--- title: How to Break Up With Your Therapist Without Ghosting Them description: Experts explain how to know when therapy isn’t working, what to say to your therapist, and how to switch to someone new without guilt. canonical: https://time.com/article/2026/08/25/how-to-break-up-with-your-therapist/ author: Angela Haupt article:opinion: false article:content_tier: free article:published_time: 2026-08-25T13:48:11.000Z article:modified_time: 2026-08-25T14:20:26.650Z article:section: Health og:title: How to Break Up With Your Therapist Without Ghosting Them og:description: Experts explain how to tell your therapist it isn't working out. og:url: https://time.com/article/2026/08/25/how-to-break-up-with-your-therapist/ og:site_name: TIME og:image: https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/blt48f55b059105722f/6a8cb87bea4c7848cb385155/GettyImages-2272689778.jpg?branch=production&width=1200&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=16:9 og:image:width: 2121 og:image:height: 1193 og:image:alt: GettyImages-2272689778.jpg og:type: article twitter:card: summary_large_image twitter:title: How to Break Up With Your Therapist Without Ghosting Them twitter:description: Experts explain how to tell your therapist it isn't working out. twitter:image: https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/blt48f55b059105722f/6a8cb87bea4c7848cb385155/GettyImages-2272689778.jpg?branch=production&width=1200&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=16:9 ---  # How to Break Up With Your Therapist Without Ghosting Them  by [Angela Haupt](https://time.com/author/angela-haupt/)  ## Angela Haupt Aug 25, 2026 1:48 PM UTC  Elizaveta Starkova—Getty Images Elizaveta Starkova—Getty Images  by [Angela Haupt](https://time.com/author/angela-haupt/)  ## Angela Haupt Aug 25, 2026 1:48 PM UTC Your therapist has probably encouraged you to have [difficult conversations](https://time.com/article/2026/07/29/how-to-stop-being-defensive-in-arguments/), advocate for your needs, and resist the urge to avoid things that make you [anxious](https://time.com/7307336/worst-thing-to-say-anxiety-anxious/). That’s all well and good—until, one day, the difficult conversation is with them. If therapy doesn’t feel useful anymore, or if you’ve realized that you and your [therapist](https://time.com/collections/happiness-revival-guide/6240153/how-to-find-a-therapist/) simply aren’t the right match, it can be tempting to outsource the breakup to the cancel-appointment button. Yet unless there’s an ethical, boundary, or safety concern, experts say it’s usually worth having a conversation with your therapist before ending the relationship. It might improve the therapy. It might also help you find someone better suited to you, or simply allow you to leave without feeling guilty about ghosting the person who knows exactly why you tend to [ghost people](https://time.com/4779713/friendship-ghosting/). Speaking up could also save you from having to begin the search from scratch. “Your therapist could be the gateway to your next great therapist,” says Ryan Culkin, a licensed professional counselor and chief counselor officer at[ Thriveworks](http://thriveworks.com/), which provides therapy and psychiatry services. They might be able to adjust their approach—or recommend someone who would suit you better. Even if you already know you’re finished, breaking the news doesn’t require a dramatic confrontation or an elaborate defense. Here’s how to decide whether it’s time to call it quits—and how to do it painlessly. ## **Figure out what kind of discomfort you’re feeling** Good therapy isn’t necessarily easy. “Sometimes therapy can be really uncomfortable, but it can be incredibly productive,” says Eli Kraiem, a clinical psychologist in New York. A therapist might challenge an assumption you’re attached to, point out a pattern you’d rather not see, or encourage you to do something that scares you. Feeling unsettled after a session doesn’t mean it went badly. Michael G. Wetter, a clinical psychologist in Los Angeles, prefers this question: “What is the discomfort accomplishing?” Productive discomfort generally leads to insight, reflection, behavioral change, or progress toward goals you and your therapist have agreed on, he says. If it’s a poor fit, you might notice you leave therapy feeling misunderstood or have the same conversation week after week without much meaningful movement. Juliann Siwicki, a licensed clinical professional counselor in Vero Beach, Fla., thinks about it this way: “Are you uncomfortable because you’re talking about something hard? Or because you feel