Miscellany, Dec. 17, 1956

With the Bathwater. In Longxuyen, Viet Nam, cops arrested Sorcerer Nguyen Van Do for murder, got an explanation: with his professional reputation at stake after he had failed to cure an addled old farmer of his insanity, Van Do had resorted to a surefire cure, dunked the patient in boiling water.

Break, Haggle & Roll. In Cincinnati, Used-Car Dealer Don Melch touted 17 cars, got rid of five in one day after he advertised:

WE GUARANTEE

TO BREAK 50 ELVIS PRESLEY

RECORDS IN YOUR PRESENCE

IF YOU BUY ONE OF THESE CARS TODAY!

Clang, Clang, Clang. In San Francisco, after he crashed into the rear of an auto, backed up, clobbered the car twice more, police arrested George Latta, charged him with operating his streetcar while intoxicated.

As I Wander. In Charleston, W. Va., arrested for petty larceny when police found her carrying a suitcase stuffed with four sheets, four pillow cases and two towels belonging to the DuPont Hotel shortly after she checked out, Nora May Miller burbled: “Why, I wonder how all that got there?”

Weight of Evidence. In London, after her auto turned turtle, outsized (217 Ib.) Housewife Pat Wilkins was fined $28 for reckless driving despite her explanation: “I’m really a very careful driver, but there was just so much weight on one side of the car that it overturned.”

Backfire. In Chicago, after he burgled the Waltz Inn, got $6.95 and a .25-cal. automatic, Charles J. Walsh took the loot to a friend’s house, accidentally shot himself in the leg while gloating over the gun, confessed all to cops who arrived to investigate the ruckus.

Dual Exhaust. In Union City. N.J., pinched after he narrowly missed running down a cop, Motorist Chester J. Bronski pleaded not guilty of careless driving, alibied that the cigar he had smoked after slugging down four beers had made him dizzy, was fined $25 anyway for “driving while under the influence of a cigar.”

Put Them All Together. In Turin, Italy, when police arrived to quiet a family quarrel, they got an explanation from outnumbered Bridegroom Antonio Guglielmone: just before the wedding, his wife admitted that she wasn’t a spinster but a widow with two children, then “finally she admitted that . . . she really had three children, not two. Then as time went by she seemed worried once more . . . and there were four children, not three . . . and then five children, not four… I was concerned about the speed of the family’s growth.”