From a headpiece fit for Marge Simpson to an iPad fascinator, Britain’s upper crust celebrated the 300th anniversary of the annual horse-racing showcase with some truly wild millineryBy William Lee Adams
Marie Antoinette Meets Marge Simpson
If the frivolous French queen's hairdresser ever got a hold of America's favorite animated mom, the result might look something like this. Anneka Tanaka-Svenska, a model, vegetarian and conservationist, honored the earth on June 14, 2011, with this headpiece made of pink and green roses — and two feet of synthetic hair. "It's difficult to wear, but I'm an ex-ballerina, so perhaps a small amount of my dance poise has helped," she told reporters. "Because it's attached to my hair, which is very fine, it pulls a little bit."Dan Kitwood / Getty Images
Just Because It’s Expensive Doesn’t Mean It Matches
Carla Kyle's husband Jeremy is Britain's answer to Jerry Springer, but this hat may prove more controversial than his talk show. Carla appeared at Ascot in acres of coral tulle and sparkly Manolos — a very good start. But then she placed this blue beret on her forehead, threw in some mesh and added a dollop of black and white pearls. Photo taken June 14, 2011.David Hartley / Rex / Rex USA
Why Not Wear a Table Setting on Your Head?
In honor of Ascot's 300th anniversary, milliner David Shilling threw together this outlandish hat that consists of candles that spell out Happy Birthday, balloons, a wad of cash and a cocktail glass. The glass, you'll note, is empty. What was that about alcohol and impaired judgment? Photo taken June 14, 2011.Anwar Hussein / WireImage
Hat’s the Way to Wear It
Her Majesty can make the dowdiest hat look regal. On anyone else, this garish piece might induce indigestion with its Pepto-Bismol hue. But on the Queen it looks truly delicious: its sculpted ripples resemble strawberry soft-serve ice cream. Photo taken June 15, 2011.Julian Finney / Getty Images
Explosion at the Cotton-Candy Factory
Apparently this was deliberate. Tracy Rose — a milliner famed for her Ascot creations — took a Vietnamese conical rice hat and decorated it with faux fur in hot pink and lavender. She then attached a small bamboo fan to the top. Most bizarre is the severed arm that extends from the furry mass. It's wearing the same purple lace as Rose and appears to have painted nails. Photo taken June 15, 2011.Dan Kitwood / Getty Images
There’s a Bird Nesting in Your Hair
Natalie Portman embodied the mystery of the black swan en route to winning an Oscar. This woman takes a less subtle approach and merely wears one on her head. Although it rained on Ascot Ladies' Day, her spirits couldn't be dampened: swans like water. Photo taken June 16, 2011.Carl de Souza / AFP / Getty Images
She Headed South for Winter
This racegoer, spotted near Miss Swan, proves that birds of a feather really do flock together. But she's cast all movie references aside and stayed on trend with a brightly colored parrot that's perfect for the summer. Photo taken June 16, 2011.Suzanne Plunkett / Reuters
Don’t Bug Out
This futuristic strawberry patch looked stunning set against the bright green fields of Ascot. The massive insect crawling across it is slightly less charming. It taught this woman an important lesson: never stand next to someone with a flyswatter. Photo taken June 16, 2011.Dan Kitwood / Getty Images
I’ll Bring the Twizzlers
In an age of austerity, even the well-to-do have to think about saving. After Ascot, this racing fan should consider refashioning her tubing into belts for her children — or perhaps a garden hose. Photo taken June 16, 2011.Carl de Souza / AFP / Getty Images
She’s Seriously Twisted
Hoping to encourage children the world over to eat their greens, this balloon enthusiast created a tower of cucumbers and a wreath of peas. Her inflatable creation also serves as a stylish flotation device. Photo taken June 16, 2011.Charlie Crowhurst / EPA
We’ve Found the Mad Hatter
Hatmaker Tracy Rose describes this creation as "a staircase leading up to a doorway." Its size requires that she hold it in place constantly: were it to fall off, it might knock down a small child or injure a lapdog. With a few snips of its twisting purple embellishment and spindly wire frame, it could easily be converted into a daybed. Photo taken June 16, 2011.Ben Cawthra / Lnp / London News Pictures / ZUMAPRESS.com
