--- title: Sheryl Lee Ralph and Mel Robbins Talk Self-Belief and the Patriarchy description: Sheryl Lee Ralph and Mel Robbins, both TIME Women of the Year honorees, sat down for a conversation at the TIME 2026 Woman of the Year Forum in Los Angeles. canonical: https://time.com/collection/women-of-the-year-forum-and-gala/2026/mel-robbins-sheryl-lee-ralph/ article:content_tier: free article:published_time: 2026-03-10T20:18:05.000Z article:modified_time: 2026-03-11T06:58:07.449Z article:section: Entertainment og:title: Sheryl Lee Ralph and Mel Robbins Talk Self-Belief and the Patriarchy og:description: Sheryl Lee Ralph and Mel Robbins, both TIME Women of the Year honorees, sat down for a conversation at the TIME 2026 Woman of the Year Forum in Los Angeles. og:url: https://time.com/collection/women-of-the-year-forum-and-gala/2026/mel-robbins-sheryl-lee-ralph/ og:site_name: TIME og:image: https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/blt93d6945d6e9e3581/69b06fd1c082a58d72dee99f/2265816860.jpg?branch=production&width=1200&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=16:9 og:image:width: 1200 og:image:height: 675 og:image:alt: Sheryl Lee Ralph and Mel Robbins Talk Self-Belief and the Patriarchy og:type: article twitter:card: summary twitter:title: Sheryl Lee Ralph and Mel Robbins Talk Self-Belief and the Patriarchy twitter:description: Sheryl Lee Ralph and Mel Robbins, both TIME Women of the Year honorees, sat down for a conversation at the TIME 2026 Woman of the Year Forum in Los Angeles. twitter:image: https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/blt93d6945d6e9e3581/69b06fd1c082a58d72dee99f/2265816860.jpg?branch=production&width=1200&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=16:9 --- Mar 10, 2026 # Sheryl Lee Ralph and Mel Robbins Talk Self-Belief and the Patriarchy > Sponsored content. 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Terms and conditions apply. * Savings buckets are a feature of Ally Bank's Savings Account. * No ATM fees from Ally Bank at Allpoint and Moneypass ATMs plus we reimburse for fees charged by other ATM owners nationwide up to $10 per statement cycle. * Early direct deposit offers eligible direct deposits up to two days sooner. * Spending buckets are a feature of Ally Bank's Spending Account. ## Video: A Conversation with Sheryl Lee Ralph and Mel Robbins [Watch (HLS stream): A Conversation with Sheryl Lee Ralph and Mel Robbins](https://cdn.jwplayer.com/manifests/Hag5nKGJ.m3u8) (23:19)  _Published 2026-03-10. Actress Sheryl Lee Ralph has a sign in her bedroom that reads, “Underestimate me, that will be interesting.” It’s that kind of self-motivation that has helped her find success as a Black female actress and advocate for herself in a Hollywood world that she was told wasn’t looking for women like her, she told podcaster Mel Robbins in a conversation at the TIME 2026 Woman of the Year Leadership Forum in Los Angeles._ by [Rebecca Schneid](https://time.com/author/rebecca-schneid/) ## Rebecca Schneid Reporter Actress [Sheryl Lee Ralph](https://time.com/collections/women-of-the-year/7377890/sheryl-lee-ralph/) has a sign in her bedroom that reads, “Underestimate me, that will be interesting.” It’s that kind of self-motivation that has helped her find success as a Black female actress and advocate for herself in a Hollywood world that she was told wasn’t looking for women like her, she told podcaster [Mel Robbins](https://time.com/collections/women-of-the-year/7377907/mel-robbins-interview/) in a conversation at the TIME 2026 Woman of the Year Leadership Forum in Los Angeles. In order to have success, Ralph said she knew she “would have to get up every day, be prepared to climb the mountain, wave the flag, and have done the work to let them know that I'm there. I climbed the mountain. I did the work. I am here, and I am deserving.” “Why are you waiting trying to get to somebody else's table? Buy your own table. Build your own table, put up a seat, and sit at your own table,” she added. **Read more:** [_Sheryl Lee Ralph Is Teaching by Example_](https://time.com/collections/women-of-the-year/7377890/sheryl-lee-ralph/) Both Robbins, 57, and Ralph, 69, are TIME Women of the Year honorees, and in their conversation discussed how their successes as “overnight sensations” took years of failing, learning things “the hard way,” and eventually betting on themselves. “Self-talk is the biggest obstacle in your way—destructive, so destructive,” Robbins said. “Take seriously how you speak to yourself, because the world will put obstacles in your way. You have the ability