like you’re having coffee with someone and not getting help? Those are two different things.” You should be able to name what you're working toward—a pattern you're trying to break, a decision you're stuck on, a reaction you'd like to change—and to notice how much airtime your therapist is taking up. "A therapist can share something about themselves if it helps the client," Siwicki says. "It becomes too much when the client is spending the session listening to the therapist's stories, or feels like they need to take care of the therapist." Kamran Eshtehardi, a clinical psychologist in Pasadena, Calif., has heard the far end of that spectrum. One client described a previous therapist who "thought it would be helpful to tell me about when they cheated on their wife"—including that his wife left him, and that he later saw an escort. "And I'm like, ‘What? Like, a therapist told you?’" Eshtehardi says. "Those are major red flags." What was once a good fit can also change over time. A therapist who helped you through a crisis might not be right for your next stage. "A great therapist might not be great for you," Culkin says. "It's kind of like dating—you're not going to get it right the first time every time." Even finding that “the therapist gets on your nerves” doesn’t necessarily mean you should quit, says Eshtehardi. A rupture doesn’t mean the therapy has “rotted on the vine,” he says, and progress sometimes develops “underneath the surface” before reaching a tipping point. But if you’ve explained what you need and nothing changes—or there’s no sense of progress—your frustration deserves attention. Serious boundary violations, unethical behavior, or anything that makes you feel unsafe are different. You don’t need to attempt a repair before leaving, nor do you owe the therapist another session. ## **Say what isn’t working** If you’re open to continuing with your therapist, with the appropriate changes, describe what you’ve noticed and need—without turning the conversation into a performance review. Try: “Our sessions have started to feel conversational, and I need more structure, feedback, and therapeutic insight. Can we talk about that?” Or: “I’m not sure what I’m working toward. Could we revisit my goals?” Culkin suggests language as straightforward as: “That didn’t land with me,” “I want to try something different,” or “I really liked when you did this.” Eshtehardi recalls a client telling him that the usual sympathetic responses—“I’m so sorry to hear that” or “That must have been so hard”—didn’t work for them. “I just want to get stuff on the table and say, ‘OK, what’s going on here? How do we work with this?’” the client told him. That feedback helped Eshtehardi calibrate his approach. “I’m not saying it’s necessarily the client’s job to help train the therapist,” he says, but clients can explain what they’re looking for and how they prefer to work. ## **If you know you’re ready to leave** Sometimes you’re not interested in recalibrating the relationship—you’ve already decided to end it. In that case, the goal isn’t to persuade your therapist that you have a good enough reason to go. It’s simply to communicate your decision in whatever way feels most manageable. You don’t have to deliver the news face-to-face. A call, email, or text is fine: “I don’t want therapy and the therapeutic relationship to be another source of anxiety for my clients,” Eshtehardi says. For someone accustomed to conflict or pushback, sending “I’m sorry, this isn’t working for me” and receiving a calm response can itself be therapeutic. You might realize, he says, that “maybe there’s a way to connect with people that doesn’t feel like I’m always doing the wrong thing.” Eshtehardi also encourages clients who feel guilty to view the conversation as an opportunity to “practice trusting that someone else is going to be OK,” and trusting themselves to make the right decision. Your therapist’s response will provide useful information. A therapist who responds with openness and a willingness to adjust is giving you one kind of information; defensiveness or guilt-tripping gives you another. If the therapist acts wounded, Eshtehardi thinks of it as a “double whammy.” It might hurt, but it also “confirms that you’ve made the correct decision to stop therapy.” You don’t need to build a case for your decision. “When it comes to trying to find the right fit, I don’t think clients should have to worry about having to justify their perspective,” Eshtehardi says. He suggests keeping the message simple: “I don’t think it’s the right fit. I’d like to stop sessions, and I really