--- title: Money Reveals What Kind of Friend You Are description: Being a good friend means being conscious of what your choices cost other people, writes Meehika Barua. canonical: https://time.com/article/2026/09/28/money-reveals-what-kind-of-friend-you-are/ author: Meehika Barua article:opinion: true article:content_tier: free article:published_time: 2026-09-28T10:00:06.502Z article:modified_time: 2026-09-28T10:00:06.645Z article:section: Ideas og:title: Money Reveals What Kind of Friend You Are og:description: Being a good friend means being conscious of what your choices cost other people, writes Meehika Barua. og:url: https://time.com/article/2026/09/28/money-reveals-what-kind-of-friend-you-are/ og:site_name: TIME og:image: https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/blt4a09a48c8e452809/6ab2869b0717115b7436ba6b/money-friends.jpg?branch=production&width=1200&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=16:9 og:image:width: 2121 og:image:height: 1193 og:image:alt: money-friends.jpg og:type: article twitter:card: summary_large_image twitter:title: Money Reveals What Kind of Friend You Are twitter:description: Being a good friend means being conscious of what your choices cost other people, writes Meehika Barua. twitter:image: https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/blt4a09a48c8e452809/6ab2869b0717115b7436ba6b/money-friends.jpg?branch=production&width=1200&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=16:9 ---  IDEAS Time ideas # Money Reveals What Kind of Friend You Are > Sponsored content. 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A paid TIME subscription is separate and available at time.com/subscribe-agent. ### Sources * TIME Newsletters: [time.com/newsletters](/c/time-nl-inside-2026q3/newsletters?i=e9768931-2658-4eda-8dde-0c5d137a6585&cr=time-nl-inside-2026q3-v1) by [Meehika Barua](https://time.com/author/meehika-barua/) ## Meehika Barua Meehika Barua is a freelance journalist who is currently working on her memoir on friendships and love. Sep 28, 2026 10:00 AM UTC  Deagreez—Getty Images by [Meehika Barua](https://time.com/author/meehika-barua/) ## Meehika Barua Meehika Barua is a freelance journalist who is currently working on her memoir on friendships and love. Sep 28, 2026 10:00 AM UTC There is a scene in season two of _Friends_ I think about often. Rachel, Phoebe, and Joey, who have low-paying jobs, decide to have a serious conversation with their more wealthy friends —Ross, Monica, and Chandler—about struggling to pay for expensive group dinners and concert tickets. Ross says he [never thinks about money](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lkbr5qnYSUU), prompting Rachel’s famous line, “That’s because you have it!” Even though this scene aired in 1995, the same dynamic continues to play out in friendships in 2026\. Last year, my friend wanted to have a birthday dinner at Carbone in London, an Italian restaurant that is arguably more famous for celebrity sightings than its actual food. My friend works full-time at a national magazine, whereas I’m a freelancer. Everyone else cancelled on her birthday, so it was just the two of us. I felt bad for her, so I didn’t mind spending $75 on food. But a few months later, when it was time to plan my birthday, I couldn’t imagine asking any of my friends to spend the same amount on me just to visit a fancy restaurant. It felt like an extortionate amount of money. It felt tone deaf and entitled. So I hosted a house party instead and asked everyone to bring pizza. Another friend recently ranted to me about how she has spent more than $10,000 over the last year attending destination weddings and bachelorette parties. And while she is, of course, ultimately responsible for her decision to oblige, she has also noticed that the financial pressure to participate in expensive wedding culture tends to breed unnecessary, quiet resentment among her friends. This pattern is painfully, but subtly, common. Money can shape friendships and also reveal people’s values. The wealth gap between friends doesn’t necessarily cause dramatic fights or resentment. More often, it shows up in the small decisions: where you eat, which holidays you can afford, whether you can join a last-minute night out, or whether suggesting an expensive activity feels embarrassing in the first place. And unlike romantic relationships, where finances are often [explicitly discussed](https://time.com/article/2026/07/06/the-cost-of-living-crisis-is-rewriting-the-rules-of-dating/), friends rarely sit down and talk about the fact that one person earns significantly more than another. Instead, the person with less money can become the one who compromises or simply