to remove them if you do not underestimate yourself.” Robbins, host of _The Mel Robbins Podcast,_ and the author of _The Let Them Theor_y, spoke about how her viral success took her 16 years of “doing the same thing, which is basically trying to get out of debt, trying to pay my bills, trying not to kill my husband, trying not to scream at my children, trying to do better, trying not to be jealous of everybody else." **Read more:** [_Mel Robbins Wants You to Bet on Yourself_](https://time.com/collections/women-of-the-year/7377907/mel-robbins-interview/) Ralph noted that it took her 40 years as an actress to find the public success she found as Barbara Howard on the hit TV show _Abbott Elementary_. Now an Emmy winner, Critics’ Choice winner, and recipient of the Order of Jamaica, she says she doesn’t compare herself with others. “When you compare and you compete, there's only one person that loses,” she said. “Trust me, too many people’s lives, I have said, ‘What I wouldn’t give to be them!’ Look at them now, and I’m like, thank God I am not \[them\].” Instead of looking around at others, Ralph and Robbins discussed how staying present in the moment and listening to their gut can allow other women to find success. “It's exhausting to spend your life trying to make everybody else happy,” Robbins said. “So I hope you can learn from my mistakes to understand how much time and energy you are wasting in your life, managing other people, trying to change other people, trying to make them happy, trying to meet their expectations, just let them, let them do what they're going to do, and take all that time and power back.” “When you do not love yourself, then the best project you could work on is you,” she added. Ralph also said that women should learn to be better leaders as they find themselves in more positions of power. “For a few hundred years now, women have been, and some still are, under the thumb of the patriarchy—under the thumb of men…sometimes you learn men's bad habits,” she said. “So as women rise, I want you to remember to let go of some of what you've seen done by men. When we get to the top, we must be better than what was before us.” _The TIME Women of the Year Leadership Forum was presented by Target, Booking.com, Toyota, Deloitte, and Maker’s Mark._ ## Transcript Here we go. Alright, here we are. Mel is the moment. Yes. Come on now. No! Cheryl Lee! Everybody. Thank you. As you can see, this is an equal opportunity. We love each other moment. Yes, yes. Because one of the things that you're going to. One of the things that I've learned in life. Yes. The more you shout for and cheer for other women, the more opportunity comes for everybody. Well, that's true, because I'm a true believer that when women win, everybody wins. But, you know, it's really hard right now. I love the whole advancement of women and everything, but I really remember and think about this. For a few hundred years now, women have had been. Some still are under the thumb of the patriarchy under the thumb of men. So when you think about rising and you've been under the thumb of men, sometimes you learn men's bad, bad habits. You learn their bad habits. So as women rise, I want you to remember to let go of some of what you've seen done by men. I love men, trust me. I'm crazy about a man. But sometimes men are a little crazy. And as we rise and we will rise. Because there are so many women, so many highly educated women, so many women really doing the blessed thing. When we get to the top, we must be better than what was before us. Yes. Leave the door wide open because I don't know who taught us. There were a limited number of seats at the table. Exactly. Bullshit. There's a leaf in the table. That's right. Pull up chairs. Do not wait for somebody to ask you. That's right. Everybody want to be in the room. You belong in the room. Period. Folks, talk about the table. They say, well, what do you bring to the table? If you're a woman, I bring everything to the table. Because I bring life. I bring life to the table. When they talk about the table, I'm like, why are you waiting? Trying to get to somebody else's table. Buy your own table. Build your own table. Put up a seat and sit at your own table. You know, one of the reasons why Cheryl, I think they paired us together is because we are the elders. Yes, and we have had a long climb to have an overnight sensation moment. Took me 40 years to be an overnight sensation. Yes. And you? Yes. Well, 16 years of doing the same thing, which was basically trying to get out of debt, trying to pay my bills, trying not to