--- description: Experts share what to say to advocate for yourself when experiencing symptoms related to menopause including hot flashes, irritability, anxiety, and more. title: What to Say if Your Doctor Dismisses Your Menopause Symptoms image: https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/bltaf4c379f37dfd853/6998cac77323afd13d2bcf29/What-to-Say-if-Your-Doctor-Dismisses-Your-Menopause-Symptoms-1.png?branch=production&width=3840&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=16:9 --- Updated: Oct 23, 2025Published: Oct 15, 2025 # What to Say if Your Doctor Dismisses Your Menopause Symptoms by [Angela Haupt](/author/angela-haupt/) ## Angela Haupt Update your preferences in [Account Settings](/account/preferences/) Close  Photo-Illustration by TIME (Source Image: Chinnapong/Getty Images) Women experiencing symptoms related to menopause—hot flashes, vaginal dryness, irritability and anxiety, and muscle aches, to name a few—tell the same story again and again: They tried to get help, yet no one listened to them or took them seriously. Many of these women report that their doctor shrugged off their concerns with a flippant, “Well, you have to go through it sometime.” Yet while menopause is an inevitable part of aging, suffering is not. “About 6,000 women go into menopause a day, but there’s a gap in care because there are only so many doctors actually trained in menopause health,” says Dr. Jessica Shepherd, chief medical officer of [Hers](https://www.forhers.com/ "undefined"), a telehealth platform for visits and treatments for issues including sexual health, mental health, weight loss, and perimenopause and menopause. “At every moment, we should be taking a self-assessment of where we are and how we feel, and we should never be afraid to ask the questions that will generate more conversation.” If you feel like your doctor is dismissing your menopause symptoms, here’s exactly what to say to advocate for yourself. ### “I’d like to schedule an appointment to discuss menopause or perimenopause.” There are ways women dealing with [menopause symptoms](https://time.com/7297712/menopause-diet-culture-eating-disorders-essay/ "undefined") can set themselves up for success. For starters, request an appointment to specifically talk about what you’re experiencing, rather than shoehorning symptoms into an appointment that’s mostly centered on something else. “A lot of women say, ‘Well, I brought it up to my ob-gyn after my Pap smear,’ like they're having hallway conversations around it,” says Dr. Kathleen Jordan, chief medical officer of Midi Health, a virtual-care clinic focused on navigating perimenopause and menopause. If you’re having symptoms, “you shouldn’t trivialize them to be an add-on conversation on your way in and out of your clinician's office.” When you schedule the appointment, Jordan recommends using this wording: “I’d like to have an appointment to discuss menopause or perimenopause.” That way, you’re setting expectations, and everyone is on the same page. Doing so is “very effective,” she says. “It gives women the space and grace to talk about all that,” and it gives the doctors some time to prepare. ### “I’m experiencing \_\_\_ symptom, it started \_\_\_\_, and \_\_\_ makes it worse.” Menopause symptoms can be subtle, and tracking them can help you explain exactly what’s happening—and how frequently—to your doctor, which will help them better grasp what you’re experiencing. Without these details, “it’s hard to trace or trend what’s going on with women,” Shepherd says. “There’s power to being able to say, ‘I have all of this information—I’ve been tracking it.’” If your doctor can look at a handwritten or digital symptom log, they’ll have a much harder time dismissing you, she adds. ### “These symptoms are causing me a lot of distress.” The word “distress” tends to grab doctors, says Dr. Jane Limmer, an ob-gyn at VCU Health in Richmond. If you’re not getting anywhere during an appointment, and you feel like your concerns are being pushed aside, focus on explaining exactly how your symptoms are affecting your quality of life. The more you’re able to illustrate a change over time, the better. Limmer suggests saying something like: “This is really affecting my ability to finish tasks that I can normally finish without any trouble. It's incredibly disruptive to my sleep, and it's really affecting my marriage and my friendships.” Maybe you can no longer go for your morning walk because your joints hurt, or you had to quit organizing book-club meetings because of your brain fog. Whatever the case may be, “Using words that really emphasize how much distress it has caused and how disruptive it has been to things you normally do will hopefully get people's attention,” Limmer says. ### “I'm hearing you, but I want to understand why this is or isn’t right for me.” One of the best questions for women to ask their doctor, Jordan says, is whether hormone replacement therapy (HRT) might be right for them. The answer depends on a variety of factors, including your medical history and your family history. If your doctor immediately says no, or that they don’t believe in HRT—which a growing body of science suggests is [safe and effective](https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jama/fullarticle/2818206?resultClick=24 "undefined")—you can push back. Ask them to explain their reasoning. “It’s OK to demand an answer,” Jordan says, “just like you would if you had a specific achy joint or a specific lab value.” ### “Is there anyone in your practice who has a specialty in menopause that I might be able to see next time?” If you can tell your provider doesn’t know much about menopause—maybe they're struggling to answer your questions about specific treatments, or they tell you they're not comfortable prescribing HRT—it might be time to move on. Limmer recommends asking if they can refer you to someone who has a menopause certification; you can find practitioners through the search tools offered by [The Menopause Society](https://portal.menopause.org/NAMS/NAMS/Directory/Menopause-Practitioner.aspx "undefined") and [International Society for the Study of Women's Sexual Health](https://app.v1.statusplus.net/membership/provider/index?society=isswsh "undefined"). “As doctors…it’s our responsibility to make sure patients get to the person who does have that expertise,” Limmer says. If you believe you can get better care with a different provider, you’re absolutely within your right to make a change, she adds. ### “Can you document that I asked for this, and your reasoning why you don’t feel comfortable prescribing it?” If you bring up a treatment you’d like to try and your doctor says no, ask them to document that in your medical chart. In addition to creating a record that could be useful for future providers, “You’re making them think about it again,” says Helen Stearns, a nurse practitioner and certified menopause specialist. It also feels good to know you’re advocating for yourself, instead of allowing your concerns to be minimized or dismissed. “Keep trying, because there is hope, and there is help out there,” she says. “I like to tell women that you’re not going crazy, you’re not alone, and you’re not broken. Whatever you’re feeling in your body is very real” and deserves to be taken seriously. _TIME for You: Menopause is presented by Hers_ Doctor Dismissing Menopause Symptoms? 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