When Violence Hits Home

“Regardless of race, social status or gender, we are all affected by this issue.”

Spencer S. Taylor

Salt Lake City, Utah

The consternation and shock at domestic abuse ((BEHAVIOR, July 4)) by a nation raised on television and movies are simply another illustration of the hypocrisy and duplicity of American society. How many times have we chuckled at the ravings of Ralph Kramden, who, raising his fist near his wife’s head, sputters, “One of these days, Alice. One of these days — POW — right to the moon”? How much money was grossed from films with titles such as How to Murder Your Wife? Is it only now, when the violent nature of a national sports hero is publicly disclosed, that we pretend revulsion at an epidemic that once caused us to laugh hysterically? Wake up, America.

Rabbi Moshe M. Greebel

Congregation Sons of Israel

Belmar, New Jersey

A batterer takes time to evolve. Often a nice guy at the start, he tests the waters with a slap here, a shove there. Every abusive incident that is accepted or ignored encourages him to continue. The trick is to stop the abuse when it is still in the slap-and-shove stage, even if it means ending a marriage and breaking up a home. Potential victims would do well to heed the words of my grandmother: “Hurt me once, shame on you. Hurt me twice, shame on me.”

Lynn Capehart

San Diego

Last year, I was hospitalized after being badly beaten by my boyfriend simply because I wanted to attend a family outing. I felt that the beatings were my fault and that I could withstand the punishment. But when my child also became a victim, I finally woke up. I have since started college at the age of 35, and begun to work and spend time with my family. It is hard to leave a relationship, but you must be strong-minded and strong-willed and get out. No one should ever take abuse.

Name Withheld on Request

Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania

Your story failed to acknowledge that men also suffer abuse. However, a recent editorial in the Dallas Morning News cited the following statistics: Women commit half the spousal murders in the U.S. A survey funded by the National Institute of Mental Health found that men and women abuse each other at about the same rate, with women more inclined to use weapons to compensate for their smaller size. And several studies indicate that domestic violence against males occurs at a rate nearly identical to that of violence against women, yet women are nine times as likely to report the abuse. The media and feminist organizations alike share the blame for failing to characterize domestic violence as a universal problem. Until they do so, the war between the sexes will continue to rage — fought, unfortunately, largely in the trenches of the home.

Ray Harold

Glenn Heights, Texas

Via America Online

Thank you for presenting a balanced view of domestic violence. Your report states, “Often the drama is fueled by both parties.” The media have otherwise toed the politically correct line of the brutal male perpetrator and the innocent female victim. However, both the male and the female are caught up in an orbit of mutual destructiveness. Why do we excuse women’s behavior as the by-product of social conditioning while men are held fully responsible for theirs? Only by holding both genders accountable for domestic violence can we begin to address the dangerous fantasies and expectations that underlie physical abuse.

Judith Sherven, Clinical Psychologist

James Sniechowski, Director

The Menswork Center

Los Angeles

After 20-plus years of working in emergency nursing, I am not surprised that people are focusing on O.J. Simpson and not on the deceased. After all, the public continues to place celebrities on a pedestal and make them into icons. I have cared for many abused women, children and, yes, men whose injuries have failed to attract the attention now being given to this case. Nicole Brown Simpson and Ron Goldman were murdered. If O.J. is innocent of these charges, he will be exonerated in a court of law. But let us not forget that the deceased are the victims.

Mitch Hoffman, R.N.

Lancaster, California

AOL: Dwnhill1

I object to your statement that battered women often deliberately provoke their batterers, thus perpetuating a sick cycle. Sure, it’s normal for couples to get on each other’s nerves. But it is not normal to deal with that by throwing a punch, or even threatening to.

Pat Cadigan

Overland Park, Kansas

Via America Online

After reading facts like “1 in 3 women will be assaulted by a domestic partner in her lifetime,” I believe I’d rather stay single.

Natalie Peabody, 13

Princeton Junction, New Jersey