kill my husband, trying not to scream at my children, trying to do better, trying not to be jealous of everybody else. And that stuff we all go through at some point in life. Yes. One thing I'd love to get your perspective on, because how many of you are busy working on something and yet you spend a lot of time looking around at what other people are doing and telling yourself, why isn't it happening for me? Don't worry, I'm not going to call on you. I just want you to validate. And so I'd love to know Cheryl in those moments because we've had a lot of them. Yes. Where you're like. When is it going to be my turn? Ah! Is this even worth it? Should I keep going? Why am I not getting the break? I have worked so I know I'm in your head. We have had the same experience. But let me tell you this. Yes, please. I don't compare and I don't compete. I don't compare myself to anybody else. And I don't compete with anybody else. When you compare and you compete, there's only one person that loses and that is you. When you look at somebody else and say, why isn't that mine? Because it wasn't meant for you. It was for them. It was theirs all along. What you got is what the great goddess in the sky gave you. If you want more, you need to sit down with the goddess plan, plot and build and move yourself towards your goals and stop looking at everybody else's goals. Because trust me, too many people's lives. I have said, wow, what I wouldn't give to be them, huh? Look at them now. And I'm like, Thank God I'm not. Well, you know, that's that's true because we pick and choose what we think we want. Ha. But if you're going to compare yourself, you better look at the whole pie. The whole pie. The whole. Pie. You can't see. Yes, because everything is changing. Everything is evolving all the time. Nothing is stagnant. I heard this thing the other day. Blew my mind. So 0 to 21. I think we all know we went through a lot of changes as we were growing up, right? 8000 days, 21 to about mid 40s. Wow. 8000 days mid 40s to your mid 60s 8000 days. Your mid 60s to your mid 80s 8000 days. Do you know how many use you have yet to meet? Come on now. I think you can go through life in one of two ways. Either you say, God, I wish I had or you say, I am so glad I did. You don't even know what you are capable of in the next 8000 days. And yes, there are very real obstacles, but I think one of the things that you and I do very well is we get quiet and say, what do I want? That's it. And it is nobody's responsibility but yours to create it for yourself. And what I'm excited about and you were talking about this too, is what's coming for you. The you that you haven't met yet. The opportunities that will come. But you're not ready yet. Imagine that. What's about to happen for you is so big. You have to go through some things. And Cheryl is saying, the goddess in the sky is like, you would not handle the bigness that's waiting for you. So you got to be patient, you got to build, you got to put your head down and know that at some point, all of this hard work is going to pay off in ways you cannot even imagine. But it's up to you to hold on to that vision for yourself, and you'll be damn glad you did. Absolutely, absolutely. Now I hear you talking about the change, the future, what those 8000 days could mean and become. Okay, Mel. Yes. If today we're tomorrow, what would you say to yourself? Wait. If I don't know if I'm smart enough to answer that question. If today I need a cocktail. I think. If you were in tomorrow, what would. You. Oh, don't miss today. Come on now. Exactly. Don't be so wrapped up in where you're going. Or wrapped up in what you think you should be doing, or wrapped into your phone. That you miss the joy and the gift that is right in front of your face. Like, I think part of my success is that I, I learn everything the hard way. I screwed up, so yeah. Most of us, right? I screwed up so much. And I think the lessons were there all along, but I was not present enough. To see what was happening to you. Yes. Right. How do you what would be your advice, Cheryl? Because I think often about that really famous moment you've talked about when Robert De Niro said the brave thing to you. I would like you to extract how you took that truth, and you used it as fuel to focus on why you do what you do, and you do not let the world around you define you. Mhm. What she's talking about is I did a film with Robert De Niro called mistress, and I am working in tandem with him, and we get in the middle in between scenes. And the great Robert De Niro looks at me and says, oh, you're