Miscellany, Jan. 2, 1950

A calendar of triumphs, defeats and contortions of the human spirit during 1949:

January. In Salt Lake City, the editors of a prison newspaper had a consoling word for fellow convicts: “No one is entirely useless. Even the worst of us can serve as horrible examples.”

February. In London, a judge gave G. E. Croxford 30 days for biting the nose of Arthur McCartney, added sternly that such behavior was “not British.”

March. In Manhattan, Comedian Jack Carter reported that after his weekly television show he got a letter from a dentist: “I would like to call your attention to a dark spot in your upper bicuspid area . . . May I be of service?”

April. In Melbourne, Rodeo Rider Reginald Cakebreak tried his niece’s rocking horse, fell, broke his collarbone.

May. In St. Louis, Delphia Mercurio explained to police why she had fired three shots from a revolver over her fiance’s head: he had suggested postponing the wedding.

June. In Miami, Fred H. Kautzmann charged that the James Drug Shop had mixed two prescription labels, causing him for the past year to rub stomach medicine on his scalp and drink his hair tonic.

July. In San Antonio, a woman fined $25 for drunkenness indignantly denied the charge: all she had had, she averred, was a fifth of whisky and eight beers.

August. In Mobile, Mrs. Mildred Rice read the fine print on her divorce decree, learned she had been given custody of her ex-husband rather than her child.

September. In Manistee, Mich., 83-year-old John Schultz admitted burning down his house and four other buildings on his farm, explained that it was the only way to stop his relatives from wrangling over who would inherit his property.

October. In Greensboro, N.C., a downtown office building bore the sign: “W. E. Crayton, Justice of the Peace & Notary Public. Marriages Consummated. Room No. 3 Upstairs.”

November. In Long Beach, Calif., the Rev. Ralph M. Grove called in engineers to help his hard-of-hearing parishioners; the church’s new earphones were picking up nothing but local police calls.

December. In Los Angeles, as an added service to a lubrication job, Mechanic J. H. Fisher removed a squeak from a car door, put it back next day at the owner’s request, because it had “sentimental memories.”