Life’s a Beach
Model Danielle Lineker clearly understands the danger of too much sun exposure, so she chose this '70s-style floppy beach hat that conceals most of her head. Perhaps she didn't want the ladies who lunch to see her rolling her eyes as they walk past with bird's nests in their hair? Regardless, she wins the award for understated elegance in a sea of eccentricity. This photo was taken June 14, 2011.Indigo / Getty Images
Excuse Me, You’re Attracting Ants
Bryony Gordon, a journalist with the Telegraph newspaper, got into the spirit of Ladies' Day with her "windswept picnic." It includes teacups, spoons, a blackberry tart and cherries. She steered well clear of the women wearing birds, as they have a habit of pecking on ladies who wear food. Photo taken June 16, 2011.Samir Hussein / WireImage
She Gets Amazing Reception
If you forget about satellite dishes for a moment, this actually looks very chic. This woman has kept things simple with a large white circle that brings into sharper focus the beauty of this feather, potentially plucked from a natural-history museum (do animals come in that size anymore?). Photo taken June 16, 2011.Dan Kitwood / Getty Images
No More Giant Pretzels
Princess Beatrice — she who wore a flying spaghetti monster to the royal wedding — is learning from her mistakes. She toned it down at Ascot with a conservative black jacket and a wide-brimmed vanilla hat. Eugenie, who seemed to fashion her royal-wedding headpiece from fish tackle, also played it safe. Her teal fascinator could pass for a simple beret (if she snipped the tentacles, anyway). Photo taken June 14, 2011.Dan Kitwood / Getty Images
iFashion or iCrazy?
When you've mismatched a teal top with a hat made of green palm fronds, you might as well throw in an iPad: at least then you look current. This daring geek-chic hat is perhaps the only one at Ascot that can be powered on and off. And with 3G access, it allows you to look up the latest betting odds with just a few easy clicks. Before you call the fashion police on this poor woman, please note that she is not actually a racing fan: she's a model promoting an Irish betting agency's new iPad application. Photo taken June 14, 2011.Carl de Souza / AFP / Getty Images
Clamming Up
From a distance, horse owner Belinda Stradwick looks as if she's glued a large oyster to her head. But move closer and the sea life fades, giving way to a large shoulder pad decorated with roses and used bed linens. Photo taken June 14, 2011.Chris Jackson / Getty Images
Accessorize in the Shower
When you're in demand like model and Fashion TV presenter Veronica Voronina, it's important to have a look for every occasion. The lime corsage — a useful summer party piece — edges out her black fascinator with matching mesh veil. By simply removing the jumbo-size loofah, Veronica can transition seamlessly from horse race to funeral service. Photo taken June 14, 2011.Chris Jackson / Getty Images
Ozzy Osbourne in a Dress?
Dr. John Quinn appears to be struggling not to laugh at his wife Deborah. Her attempt to blend goth and high fashion is daring. Unfortunately, the white face paint smacks more of French mime than fashionista. Her hat, with its flying-saucer base, continues the trend seen at the royal wedding. Photo taken June 14, 2011.Rex / Rex USA
Gardens Gone Wild
The unlucky racegoers sitting behind Jackie St. Clair had limited views of the horses. At least they could entertain themselves by watching bees try to extract pollen from her headgear. Jackie, Simon Cowell's ex-girlfriend, wins points for pairing the larger-than-life floral hat with a simple gray dress. With a few sequins and carefully placed straps, she could fashion this into a costume for Carnival. Photo taken June 14, 2011.Anwar Hussein / WireImage
When Pringle Meets Hydrangea
Isabell Kristensen, a Danish-born haute-couture designer who has dressed Liza Minnelli, Nicole Kidman and Shania Twain, looks remarkably calm given the mess on her head. Her three-part Ascot creation consists of a plain white "pringle" that resembles an oversize flower petal, a lilac bow and a bunch of purple hydrangeas. Photo taken June 14, 2011.Daily Express / ZUMAPRESS.com