a damn good actress. And that's too bad because Hollywood is not looking for you. They are not looking for the black girl. And he said, so you better just climb that mountain and wave the red flag and let them know that you are there. I thought about that so many times that if I had been a different person, that could have really destroyed me. But I looked at Robert De Niro and I said, that's the great Robert De Niro. who just looked me in my eye and said, you're a damn good actress. Okay, maybe I'm a damn great actress, but thank you. Thank you, Robert. And they're not looking for you. Which means if I'm going to make it, if my dream is going to come true. I am going to have to advocate for myself. I am going to thank you. You can clap that. Oh, let me add to that. So when you hear me say, I, I want you to hear you, you, I'm going to have to advocate for myself. I would have to get up every day, be prepared to climb the mountain, wave the flag, having done the work to let them know that I'm there. I climbed the mountain. I did the work. I am here and I am deserving. And you want to know what else is great? When they don't see, when they. They're not looking for you. They don't see you coming. They don't see you. That's right. I have a sign in my bedroom. It says, underestimate me. That will be interesting. But here's the thing, though. Who do you think underestimates you the most? Come on, say it. You. Yes. You. If I were to put a speaker on your brain and broadcast the **** you say to yourself, you would not be sitting here. We would have you on the seventh floor of a mental health institution. It's the truth. And the self-talk is the biggest obstacle in your way. Destructive. So destructive. And the thing that is sad is you have control Over the way you look at things and how you speak to yourself. And if you take anything away from the time that you're going to spend around all the extraordinary women at this event, it's take seriously how you speak to yourself, because the world will put obstacles in your way. You have the ability to remove them if you do not underestimate yourself. And it happens all the time. We always think that we are not good enough. We are always thinking that they don't see me. We are always thinking that they don't get me. Part of your story that I love is you having just had this baby married to this man who looks at you and say you're crazy. Yes. You're trying to quit your job. You have a. I love that you have a new baby. We need money and you can't quit your job. But you quit your job listening to that voice. Listening to that thing in your gut. The voice in your head is really real, you know? The voice in your head knows. And you better listen to the voice in your head. That thing in your gut. Your gut. Whether you put probiotics, prebiotic, whatever in it, your gut can really speak to you. Listen to your gut. And you listened and you stepped out on faith. You fell a few times. But this woman has her own company up on the East Coast. She hired her daughter and 50 other people. Mostly. Women, mostly women, and now has the number one podcast, all because she looked and said, I can't do this. I got to be happy, oh, I can't do this. I've got to be happy, I love that because I have got to be happy. Because when I'm happy. F everybody is happy and I love you did that for you. Well, I think it's exhausting to spend your life trying to make everybody else happy. And it took me until I was 54 years old, which is which is a long time. So I hope you can learn from my mistakes to understand how much time and energy you are wasting in your life, managing other people, trying to change other people, trying to make them happy, trying to meet their expectations. Just let them. Let them do what they're going to do and take all that time and power back. And you will be shocked at how much time and power you have and how you didn't respect it. Your attention, your time. It is the most valuable resource that you have. It's like a melting ice cube on a kitchen counter, it will be gone like that. And the question I want you to ask yourself is not what would you tell your younger self? I want you to time travel to the wisest woman in the world. And I want you to ask the 90 year old version of you. What should I do today? What change should I make today? Because the 90 year old version of you knows she does not have time and she is going to tell you time is on your side. It is not your enemy, but you better start respecting it and start making decisions and using it to build the things that you want to feel the way