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# Ted 2 Trailer

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<!-- video src="https://cdn.jwplayer.com/manifests/3cCP6Qwt.m3u8" -->
## Video: Ted 2 Trailer

[Watch (HLS stream): Ted 2 Trailer](https://cdn.jwplayer.com/manifests/3cCP6Qwt.m3u8) (2:40)

![Ted 2 Trailer](https://cdn.jwplayer.com/v2/media/3cCP6Qwt/poster.jpg?width=720)

_Published 2015-05-26. Ted 2 Trailer_


---

Jul 27, 2023 6:19 PM UTC

---

## More From This Series

[All Videos](https://time.com/video/)

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### Ted Cruz Going on Obamacare

[Ted 2 - Official Trailer](/video/1kuuCJGm/)

### Ted 2 - Official Trailer

[10 Questions for Ted Turner](/video/tLdIWpIs/)

### 10 Questions for Ted Turner

---


## Transcript

Happily ever after only exists in fairy tales. Yet a talking teddy bear is about to marry his girlfriend .

>> I now pronounce you, teddy bear and wife. You may kiss the bear. Proving that Americans don't give a crap about anything. [ MUSIC ] So I got some big news. Tammy Lynn and I are gonna have a baby. That's awesome. Wait, how do you guys- We need a sperm donor. What is that? What are you doing? Getting ready, dude. What are you getting ready? What are you doing with your hand? I'm doing this for you, so when I get in there I can just bust it up .

>> What you think you're in a Red Lobster .

>> He Johnny, you did it .

>> I did it .

>> What the... Dude, that somebody's kid. Dude, it's in my eyes, I'm blinking it in !

>> Wait, wait, wait, wait. I'm going to take a picture and post it on Facebook .

>> What ?!

>> Hashtag: " Grrr Monday ."

>> Help me !

>> Oh my God, Teddy. Look at this. It says if we wanna have a baby, you're gonna have to prove you're a person in a court of law. This is a nightmare. We gotta fight it. We'll get a lawyer and we'll sue the government for your civil rights. I'm Samantha Jackson. You must be Ted. Yeah, Samantha Jackson. What's your middle name? Leslie. Oh my God. You're Sam L. Jackson. That's great. I mean, just like Sam L. Jackson. Who is that ?

>> You ever seen any movie, ever? He's the black guy .

>> They denied you the same rights as everybody else just because you're different .

>> Can you get me my life back .

>> Ted, do you believe you have a soul .

>> What did you think, I would do at this moment .

>> Overruled. [ background music ]

>> You want to be him. In the eyes of the law. The important thing about being a human is making a contribution to society. Where the hell's my coffee? You're not building rockets, figure it out. What a prick. 20 bucks I can toss a cookie crisp into that guys **** crack. Do it. I'm going to do it. Who did that? Oh. Sir, I apologize for my five- year- old child. Bad boy! You sit there and eat your fish nuggets. Fishy nuggy! [ MUSIC ] Ha ha! Go, go, go! [ MUSIC ] All right, I'm gonna ask you a few test questions. Are you ready? Yep. Bring it on. Do you consider yourself to be human? Objection. Sustained.

No, the witness can't object. Over ruled. Side bar. Guilty. Speculation. Hearsay. Bailiff. Briefcase. Disregard. In my chambers. Stop beavering the witness. I rest. We could totally be lawyers. Bang. [ MUSIC ]

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