WASHINGTON DIARY: PLEASE DON’T DRINK THE WATER

As the city suffered through its fourth water alert in 12 months, the mayor tried to calm the populace by calling a press conference. With cameras whirring, Marion Barry dramatically held up a liquid that residents had earlier been warned by health authorities might kill the tropical fish in their aquariums, took a lip-smacking gulp and pronounced it “D.C.’s finest.” Citizens were, of course, happy to see that the mayor was drinking nothing stronger than water, but wondered what could be impairing his judgment so severely that he blamed the media and his very own health commissioner for the water panic–not the fact that tests had found unacceptably high levels of bacteria in more than 10% of the samples. After criticism from the mayor, the commissioner lifted the advisory, saying it was based on “outdated information,” but then dumped a gazillion gallons of chlorine into the pipes–just in case. Officials of the water utilities association said that people would be able to taste the chlorine and it might be more “than they could handle.” Health experts recommended showering in a ventilated area to avoid breathing poisonous chlorine gas. The Washington Post set up a booth downtown and invited 31 people to take the waters. Of those, eight preferred the bouquet and je ne sais quoi of swimming-pool water to the District’s finest, and seven couldn’t tell the difference between the two.

Something about women journalists brings out the worst in a man. Ask Katie Couric. Or a pregnant reporter whom Republican Congressman Wes Cooley of Oregon threatened to punch in the nose for asking uncomfortable questions about his wife’s finances. Or Mimi Swartz, a National Magazine Award winner who had the temerity to write a profile in Texas Monthly of freshman Congressman Steve Stockman, a former house painter who personifies the desire of voters to throw out incumbents in favor of the inexperienced and the uninformed. Offering a great deal of evidence, she described him as a militia-loving, ethically challenged “class clown.” In response, the Congressman’s top aide, Cory Birenbaum, shot off a letter to Swartz at home, which Texas Monthly released after the Hill, a Washington newspaper, got a copy. The letter called Swartz “a sad and pathetic creature” who got her job “for reasons I would refuse to speculate upon in polite society. (Hope your knees have healed up nicely.)” Birenbaum also said Swartz’s daughter should get “a better role model.” He told TIME he is seriously considering suing the Hill for calling the letter “obscene.” (Faxing obscene materials is a federal crime.)

Presidential candidate Bob Dole has perfected the technique for turning a one-day story into a one-week gaffe. Earlier in the week he said he had turned down an invitation to speak to the N.A.A.C.P. because of a scheduling conflict. Then he decided to expand his refusal, saying that the head of the organization was “trying to set me up.” At that point, General Colin Powell, whom Dole is urging to take a bigger role in his campaign, could no longer ignore the incident and said, “It would have been useful for him to present his views.” Dole called it “no big deal” and then added that he would be speaking instead to audiences “I think I can relate to.”

Maybe it’s something in the water.