that you want to feel and live the life that you want to live. Because again, you get to choose how you're going to go through this life. You're either going to say, God, I wish I had or damn, I'm glad I did. And you can start today. And today is important because, you know, my dad used to say, today is the first day of the rest of your life. And I was always like, my God, my father in these corny sayings. But I realized that today, or the day is always the day for you to make a difference for you, and you are so worth it. You won't hear me say it all the time. People don't have to like you. People don't have to respect you. People don't have to love you. But when you look in the mirror, you better love what you see. You have got to love what you see. When you are able to pay attention to that person. Love that person. Respect that person. Cradle that person. Wipe that person's tears and tell that person carry on and mean it. You're not just doing it for yourself. You're doing it for every body else. That will be around you too, because you really matter. I don't know what else I should say after that. I mean, that was pretty incredible. It was. I guess if you're in a place where you do not love yourself, then the best project you could work on is you. And ask yourself, what would my Tuesday. Because your life is full of Tuesdays. What is the average Tuesday look like? And if I truly was proud of myself or I loved myself, what time would I wake up? What's the first thing I reach for? What's the first thing I say to myself? Do I say or do I say? Today is going to be a good day because I'm going to make it a good day. What do I do with my body? It's your actions. The littlest actions that demonstrate to you. When no one's watching. Whether you love yourself. Whether you respect your time. And so start with you. Start with you. Start with a Tuesday. And just act as if you already love and respect yourself. And something funny happens. One of these days you're going to wake up and realize you actually do. You actually do. You are the single most important project you will ever work on. I say that one. You do? Yes. You know who says that? Sheryl Lee Ralph says that you are. And so I hope you understand that the time is going to pass whether you do something different or not. And if you're not happy or fulfilled by the way, you're spending the average Tuesday. It is completely within your power to change that. And we hope you do. We love you. Go get em. Yes. Go for it. Before we wrap up, I know it says wrap up now. Yes. So we have been chosen two of the 16 time women of the year honoree. Yeah. What does it mean to you? Um, this is probably the biggest, uh, honor that's ever happened to me. Ah. It really is. Um, it's one thing to have the biggest podcast in the world and to have 11 million people listen to you every week and to know it's really helping people change their lives. It's a different thing to be seen for the positive impact that it makes. And when you host a show or write a book, you don't see the people who are listening And to know that it's not only reaching millions and millions of people in 194 countries. Wow. And empowering them to make small changes that ripple through their lives and their families and their communities. But to know that that someone else sees it. Mhm. That just gives me a lot of pride. It makes me feel great for our team that works so hard. We put 100 hours into every episode. The art is to make it seem like we don't. And I hope it inspires so many more women to pick up a microphone or to write the book to tell your story because you have something unique that someone else is looking for. And if you stay silent, they're not going to be able to find you. MM. You have an impact to make. And so it just means the world to, at the age of 57, be recognized for the positive difference I'm making. Well, I tell you, you deserve it. I'm happy to be here with you. And for me, I'm still questioning how did I get here? How was I chosen in this group? And I think about the fact that how grateful I am that I have been doing what I've been doing for the past 45 years. And it's wonderful that now people can hear me. It feels as though I've been going through this experience of life and the mic has been off, the mic has been muted, and somehow I got to a moment with a group of people in a show called Abbott Elementary. And somehow my mic turned on. Somehow little cameras came out and people said, I like what she's saying. And I'm like, I've been saying it for a long time, but I'm so happy like you that after all