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SHOCKING

SHAM–Pow!

Oprah offers to share O MAGAZINE cover with Ellen. Gayle displeased

Two of Hollywood’s funniest men and Jim Carrey to star in THREE STOOGES film

CBS cancels GUIDING LIGHT after being reminded that Guiding Light is still on the air

Fox schedules dating show for overweight “average” Americans

MTV plans to start playing music again … at 3 a.m.

SIMPSONS get postage stamp

NICKELBACK wins big at Canadian Grammys. This is why we mock you, Canada

GHOSTBUSTERS 3: Judd Apatow rumors abound

PREDICTABLE

KANYE WEST asks to be addressed as Martin Louis the King Jr.; Sasha Fierce was already taken

SACHA BARON COHEN’S Bruno threatened with NC-17 rating by censors who have apparently not seen Borat

T.I. sentenced to year in prison. Guess you can’t do whatever you like

MILEY CYRUS weeps at Nickelodeon Kids’ Choice Awards after dream of getting slimed goes unfulfilled

Hospital staff fired for snooping into OCTOMOM’S medical records, uncovering eight more kids

BILL O’REILLY: Cable-news ratings leader for 100 straight months. That’s a lot of doin’ it live

MADONNA doesn’t plan to stop until she adopts all of Malawi. Watch out, Malawi!

SHOCKINGLY PREDICTABLE