Well-Wishers on the Internet

Is cyberspace as cold and anonymous as it is reputed to be? Members of the WELL, a San Francisco-based computer bulletin board, recently found out. On June 29, Adele Framer, who calls herself tigereye, posted a message: “Kathleen Johns((t))on kj on the WELL, who’s housebound in the final stages of cancer, could use a little help with light meals once or twice a week.” The following are excerpts from the exchange that followed. KJ herself is noticeably absent. She was in no shape to take part in a message board.

July 26 tigereye: I saw kj yesterday … She is still eating well and has little pain … She also enjoys getting e-mail … She wants to thank everyone for the food, etc. In a lot of ways she’s having a good time, maybe the best possible time for a person who is dying, and WELLbeings are helping her do that.

Aug. 1 selene: kj, i never had a chance to get to know you really … But I certainly noticed your presence in some of the conferences I visit, and I will miss you there!

Aug. 4 booter: Dying is hard work, and it’s best not to do the job alone. I am glad that tigereye is there for kj. We should all be so fortunate.

Aug. 5 tigereye: I saw kj today. She was quite amused that her postings are being praised, while at the time she was making them, the atmosphere tended to be much more, um, contentious. She is unable to log in at all, so she has given me her password to pick up her e-mail.

Aug. 9 lizabeth: Every damn time I read this topic, I cry.

Aug. 10 mc2: I am learning a hugely valuable lesson from kj about letting go of unimportant stuff.

Aug. 11 tigereye: kj has asked that her ashes be scattered over a field of sunflowers in the Central Valley, and has adopted sunflowers as her symbol right now.

Aug. 11 tigereye: kj was darned impossible sometimes in her postings!

Aug. 11 ralf: That’s true. She could be incredibly perceptive or completely impossible to deal with (depending on whether I agreed or disagreed with her).

Aug. 11 lizabeth: Oh, man, that “impossible” and “cantankerous” is what has me actually grieving over someone I never met f2f ((face-to-face)) who is 3,000 miles away. It’s not whether we agreed or disagreed here, in the final analysis. It’s that she was *there*.

Aug. 12 paulbel: Orla Rose, my daughter, is sprouting sunflowers in our kitchen window.

Aug. 14 kali: Sunflowers are all over the place lately.

Aug. 17 fsquared: Everyone concerned has been quite remarkable, say I. I check this topic every day for a little boost to my faith in my fellow humans.

Aug. 19 tigereye: kj was worse today, not able to speak at all and fading in and out of consciousness, eyes unfocused … She is going fast.

Aug. 21 tigereye kj died tonight at about 10:30 p.m., peacefully and without pain.

Aug. 22 lendie (Lena M. Diethelm): Kathleen was my friend. She wasn’t a saint, she was a scientist … Watching her online sometimes was like watching a kid learning to ride a bike. She’d keep trying, she’d keep falling down, she’d scrape her virtual knees, brush them off and get right back on for the ride.

Aug. 26 tigereye: kj was fully aware of the transitory nature of her virtual relationships, and quite skeptical at first of the interest shown in her, but she accepted it for what it was. Knowing that she would be remembered eventually became very meaningful to her, even as irony.