this time of doing the work, the challenging work. Yeah, there are times I've spoken up about things and people told me I was stupid. They told me to shut up. They said I was a loose cannon. They said, nobody's going to like you. And speaking up about important things will hurt your career. Really? Because if that was the price, then I was going to lose a career because what was necessary for the people On a larger scale, on a grander scale. Young women now, even young at heart, women. That was important for me. So if in some small way somebody saw that I feel like you, this is truly a great honor and I am grateful. Well, we're grateful for you. And you. And. You. I love you. Thank you. She's amazing. Sheryl. Lee. Ralph, everybody. There she is. Now is the moment. Everybody. Yeah! Champions. Girl, you got the mark of the black girl on you. Look at that. Now wipe that off. Do not wipe that off. I want that to marinate into my skin. I need a little bit more of your energy. Make you melanated. Please. I'll take it. I'll take it. All right, everybody, have a wonderful morning. Thank you for being here. Go get em. ```json [{"@context":"https://schema.org","@type":"Article","@id":"https://time.com/collection/women-of-the-year-forum-and-gala/2026/mel-robbins-sheryl-lee-ralph/","mainEntityOfPage":{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https://time.com/collection/women-of-the-year-forum-and-gala/2026/mel-robbins-sheryl-lee-ralph/"},"headline":"Sheryl Lee Ralph and Mel Robbins Talk Self-Belief and the Patriarchy","datePublished":"2026-03-10T20:18:05.000Z","dateModified":"2026-03-11T06:58:07.449Z","description":"Sheryl Lee Ralph and Mel Robbins, both TIME Women of the Year honorees, sat down for a conversation at the TIME 2026 Woman of the Year Forum in Los Angeles.","url":"https://time.com/collection/women-of-the-year-forum-and-gala/2026/mel-robbins-sheryl-lee-ralph/","keywords":["Women of the Year"],"thumbnailUrl":"https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/blt93d6945d6e9e3581/69b06fd1c082a58d72dee99f/2265816860.jpg?branch=production&width=1200&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=1200:675&height=675","author":[{"@type":"Person","name":"Rebecca Schneid","jobTitle":"Reporter","url":"https://time.com/author/rebecca-schneid/"}],"creator":"Rebecca Schneid","articleSection":"Entertainment","image":[{"@type":"ImageObject","url":"https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/blt93d6945d6e9e3581/69b06fd1c082a58d72dee99f/2265816860.jpg?branch=production&width=1200&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=1200:675&height=675","width":1200,"height":675}],"publisher":{"@type":"Organization","name":"Time","url":"https://time.com/","logo":{"@type":"ImageObject","url":"https://time.com/images/logo.png","width":528,"height":156},"foundingDate":"March 3, 1923","sameAs":["https://www.facebook.com/time","https://www.instagram.com/time/?hl=en","https://twitter.com/time","https://www.pinterest.com/timemagazine"]}},{"@context":"https://schema.org","@type":"BreadcrumbList","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"item":{"@id":"https://time.com/collection/women-of-the-year-forum-and-gala/2026/","name":"2026 Women of the Year Forum and Gala"}},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"item":{"@id":"https://time.com/collection/women-of-the-year-forum-and-gala/2026/mel-robbins-sheryl-lee-ralph/","name":"Sheryl Lee Ralph and Mel Robbins Talk Self-Belief and the Patriarchy"}}]},{"@context":"https://schema.org","@type":"VideoObject","name":"A Conversation with Sheryl Lee Ralph and Mel Robbins","description":"Actress Sheryl Lee Ralph has a sign in her bedroom that reads, “Underestimate me, that will be interesting.” It’s that kind of self-motivation that has helped her find success as a Black female actress and advocate for herself in a Hollywood world that she was told wasn’t looking for women like her, she told podcaster Mel Robbins in a conversation at the TIME 2026 Woman of the Year Leadership Forum in Los Angeles.","thumbnailUrl":"https://cdn.jwplayer.com/v2/media/Hag5nKGJ/poster.jpg?width=720","uploadDate":"2026-03-10T23:56:13.000Z","contentUrl":"https://cdn.jwplayer.com/manifests/Hag5nKGJ.m3u8","embedUrl":"https://time.com/collection/women-of-the-year-forum-and-gala/2026/mel-robbins-sheryl-lee-ralph/","duration":"PT23M19S","potentialAction":{"@type":"SeekToAction","target":"https://time.com/collection/women-of-the-year-forum-and-gala/2026/mel-robbins-sheryl-lee-ralph/?jw_start={seek_to_second_number}","startOffset-input":"required name=seek_to_second_number"}}] ```