--- title: Why We Nag. And Why We Shouldn’t description: Nagging, that age-old art of bugging — er, gently reminding — someone to do something over and over again, insinuates itself into most relationships. “It’s... canonical: https://time.com/archive/7139421/why-we-nag-and-why-we-shouldnt/ author: TIME Staff article:opinion: false article:content_tier: free article:published_time: 2012-01-26T15:30:11.000Z article:modified_time: 2026-03-16T10:37:19.872Z article:section: Health og:title: Why We Nag. And Why We Shouldn’t og:description: Nagging, that age-old art of bugging — er, gently reminding — someone to do something over and over again, insinuates itself into most relationships. “It’s... og:url: https://time.com/archive/7139421/why-we-nag-and-why-we-shouldnt/ og:site_name: TIME og:image: https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/blt9ec343c9c5cbd5fe/698a93df9862f53a7489bd25/nag.jpg?branch=production&width=1200&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=16:9 og:image:width: 1200 og:image:height: 675 og:image:alt: nag og:type: article twitter:card: summary_large_image twitter:title: Why We Nag. And Why We Shouldn’t twitter:description: Nagging, that age-old art of bugging — er, gently reminding — someone to do something over and over again, insinuates itself into most relationships. “It’s... twitter:image: https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/blt9ec343c9c5cbd5fe/698a93df9862f53a7489bd25/nag.jpg?branch=production&width=1200&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=16:9 ---  * [Health](/section/health/) # Why We Nag. And Why We Shouldn't by [TIME Staff](https://time.com/author/time-staff/) Jan 26, 2012 3:30 PM UTC  Isabelle Rozenbaum / Getty Images by [TIME Staff](https://time.com/author/time-staff/) Jan 26, 2012 3:30 PM UTC Nagging, that age-old art of bugging — er, gently reminding — someone to do something over and over again, insinuates itself into most relationships. “It’s more common than adultery and potentially as toxic, so why is it so hard to stop nagging?” [wonders](http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052970203806504577180811554468728.html?mod=googlenews%5Fwsj) _The Wall Street Journal_. Good question. Psychologists say it boils down to faith. One person fears the other won’t follow through, and that compels her to keep asking her partner to complete the task. Her partner, in turn, gets annoyed, which doesn’t make him incredibly likely to want to cooperate. And the cycle repeats. Pair up an uber-organized, chop-chop kind of person (me) with an “I’ll-get-to-it-when-I-get-to-it” partner (my husband), and it’s no surprise that different approaches to getting things done can cause a robust degree of conflict. **MORE:** [Argue Much? Conflict Levels in Marriage Don’t Change Over Time](http://healthland.time.com/2011/10/21/argue-much-conflict-levels-in-marriage-dont-change-over-time/) Saith the _Journal_: --- > “” --- A little understanding might go a long way, says Howard Markman, professor of psychology at the University of Denver and co-director of the Center for Marital and Family Studies. Although some nagging is unavoidable, research Markman published in 2010 in the _Journal of Family Psychology_ found that those couples who minimize it stand a better chance of finding happiness. “Nagging is an enemy of love, if allowed to persist,” Dr. Markman told the _Journal_. **MORE:** [Why Materialistic People Are Less Happy in Marriage](http://healthland.time.com/2011/10/13/wealth-matters-part-2-materialistic-people-are-less-happy-in-marriage/) You could pay for counseling — or you could try a low-tech method that my husband came up with a few months ago: the Complaint Box. An empty tissue box upon which he scrawled “The C.B.,” it’s housed on our dresser, hungry for scraps of paper upon which we scrawl something that’s bugging us. I just looked in there so I could offer an example of the things we complain about. But — surprise! — it was empty. I guess sometimes merely identifying the problem and making light of it can go a long way toward nipping nagging in the bud. ```json [{"@context":"https://schema.org","@type":"NewsArticle","@id":"https://time.com/archive/7139421/why-we-nag-and-why-we-shouldnt/","mainEntityOfPage":{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https://time.com/archive/7139421/why-we-nag-and-why-we-shouldnt/"},"headline":"Why We Nag. 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