starts opting out. The way we handle money with our friends reveals a lot about our values, particularly when there is a significant wealth gap. Someone who can comfortably spend lavishly on a dinner, holiday, or birthday celebration may not realize that they're effectively asking a friend with less disposable income to make a significant financial sacrifice to participate. The problem is widespread. Too often people [go into debt](https://www.instagram.com/reel/DY76KQwBeOk/?utm%5Fsource=ig%5Fweb%5Fcopy%5Flink&stkn=NTc4MTIwNjQ2YQ==) in order to attend a friend’s [bachelorette](https://www.businessinsider.com/america-bachelorette-party-industrial-complex-brides-etsy-amazon-2025-6). Then there’s [Venmo ghosting](https://www.instagram.com/reel/DdUI9NjOOzW/?utm%5Fsource=ig%5Fweb%5Fcopy%5Flink&stkn=NTc4MTIwNjQ2YQ==) where people [avoid repaying](https://www.thecut.com/article/venmo-ghosting-repayment-avoidance.html) their friends after a shared bill. When friends repeatedly avoid paying someone back, the problem is that one person is comfortable making another person carry the financial burden. Money and conversations around money are taboo in our society, says psychotherapist Silvia Dutchevici, a licensed clinical social worker. “In my practice, I’ve seen patients share their most intense fears and sexual desires with little reservation, and then become visibly uncomfortable when asked about their salary, or naming the amount of a bonus or raise.” Think about it: how many of us actually know how much money our friends have or the salaries they make? Money, it turns out, is never just money. It’s a modern measurement of traits like freedom, prestige, power, and control. Our society implicitly and explicitly sends the message that money is equivalent to worth. “Neoliberal ideology tells us that financial success is the result of hard work, and that poverty is a personal failure rather than a systemic problem,” points out Dutchevici. When two friends have very different financial circumstances, acknowledging the gap can feel like saying something about who is more deserving, or who is less hard working. Both sides can carry shame. The friend with less money may feel judged or inadequate. Meanwhile, many affluent people also carry a deep shame around wealth, feel undeserving of it, and hide their financial means. “I once worked with a woman set to inherit millions who felt she couldn’t accept it until she had proved her worth by earning her own,” says Dutchevici. It is interesting to witness how wealth inequality is reshaping friendships, particularly as the [cost of living](https://time.com/article/2026/04/10/america-cost-of-living-pay-crisis/) continues to rise and people in the same social circles can have wildly different disposable incomes. Many of my friends have had their parents buy them houses, so their entire salary is spent on holidays, shopping, and frivolous hobbies. My paycheck, in contrast, goes towards rent and covering my basic needs. This inherently changes how we spend our days. There is an emotional side of the friendship wealth divide, too: the guilt of saying no, the shame of admitting you can’t afford something, the resentment that can build when one friend gets to choose the restaurant or holiday, and the awkwardness of accepting that in the face of a high price tag. All of these pressures have led me to believe that friendship requires more financial negotiation than it once did. We need new etiquette around money in friendship. What does it look like to make plans that don’t automatically exclude the least wealthy person in the group? Can friends with very different incomes maintain genuine equality? What happens when one person’s idea of a casual dinner is another person’s weekly food budget? These conversations don’t have to be complicated. Last week, my friend who works in radiology picked a sushi restaurant with a $40 per-person menu. “Is $40 okay for you? We can go somewhere else if not,” she said in a casual tone on the phone. I appreciated her thoughtfulness and conscientiousness. The end result: a closer friendship and no resentment. Friendship has its own financial morality. Being a good friend means being conscious of what your choices cost other people, not assuming everyone can afford your lifestyle, paying people back without being chased, and being willing to compromise. The wealth gap simply makes those values much more visible. And money reveals how we treat the people we claim to care about. [TIME Ideas](https://www.time.com/ideas) hosts the world's leading voices, providing commentary on events in news, society, and culture. We welcome outside contributions. 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