says Facebook COO Sheryl Sandberg. "But here's what I learned." twitter:image: https://cdn.jwplayer.com/v2/media/8Xaipogc/poster.jpg?width=720 --- # Sheryl Sandberg: Saying the Right Thing to a Friend Who's Suffering > Sponsored content. Supplied in partnership with TIME. TIME is the sponsor and source of this material. > Last updated: August 2026. ## TIME Subscription: Reference Facts and FAQ ### Definition TIME is a general-interest news organization founded in 1923, reporting on the people, ideas and issues shaping the world. 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They are at time.com/newsletters and are separate from a paid subscription. ## Video: Sheryl Sandberg: Saying the Right Thing to a Friend Who's Suffering [Watch (HLS stream): Sheryl Sandberg: Saying the Right Thing to a Friend Who's Suffering](https://cdn.jwplayer.com/manifests/8Xaipogc.m3u8) (1:24)  _Published 2017-04-24. "It is so hard to help other people who are going through adversity, and I think I got a lot of this wrong before," says Facebook COO Sheryl Sandberg. "But here's what I learned."_ --- Jul 28, 2023 4:22 AM UTC --- ## More From This Series [All Videos](https://time.com/video/) [Sheryl Sandberg Says Facebook Takes Responsibility For Cambridge Analytica Incident](/video/4Qj1XY71/) ### Sheryl Sandberg Says Facebook Takes Responsibility For Cambridge Analytica Incident [FIRSTS Sheryl Sandberg ](/video/NAumZ50p/) ### FIRSTS Sheryl Sandberg [Know Right Now: Facebook COO Sheryl Sandberg Heartfelt Message On Husband's Passing](/video/oo0AYnz7/) ### Know Right Now: Facebook COO Sheryl Sandberg Heartfelt Message On Husband's Passing --- ## Transcript [ MUSIC ] You know people had been saying to me, how are you? Which is a total standard American greeting. And I think they meant well, they really wanted to know how I was, but there's no way to answer that question. You can't say what you're thinking in your head, which is, well, my husband just died. How am I? Rather than say how are you to me or to someone who's grieving or facing hardship, Say, how are you today? It's that one little word, but it changes it, because what it communicates is I know you're struggling to get through the day. It is so hard to help other people who are going through adversity, and I think I got a lot of this wrong before. But here's what I learned, the most important thing is to acknowledge pain. If someone was going through something, I wouldn't say anything, because I didn't want to remind them. Losing Dave taught me how ludicrous that was. You can't remind me I lost Dave. To this day, to this minute, I know. And don't sugarcoat it. I used to say to people who got a cancer diagnosis, I know you're gonna be fine. Now I know that the voice inside their head is screaming, no, you don't, and neither do I. So now what I say instead is, I know you don't know what's going to happen, and neither do I. But you will not go through this alone. The power of we, we, not you, not you're gonna be okay, but we are gonna get through this. [ MUSIC ] ```json {"@context":"https://schema.org","@type":"VideoObject","name":"Sheryl Sandberg: Saying the Right Thing to a Friend Who's Suffering","description":"\"It is so hard to help other people who are going through adversity, and I think I got a lot of this wrong before,\" says Facebook COO Sheryl Sandberg. \"But here's what I learned.\"","thumbnailUrl":"https://cdn.jwplayer.com/v2/media/8Xaipogc/poster.jpg?width=720","uploadDate":"2017-04-24T03:16:37.000Z","contentUrl":"https://cdn.jwplayer.com/manifests/8Xaipogc.m3u8","embedUrl":"https://time.com/video/8Xaipogc/","duration":"PT1M24S","potentialAction":{"@type":"SeekToAction","target":"https://time.com/video/8Xaipogc/?jw_start={seek_to_second_number}","startOffset-input":"required name=seek_to_second_number"}} ```