Letters: Feb. 9, 2004

How Your Love Life Keeps You Healthy

“My husband perked right up when he saw your cover story! Know what I told him? ‘Not tonight, honey. I have a Viagraine headache.” JEANIE ROBBINS Kankakee, Ill.

Your special issue “How Your Love Life Keeps You Healthy” was wonderful [Jan. 19]. My husband and I will have been married 50 years in June. He is 71, and I am 68. We still love each other as we did the day we married. Sure, we have disagreements, but what married couple does not? Our sex life is just as good as or better than when we were 30. No, he isn’t on Viagra. He works 32 hours a week. I exercise. We golf, dance and are active all the time. There is nothing like love to keep you healthy. JO BOEVER Parrish, Fla.

Your story on couples therapy overlooked a key reason for the high U.S. divorce rate: many husbands and wives wind up not really liking each other because they wed almost entirely for sex or out of loneliness or both. The simple secret to a good marriage is to marry someone who is a close and true friend whom you trust and respect and who has similar tastes and values. Then be a kind, considerate and courteous spouse who listens. True friends can usually work out any problems, including sexual ones. WILLIAM LLOYD STEARMAN North Bethesda, Md.

When I received the issue with the steamy cover, I thought some women’s magazine had been delivered to my address by mistake. Then I realized it was TIME. Do we really need one more magazine cover story about sex hitting us like a ton of bricks? Get back to real news! GRACE HAMPTON Burbank, Calif.

In “The Chemistry Of Desire,” your descriptions of female sexuality were dated. You quoted Dr. Jennifer Berman, director of the Female Sexual Medicine Center at UCLA, as saying, “Women experience desire as a result of context–how they feel about themselves and their partner, how safe they feel, their closeness and their attachment.” That view is based on 1950s-style ideology. There are many ways young women today can pursue pleasure, and one of them is the classic one-night stand. IRENE DRATVER Glendale, Calif.

Thank you for Joel Stein’s story “Spicing It Up,” on how couples can improve their sex lives by using sex toys or taking part in a threesome. It was nice to read an article that dealt bravely and honestly with such an exciting yet potentially hazardous subject. I think Stein’s wit and his criticism–that “our society has a long way to go before it will be able to confront sexuality seriously”–were well placed. CHRISTOPHER DRINKUT Clarksville, Tenn.

You should have explored in layman’s terms how the brain is our most powerful sexual organ. Long after Viagra or Levitra has quit working, the brain will keep on creating visions of ecstasy and generating fantasies we cherish, nurture and share with our partners. LUIS ZALAMEA Miami

I appreciated the wonderful article “Bondage Unbound,” on sadomasochistic sex. As a bondage-discipline-sadomasochism (BDSM) activist like those referred to in your story, I give TIME high praise for its unbiased presentation. I especially appreciated your reporting that people lose jobs and child custody for being involved in BDSM. I had to affirm in a custody hearing in court that what I do in my bedroom behind closed doors does not affect my ability to be a good parent. I was fortunate that my battle took place in the Bay Area of California, but others are not so lucky. Articles such as yours may help keep other custody battles or job losses from occurring in the future. I thank you for that. NAME WITHHELD BY REQUEST Concord, Calif.

People have had sex since the beginning of time. Naughty sex (giggle, giggle) is probably nearly as old. Yes, porn turns people on, horniness can be measured on brain scans, sexual urges are biological, and even the elderly like sex. Surely none of this is news to anyone. What were you thinking? That you can print the word dildo in a national newsmagazine today does not necessarily mean you should. MELISSA PAYK Saginaw, Mich.

The pervasive obsession with sex is creating an unwholesome society in which it is impossible to raise children who are healthy–emotionally, socially, spiritually and, yes, sexually. I have been waiting for a special issue on how America’s trash culture is destroying the next generation, our children. Perhaps it is too late for that, as it seems parents have condoned and normalized lust, greed, infidelity, gore, violence, perversion and all kinds of addictions. When I hear that it is up to parents to protect their kids, I laugh at the impossibility of that happening in a culture whose every media source is replete with vulgarity, suggestive images, sex and violence. MARY ANN SEMENTELLI Webster, N.Y.

Out of the Mouth of Dean

RE Joe Klein’s column “Will The Real Howard Dean Please Stand Up?” [Jan. 19]: I enjoy Dean’s antics. It’s rare that we have a candidate for President who says what he really means. Americans in the heartland of the country are sick and tired of Washington’s Beltwayspeak. Dean addresses issues like health care and aid for higher education. He is a bright light in an otherwise dim slate of candidates. And by the way, not all of Dean’s supporters are young. I am a 63-year-old grandmother who has given money to a candidate for the very first time. MARIAN KUNETKA Fayetteville, Ark.

White House Confidential

Former Treasury Secretary Paul O’Neill’s revelations about the inner workings of the Bush White House were amusing but little else [Jan. 19]. O’Neill never quite fit in. As your article allowed, O’Neill took antibusiness positions at times. The Bush Administration makes no bones about supporting corporations in its aim to create more wealth for Americans. George W. Bush has been remarkably steady when it comes to economic policy. It is O’Neill who bucked the trend, riling Wall Street and precipitating his own demise. There is no broken decision-making process in the White House. O’Neill can blame only himself for being fired. JASON C. REEHER Grove City, Pa.

History will show that O’Neill is a true American hero. Kudos to him for having the integrity to expose the appallingly arrogant apathy of the Bush Administration toward not only the environment, seniors, education, the middle class and veterans but his advisers and counselors as well. Bush’s father, a veteran as am I, must surely see the blatant hypocrisy rampant in his son’s Administration. It is obvious to me that this apple fell a long way from the tree. MARTIN DREITZER Las Vegas

Where the Towers Stood

I congratulate architect Michael Arad on the utterly tasteful design for the World Trade Center memorial [Jan. 19]. Some critics declared it “uninspiring.” It’s hard to find the right inspiration if you are enraged. Whatever is built on ground zero will convey a message. Arad’s design, Reflecting Absence, simply says, “We are sad.” It will make people think about what happened on 9/11. DANIEL PLATZER Finkenberg, Austria

Your critic wrote that making progress in the restoration of ground zero is a good thing, “but rushing the memorial is another matter.” I don’t understand how anyone can say the rebuilding at ground zero has been rushed in any way. Whether one speaks of new office buildings or the 9/11 memorial, the fact is, the site has been a ruin for more than two years. I think it’s a disgrace that in 2004 ground zero is still just a hole in the ground. JIRI KRTEN New Milford, Conn.

Quite apart from the merits of the planned replacement for the Twin Towers, we have a significant opportunity to make a statement to the world and those who hate the West and want to destroy us. The Twin Towers of the World Trade Center were iconic in ways that no other buildings in the world were. Their replacement, whatever its design, should be another set of Twin Towers that will say to the whole globe, “We continue.” C. ALEXANDER BROWN Ottawa

The Death of Princess Di

You noted that the British have launched a coroner’s inquest into the deaths of Princess Diana and Dodi Fayed [Jan. 19]. The moment I heard about the accident in 1997, I thought someone had ordered Diana killed. To this day, I have serious doubts that the car crash was an accident. While I ponder the unlikelihood of the British royal family doing something that stupid, I see the possibility of someone very loyal to the royals acting without their knowledge. I don’t believe we will ever know the truth. There will never be closure–just endless theories, as with the assassination of President Kennedy. LAURA DI JORIO Indianapolis, Ind.