Always wanted to be a member of the Wu-Tang Clan but were afraid your name wasn’t cool enough for the likes of Ol’ Dirty Bastard? Quit worrying. Everyone can get a complimentary Wu Name–denoting your status within the multiplatinum rap group at www.recordstore.com/wuname Of course, whether these are just nicknames or sly character assessments is unclear.
Bill Clinton: 100-Watt Warlock
George W. Bush: Bastard, Bastard Harbour-Mastah
Al Gore: Jive-Talkin’ Choirboy
Ricky Martin: Radiophonic Oddity
Britney Spears: Spunky Misunderstood Genius
Bill Gates: Flailing Fanatical Killer
Demi Moore: Big Wicker Ventriloquist
Elian Gonzalez: Childish Gambino
Vladimir Putin: Sabre-Toothed Portillo
Kim Jong Il: Ol’ Mucky Terrahawk
Regis Philbin: Chocolatey Shatner
William Shatner: Alarmingly Named Wolfman
Ghostface Killa (actual Wu-Tang member): Dizzy Cow
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