appreciate your time. Thank you.” And try not to assume you’ve devastated them. Therapists are trained to handle patients leaving, Kraiem says. If yours can’t tolerate it, “then there’s a problem with the therapist, not with the patients.” ## **Make the transition easier on yourself** If you need consistent support, try to line up a new therapist before leaving your current one. Ask your therapist if they can recommend someone with a different style or specialty. Before booking, confirm the new therapist accepts your insurance. “There’s nothing worse than getting through that first session” only to discover they don’t, Culkin says. You can also ask how they structure sessions, establish goals, and respond when a client disagrees. Be candid about what helped the first time around, what didn’t, and what’s important to you this time. Culkin encourages therapists to ask what clients appreciated about past providers and what they wish had been different. “Those are gold answers,” he says. It’s not mandatory, but Kraiem recommends a wrap-up session, if you’re comfortable: “Let’s have one session to reflect on the experiences, process how you’ve improved, how you’ve grown through therapy, and maybe areas that still need improvement,” he says. Ask the practices about transferring relevant records. You’ll typically sign an authorization specifying what can be shared. Whether you want a direct handoff depends on why you’re leaving, Eshtehardi says. If you felt misunderstood, the former therapist’s perspective could “muddy the waters,” and you might prefer a clean start. If your therapist is referring you to someone with more specialized expertise, a conversation could help them get up to speed more quickly. In that case, Eshtehardi tells clients, “I’ll tell you everything I tell them so you know what they know.” Finally, cancel future appointments and settle outstanding balances or other loose ends. Eshtehardi suggests asking: “Are there any last things we need to do?” If medication is part of your care, coordinate with your prescribing clinician about refills. Changing therapists isn’t proof that treatment failed. Sometimes successful therapy means repairing a strained relationship. Other times, it means recognizing that the relationship has run its course—and using the difficult-conversation skills you’ve practiced to say so. ```json [{"@context":"https://schema.org","@type":"NewsArticle","@id":"https://time.com/article/2026/08/25/how-to-break-up-with-your-therapist/","mainEntityOfPage":{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https://time.com/article/2026/08/25/how-to-break-up-with-your-therapist/"},"headline":"How to Break Up With Your Therapist Without Ghosting Them","datePublished":"2026-08-25T13:48:11.000Z","dateModified":"2026-08-25T14:20:26.650Z","description":"Experts explain how to tell your therapist it isn't working out.","url":"https://time.com/article/2026/08/25/how-to-break-up-with-your-therapist/","keywords":["Mental Health","Evergreen"],"thumbnailUrl":"https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/blt48f55b059105722f/6a8cb87bea4c7848cb385155/GettyImages-2272689778.jpg?branch=production&width=1200&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=1200:675&height=675","author":[{"@type":"Person","name":"Angela Haupt","jobTitle":"","url":"https://time.com/author/angela-haupt/"}],"articleSection":"Health","image":[{"@type":"ImageObject","url":"https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/blt48f55b059105722f/6a8cb87bea4c7848cb385155/GettyImages-2272689778.jpg?branch=production&width=1200&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=1200:675&height=675","width":1200,"height":675,"headline":"GettyImages-2272689778.jpg","caption":"","creditText":"","representativeOfPage":true}],"publisher":{"@type":"Organization","name":"Time","url":"https://time.com/","logo":{"@type":"ImageObject","url":"https://time.com/images/logo.png","width":528,"height":156},"foundingDate":"March 3, 1923","sameAs":["https://www.facebook.com/time","https://www.instagram.com/time/?hl=en","https://twitter.com/time","https://www.pinterest.com/timemagazine"]}},{"@context":"https://schema.org","@type":"BreadcrumbList","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"item":{"@id":"/section/health/","name":"Health"}},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"item":{"@id":"/tag/mental-health/","name":"Mental Health"}},{"@type":"ListItem","position":3,"item":{"@id":"https://time.com/article/2026/08/25/how-to-break-up-with-your-therapist/","name":"How to Break Up With Your Therapist Without Ghosting Them"}}]}] ```